The end of the first

I want someone to melt my stress by pinning me down and teasing the shit out of me. Not only is that frustrating in general, but I'm trapped in my mom's house in another state with zero ability to do something about it. 😂

There are so many things I can’t articulate right now. Even if I could I don’t know who to turn to because there are no easy solutions, and the last thing I want right now is bare sympathy. I want action, I want progress, I want ease of mind, I want things that seem entirely unattainable and I’m spiraling again.

Everything is wrongwrongwrong

I’m just tired. Always tired.

I’m not okay. There’s no winning.

It’s happening again

oh :/

I will say though, that’s the first time someone has acknowledged to my face that they noticed back then how drastic I looked. It’s very odd to me how different my perception of myself was versus others’, that I didn’t and still don’t see what other people see when they look at me.

I have so much to lose. I am utterly in love with you and I’m broken, how can you even begin to hold the pieces?

I miss you. So much.

the urge to kill myself is stronger than ever lately and i can’t afford to go into inpatient until I get insurance again so I’m straddling a very thin rope rn and waiting for it to break

I don’t think I’ll be here much longer.