*Indecipherable Screaming*

My soulmate left me back in February. I’d seen it coming. This is just something I wrote the month before we split to try and express how it felt to be ghosted by someone who used to tell you how amazing and beautiful you were every second of the day.

TW there is a mild reference to self harm and this is also the first proper poem I tried writing so sorry if it’s not perfect. I was also an emotional wreck

Feel free to use this with credit because this really means a lot to me emotionally :’)

I’m really sorry if I’ve accidentally plagiarised cus I understand it’s a lil cliche at parts

Burn through me like a cigarette, Then hold me like you’ve nothing left, Then blank me like your big regret, Then use me to replace the ket, I can’t let this be over yet, The lonely terror starts to set, Please cut me out your net.   No, Call me back, I’ll take a cab, Your words are my desire, Touch curing my hysteria, Your kiss is heroin, crack cocaine, Hold me to erase the pain, Fill me with life, Before it empties back down the drain.   Because I’m wasting, degrading, There’s a corpse beneath my skin, My raw, tiger-striped skin, Each moment of numb despair, Tattooed forever, like you’d care, That I watched my pain seep and crawl, And I cried and through the hell of it all, There was bliss, As it flowed effortlessly away.

You should’ve let me die that day, I’m a puppet on a yo-yo string, How can you even say I’m yours, You dumped me in labyrinth walls, Chained to your feet, Dragged through your dirt, Playing that same record song, Hollow echoes of empty promises, You shouldn’t need me, Shouldn’t want me, These empty days will come to haunt me, And you, There’s a poltergeist in your bed, White sheets pulled firm down over my head, Put this shroud on me for good, Please, Leave.

Don’t say you’re sorry, Just walk out like you want to, I can’t take watching you, No longer adore me, I’m trying to hold a ghost Grasping at smoke, As it twists down my throat, Choking the words I want to say I need to say, Say it.

You don’t love me anymore.

In conclusion please for the love of fuck no matter how much you love them if you don’t think you can handle the relationship end it. Because I don’t think anything ever hurt more than clinging to someone who obviously wanted me to let go but didn’t have the guts to say.

I know you’re never going to see this, fuck you didn’t even know I wrote poetry but I’m sorry for everything and I’m sorry you clung on longer than you wanted to. I’m sorry I made you worse.

If there’s one thing I could ever want it would be to go back to the start of last year and get it right. Because you were the best I’d ever met and no one made me feel so alive. Every moment with you was the happiest I’d felt in a long time. No one had made me feel so safe and secure and loved and happy. Your arms were home to me, your smile was my starlight and your voice took me to heaven. Your personality was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

I cared and felt for you like I never had for anything before.

I wish you the best in life and one that makes you happy. I should probably find the strength to stop talking to you for good so that you don’t have to put up with me any longer but here I am craving your attention like an addict.

It’s funny I used to feel nervous from butterflies when I spoke to you

Now thinking about you makes me feel sick.

It’s amazing how quickly undying love turns to emptiness

You were my everything and now all I want to do is let you go.

- Update 

basically this has been in my drafts for months and I’m actually back with them. I know some people are probably reading this thinking wtf why would you get back with someone who made you feel like this but honestly I wrote this at one of my lowest mental points because of multiple reasons and I was just sad as fuck.

It wasn’t their fault. We were both dumb unstable teenagers with shit going on making mistakes while just trying to love each other and we’ve learnt from the people we were six months ago.

And I forgive them.

Because they’re my cloud nine and if there was anyone I’d give another chance its them.

New update:

Oh heck she’s alive. Sorry for the lack of activity. I get distracted a lot. I have been working on two other things but I can’t quite get them right. Might take a while before they’re released into the world. This was a short one off thing I wrote because I got bored and wanted to see if I could write something kinda sad. Inspired by the song Easily by Muse.

Let your inhibitions go Make every touch electrical When you're feeling beautiful Will you remember me?

A photo – crumpled, frameless and tacked to the wall.

She barely glanced at it nowadays. Sidling passed, her eyes trained towards the carpet.

Too many memories.

It was mid-afternoon on a Wednesday - the perfect time to get some hoovering out of the way. However, Joan found herself curled up on her mother’s old chair, a cup of tea in hand.

She could hear the excitable giggles of children upstairs. She was babysitting for her son whilst he finished things off at work. Three squealing toddlers thundering about the house was enough to put any grandmother off her chores. Naively, she’d dumped them in front of the TV with the Disney classics from when she was a girl, hoping to keep them quite, but she had a feeling they’d become distracted by the various paints and toys she had lying around.

They looked like him, she thought wistfully, all of them. The hair, the eyes, the nose, all came from their grandfather. A blessing and curse, she supposed. The glittering hazel hurt so much, but they helped her feel so close to him – there was a striking beauty in the pain.

Tiredness washed over the woman. She was turning 59; the years she’d lived had caught up with her drastically. Years she didn’t like to remember.

There were some nice memories – diamonds glittering in the mud.

She remembered meeting him for the first time, him capturing her heart with that timid smile.

She remembered their hands dancing across each other on a winter walk, neither quite ready to confess their feelings.

She remembered the fuzzy joy she felt whenever he was around.

She remembered the explosion of butterflies in her stomach when he proposed.

She remembered every detail – the sound of his laugh, the warmth in his arms, the smell of his shirts, the deep pink shade his cheeks turned when she smiled at him, the burning devotion she felt. No one had ever made her so happy. She couldn’t get enough of him. They were soulmates. If it wasn’t what love was then she didn’t want it, she had everything right there.

Still, memories now – echoes of passions that used to be so strong. The warmth from the photographs and love letters in the attic had ebbed away. Locked tight in a box in the dust to be forgotten. Everything just fingerprints on the window, and now the rain has come to wash them off.

The shadow of war blocked out the light, sapping away the joy.

I want to touch you deep inside And find the secrets that you hide When you fears are cast aside Will you remember me?

She remembered their first argument. Both wanted to fight, both wanted the other to be safe. The fear poisoned their mind. She screamed at him. He screamed at her. Both saying things they shouldn’t have said. She couldn’t take it. She left.

They promised they’d be there for each other forever. He cried into her shoulder, in the dark when they were two young lost souls. He was scared that she would be afraid, that she should run. She stroked his soft hair and kissed him gently. She promised to stand by him.

All of it ruined. After a storm of wild emotion, she was gone without a trace.

He never knew she was carrying his son.

She resented herself bitterly. The pain simmered in her stomach across the years. She knew he’d tried looking for her, sending letter after letter. Yet she’d hidden for years, evading contact and avoiding his friends. Not even telling anyone about his son. She couldn’t take the shame.

Then her final memory with him.

So many years had passed. Rows of exposed earth glistened with early morning dew. A summer wind swept through her hair as she counted each shaky pace. It was over, the war had finally ended. But there was no joy in her heart. She finished counting; stopping in the icy shade beside two dark rectangles of dirt. She gazed with tearful eyes at the freshly carved slate above them. Her fingers traced over the inscription, another name beside his that should have been hers. But it wasn’t. She had been weak, selfish. She’d hidden, safe, just like he wanted in the first place. But she was a coward who didn’t go back to him. She betrayed their love, their trust. She didn’t stick with him when he needed her. She didn’t fight with him as they did when they were love crazed adolescents. Of course he found someone else. Of course he had another son. Guilt’s cold cruel hands wrapped around her throat, twisting it with his icy grip. Why is it that she lived to have a family whilst he rots underground alongside the woman he deserved.

