smile, though your heart is aching

TW death mention

Yebai smirks, tracing his pointer finger along the outermost fold of Dohyun’s ear, still smug after all these years that he’d managed to steal Dohyun from his twin and make him into his best friend.

“Too bad, so sad.” he says with a chuckle, giving Dohyun’s ear a playful tug, “You’re all mine now.” 

He can hear the ache in Dohyun’s voice, that it’s still strained from the tears he’d shed earlier, and it makes Yebai’s lip twitch with the urge to quiver, like some disappointed baby; his mom had served as Yebai’s mother during a stretch of time where his own couldn’t really be a mother, and her loss had weighed heavy upon him. His heart had broken for Dohyun and Dohyuk, and their sister, and their father, but also for himself. 

The day hadn’t been an easy one for him, either, but he’d tried his best to keep a stiff upper lip so Dohyun had a shoulder to cry on if he needed. 

“I think you’re doing a good job.” Yebai admits. 

Dohyun was one of the sweetest people he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing, and Yebai knew it was hereditary. 

having yebai here, someone who understands, who shared in his grieving, and who cherished dohyun’s mother too, helps. there’s a solidarity in the mutual suffering, even though yebai’s wasn’t nearly as great as dohyun’s. he can make him feel a little less heavy just by being by him. it’s why he always goes to him after his visits his mum, or even takes him with him sometimes. 

“no complaints from me,” he replies with a barely audible chuckle, knowing yebai isn’t serious about stealing him away from dohyuk - he couldn’t really split up the twins, but he was definitely dohyun’s best friend, rather than dohyuk’s, or both’s. “as long as you’re all mine too.” he glances up at him out of the corner of his eyes, but only for a moment before he closes them and sighs softly, feeling utterly drained from the emotional day he’d had. 

slowly, he rolls over to press his face into yebai’s tummy, an arm curling round his back to hold him close, just for a moment. then, he sighs and releases his hold a little, rolling onto his back but keeping his eyes closed. he’s not sure whether to take yebai’s words as genuine or not, he’s his best friend after all, he might just be saying it to make him feel better. 

A STARTER FOR @lgcdohyun TW parent death

Yebai is rather absentmindedly playing with Dohyun’s hair, twirling the same bit of it back and forth around his index finger; his friend’s head rests in his lap, his eyes no longer red, but still a little swollen. 

The day had been a heavy one—Yebai and Dohyun had visited the latter’s mother, where she lay interned in a vase of ashes, and had left her flowers, Dohyun leaving her a letter—they’d both shed tears. 

Now, though, they were at Dohyun’s father’s house, in the twins’ bedroom, which existed in a strange sort of stasis since the two of them had moved into the dormitories, in such a way that being in it made Yebai feel a couple years younger; it wasn’t the same room, but it had all the same things. He eyes the desk across from them, which is stacked with Dohyuk’s junk, eliciting a smile. 

“Do you remember how much Dohyuk used to hate me?” he asks with a snort, speaking of Dohyun’s twin brother, who’d been strangely jealous when Yebai had first started coming around, “He used to get so mad at your mom for making me snacks.” 

He giggles, brushing the bangs from Dohyun’s forehead, and thinks for a moment of how they’d first become best friends. 

Yebai’s mother had been pregnant at the time, and the scent of most food, and the act of cooking had made her sick—she’d done her best to ensure that there was food on the table most nights, but that was all, and Yebai had opted not to bother her about it. Dohyun, who was their neighbour at the time, had taken to sneaking treats to Yebai, who was hungry more often than not, and eventually Misses Ahn caught wind of this, and started to invite Yebai over—it soon became a part of their schedule, that she would make enough for three boys to snack on instead of two, and he would come over and eat. 

“You…you’re just like her, I think…” he says, his throat tight, “She was just…kind.”

[ tw // death mention ] 

it’s been just over four years since dohyun’s mother died. dohyun would like to say that each year it gets easier, but he’s not sure if it’s the truth. it never really gets any easier, he just gets better at distracting himself from remembering that she’s gone. he becomes more used to the pain, but it’ll never go away. it’s hardest to hide how broken he still is from the loss on the days when he visit her. he visits her every month or two, leaving her letters sometimes about how he’s been, other times just opting to tell her instead, if he’s alone. he takes flowers and stays a while, and each time it’s just as hard to stop crying. 

today, he’d gone with yebai, who his mother’s death had also affected. for a while yebai seemed almost like another one of her kids, and dohyun knew she adored him just as much as dohyun did. so, he’d invited yebai to come with him to pay his respects. now, having returned to dohyun’s old bedroom rather than the dorms, just so they could have some privacy without the other trainees around, dohyun feels as though the slightest breeze might make him fall apart. his eyes ache from crying and he sort of wants to just go to sleep for a while. 

the only thing that seems to be holding him together though is yebai’s body heat so close to him, and his gentle touch to his hair, his soft voice making dohyun feel safe and relaxed. yebai’s good at this - calming dohyun. he supposes he had a lot of practise in the year following her death. he listens as yebai talks, and finds himself almost smiling at the memory of dohyuk pouting angrily, jealous that their mum was making snacks for someone who wasn’t a member of their family. 

“he didn’t like that i suddenly had another new favourite person he had to contend with.” dohyun says softly, voice slightly hoarse from crying so much. yebai’s following words though make dohyun purse his lips and sigh shakily. he’d heard that before from family friends and people who’d known his mum. 

charlie was taking her time washing her hands when she hears what sounded like the fire alarm. it was the first of april, and she knew exactly what day it was. a bunch of kids from her school liked pulling big scale pranks every year, sometimes they’d even do it just because so hearing alarms and sirens had lost its effect on her. but then it hits her that she was not in california, and that she’s in korea, and in an entertainment company at that. no one would dare pulling the same kind of pranks without serious repercussions.

that thought alone makes her walk a little faster and right out the door without looking where she’s going. she finds herself crashing against someone who had just stepped out of the opposite bathroom but she was quick to step back. her eyes follow where he was looking at before, and the sight makes her heart race. it’s not a prank, she thinks to herself before looking at the boy. she nods her head, and yet was unable to react or move quickly that she couldn’t even protest being tugged along.

perhaps she was being too calm. charlie knows besides clearing her mind, she had to remember what to do next too, but she wasn’t there just yet. “yeah, it’s charlie.” she replies, triyng to pull her thoughts together. stay calm, find the nearest exit, move fast. she recited those words in her mind over and over. she was not supposed to freeze now, they were moving after all. “i’d really like not to suffocate to death please.” she replies with a small, still worried smile as she keeps walking down. but she stops abruptly, “wait…” she mumbles as the faces of her friends come to mind. what about yonghwa? and jiho? jieun? soyoun? shaun? max? and more names just kept coming.

dohyun’s protective instincts kick in and he ushers the girl ahead of him, in his panic thinking that if the fire were to chase them it would get him first if he was behind her. his heartbeat hammers behind his ears and he feels sick with worry, wanting desperately to go back and find his brother and his friends. he almost bumps into her when she stops, and he has to hold onto the railing of the stairs so that he doesn’t fall into her. 

he assumes she’s having the same thoughts as him - anyone would worry about their loved ones in this situation, but as much as he wants to go back, and knows she must be feeling the same, he knows they can’t go back. “we can’t go back. it’s too dangerous. if you’re worrying about your friends i’m sure they’ll be heading outside. if they were in a studio with a trainer they’ll be led outside so it’ll be okay, i promise.” he reaches for her hand without thinking and pulls her gently as he moves around her on the stairs to try and lead her down. 

the female remains casual and munches away on her pizza in peace and quiet. the feast they prepared for them sure was amazing. while she had worried a little, she eventually figured it was only a prank. what she was more concerned about was the stinky eye she saw her coach giving her for being absent when the alarm rang, probably suspecting and suspicious of her breaking rules.

which she absolutely had been doing.

knowing to play her cards better, she figures she’d have to talk to daehyung about finding a new location outside of the company after practice, just to make sure the two weren’t messing with their chances. just getting the news she was in for a transfer and one step closer to a new adventure meant she’d have to be more careful to not let her after practice adventures mess with her career. 

