Just Lian

the studious reader: reads in coffe shops and at the library, drinks lots of lattes, takes the best pictures, lives for the aesthetic, blankets and cozy outfits and candles are a priority no matter the place and time of year or day, probably a literature student or in a social sciences field, tabs, comes up with the weirdest and most detailed theories

reblog for good things to happen to you

Of All The Ways That I Loved Him.

“You are a mystery and I’m fascinated By you to the point of madness. There’s so much that doesn’t make sense About you, so much that keeps me wondering. But there’s one question that particularly Torments me, that makes me feel like I’m bursting At the seams of my limited knowledge of you And that is how you can be so blind when My heart forces me to notice everything. I look at the people in the street and wonder What their story is. There’s a businessman walking Aimlessly at 11 on a Tuesday morning and I wonder Why his tie is so loose, why he seems like he has Nowhere important to be. There’s a shivering girl Holding on to her too thin black scarf. Her gait is quick, but suddenly she pauses A vivid smile invades her face and she lets it warm Her body. One moment later she’s gone, Dark green coat and tapping high heels. I become involved in stories I don’t belong to. When l see them, their sorrows become mine. And so do their hopes And their fears. Why don’t you See them, too? Why don’t you see me? I’m being so loud, just to get a word out of you, every Drop of attention you’re willing to pay to me. Tonight, I got in bed at 8.30 without taking off My bracelets and my lips still a fading bruised red. Tonight, instead of wondering for the thousandth time Why you still don’t know that I’m in love with you I asked myself for the first time why you know And still ignore it. And so does everyone else. They ask me why I keep waiting for you And it took me a long time to realize that I’m still waiting because the empty hope of you coming back Is still better than the certainty that no one else Will come my way. Oh, the tenderness my heart feels For you. The ease with which I’d take you back, every time. At the end of the day, the biggest problem is that I’m still doing everything in the hope of running into you. I know where you are. I know what your door looks like. I know exactly how many steps, how many times I’d have to Turn right to knock on it. But you know I’d never dare So I linger in your backyard, hoping you’ll come out For a midnight stroll and see me waiting for you. Life is laughing at me and keeps you well hidden. Perhaps that’s been your wish all along and she’s simply Granting it. Or perhaps she’s making fun of you, too. But then again if she was, you would’ve got out of Her grasp and come looking for me a long time ago. Is this love? Can mine be called love even if it won’t ever Reach you? Maybe it can’t. Maybe there’s a book Where people with a broken heart get their name Registered and they would probably laugh at me For how easily I’m letting you go. It’s not that easy though and the only way I’ve found To explain it is that I’ve dyed my hair of the colour That blinds me whenever I think of you. A shade of red so searing that I have to close my eyes Not to burn with the force of it until all that I see Is you again. Admitting you don’t love me has a lot to do With forgetting the sound of how my name tasted On your lips and how they used to curve into a Gracious line whenever your eyes fell on me. But that’s all gone now and I had to somehow Teach myself how to get up and live with it every day. You see, we are not responsible for the love We are not given and the sorrow that comes from it, But we are for the one we discard without So much as a second scruple. I always wish for you to miss me and that is hardly Going to change, but I’m an undesired option And eventually even the stem of the Proudest flower bends under the weight Of its own withered vermilion petals.”

“You make lists in your head about what you want in a lover, like brown hair and a sweet voice. A sharp mind and a soft heart, a sense of humor that actually makes you laugh like you mean it. This and that. And it’s all bullshit. Because people aren’t lists. And I’ve always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that. I want to come across someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person I am, and I want to show them what they didn’t even know they were looking for. People who think they know what they want are fooling themselves. Nobody really knows what they want. Not until it’s right in front of them.”

“Nothing can wear you out like caring about people.”