Library Hell

"Yes, I would like you to call Amtrak and reserve a seat for me. And tell them I won't be paying until my bus gets to Elko."

"I'm not going to do that, sir. That's not what we do. We aren't travel agents."

(narrows eyes) "Oh yes you are!"

"No we're not."

"Oh yes you are!"

"Would you go over to Burger King and ask them to check out a book for you? No, becuase it's not what they--"

"Well, this is a tragedy. It's just terrible!"

"What is? Is everything all right?"

"My computer stopped with three minutes to go. I was playing free cell. It's just...it's just terrrible!"

"Can I help you get back on? Can I do anything to help?"

"Yeah, so I would like to--this is weird, because I know that there aren't really any books about sex, because this is Utah, but--"

"People do it in Utah."

"Well...maybe, but not like they do in California."

"How do they do it out there?"

Scribbled on an envelope that was slammed down on an employee's desk:

I don't want this card. Won't keep it. It's all cut up.

Oh yeah, PS: Fornicate this govt.!

"Can I give you a free hug? Or two? You were so nice to us."

"Thanks for coming it. Let me know if I can help you with anything else."

(turns around) "Did I give you the impression that you had been helpful?"

"Yeah, I heard I could get some oranges up here." 

"At the library?"

"Yeah. Where are they?"

"We don't sell oranges."

"Too bad. I like oranges."

"Can we have a room for a crytography session?" 

"Yes." 

"We're working on something big."(brandishes sheaf of papers)

"Okay"

"You've got to know about the points of the star, right?"

"No."

"Well, imagine a star. One point is the Jews. Another is South Korea. You've got Christianity, Italy."

"Tell him about the Euro."

"You've got the Euro."

"Okay, I'll let you in."

"You got any water we can drink?"

"There's a drinking fountain over there."

"Okay. We're on the trail. We might get thirsty. It's bad out there."

"You know why I don't need to watch Dexter? Because I know about blood splatter. And you know how I know that I'll never got caught?"

"No."

"Because I know how to make it look like a midget did it. Do I look like a midget? That's right."

Noticing someone at the desk.

Do you need some help?

Not from you. (sneers. Sniffs). Remember I tried to talk to you a couple of hours ago?

I've been on vacation. I've only been back for five minutes.

Nah man. You lyin'. You ignored the shit out of me and I ain't forgetting it. Oh wait, no that's him over there. But we--meaning you and me--we not cool either. You can't just ignore fools.

I didn't ignore you.

Don't matter.

I mean, when someone just gets taken away like that, it really makes you wonder about the meaning of life, right? I mean, seriously...what is going on with this stranglehold of zen?

It's a cage. There's no way out. This Zen. There's no way out.

Hey, you got anything I could suck on? I mean, not to be dirty or nothing, I just...I just really want to suck on something. Clear my head, you know?

So I can't have my computer now because I waited too long?

"No, sorry. I can make you another reservation if you want."

"So even if I just had to go blow my nose?"

"The computer doesn't know you just needed to blow your nose. It only knows five minutes and then it moves on."