Liam Slater

Liam Slater thinks. "I think the hardest part with transitioning is dealing with telling everyone. No matter what you say, some people will see this as the death of their beloved daughter/niece/friend. And maybe that's how it is for you, that's okay if it is. But it can be hard to convince people that you're the same person, you're just growing. Because of this, some people might treat you entirely normally, while others might treat you like a brand new person.

It’s not a phase mom!

CW: talk of alcohol addiction

"Tell me about yourself, Liam. Tell me about your fears, your darkest thoughts and memories."

"Sir?" Liam looks at the man, hesitant and unwilling to just spill himself out to him. 

"It's necessary, Liam. It's not easy, but if I am to teach you to harness and control your darkest self, I must know Him."

Liam takes a moment to think, pondering Shiro. So this is the man that raised his wife. He seems kind and welcoming, while at the same time serious and a bit intimidating. Liam sighs. *I guess I'm in it now* he thinks to himself. "Right," he says a little uncertainly. "Well, I guess... first thing that comes to mind is my... uh... my addiction..." Liam looks down at the ground, noticing his hands gripping and twisting around themselves in anxiety. "I carry a lot of shame for it. I started drinking because, well, that's what we all did. We were privateers." he says simply. "It started off as a social thing, but at some point it became much more. I'd drink until I blacked out, and wake up with black eyes and bloody noses. I started fights, I guess. Worst thing is I can't remember. But it consumed my life, I lived for my next drink, and suffered severe withdrawal when I didn't have any. Once..." it seems it is getting harder and harder for Liam to keep talking.

"It's alright Liam, I'm not here to judge you." Shiro says gently.

 Liam nods, when he continues his voice is taut. "O-once I... Now I don't remember much of this meself, but I was told. I started a fight. One of my crewmates, his name was Jag. Jag was trying to stop me from drinkin, he confronted me about me problem, tried to take the bottle out of my hand. Now, normally, I'm told, I would start fist fights. But this time I drew a weapon on him. And I... I almost killed him. I turned my axe on a friend and almost killed him. Luckily, another crewmate heard us fightin and stopped me. That's where I got this." Liam indicates the scar over his eye. "Almost took me eye out. I would have deserved it." He says bitterly. "That was the wake up call for me, once I came round and realized what I'd done. I left the ship, spent some time with my mother in Limsa. Joined the rogue's guild and eventually I joined the Storm." "After only a year or so I grew restless - wanted to see more of the world, so I left to be an adventurer. That's when I met Vryn..." Liam sighs, tears starting to well up in his eyes, but he fights to keep them from spilling over. "I fell hard and fast for her. First woman I think I actually loved. She got involved with the wrong sort. Some sort of voidsent cult as best I could see it. I tried, I begged her to leave it be, but she just got more and more involved with them. I failed to protect her, to reach her. I didn't want to give up on her. But she left one day, and then months later, I got a letter. 'If you're reading this then I'm dead'. Maybe I should have gone out to see if it was true, verify it for myself. Maybe I still should." He shakes his head going quiet. "But then I met Pear, rejoined the Storm... I was doin well for meself. I trained recruits. There was one boy I really clicked with, Gavin. He was young and I saw a lot of meself in 'im." The more Liam talked the more pronounced his Limsan accent became. "I worked hard with 'im, and he made so much progress. Smart kid, quick as a whip. We were fightin a blasphemy and I lost him, just a few days ago. He was my responsibility to keep safe and I failed. I couldn’t save him." A few tears finally break through to trickle down his face. "I almost gave in that day. Pera found me at a bar, and that's when we decided to come to you..."

Shiro nods somberly. "I think that's quite enough. Thank you for your honesty." Liam nods, still fighting back tears. He sniffs, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. After a moment, Shiro continues "Now then, I think the dominant emotion for you is Regret. At the start of training, it is easiest to draw from your negative emotions first. Eventually though, you will learn to draw on your positive emotions as well. When I fight," he says, darkness billowing around him. Shiro steps aside, and behind where he was standing, stands his darkest self. It looks like a shadowy figure of his likeness, standing ready with a blade of darkness that seems to suck the light in the room into it. "I think of my love for my daughters. How proud I am of the women they have become. But also my worry for them. My love and that worry, together makes my darkest self that much stronger." He continues, beginning to walk around Liam, the darkest self staying unmoving where it stands. "As I said before, we will start first with Regret, as it is easiest to start with the negative and build up toward the positive. I want you to focus on that feeling. How it feels in your body. Touch on those memories lightly, but maintain control, focusing on how it feels physically."

Liam closes his eyes and tries to focus. He feels his eyes begin to burn, feels a churning in his stomach, a lump in his throat. 