taking a bite from the slice offered to her she doesn’t pay it much mind nor does she smile at dohyun out of fear they’d get caught being too close and touchy. call her paranoid, but that gaze really did chill her to the bone. “thanks, dodo,” she mumbles past her food anyway. “y’see all these different kinds of pizza- I ain’t even know what I wanna try next! do I go for the roni pizza?”

he’s gradually relaxing into the meal, his eyes drawn to the seniors every now and then, in awe at the famous faces being so close. he still hasn’t gotten used to the fact he’s in a situation where he can come into contact with famous people; it still feels so surreal. thankfully, it seems like no one’s really paying them too much attention, and dohyun thinks maybe he can be at least normally friendly with her without too much worry, since they can’t very well tell them they’re not allowed to be friends. 

his hand unconsciously slides up from her knee to rest on her thigh, hidden beneath the table still. “the pepperoni does look nice.” he comments, taking a slice and sliding it onto her plate for her, then breaking a bit off for himself. he hums around his mouthful and smiles at jinah, eyes scrunching almost closed. “it is good.”he comments once he’s swallowed, his hand squeezing her thigh. 

⇢ @lgcdohyun

Jieun knew she was trying her luck. She had been lucky to get Domi as her first date partner. Being able to finally visit the namsan tower and do some real tourist sight seeing, she was of course spoiled now. Part of her wondered if they’d let the friends go on another date even after them being very vocal about how they were nothing but friends and that it would potentially defy the purpose of the show.

“I wonder if it’ll be Domi again,” she wonders out aloud to the camera following her, eyes hopeful and steps rushed. However when she got closer to the location it wasn’t even the fact that a boy who didn’t look like Domi at all greeted her but more so the place he stood in front of.

“Ah… fishing… cafe?” Voice hesitant it was easy to see how all excitement was drained from her about trying to join this show for another season. Immediately she chews on the inside of her cheek, progressively getting slower and more quiet the closer she got. She tried to at least be polite and bow to the poor boy that would be stuck with a very shy and quiet Jieun by bowing her head, attempting to greet him with a small smile.

dohyun hates fish. not cooked and cut up ones, those are alright (he definitely has no issues with sushi), but alive fish, now that’s where the problems arise. he doesn’t like how their eyes are so big and they look so slippery and when out of the water they writhe and flap around so violently. most fish look hideous and creepy to dohyun, and he has absolutely no desire to fish himself. but, here he is, standing outside a fishing cafe for a show where he has to go on a blind date and be charming and absolutely not afraid of fish. 

“i’m... not much of a fan of... alive fish.” dohyun says with a strained smile to the camera that’s been filming him for a while now. “cooked ones are alright! i just... don’t like how they jump when they’re out of the water. plus, the deeper in the sea you go, the scarier looking they get!” a forced sort of laugh falls from his lips and he sighs, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he waits. 

“well, i’m sure whoever my date is will make it all worth it.” he’s playing up for the camera, trying to make sure he’s seen as a sweet, gentlemanly guy (and not a scaredy-cat who can’t handle fish). just as he looks away from the camera he spots a girl also followed by a camera approaching him, and breaks into a smile. he doesn’t know her, but thinks he might have seen her once or twice before. he bows to her as she does to him before introducing himself. 

his snort automatically triggers a cackle from her in return, hand quickly coming up to cover her lips in an attempt to keep muffling it as best as she could. asking dohyun to guest for this episode really would provide the entertaining value she had predicted, solely because the two of them were such giggly friends that if one started laughing, the other just had to join in. 

with iron self control she wills herself to calm down though, eyes closing and her shoulders rising with a long inhale and exhale. “okay,” she continues to whisper, hands back on her controller. “I’m actually not an asmr person. I turn on one of my favorite streamers, turn down the volume low and let their soothing voice put me to sleep,” she admits, ready to get into the first game.