It should’ve been her buried with him. Should’ve, but she threw him away.

She dropped her head and cried, ignoring the silent judgement of half-forgotten faces.

She never went back to that grave.

I just want to let you know My mind refuses to let you go I wanna hypnotise you so You will remember me

A crash pulled her from her dreams. Joan placed her mug aside, the contents now cold and salty. She wiped the lone tear off her face.

It took her a while to find the source of the noise. She wasn’t as strong as she used to be – not that she ever had been. She opened the door, plastering a smile on her face to hide the heartache.

Her eldest grandchild was toppled on the floor, surrounded by the contents of his father’s briefcase. Just like his father, who was just like his own father. An adorable trouble maker – impossible to tell off. She put on a frown, but laughed at the giggling boy.

With a flick of her wand, the papers shuffled, whizzing back into the box. She bent down to hoist the boy up in her arms. She pocked his nose playfully, suppressing the pain from those gleeful hazel eyes.

“Now then, Richie Lupin, what have I told you about taking your daddy’s things?”

Easily forgotten love Easily forgotten love It's not so easily

PART 8

part 7     6      5      4      3      2      1

Sorry I vanished for a bit. There was an incident that distracted me for a while. I am glad to finally say that this story is complete. To be honest, I’ve had a few wobbles with this, but I guess I’m kinda happy with it now. Enjoy it.

Ten letters arrived for Elise in the post the next day; each one was more degrading than the next. There was one that stood out in particular. The calligraphic green ink of Dumbledore’s writing was on the envelope. After reading it, she raced up to his office, where he greeted her kindly, despite both knowing there was nothing good coming from their meeting. She listened to his words echoing around the dream, only this time she desperately wanted it to be a dream, she couldn’t face the reality. When they finished, she returned to the letter. She read it again and again, crying a little more every single time.

She screamed, ripping up everything into tiny pieces and shoving it into her trunk. Then she kicked the trunk across the room. Her heartbeat was thudding rapidly. She waited a second for the blood to stop rushing in her ears before she climbed down to the common room.

All the marauders except for Remus were sitting in the room, laughing with each other. Elise smiled painfully and headed over to join them.

The fire was gently crackling as usual and the midwinter sun had already set, despite it having just gone 4 o’clock. The snow still fell, and had created a huge mound of white fluff on the windowsill.

Elise pulled her robes tighter around her, shivering slightly as she sat down next to Lily. She pulled out some last minute homework and began to write. She could hear the others whispering argumentatively, whilst Lily tried to get them to stop. Earlier, she’d had a quiet word with Lily, not wanting any of them to bring up the dance. The three boys started a silent rock paper scissors competition. Whatever it was for, Sirius lost. He coughed loudly, drawing Elise’s attention.

“I have a serious question” Sirius asked.

“Go on” Elise started wearily. She knew Sirius could ask some very questionable questions.

“If…and this is an extremely big and hypothetical if… If you and Remus had kids together-”

Elise choked on air. “What?”

Sirius smirked. “I’m not finished. If you were pregnant, and you transformed, would the foetus also transform? Like, what would happen if you gave birth on a full moon?”

Elise dropped her quill, staring into space. If anyone else had asked that, she probably would have hexed them until they were just a big unidentifiable blob on the floor, but for some reason she felt her anger dissipate. There was no mocking tone in his voice or disgust in his eyes. She’d never had someone be genuinely curious in her condition. If anything, she felt better than before. She was free to talk about herself for the first time ever. “I…” she pressed her fingers to her temples in deep thought. “Stop, this hurts my mind”

“If dogs have litters of puppies, would you have litters of babies?” James piped up.

Elise threw an inkpot at his head.

“You can name them Sirius 1, Sirius 2 and Sirius 3” Sirius went on, ducking as Elise charmed the pillows to chase him around the room.

Remus wandered in. He took one look around the room. Peter and Lily were doubled over laughing, Sirius was being chased by floating pillows and James was dripping in ink. Meanwhile, Elise was trying to clear up a pile of books that had been knocked to the floor.

“Come on girls, we’re leaving” Sirius shouted as he exploded the last of the pillows. He sashayed out, followed by James and Peter. Remus watched them leave, before running over to help pick up the books.

Elise grabbed his wrist, smiling sweetly. “I can do that, go to the others before Sirius does something stupid.”

Remus laughed, accidentally inhaling part of his chocolate. “When doesn’t he?” He joked softly, before walking out of the portrait hole, waving, and lightly sliding it closed.

Elise beamed at him, waving back, still staring for a good thirty seconds after he’d gone before turning to a giggling Lily.

“Shut up.” Elise snapped, hiding a smile behind her book. Her face flushed red.

“You are going to be such a cute couple.” She smiled. The smile slid off her face when she saw Elise’s face fall.

“What’s wrong?”

                                        ------------------------------

The Christmas holidays came around, and all the students were gathered on the train. Elise had spent the time leading up to Christmas with the marauders, making the most of them. She felt no joy that Christmas had finally arrived, instead she felt a sinking feeling dragging her down. After hiding in the toilets, she shut herself away inside a compartment, closing the blinds. She couldn’t take it.  All the children around her were laughing and playing. The first years were running giddily up and down the corridor. To her, their bubbly excitement sounded like forks being dragged down a plate. Elise grimaced, how could they all be so happy as her world was crashing down? She noticed how students she’d never met made sure that they stayed at least two metres away from her, as though they thought she would jump on them and try to eat their face. The kids in her compartment ran out when she entered, as though she carried a plague.

Irritation simmered in her veins. She ignored it until she felt a stabbing pain in her palm. Looking down, she saw blood trickle down where she had gripped her bag strap so tightly, the corner of the buckle had torn her skin. Hissing, she dropped her bag and started to lick the wound clean. She pretended not to hear the whispers from passers-by.

“Are you okay?” A warm voice interrupted her.

She looked up to see Remus sticking his head through the door. She nodded, not making eye contact with him.

“I’ve been looking for you for ages; do you want to join us in our compartment?”

Elise nodded. After taking her stuff, she tried to slide past him and walk off, but failed when he joined her, matching her hurried pace. Neither of them said a word, just walked in a looming silence. She could sense the questions on his mind, hoping that he’d keep them silent.

“Is-“

“Everything’s fine, Remus.” Elise snapped coldly, cutting him off from saying any more. She sensed his hurt gaze as they continued to amble up to carriage.

“Eli-“

“REMUS” She screamed. He stopped walking. Elise’s hand shot up to her mouth. She cried. Remus grabbed her and pulled her into a long, warm hug. The snow fluttered against the window and Elise cried harder, but silently. He rubbed her back gently with his hand, soothing her.

Eventually, they let go. Elise’s hands trailed in the air, unready to end the hug. Remus took her torn hand in his and kissed it softly.

“I’ve been expelled.” She told him.

Remus dropped her hand like it burnt his skin.

“What?”

“The parents don’t want me at the school. The governors signed an order for my expulsion from Hogwarts because I ‘pose a significant danger to all pupils and staff’” She muttered bitterly. “They say there’s there’s strong evidence linking me to dark magic. I won’t even get to keep my wand.” She sobbed, pulling it out of her robes and gripping it in her hand.

She thought back to the day she got it. She remembered how the midsummer sun beamed down through the windows of Ollivander’s, illuminating the dust in the sunbeams. A young Elise with bright red hair in need of a trim was clutching a wand, watching in awe as it sprayed blue and gold sparks across the room - Applewood, eleven inches, thin and swishy, with a fresh unicorn tail hair. It was perfect for her. Only now that it was being destroyed could Elise truly understand the connection between a wand and its witch. She felt like she was going to lose a part of her – her longest companion, who had been there through it all, was about to be snapped to pieces.

Remus paled. “They can’t… You don’t even have much time left at school” He stammered, but Elise shook her head, placing a finger to his lips.

“There’s nothing I can do. Dumbledore tried to help but they won’t listen. No one will listen to something like us Remus, especially with my aunt.” She pressed.

“But…” Remus started, but then he looked down at his shoes in defeat. The train was slowing to a stop. The familiar yellowing brick slid into view from the window. The platform started to trundle past, tarnished trolleys were strewn across the concrete and parents were struggling to restrain their ecstatic children.

Elise felt the seconds drag on. This was it - the end of the line. She counted for what seemed like hours until the train jerked to a stop, its whistle screeching in the distance. Elise closed her eyes, not wanting to cry. She sighed, stepping aside as younger students sprinted off the train. She could see her parents waiting with tired eyes and dishevelled hair, panic written on their faces.

Elise felt her feet grow heavier as she stepped off the train and walked towards them.

“Wait.” Remus grabbed her arm, stopping her. “I…” He glanced from her to her parents in the distance. “I think I love you.”

Elise smiled painfully. “Well, Mr Lupin, I think I love you too.”

“You can’t leave.” He begged, pulling on her sleeve. She could see the heartbreak in his eyes. She shook her head slowly.

“I’ll write to you.” He said desperately.

Elise couldn’t hold her smile. It dropped into a pitiful gaze She placed a hand on his cheek. “Remus… A werewolf in Hogwarts. It’ll be in the Prophet. Most people already know because of what happened at the dance. I’m a known werewolf with muggle heritage. My blood is about as filthy as it gets and I have close relatives who are death eaters – we have to go into hiding.” She explained. She could feel herself choking up. She hated having to watch as Remus’ face whitened, she could see him breaking on the inside.

“Just my luck isn’t it. I get a crush on the sweetest, funniest girl I could imagine. A girl who truly understands the pain I go through and makes me feel like I can actually live with my condition. A girl who is so unique and beautiful and reminds me that it is possible to keep fighting even when the ones we love don’t take our side. Then when I realise I love her she has to leave.” He told her. “I’ll find you, when this is all over.”

Elise let out a bitter laugh. She couldn’t imagine a life where the world wasn’t going to shit. “Promise?” She asked.

Remus cupped his hands around her face. He hesitated briefly, giving her a chance to move, before pulling her towards him. He kissed her softly. It was bittersweet. Elise felt the joy of finally kissing her crush alongside the devastating realisation that she would probably never see him again. Their lips moved slowly and delicately, the pair of them savouring the moment, but when they sensed her parents edging closer, it became rougher. Elise’s hand jumped to his hair and she pulled him closer, desperate to keep on feeling - clinging on to her final hope of life and love. He did the same, running his hands through her knotted red locks, almost pushing her into him. His hands clutched her with needy desperation. She pressed her chest against him as they backed into the wall, draining each other of every drop of passion. She clung on to the final burst of colour before they separated, and her world faded back to the shades of her black and white television screen.

“I promise.”

Part 7

Part 6 is here. I’ve just had cross country at school and I’m way too lazy to add the other links, they’re all there on part 6.

So nearly finished.

“Dance with me.”

Elise felt herself yet again trying to supress a retch. She’d done nothing but be paraded around like a dog on a lead. The only thing that made her feel better was the endless supply of chocolates that she’d been shoving in her mouth to calm her nerves.

It was a fair way into the evening, with the stars glittering above them on the ceiling. The music had softened into a slow waltz, the melodies floating delicately through the air. Elise sighed, allowing him to take her hand as she hovered the other around his waist. She could feel his forceful grip digging into her stomach, but tried not to wince. She couldn’t let herself give him the satisfaction.

They swayed slowly in time to the music. It was smooth enough to not look awkward to outsiders, but to Elise all she could feel was the sickening, swooping sensation associated with peering down a vast sinkhole. She was standing on the edge, the dark drop below her growing for miles as the violins warbled on. Her stomach flipped.

“You’ve been a great help to me, Elise. I’ll miss you.” Mulciber began, his lips curling into a smirk.

Elise glanced at him briefly. “What do you mean?” She muttered, staring ahead.

He chuckled. “Well…” He began. “The Dark Lord is growing more powerful each day. I don’t really need NEWTS to stand by his side. So…. Not much point in staying, is there?” His smirk grew wider, revealing his yellowed fangs.

Elise’s breath hitched.

“Of course, I can’t go yet. There are things I need to do. You know how much I want you to remember our goodbye.” He snaked a hand to her chin and turned her head to face him. He leaned in close, his icy breath tracing along her neck. “I’ll make sure to give you a proper send off.” He winked.

A cough sounded behind them.

Mulciber pulled away. They turned to face the offender.

Remus was in front of them, staring daggers at Mulciber. He was white with fury, his fists shaking. Elise felt her chest begin to heave. What was he doing?

“Remus, whatever can I owe the… pleasure?” He taunted, wrapping his arm tighter around Elise so that she was pressed against his side.

Elise was wrong when she thought Remus couldn’t look any angrier. His hair hung in spikes into his dark, glowering eyes. They looked almost black with rage. His jaw twitched as he stepped up into Mulciber’s face, towering over him with his height. Elise couldn’t deny that it was hot - she bit her lip, almost forgetting about earlier.

“Let her go, Mulciber.” He spoke calmly, but through gritted teeth.

“She’s not yours, Remus.” He drawled, pulling her closer and grinning at Remus’ seething face.

“Not yet. But unlike you, I know how to love her.” Remus said coolly. Elise found herself blushing. She had no idea what this was or where it was coming from, but she liked it a lot.

Mulciber chuckled. “Abandoning a girl in the snow and believing that she could actually friends with death eaters. Oh, and being unable to see the psychological wreck it made her. Hmm, sounds like true love.” He mused.

Remus couldn’t look him in the eyes.

Mulciber shrugged. “Oh well. One man’s loss is another man’s gain.”

Elise cringed. Remus snarled. He lunged at Mulciber, pushing him back and ripping his fists of Elise. Before Elise could cling onto him, Mulciber grabbed her by the arm, cackling. “I wouldn’t touch it if I was you, you might get rabies.” Mulciber warned him smugly.

Elise felt a scar rip into her chest.

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, confusion flickering across his face.

“Aww, he doesn’t know.” Mulciber drawled. He tilted his head towards Elise. “Goodbye bitch” He whispered to her. He raised his voice. “Gather round the campfire guys, I have something to tell you.” He waved at the other students, beckoning them forwards. Elise could feel her insides turning to mush, she wrenched herself away from Mulciber’s icy grip.

“Elise Summers-” He leered at her wickedly. “-Is a werewolf.”

There was a long silence.

Remus glanced to Sirius, then James, then Lily, then Peter. All had the same look of guilt. He turned to face Elise, who hung her head, refusing to meet the eyes of anyone in the room. She turned and headed to the main doors, her footsteps echoed in the judgemental blanket of silence. The quiet was thick, and suffocating, she had to force her legs to move. As she walked, she could hear hissing whispers and people barking under their breath. She watched the shoes part in front of her, leaving a gateway for her to leave. Behind her, she was vaguely aware of shouting.

Elise reached the common room and slumped into the chair, taking her hair down. A few weeks ago, she would have been a sobbing mess on the carpet, but now she was just numb. She didn’t even care that her life had been permanently ruined. She was back in the dream. She was watching the world through the strange girl’s strange eyes, feeling her strange feelings. She was lost inside her own mind, possessed by herself, no longer in control.

She felt someone sit beside her. Turning, she saw Lily perched next to her. They shared a look before she engulfed her in a hug.

“I’m sorry. We should’ve realised he was doing this to you.” Lily sniffled into Elise’s arms.

“It’s okay.” She responded.

They waited in that hug for a long time, neither talking to the other. They both knew that there was nothing they could really say to better the situation. They sat like that for a while, resting their heads on each other’s shoulders as they listened to the flames crackle in front of them. Eventually, they were interrupted by the portrait door. Both girls turned to see Remus shuffling sheepishly into the room.

They immediately got up and Lily left.

After she left, Elise and Remus stood, staring at each other.

“Your dress is nice.” Said Remus.

“Thanks.” Elise replied.

“Pretty. Really pretty.” Remus blurted out. A blush was creeping up his cheek.

“I hate it.” Elise muttered, flapping the fabric with one hand.

There was a pause.

“Sirius punched Mulciber.” Remus stated.

Elise nodded, the name forcing a gag up her throat. She felt tears build up.

“So did James.” He added.

They continued to stand until Remus walked over and sat down in Lily’s empty spot, gesturing for Elise to join him.

“How long-“

“Thirteen years.” Elise snapped. “Yes, it was Greyback. Yes, I’ve known about you since third year. No, I don’t want to have an awkward conversation about our shared condition.”

Remus didn’t say anything. He merely drew her into a long, snug embrace.

Elise felt her walls break down. She started sobbing into Remus’ shoulder.

“Everyone knows, Remus. I’ve been so stupid.” She cried as he stroked her back. She clung onto his dress robes with shaking fingers. He tilted her head up to face him and stroked her messy hair out of her eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “You should hate me. I’ve lied to you.”

“You did it because you wanted to keep everyone safe. You were wrong and it was a terrible idea but I can’t hate you for that, especially since I would have done the same.” He whispered to her soothingly. “You may have to make up for killing me on the inside though.” He said with a cheeky smile.

Elise’s face blanked. “Is that it? No shouting or long lecture about me being a stupid person?” She asked in disbelief.

“What makes you think I don’t understand your logic? Elise, I’m happy that I know the truth. I’m happy I found someone who’s like me. I don’t want you to be ashamed for not telling me, I would struggle to tell someone if I was in your position. I’m only mad because I have this sudden urge to throttle Muliber. We should have realised what was happening but we didn’t. Merlin, I should be apologizing to you. You’ve been suffering for so long because of him and we let him turn us against you. You had no one.”

Elise nodded, half expecting there to be a catch.

“And, you’re too adorable to be mad at.” He added with a smile, poking her cheek.

She blushed and turned away.

“It hurt like hell when I thought you didn’t like me. Please, forgive me for getting angry. I want to be with you.” Remus begged.

Elise nodded but took a very long time to speak. The ticking clock grew louder as the seconds passed until it felt like the pendulum was swinging inside her ears. She whimpered into her hands. “It’s just…” she whispered.

“What?” Remus asked, worried.

“The whole school, Remus. What am I going to do?” She asked, finally looking him in the eye.

Remus sighed, pulling her closer. “I’ll keep you safe.”

They sat there for a while, Elise craving the warmth emanating from him.

“How should I make it up to you?” Elise asked. She tilted her head up to him. “You said I had to for killing you internally.”

Part 6

Part 5              Part 4                Part 3                Part 2                  Part 1

Two more parts to go.

We’re getting there people. It’s all good.

It was the day of the dance. Elise had avoided everyone. It wasn’t hard, it was what she had done all her life. She spent all her time in her room, coming down only for lessons. For safety reasons, her parents had demanded that she’d been given her own room, which Dumbledore had agreed to.

When she did descend into the bustling castle, she noticed Remus looking particularly glum, with the marauders shooting her dirty looks. Elise was too ashamed to explain what was really going on but also hurt. As he said, Sirius had only heard the very end of the conversation that night, and she hadn’t let him figure out the severity of her situation. They only knew about the homework, nothing else. She could understand their anger. From their perspective, they’d tried so hard to get Remus to grow confident around her and ask her out, and to him she’d immediately said no. So, when she ignored them the next day it looked to them like she had played them to get closer to Remus and then hurt him - it stung like a hornet’s sting. She told herself it was for the best that they knew this, Mulciber was threatening her with death eaters, but that didn’t stop the pain from killing her.

Now, here she was, facing the girl before her. She had used magic to create a record player that worked inside the castle, and one of her father’s vinyls was playing in the background as she put on her earrings.

Eleanor Rigby, picks up the rice In the church where a wedding has been Lives in a dream Waits at the window, wearing the face That she keeps in a jar by the door Who is it for?

She had never felt more uncomfortable in her life. Her hair was extended into fiery red ringlets and braided into a half up half down style she had never tried before. Some locks had been charmed into golden highlights alongside a black bow that pinned everything together. It matched her 50’s style swing dress which exposed far too much of her ghostly pale legs. A hideous scar could be seen just above her knee.

All the lonely people Where do they all come from? All the lonely people Where do they all belong?

Elise gripped the fabric. It was black with a swirling gold spiral pattern up the side. She had the urge to rip it off. There was a belt around her waist which constricted her like a python, the gold buckle was its mouth, biting into her stomach. She was in golden heels she could barely walk in and they cracked deafeningly with each step.

Thankfully, the full moon wasn’t near, so she didn’t have to try so hard to make herself look less ill. As usual, eyeshadow was a pain. One eye light blue and another eye dark amber made it difficult to experiment with colours, so she stuck with a smoky black.

Elise had spent hours twirling in front of the mirror, loathing the girl in front of her.

“What do you want?” She hissed at her. She wasn’t just a stranger, she was a different creature. She had tried to stick to her style of clothing but everything looked wrong. The clothes burnt at her skin, the makeup itched at her face. She wasn’t wearing them because she wanted to; she wasn’t dressing for the boy she loved. She had fallen back into the dream she couldn’t escape from. She was a character in a video game – unable to control her life but she still had to play on whilst everyone else pulled the strings. She could barely hear as the final verse of the song began to play.

Eleanor Rigby, died in the church And was buried along with her name Nobody came Father McKenzie, wiping the dirt From his hands as he walks from the grave No one was saved

Sighing, Elise made her way down the stairs. Unfortunately for her, the marauders were there, waiting for James to finish tying his shoes. She tried to sneak passed them, but Lily nodded to her and muttered a quiet, ‘you look beautiful Elise.’

The four boys turned, in sync, to face her - James furious, Sirius cold, Peter intrigued and Remus distant.

“Thanks Lily.” Elise whispered, ignoring the burning feeling in her head. She reached up to scratch at her neck. Of course there was a group of first years blocking the portrait hole.

“So” Sirius started. “Found someone to go with.” He hissed in a mocking tone. His eyes skimmed over her in disgust and she wrapped an arm around her waist, hating how exposed she felt.

‘Well if you’d let me explain’ She screamed inside her head. “Yeah, I was asked last month.” She mumbled, avoiding eye contact with all of them.

“Before Remus asked you.” Peter pointed out. Elise cursed in her head. All eyes flickered from Peter to Elise. She said nothing and he nodded in thought. “And you led him on like that?” He mused out loud.

Elise felt like he’d slapped her. Her anxiety was creeping back as the monster deep inside of her woke up. She felt it, the rage of the wolf in her blood. She didn’t get mad often, but when she did she would blow up, the beast would consume her. Right now she had a few minutes before she lost control.

James was now looking enraged. He stepped towards her, similar to the way Mulciber did. She visibly flinched.

Just breathe, Elise.

“You knew all this time you couldn’t go with him.” He fumed. Sirius had to hold his arm back. Elise noticed how his hands had curled into fists. “How dare you.”

Just breathe, Elise.

“Who is it?” Remus asked quietly. Elise could feel their judgemental glares on her, prying at her skin. She felt her face burning hotter than the sun.

“Does it matter?” She muttered, staring at the ground. James made a strangled roar of fury that echoed in her mind.

Just breathe, Elise.

“I thought you loved him, Elise! Why the fuck would you say yes to someone else? Oh wait, I forgot, you’re bezzie mates with you-know-who and his gang!” Sirius yelled out of the blue.

“Please don’t do this.” She begged quietly. Only Lily seemed to notice her distress, the others were too blinded by boiling hatred.

“I always thought it was weird how you didn’t want us to deal with Mulciber!” Sirius raged, drawing nearer. Remus frowned, he’d never been told about what Mulciber actually did. “IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED ALL ALONG? TO HURT HIM?”

Just breathe, Elise.

You hurt his friend, he’s upset, he doesn’t mean it.

“I MEAN, SEVEN YEARS, THINK ABOUT IT. YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A GOOD LIAR!”

Just breathe, Elise.

Her blood was racing. Sirius was right in her face, Peter and James weren’t far behind. She was back against the wall, but this time she was trapped by her own friends. The wolf was howling in her ears.

“MAYBE YOU REALLY ARE A MONSTER!”

There was a deafening smack. Sirius reeled backwards, a hand to his face.

“HIS FAMILY ARE DEATH EATERS. SOME OF MY FAMILY ARE DEATH EATERS. THEY KNOW WHERE I LIVE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY’LL DO TO SOMETHING LIKE ME? I DON’T HAVE A CHOICE, SIRIUS. HE OWNS ME. FORGIVE ME FOR WANTING TO BE NORMAL. FORGIVE ME FOR NOT WANTING TO GO HOME FOR CHRISTMAS AND FIND THE DARK MARK ABOVE MY HOUSE.” Elise felt the words rushing out of her mouth before she could stop them. Her hand lashed out again. Lily restrained her. “DID YOU NOT USE YOUR TINY BRAIN AND FIGURE OUT THAT HE FORCED ME TO GO WITH HIM? I LOVE REMUS. LOOK AT HIM. HE’S  ADORABLE AND HE’S KIND AND HE’S PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD UNDERSTAND ME AND IT KILLS ME TO KNOW THAT I HURT HIM SO MUCH. I. LOVE. HIM. BUT NO, I GUESS I’M JUST A RACIST BITCH BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T TAKE THE TIME TO THINK THAT MAYBE I’M NOT LIKE MY FAMILY, JUST LIKE YOU AREN’T LIKE YOURS, BLACK.”

The five of them stared at her.

She stopped. The red mist clouding her judgement cleared. The wolf bowed back into the shadows. She raised a hand to her mouth. She could feel burning tears dripping down her chin. Her eyes darted to the now empty portrait hole. “I have to go.” She whispered. Then she ran.

She ignored their shouts. She ran to the hall, desperate to find Mulciber and get it all over with. It didn’t take her long. He was parading himself around the hall as though he owned it. Before she reached him, she stopped to make sure the mirror girl looked decent and get her breath back – she had just about had it with running.

The hall had been transformed into a majestic wintery spectacle. The cavernous ceiling was illuminated with the night sky, peppered with pinpricks of starlight. The stone walls were icy silver and were draped with iridescent hangings. The candles had turned cyan, which flickered with tiny blue flames. If only her world wasn’t falling apart, Elise thought, this is beautiful.

“Ah, Ms Summers.”

Elise braced herself as Mulciber’s arm locked with hers. He smiled at her, attempting to look natural but it just made him look creepier. He was dressed in deep emerald dress robes lined with black. He tugged on her arm, taking her over to his friends. She could feel their gazes on her and it churned her stomach.

“I didn’t think you could get a date if your life depended on it, Mulciber.” Snape commented, but his gaze was elsewhere, searching the sea of faces for someone else.

“Summers, isn’t it?” Another chimed in, taking her hand in his and shaking it, a strange glint in his eye.

“Avery.” Elise responded emptily. She jerked her hand out of his, causing him to smirk.

It was going to be a long night.

---

“Am I missing something here?” Remus cried out exasperatedly. The marauders had remained in the common room. Initially it was to discuss what Elise had screamed at them, but it had turned into trying to calm down a panicking Remus.

“No.” Lily lied. She exchanged furtive glances with Sirius. Elise had been adamant that she had to be the one to tell Remus she was a werewolf – it was too personal for her to let someone else do it.

James sighed, holding his hands up. “Okay. Mulciber is blackmailing Elise. Elise started getting close to you. Elise has death eaters in her family. Mulciber used that to drive us away. Mulciber now has an even tighter hold over Elise.”

“NO BUT…” Remus gripped his hair in his hands. “What is he blackmailing her with? I don’t get it. It’s not news about her cousins.”

“Yes, but he’s close with her cousins. He knows… personal things.” Peter tried to reassure him. Remus glared at him. “I don’t know, okay.” He lied. He took Remus’ arm and guided him down into a chair.

Remus looked up at Sirius with pleading eyes. “What did you mean when you said ‘maybe you really are a monster’?”

Sirius paled. The others stiffened. He shuffled on his feet, staring down as shame writhed inside him. “I didn’t mean it. You have a right to know but not from me. She won’t forgive me for it and I don’t expect you to.” He mumbled. “It was nothing actually personal. I was pissed off” He lied.

“But why?” Remus begged at them. “I don’t understand. WHAT’S GOING ON?” He looked at each of them with wild eyes. None of them could bring themselves to speak.

There was a long silence. It did nothing to help Lupin’s fears.

“You really love her don’t you?” Lily finally spoke.

Remus flinched slightly, looking away. “But she won’t love me back. She can’t.”

The four of them groaned.

“Are you sure about that?” Lily spoke softly, taking one of his hands. “Tell her, for us. Trust me, I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”

“But-“

“Remus” Lily snapped. “She’s in that hall now with Mulciber. MULCIBER for merlin’s sake Remus. Are you honestly going to allow this to continue? Go to her before something really bad happens.”

PART 5

Part 4        Part 3       Part 2       Part 1

Trying to finish this as soon as possible. I know about three people have actually acknowledged this but I tend to post more for just self-expression and stuff for other people to enjoy, rather than actual recognition, I don’t really mind. Thank you to those who have noted my post, it means a lot.

Not a lot to be warned about if you’ve made it this far. I’d just like to apologize for the general angst. As I have said before, I wrote this out of extreme exam stress and anger at the education system, so it’s a bit dark compared to my other fic which you can check out here.

It had been several days since Sirius had abducted Elise into his friend group. He seemed to never let her out of his sight. He had introduced her properly to James, Peter and Lily, making sure that Lily went with her everywhere. The moon had been and gone, and the four of them made sure she was feeling okay. Elise felt so close to being free from the darkness that ate at her mind, if it wasn’t for one thing.

She had let Sirius explain what he overheard in the corridor to the others and his plan to get her and Remus together whilst she gazed off elsewhere, ashamed. Their hatred of Mulciber had risen from a hundred to a thousand percent in one single afternoon. They all made sure that he couldn’t go near her, allowing Elise to properly feel safe at last.

Lily seemed overly keen to get Remus and Elise together, but Elise found her enthusiasm endearing. All of them made sure they sat them next to each other at lunch, and that they walked with each other to lessons.

Elise finally felt her confidence around him growing as the six of them wandered around at lunchtime.

“I think I need the toilet. James, come with me” Sirius whipped out his wand and dragged James by the foot to the boys bathroom, ignoring his yells.

“Pete, didn’t you say you needed help with that charms work?” Lily mentioned, nudging Peter. “Come on, let’s go to the library” She added and they raced off, leaving Remus and Elise alone by the lake.

“We’ve been abandoned.” Remus stated flatly.

“So there are no witnesses when I kill you.” Elise responded, earning a questioning gaze from Remus. “Shh, they’ll never catch me” She whispered to him, putting a finger on her lips.

He giggled, biting his lip as she began to chase him.

“I will not be killed by a midget! Not today!” He joked.

“I AM NOT THAT SHORT!” She yelled, sprinting after him around the edge of the water. The chased each other for several minutes, taking them further and further away from the school. Both were laughing and exhausted, but still continued to run.

Despite the bitter winter wind, both began to feel like they were roasting in their jumpers. Remus had removed his scarf, which had been trailing behind him in the breeze, and Elise had shoved her hat in her pocket, ignoring the snow that was settling in her hair, soaking it.

“This isn’t faaaiiiir, you’re really fast.” She panted, struggling to keep up with Remus. He only laughed and ran faster, stopping at the outskirts of the forbidden forest. They both paused to catch their breath. Elise was unable to do so as she was still laughing.

As they waited, the sleet began to thicken and gather on their heads. The skeletal trees shivered in the wind, spraying them with even more of the white powder. The sky had turned silvery grey, swirling with a flurry of snow.

Remus watched her laugh, taking in the way she curled a hand over her mouth as she giggled. He felt his face flush red, despite already being pink from the wind chill.

She eventually calmed down and they both looked around at their surroundings.

“Now we really are alone.” She gestured to the empty landscape. The castle was just visible in the white blur and the grass was smothered in a fluffy white blanket.

“All part of my plan to drown you in the lake.” Remus responded. He lunged, picking her up by the waist and carrying her to the lapping waters.

“Wait, WHATt?” She yelled, hitting him playfully on the shoulder. She squirmed, kicking it the air as he held her upside down above the clear blue waters. The lake was slowly beginning to crystallize further down the banks. Confused ducks were slipping on the newly formed ice.

Elise flapped her arm, splashing Remus in the freezing water. Her hands were becoming red and raw and she shivered as the water splashed up her sleeve. She glared at him. “If you drop me I swear I will haunt you all your life.”

She wriggled some more, wiggling her legs. He chuckled at her. Her face was flushed and her hair was dangling in short, deep red spikes. Carefully he pulled her back to safety. “That wouldn’t be so bad.” He said.

“What? If I haunted you?” She asked, wiping her hair from her face.

“Yeah” He replied, smiling warmly.

“Too bad, you’ll already be dead” She used her wand to shoot a jet of icy water at his face.

He screeched. He mopped his dripping sandy hair with his scarf. He stared at her with betrayal. “You better run.” He growled.

Elise squealed and ran for her life. The snow was thicker and she struggled to run properly. She could hear Remus’ footsteps crunching behind her, getting closer and closer until he tackled her, and they both rolled across the ground. Snow sprayed around them and they were both covered in it, dripping wet but still laughing. They lay on the ground; staring and the swirling flakes above them and watching the wispy clouds float by. They lay in contempt silence, enjoying each other’s company.

Elise felt something warm tickle her frozen hand and she wrapped her fingers around it. Remus took her hand in hers and their fingers danced and intertwined. Both of them giggled silently to themselves.

“Can I ask you something?” Remus asked out of the blue.

“Go on?” Said Elise dreamily.

Remus rolled over to face her. “Will you go to the Christmas dance with me?” He asked. His eyes were wide and worried.

Shit, thought Elise. The shadow she thought she had banished crept through her again. The numb emptiness gripped at her chest. The cage she’d freed herself from closed around her again. She was back as the helpless pawn on a chessboard – Mulciber’s chessboard. Though he couldn’t speak to her, he’d still lurk near her, sending her black looks across the great hall. She refused to tell the others about the letters he sent – the threats to her and her family. Mulciber was from a dark family, one word from him and Elise could come home to a dark mark above her house – Mulciber had promised it. If she didn’t keep her word, there would be trouble.

“Remus...” Elise started, her face dropping. She paused. How on Earth was she supposed to tell him?

Remus’ mouth rounded into an ‘o’. All of a sudden, he stood up, brushing himself off. “It’s fine, you don’t want to. That’s okay.” He said. His tone and manner told her that nothing was okay.

“Remus wait.” Elise called after him as he began to walk away briskly. Tell him, tell him, she screamed in her head. She opened her mouth, but the words choked her. Mulciber’s letters flashed in her mind - ‘I wouldn’t tell anyone if you value your parents’

He stopped and turned to her. “Honestly, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” He insisted, before turning back and walking off even faster than before.

Elise watched him disappear into the school and she felt her heart yearn for him.

“Remus!” She cried out, but he couldn’t hear her over the howling blizzard. Her ears stung from the wind whipping against her. Her hair lashed against her eyes as bitter tears trailed from them into her mouth.

In the distance, she saw two shapes. One was smaller, receding into the castle as his scarf trailed behind him. The other was closer, looming in the grey like a twisted statue.

“LEAVE ME ALONE” She screamed at it, but she was silenced by the roar of the wind. She thrust her face into her hands, sobbing heavily into her already soaking mittens.

The figure stayed still, but she could feel it’s eyes boring into her. Elise shivered, wrapping her numb fingers around her arms as she struggled to keep warm. “Leave me alone.” She whispered.

Mulciber watched her for some time, leering in the distance. The snow drenched his hair, making it drip icy water down his gaunt face as he stared at the despairing girl. A twisted feeling of pleasure filled his gut as the wind carried her cries to him. Slowly, a sly smirk slithered across his lips before he turned and slipped back into the castle.

It didn’t take him long to find Remus, he was moping in the library scratching circles again and again onto a piece of trashed parchment.

“It’s always the quiet ones.” He drawled.

Remus jumped. His eyes met Mulciber’s. There was a slight reddish tint around his eyes that made Mulciber wonder if he’d been crying. He grinned.

“What?” Remus asked, an empty tone to his voice. His voice was hoarse, he had definitely been crying.

Mulciber slid into the chair opposite Remus, pulling it forwards with an ear-splitting screech. Remus winced. He shuffled back as Mulciber leaned forwards, leering.

“Haven’t you heard?” He put on a fake whine, giving Remus an upset pout like he was a lost puppy. He leaned closer, lowering his voice. “About Elise?” He whispered, dragging her name out in a sing-song tone.

Remus’ face turned stony, his eyes deadened. “What do you mean?”

“Well…” Mulciber started trailing shapes along Remus’ parchment, biting his lip to prevent himself from chuckling. “She is one hell of a good liar, I’ll give her that.”

“What are you talking about? Do you really expect me to believe anything you say?” Remus snapped, growing impatient. He started to rise from his seat.

“Oh I know things about her that would make your skin crawl, Lupin. She’s really not your type. Did you know about her cousins?” He said excitedly. He leaned further out of his chair, grabbing Remus’ arm firmly, holding him in place.

At that moment, Sirius stumbled upon them. There was a brief flash of surprise on his face before it darkened to a scowl.

“What’s going on here?” He hissed to Mulciber.

“I know Elise very well, don’t I Black.” Mulciber called to him, not breaking eye contact with Remus.

“And?” Sirius snapped.

“Oh dear, you two are uneducated.” He drawled, letting go of Remus and sliding back down into his seat. “I was just telling Remus how similar Elise is to her aunt. You’re a Black, you must have heard of her – Estella. Married into the Rosier family, I think.”

Sirius showed no other sign of recognition other than the colour draining slightly from his face.

“Well, her cousins have just been arrested for being potential death eaters and I was just saying: Elise is a fantastic actress. She probably acted her way into Gryffindor.” Mulciber continued, pushing the chair back so that it teetered on its back legs. “Seriously though, what’s a girl with so many ties to the Dark Lord doing in Gryffindor? Think about it: no friends, hidden family, manipulative - Didn’t she use a dark magic hex on Diggory in third year and then didn’t get expelled? That would have taken some doing.”

Sirius frowned, thinking back to said incident.

“Stings were pulled there, I bet. After all, her mother was friends with Greyback. Bet you didn’t know that, did you?” He noted Remus’ flinch with growing pleasure. “Even your parents don’t hang out with that sort of person, Black.” Mulciber finished, dropping the chair down with a large bang.

Both the boys flinched.

PART 4

Part 1       Part 2       Part 3

Oof. I’ve been resurrected. Starting to think that actual revision would have helped with my mocks.

Feel like I should put a small summary even though this is the fourth part. But then again I don’t have the energy

Warning - Panic attack.

I wouldn’t call this angsty, I just wrote it at a very low point.

Elise hated history with a passion. On any day, she was incompetent at the topic, but today she could barely concentrate. She was too busy thinking about boys. Remus was distracting in every sense, Mulciber was a creep who needed to be destroyed and for some reason Sirius wanted to see her. Elise preferred to think about the first of the three, and found herself slipping away as she tried to identify what kind of shampoo he used from the smell.

A crumpled piece of parchment landed on her desk. She jumped.

Unfurling it, Elise was greeted with the neat but barely readable scrawl of Sirius Black.

‘We need to talk.’

Frowning, Elise turned her quill to the parchment. Since when was Sirius that desperate to have a serious conversation about anything?

‘About?’ She scrawled back. She paused, checking to make sure Binns wasn’t looking before chucking the parchment back to Sirius.

A few seconds later, it returned.

‘Last night’

The letters were scratched with obvious anger. Elise glowered at the sheet, thinking hard. Sirius left her with Remus then left to presumably meet James, what could he possibly be pissed about about regarding the previous night? Sirius didn’t even know her that well. Why did he suddenly want to talk?

‘What do you mean?’ She replied, scowling as she tossed the paper over her shoulder.

‘You know what. I need you to talk to me. Meet me after class.’

The letters made Elise’s blood run cold. Her fingers shook slightly as she struggled to control the quill.

‘Leave me alone’

She lobbed the paper at him. He sent several notes back, which she ignored. He even managed to charm some sheets into hitting her head repeatedly until she swatted them away with her hand.

The bell had barely finished ringing when Elise raced out of the door. She now had not one, but two angry, dark haired boys to avoid. Brilliant. She found herself rushing aimlessly through the corridors, hoping to find a really obscure corner of the castle that no one went to. As she hurried along, she listened keenly to every footstep. There was one she picked out. A heavy thudding that seemed to be getting closer with each second.

Elise started running. So did the steps. They echoed right in her ear as she dashed down the stairs, pushing past a large group of third years. After shoving through the hordes of people, she slipped through a rickety door and continued down a dusty path. The footsteps had gone. She’d lost them in the crowd.

Sighing, Elise keeled over, heaving as she caught her breath. She received several odd stares as she panted for breath, leaning against the wall so that she wouldn’t collapse. She made a mental note to start exercising.

Relieved, Elise ambled down the corridor. She didn’t recognise this area of the school from memory, but she vaguely knew that she was somewhere near the Ravenclaw tower entrance. She padded along, noticing the brickwork that was in dire need of redoing. She reached out to brush a dusty cobweb of one of the paintings.

A hand grabbed her arm and she screamed. The small gaggle of students in front of her turned around, giggling at her.

Flushing, she turned to see Sirius, his knuckles white as he gripped her arm, looking pissed. “You are not getting out of this, Elise.”

Sirius pulled Elise through the hallway as she struggled to keep up. He kept pulling her onwards. Her arm began to sting from the harsh grip. She found herself stumbling forwards as he marched further until they found a barren classroom. He twirled around to look for witnesses, before yanking her through the door.

Elise tripped forwards into the desk whilst Sirius frowned at her. The numbness spreading up her hands as a falling feeling grew inside her. She was falling into herself, strapped to a chair as the TV screen depicting her life slid out of view. The sounds around her grew muffled and dull, she was leaving her body, back at the other end of the telescope and there was nothing she could do. When she regained her balance, they stared at each other, Elise partially terrified and Sirius furious.

“What?” Elise broke the silence. Her own voice sounded alien to her.

Sirius flinched, as though forgetting that she was right in front of him. His glare softened into a look of pity.

“I’m not sure how to word this.” He said. His anger had completely dissipated and was replaced with a strange tone, almost sad. He played with his hands, unsure whether to meet her gaze. “Okay… All I’m going to say is…” He started, beginning to sound mournful. “I know this will be hard for you, but I need you to tell me the truth.”

Elise felt ice spread through her veins. No he doesn’t, a voice called out in her head.

Her mind span so much she felt dizzy. She dropped suddenly into her chair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She choked out of her numb lips. She had completely left the room; her senses were growing further away. Her ears were whining and her sight blurring. She was desperate. Maybe he was being overdramatic about something completely different. It was Sirius after all.

Sirius’ gaze softened further. He sighed sorrowfully, drawing up a chair to face her. He mimed claws slashing across her face with his fingers.

Elise’s flinched so violently Sirius’ hand jumped out to catch her. She started shaking her head, her shivering fingers trailing over skin. Her lungs started heaving. She’d already lost control of her life and now her body was refusing to obey.

In her distraught, distracted state this morning, she had completely forgotten to hide the ugly white lines ruining her porcelain skin.

She raised her hands to her mouth, staring at the ground. She hoped that maybe if she stared at the floor long enough, it would collapse into a black hole and suck her into her inevitable doom. All she succeeded in was peppering the stone with tear stains. Her whole body was shaking like she was being electrocuted. Black splotches swarmed her vision. She felt uncontrollable sobs heave through her. Her breaths started wheezing without her control and the walls started collapsing inwards.

Terrified, she jumped out of the chair, feeling her throat constricting her. She couldn’t breathe, her ears were droning; she felt like she was falling into the black hole, being twisted and crushed and ripped apart from the inside.

In her frantic state, she was vaguely aware of Sirius softly taking her shoulders and laying her down, keeping her back supported. He gave her space, but was near enough to whisper gently in her ears.

“Hey. I’m here. It’s okay. Just breathe, okay. In…out… Can you do that?” He murmured, attempting to brush her hair but giving up when his fingers got stuck.

Elise swallowed, nodding at him. It reminded her of the way her mother would calm her after her nightmares as a child. Elise felt the panic slipping away as fast as it had come. She was still crying, but the ringing in her ears dulled and her sight cleared. She felt herself returning to her body, the feeling returning to her fingers. Slowly, she allowed Sirius to help her sit up.