"Good," Shiro says. "Now lift it up and out. Project it outwards, out of yourself, pull it forth. Let it leave your body and mind." 

Liam focuses and tries but nothing happens. He instead feels himself becoming more overcome with emotion. He tries again, Shiro continuing to try to guide him. 

"I'm sorry," Liam mumbles, his cheeks growing red. 

"Do not apologize, this takes time. Try again."

On maybe the fourth attempt, something happens. Liam's eyes burn, his chest constricts, his stomach churns, but with an almighty pull, it all clears away. He opens his eyes, and to his surprise sees a shadowy shade of himself begin to form out of darkness. It is patchy and incomplete, but it stands before them all the same. 

"Good, Liam! Good. Keep going!" Shiro encourages him.

Liam takes a deep breath, and thinking of Jag, of Vryn, of Gavin, of his fear for Pera in her dangerous line of work. His throat begins to burn, a lump forms in his throat. Liam clenches his teeth in effort and suddenly it's all gone, expunged from his body. The shade takes form. It looks just like him, with glowing red eyes and a twisted smile. It pulls out a large axe that seems to suck the very light out of the room and advances on Liam. "Umm, sir?!" Liam calls looking around for Shiro. But he is nowhere to be seen. It's just Liam in the room alone with the shade. Regret smiles sinisterly at him.

 "There's no help for you here," is says in Liam’s own voice. Liam looks around once more, starting to panic.

"*This* is why you don't fuck with magic" Liam says to himself. "Well come on then," he yells to the shade, pulling his own blade.  Regret lunges at Liam, swinging the axe toward his chest. Liam blocks with his claymore easily. "That the best you can do?" he asks, "I thought you were me, surely you can do better than that?" Liam taunts. Fighting? Now this he can do. He feints a swipe to the left, instead bringing the hilt of the blade down hard  into the shade's knee. Had he been a man, the knee surly would have buckled at the blow, but shade's darkness merely swirls about, then reforms, unharmed. Regret laughs a cold laugh, swinging the axe upwards. 

“You are weak!” It spits as the blade comes down. Liam barely manages to dodge, earning a gash to his chest far less deep that it otherwise would have, stumbling back a few steps. *Alright, so brute force might not work here... should have guessed...*

Liam cants his head "Dark knight shit it is then," he says, ignoring  the shade’s words. He focuses on his regret. He takes a steadying breath in, dodging another swing from the shade. He focuses and his weapon begins to shudder and spark with dark energy. 

“I will consume your life!” The shade swings towards his knees, and he jumps to avoid it, landing and immediately striding forward to stab into the shade's chest. This time, the dark form seems to shudder in response to the strike. Liam pulls back the blade, leaping a few paces back to consider Regret. There is now a visible gash in its form, where it is more transparent. It recovers, but before it can strike again, Liam reaches a hand out and focuses, thinking of Pera, his love and worry for her. A mote of dark energy, spiking and sparking with red and black energy shots from his hand into the shade. The mote impacts the shade's side as it tries to dodge away, and explodes, ripping holes in it's dark aether. *I can do this.*

Liam focuses again, forming a shield of protective energy about himself and his sword. He advances on the shade, now partially transparent in the torso. "You will NOT control me!" he roars at it. Striking at it's axe arm. The shade parries his strike, spinning the axe about to block. 

"You will NOT hold me back!" Liam spins, feints a stab to the chest, instead going low and swiping up at the thigh. The blade meets resistance as it cuts through Regret. Regret staggers back, but recovers quickly, striking at Liam's side as he follows through with the momentum of the blow. The axe sparks off the shell of dark energy surrounding Liam.

"I will not forsake them." He briefly thinks of those he has wronged, or failed to save. He spins, continuing momentum and stabs directly into the shade's chest. The blade explodes with a shower of dark red sparks, and the shade fades, becoming fully transparent. It bows it's head and seemingly reluctantly kneels before him.

Credit: @pera-mitu

photo credit: @pera-mitu

The Dog

Whether it’s the way you bare your teeth when backed in a corner, your loyalty, or your tendency to act on instinct, your reoccurring theme is the dog. like mitski said “i get mean when im nervous, like a bad dog” or how halsey said “i won’t smile but i’ll show you my teeth” even when migos said “dance with my dogs in the night time” the essence of the dog runs through you. you’re tough and a quick draw on the outside, but if we got down to it we’d see you’re acting the only way you’ve ever known how. it doesn’t make you bad, survival is natural, your loyalty and determination is commendable. i don’t blame you for the way you act when your back is against a wall, but please remember to not bite the hand that feeds.

Quiz here: