homesick

“you spent more time crying and depressed in that last year and a half than you did smiling and laughing. it was all thin ice, and at the rate we were heading it would’ve ended a lot worse. i know me.” roscoe kept his tone light, trying to sugarcoat the harshness of his words. he scoffed, shaking his head at her question. “no, just new pictures of me and helena she keeps adding to the walls,” he admitted with a hushed laugh. “i saw a girl or two, but it wasn’t anything serious. it wasn’t fair to them to make them think it would ever work out. none of them were anything compared to you, so it never made it past the talking stage.”

“i hope not too, but if it does we’re both going to be here for her without judging and with full support, riiight ?” ariella dragged out the last word, brow raising as she gave him a small smile. “besides, maybe she’ll finally give us permission to kick his ass this time around,” the brunette joked before kissing his forehead once and sliding down from the countertop.

his words were bittersweet, knowing he still thought of her even if he presumed she was in a happy marriage like the whole world did. “well,” she started, walking around the counter with her glass in hand as she lifted. “cheers to moments like these,” kiera smiled some as her glass clinked against his. “oh, in honor of cheers, in three days time i will be announcing to the world that i have an album release date. you’re officially the first person not involved to know.” a new smile tugged at her lips, genuinely excited to be able to share such grand news. “and after it drops, i get to not continue my involvement with sutton’s label.”

there was that familiar pang of guilt following her words. he laughed quietly, shaking his head at her words. “zara, it wasn’t your job to help me through anything. you did enough, believe me. you saved my life,” roscoe admitted quietly, watching her as sadness overtook his expression. “if it weren’t for you, i probably wouldn’t have even bothered trying to get better. i probably would’ve ended up dead at some point,” he stated casually as if it were obvious.

“i think it could be good for her,” ariella intervened, head tilting to the side some. “hopefully she can either see he hasn’t changed, or that maybe he has and they can move on. i mean, if i just up and left after i was supposed to go to rehab and years later we bumped into each other, do you really think we wouldn’t meet up to finally close that chapter ?” she was playing devil’s advocate again, but all in the name of being a good best friend. “zara’s not a little girl, she knows to be careful.”

kiera wanted to try to comfort him, noticing caspar was probably in his head comparing. something she did often. but what good would it really do ? she couldn’t change the way he felt about it all no matter how much she wanted to. “yeah, it did,” the brunette laughs slightly, taking another sip from her drink. “i think it all started crumbling when i came back from that one trip back home when i –” she cut herself off though, realizing that exact trip she’d planned on going home to call off the wedding to be with caspar and yet, she never came back. “my feelings for you were always going to be a problem, i think. one things leads to another, you know ?”

“i don’t know if it’s of any good knowledge, but staying away from you was the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. y’know, once i got out of rehab, i almost came home but i was i guess kind of …” he straightened his back to stretch off some of the tension he was starting to feel, the pressure of actually admitting to his wrongs building up. “i was afraid i couldn’t become the guy you wanted me to be. i’d already fucked you over and hurt you so many times. if i did it again clean, i couldn’t blame the drugs.” now his fork was practically just pushing the food around, hoping to force himself to look away from her – but failing miserably. 

ari thought for a moment, the secret literally eating at her since her best friend told her. she told naseem mostly everything regarding others, so she held out until it was too late for him to do anything about it. “zara … invited roscoe over for dinner,” she stated with a knowing look, her hands cupping his cheeks and running her thumb over the slight stubble along his jaw. “just you know, if it goes sour and z ends up here tonight, you’ll know why.”

“that was before she was in my speed dial list,” kiera explained playfully with a wiggle of her finger. she swirled her drink as she listened, her smile faltering as he spoke. “it wouldn’t ever be settling, casp …” she paused a moment, mentally deciding if she wanted to talk much about details, or rather if he even cared to hear anymore about it. “um, our final fight, like the one where we both knew it was really over, i told him he would never be half the man you are. and i did mean it.” she offered a small smile, pulling herself from the memory in her mind. 

“well you looked as happy as someone can look. you know, you get that look on your face when you’ve got a lot on your plate.” a single approving nod followed her words, causing roscoe to laugh lightly at the both of them. he cleared his throat, his attention dropping to finally get a taste of the delicious food sitting in front of him. “if i’m crossing a line, let me know, but i couldn’t help but notice there’s no photos of anyone else around, either,” he spoke quieter than he had before, trying his hardest to be subtle about his curiosity surrounding her personal life.

ariella rolled her eyes playfully, shaking her head at the compliment regardless how much she loved hearing it, especially from him. “so … in the spirit of not keeping secrets from each other, you have to promise you won’t react to the one i’m about to tell you. and you can’t tell anyone i told you,” she spoke slower, hoping he would follow through on it.

“no, you teach yourself when six out of seven days of the week consist of going out to clubs and parties and drinking with the elite celebrities most people dream of meeting,” kiera corrects him, shaking her head at herself and what her life consisted of. his words made a small smile reappear, happy to know he still thought of her from time to time. “yeah, me too. honestly i didn’t think you would want to talk to me, i mean with all the sutton stuff going on,” she paused to take a sip of the drink he made, nodding in approval. “after i married him, i thought you wouldn’t ever talk to me again, if i’m being honest.”

“she’s always been a good friend for you, no matter how annoying it could be at times. i’m glad you two are still close,” he nodded, taking a moment to glance around once more to see where their pictures used to sit. “you looked happy, really content – well, before you saw me,” ros chuckled out. his hands raised in defeat before motioning towards the plate. “yeah, we do. thank you, it looks great. i’ll even pretend you cooked it. sound good ?”

“california changes a girl !” she called out from the bedroom, laughing quietly as she thought about her own words briefly. she left the door cracked as she changed while he talked, managed to freshen up and change in record time and was walking back into the living area. “um … i don’t know, probably give up for a while at least. i mean, for all i knew you could’ve been engaged with a kid or two. a lot can happen in a few years,” she admits, tugging at her now oversized tee to straighten out the few wrinkles. “what about you ? did you ever think about reaching out ? i mean … i’m sure you’ve heard a headline or two.”

he nodded along, listening with empathy for once in his life. he knew he put her through hell, but he was impressed at how well she was able to carry herself regardless. “i know, i did too.” his tone went a little sad, reflecting on the times they sat in this exact room and had a great time. those were things he fought to forget though, it made the break easier. “i think we needed the time and space to grow. i mean look at us now, sitting here having an adult conversation,” roscoe teased. he glanced at the food, having honestly almost forgotten about the planned dinner. “oh, i definitely expected it. i may have brought a frozen pizza and left in my car just in case the stove top was on fire when i got here,” he laughed out, leaning forward slightly.

“a little,” she agreed with a laugh, holding up her fingers so they were barely touching to signify how fantastic he was. she opened her mouth to explain she had men’s sweatpants, but just laughed instead. better than having to explain the collection of men’s clothes she may have collected during her own grieving process over the sutton situation. she knew for sure there was definitely one of his pair’s in there along with most likely a pair of caspar’s anyway. “mm … surprise me with something strong,” she replied with a wink before disappearing into her room to change into something a little more sexy than her current undergarments … just in case.

“what if that was the plan all along ?” ariella played along, raising a brow as she grinned. it didn’t take long to let out a chuckle, arms looping onto his shoulders when his lips met hers. “the promotion isn’t even that big of a deal. i mean, did we not call it months and months ago ? it was only a matter of time. don’t get me wrong, the company is great but some of the designers … yikes,” she admitted out loud with a laugh.