“alright… are you ready, dohyun-ssi?” adding the suffix with a mischievous grin she turns to him before back to the screen. “lets throw some bouncy bounce fisties~”

dohyun forsees this whole thing being both tricky, and painfully hilarious, purely thanks to the fact that when he’s with jinah half the time is usually spent doubles over, laughing until they cry. they can’t laugh all loud like they usually do, which only makes it funnier when one of them has to stifle their giggles. his cheeks puff up as he clamps his lips closed over a laugh, almost choking himself as he snorts once again then has to cover his face as he flushes, shaking his head and taking a deep, shaky breath to try and calm down. 

“i should show you the baking ones, they’re really good. i like the gentle whisking noises; very soothing.” he says quietly with a pleased hum, nodding in agreement with his own opinion. he picks up his controller and frowns a little, bottom lip jutting out a tiny bit as he squints at the game.

The bright glimmer of Dohyun’s smile, the little glistening crescents of his eyes, they set Yebai’s cheeks into a flush; one that he tries to ignore.

He takes the sweater from Dohyun and drapes it over the bend of his elbow, humming as he considers his options, picking through the nearest rack of clothes before he hops to another, presenting a woman’s wrap dress as a joke before skipping back to the men’s section.

After some thoughtful consideration, he almost chooses a black mock turtleneck, a size too small for Dohyun, although that’s very much the point, but settles instead upon a satin buttondown blouse in a peach tone with a pleasant liquid sheen to it.  

“How about this?” he says, handing it to Dohyun with a little smile, and then the two of them duck into a pair of changing rooms, Yebai is quick to pull off his hoodie, pulling the yellow cable knit over his t-shirt before he fixes his hair in the mirror.

Yellow looks nice on him, he decides.

The warm pink tone of the silky blouse looks lovely on Dohyun, as well, he decides, even though his friend is wearing it incorrectly; he’s got it buttoned all the way up as though he’s wearing the thing to a job interview.

Yebai snorts.

“Nah, nah, you’ve got it all wrong…” he says with a smirk, releasing his hands from the long sleeves of his sweater to reach up and unfasten the top three buttons, revealing the pleasant form of Dohyun’s clavicle, a sight that he carefully considers before he unbuttons a couple more, so that a well-placed breeze and a side-view might result in a proper wardrobe malfunction, “There we go. Sexy.” he purrs, trying to offer a jestingly flirtatious wink and providing a blink, instead.

He takes a step back, posing, a little shyly, so that Dohyun could see how he was now attired, “What about me?”

dohyun watches yebai hop around picking up clothes with a small smile stuck to his lips. he likes seeing yebai having fun and being enthusiastic about things, it makes his chest fill with a warm feeling that threatens to burst through his ribcage. he likes the way yebai’s eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles, there’s something infectious about it - dohyun always finds himself smiling back. 

the shirt yebai holds out to him isn’t something dohyun would have picked for himself, but he doesn’t dislike it, in fact it’s rather pretty. the soft material feels almost like a liquid as runs his fingers along it. heading into a changing room beside yebai dohyun looks at himself in the mirror as he tugs his shirt over his head and frowns at his reflection. he needs to work out more, he thinks, flexing his bicep and sighing as he decides he’s not at the point he wants to be with his body yet. 

he pulls on the shirt and buttons it up, staring at himself still. now, though, he wonders why yebai picked this shirt for him. although the material and colour’s nice, it’s just a normal shirt, and he can’t really see the appeal. 

he stands in front of yebai, waiting for him to decide whether he likes the shirt on dohyun or not. he’s about to ask, when yebai’s comment that’s he’s ‘got it all wrong’ makes him frown in confusion - it’s a shirt, how do you get it wrong? he watches, though, as yebai unbuttons it halfway, and he chuckles, realising now why he picked it. “sexy?” he repeats, striking a pose for yebai with his neck bared and his hips lazily resting forwards a little, weight resting on one leg while his other bends a little. something in his chest flutters at yebai’s attempt at a wink, so he winks back (though his is a little more successful he thinks). 

then, he laughs. stepping forward he takes the cuffs of the long sleeves in his hands and grins “it’s adorable. you look great.” yebai looks more than ‘great’. he looks utterly huggable. dohyun wants to wrap his arms around his small frame and carry him around like a little teddy bear. he can’t though, of course.