Yearning Heda

Her and Lexa 😝 she has some cute bows and such for the bunnies but those are to be kept at home because Lexa is not about to deal with a crying 5 year old because the wind blew away her bunny's bow sndkdkd

🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ there are some pictures of baby Clarke that Lexa always cherished and kept hidden in a box, the same box she kept the friendship bracelet Clarke gave her when they were 7, the letter Clarke wrote for her on their 2nd dating anniversary. The little box of momentos and hopes Lexa had for them both.

When Saige was born her and Abby used to sit and cook at how similar Saige was to Clarke when she was the same age. Abby joked it was like seeing her little girl as a baby again, pinching Clarke's cheeks and making her swat her away while Lexa smiled so hard she could feel her cheeks hurt.

Madi would sometimes find the pictures of Clarke and run to Lexa, asking "mommy, this Saige or mama?" because she too found it soo funny they were impossible to tell apart.

Clarke will constantly redirect any compliments about how similar her and Saige are by always, always saying how Saige is much cuter than she ever was and will, very sweetly, point out how "her ears are all Lexa, nothing like mine" in a sweet effort to not make Lexa feel like their baby looks nothing like her after carrying her for 9 months. Yet Lexa couldn't care less that their second is a carbon copy of her wife, in love with seeing her grow up and compare her to pictures of Clarke, in their similarities and also in their differences. How Saige loses the same 2 teeth Clarke did first, at age 4 a picture of Clarke with a dirty face, overalls and a princess crown as she holds flowers to the camera such a sweet contrast to the little girl that looks exactly like her but sits on a picnic blanket in a dress, making a face at the dirt on her feet, flowers tightly on her fist. The picture of Clarke with her colored pencils a mess around her at age 11 as she painted, the little crease between her brows already visible so similar to Saige's own artistic pictures, her pencils all organized by color, the same creased brow as she focuses on her drawing.

She just loves it so much, how similar yet different Clarke and Saige are.

I imagine the summer before they decide Lexa feels prepared to try for Aden.

It feels peaceful, hopeful. Grief has shaped the last couple of years and as she stares at Clarke under the sprinkler with their children, Lexa knows that peace and hope is what's going to shape the ones to come.

She no longer dreads seeing her children play, the guilt of their unborn baby not being there to play with them. Now she hears the laughs and joyful screams of her kids and she is grateful for their wild raised babies.

The sun is hot on her face, the sun hat she's had since she was a teenager, even bigger for her then, the one Clarke would hide under and use the shade of it as an excuse to kiss Lexa when she felt too warm to be touched, protecting her eyes from the blazing sun. Her dress is new and handmade. Clarke fixed the ancient sewing machine of the old lady that lives 3 farms down and in return Clarke asked for her to make Lexa a dress.

Clarke's grabs the kids and spins them around, baby laughter mixed with Madi's slowly growing one - when did her baby become so big? Where did these 8 years go? Once upon a time, Lexa, was the one Clarke spon around underneath the sprinkler, followed by love making underneath the warm sun. She misses those days sometimes. Still, she wouldn't not trade a summer day like this for nothing in the world.

And whatever their future might bring them, one more baby or not, Lexa watches as two redheads climb their mother's arms like a jungle gym, screaming and they as twirled around with water on their red cheeks, sees the small blonde fairy look down at the poodles looking for rainbows, helped by the shining brown curls that remind lexa so much of her own. Her wife, still as radiant as the day they met, a grumpy sunshine that would burn down the world for her and their children. And she reminds herself that no matter what, she already has everything she needs right here.

Her and Lexa 😝 she has some cute bows and such for the bunnies but those are to be kept at home because Lexa is not about to deal with a crying 5 year old because the wind blew away her bunny's bow sndkdkd