a storm in a sundress

The first time I saw your face,

Under the black sky of a December night,

I knew then you would be either a lesson or a great memory.

Justin, you are both.

You spoke with grace and confidence,

And from that moment, I liked you.

I felt safe.

More and more, I knew you.

Born before the winter starts,

You always felt like summer to me.

Sweet smile, kind eyes.

Warm and inviting.

I told you about my scars,

How red they used to be,

You just gave me comforting silence,

Resting on your chest,

Hearing your heart beating,

Warm and inviting.

Even on the coldest days, eating pho,

I felt your warmth burning inside me.

In these days, I started seeing you.

In the dark blue waves of Manila Bay,

Under the rustling of green leaves walking in Salcedo,

In the navy blue walls of The Barn,

Inside the white walls of your apartment,

Holding you from behind on your motorcycle,

Driving under the sunny days, orange sunsets, drizzling noon, night sky, and clear skies

We were there.

Sweets, bread, crepes, your coffee, yoghurt, and pots,

It all made me happy.

Music, words, quotes, and jokes,

We were happy.

Your brown skin on my pink lips,

The weight of you pressing into me,

I took it all willingly.

At that time, you were mine.

Your eyes beneath me, filled with intensity,

Staring and beautiful.

I preserved them in my memory.

In here, you are safe.

In your apartment, where time slowed down,

We built a world of our own with words,

Deep talks that spilled into the night,

Whispered secrets and shared dreams,

It was our sanctuary.

In those moments, I felt nothing but happiness.

Every kiss, every touch, just pure unfiltered joy.

Our body, our hands,

No regret. No hesitation.

Just us.

Pink roses and yellow stargazers on my pale arms,

I thought you saw me, too.

A week before the end,

You said you were excited about the future.

But then, the shades of sad blues came out.

I couldn’t save you.

I lied when I said I wasn’t ready too.

I lied to keep you,

Hoping maybe you’d keep me.

I wanted to accept the grey,

Because they were just shadows of you,

Not the warm blue I remember.

But I couldn’t do anything

If you had already given up.

I know you have battles inside,

And I didn’t see because you did not let me in.

I wanted to swallow your toxins,

To take all that heaviness out of you,

But fondness has its limits.

I hope one day, you learn to accept love.

You are worthy, I saw it.

Don’t let yourself disappear and hide in your own shadow.

I was happy with you.

We were happy together.

But you didn’t let me color your greys.

I couldn’t save you.

I don’t know about the future,

And I don’t know if I can hold on to it much.

If our strings remain intertwined, Justin

You must be willing to pull me into you

And hold just as firmly.

This might meant nothing to you now but

I hope you’re okay,

I hope I meant something to you.

I’ll always remember you dearly,

Because I was once under your blue sky,