I wish I could tell you how much my body aches from your touch or how lonely I get through the night without you seeing you had just became a routine before you left. I miss the way our eyes followed each other as there was no tomorrow time always seemed endless with you. The other day Kay asked me if I ever been in love. The question that always seemed pushed maybe love was something that was only supposed to be felt temporary for me. But with you for a second I seen it through you. The artificial movie love. Your hold made me feel safe in between your arms is where I felt needed. My insecurities bleed right through me it was almost as if you could see them you touched every single one of them yet temporarily bandaged them up. I wish mind reading was including in meeting people maybe then you would see the hurt I had put myself through wanting to better myself for you. Past relationships made it hard for me to fully love you the way you deserved “ fragile” is what you called me though I never seen it in myself you knew how to point it out. Summer will never be the same without you nor nights my loneliness creeps inside me wishing you where there. Replaying moments on how maybe the situation could’ve been changed if maybe I said a word or two different. That night not knowing was our last night hurt me on the inside as my throat clogged up with every last word I wanted to say to you I knew what was going to happen but I never through you would go through with it. I wish you would’ve held me longer maybe told me things you texted me. I wish you would’ve stayed awake that night and told me everything was going to be okay without your presence in my life. It kills me to be at work every day I miss your Goodmorning texts to your come over texts I miss being able to just have you in the moment. I miss the I miss you texts the let’s hang out texts. Eating became easier with you it was like having a reason to not do it. I wanted to improve for you. Cutting became a open thing once I started to hurt myself internally the overthinking took over as my trust feel through for you. But with it all it wasn’t true. I’m sorry for the nights I came drunk to your house without a clue to your knowledge I wanted the freedom it wasn’t mouth wash and I’m guilty. I miss the days when you would just look at me the day we were at the ice cream shop and you just held me in pajamas I told you I didn’t want to go in but you made it a point and told me how beautiful I was that day as we giggled through the line I knew this is what love was meant to feel like being comfortable in ones presence to not care about the surroundings your in. Or the day you held me in the tunnel or in the car or in the movies. You will always be my escape to reality from the rest the days we would just sit in the bathroom doing your hair we’re my favorite moments covering the chair so my back wouldn’t hurt it’s always the little things. The day I drove on the highways and you held my leg knowing I was anxious telling me everything was going to be okay. I knew it was whenever I’m with you it always had been. My insecurities stopped me from showing you my love capacity just know it was there for you. I wish I would’ve done things better for you I wish we where different. I wish you known the telescope was coming. You made me happy the purest form I have ever felt. Although never came easy to me if I would’ve done it just know our love was the experience I wish I could replay. Behind the scenes I wanted you to see I was trying I wanted to beat my battle for you. The amount of days I called off just to be with you. The countless hours I wanted for a response to only reply back an hour later. The fixing my schedule to yours to only spend every minute I could with you. The store trips I took to make sure you had the medicine you needed. The hair things you needed. I would’ve done a lot for you. I wish your could’ve seen that. My love for you only grew throughout the summer. I woke up the other day to a dream of you leaving to only realize it was my reality. Nothing felt real.