They sat together for some time until Elise’s sniffles slowed down enough for her to talk.

“I’m so sorry Elise. I promise I only wanted to help. I didn’t know you would react so badly. It’s just, I heard Mulciber mention it and…” He looked down at his fingers. “..I’d never felt so angry at someone in my life.” Sirius babbled his face white and gaunt.

“Thank you.” Elise whispered hoarsely. Sirius noticed and conjured up a glass of water. She took the glass and drank, the cool liquid soothing the fire in her throat.

“I always wondered…ever since we found out about Remus.” Sirius mentioned, kneeling next to her.

She glanced up, hope numbing the crushing pain in her chest. “You don’t hate him…even when he’s a werewolf?”

“Hate him?” Sirius echoed, barking out a short laugh. “He’s one of my best mates, of course I don’t hate him. I don’t hate you either, whatever anyone says, you’re perfect, you got that.”

Elise shook her head as she took a long gulp of water. Part of her hoped that she could drink enough to not have to talk to him and then escape to the toilet. Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.

“No, you don’t shake your head at me, Fluffy. You are amazing you’re going to start joining in with me and the others and you’re going to feel fantastic and then you and Remus will get married and it’ll be perfect and I will be godfather to all your children and we’ll all live happily ever after.” He finished, waving his hands in the air extravagantly.

Elise laughed bitterly. “I don’t think he even likes me.” She said. She frowned. “Wait…Fluffy?”

“Elise, Remus is obsessed with you. He keeps talking about you when you’re not around and if I had a galleon for every time he complained that he didn’t know you well enough I’d have more money than all the vaults in Gringotts.” He told her, sternly. “And he stares at you in lessons.”

Elise felt herself blushing. “So you want us to hang out.”

“You’ll be in the gang.” He responded proudly.

“You don’t think I’m a freak.” Elise asked. She needed to be sure. He was offering her what she’d always dreamed of, someone who likes her even with the truth…and a relationship with Remus.

Sirius sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. “You and Remus are bloody twins; I had this exact conversation with him when we found out about him.” He knelt down in front of her, gently taking her hand. “Elise, what you are doesn’t matter, it should never matter to the people who love you and if it does then they don’t deserve someone as kind as you. It’s who you are that counts, on the inside. You have such a unique personality and that makes you special. Think about it, I come from a family who is proud that my brother wants to be a death eater, they are proud that they are ‘superior pure bloods’. I have their blood in me, but does that make me like them? No. We are who we chose to be, we have that choice. Your lycanthropy doesn’t control you and it never will.”

Elise felt a new warmth spread through her; a flickering flame of hope. Unlike the searing heat of pain, this burst like a supernova inside her, driving away the emptiness and the sickness. She felt happy, truly happy. She felt, for the first time in years, like she truly belonged in this life, like somebody actually cared for her. She felt tears swell up, happy tears. She beamed at him, an uncontrollable smile that she’d never felt before.

Sirius reflected her smile, before turning stern again. “Now, how do you want me to deal with him?”

“Him?” Elise responded with a dry throat. Her happiness slipped away as fast as it had come.

“Yes.” He spat, looking outraged at the thought of him. “The prick. Do you honestly expect me to let him own you like that?”

“What did you hear?” She croaked.

Sirius scowled. “Not a lot. The threat about finishing his work until he left you in the corridor.”

Elise looked down. Part of her was glad that he didn’t know anymore, there were some things she could never be ready to deal with. “Sirius. Please don’t. If you go after him he’ll tell everyone I couldn’t forgive you for that. Leave him alone, for me.” She pleaded at him, looking up with puppy dog eyes.

“He’s ruining your life.” He fumed.

“And if you touch him he has the power to end it.” She shouted at him, leaping to her feet. Sirius’ eyes widened slightly as she grabbed his sleeves. “Please, you can’t speak to him.” She begged.

“Does he touch you?” Sirius spat. Elise could almost see the steam coming out of his ears, knowing that the question had been plaguing him from the very beginning.

“No.” Elise said, careful to keep her voice steady. She would argue that she was technically telling the truth, but if he knew everything then he would think otherwise and then she’d have to cover up a murder. “He doesn’t. He thinks I’m filth - and I’m a half blood. He just wants me to make him look good. Please don’t hurt him.”

Sirius stared at her, his eyes flickering between hers - blue to amber, ice to fire. “Tell me as soon as you change your mind.” He muttered. “Then that fucker is dead.”

Elise relaxed, letting go of his robes. “Thank you” She whispered. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course I did.” Said Sirius. “You’re Remus’ crush. You’re one of us now.”

Part 3. Part 2 is here, part 1 is here.

I’m really beginning to hate this but I’ve already started it, so I’ve dug myself into a hole here.

Same warnings as last time. Elise’s lack of self worth, Mulciber being even more of a creep than the last time. Steer clear if that kind of creepy male thing makes you uncomfortable or triggers something- it’s not that much but just in case.

If there was anywhere Elise didn’t want to be the next day, it was breakfast. She rolled out of bed onto the floor, bracing herself as a blast of frosty air engulfed her.

She hadn’t even registered it as another day. It just blurred into the last one, a continuation of yesterday’s nightmare. As she lay on the floor, she reached up to blearily flop her hand around in search of her foundation. Unable to feel it, she slumped her hand back down, muttering to herself that she’d get it later. She dragged herself to get dressed, pulling on her robes and trying to ignore the numbness in her stomach. After brushing her hair, she headed towards the door, but stopped as she passed her bed.

Immediately, she felt a yearning for sleep– she felt compelled to curl up into a cocoon of comfort. The urge to slip away into the numbness of slumber was lulling her to a state of hypnosis, her feet shuffled closer despite my brain telling her no.

Picking up the covers, she cuddled the silky sheets. The warm blankets rustled as her fingers delicately traced across them. The pillows looked like puppies, snuggling together and wrapped around each other. She could feel her body yearning for them, urging desperately for her to close herself in a bundle of blankets. She would be peaceful, quiet and safe, away from the torment of her condition. She couldn’t face Mulciber today; she just needed a break, just for once. She needed to be on her own, find her happy place.

Slipping back to reality, she sighed, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Her skin burned from the scratch of the harsh straps. She was ready to shuffle out and avoid bustling great hall and endeavour to find somewhere quiet where she could eat on her own.

As she ambled through the halls, the memories of the night before flashed through her. She had to go to the dance with Mulciber. She was dancing with the creep who had her on a leash. Her free will, the one thing that let her somewhat control her life, was slipping down the drain and into his grip.

She found a quiet spot in the library and plopped down on the cushions. She room was devoid of people. It was almost completely silent, only the patter of rain on the window and the ticking of the ancient clock. Madame Prince could be heard filing books further down the aisles.

Elise took a tiny bite from her bagel, tearing away strands of cheese. It seemed to clump in her throat and she found herself unable to swallow. All she could think about was how tomorrow she would be back in the dark and the cold, helpless and alone as her humanity was stripped from her. She felt her face heat up but refused to let the tears spill. She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply, calming herself with the musty scent of ancient books.

A patter of footsteps approached her. She wasn’t sure if she heard two or three pairs of feet. If there were three, then the third was clearly apart from the others. Opening her eyes, she saw the shoes of Remus and Lily. She slowly raised her head to meet them, smiling delicately.

The two stared back at her. Both their eyes widened for a moment, but Elise thought nothing of it as Lily gave a warm smile.

“Sirius wants to speak to you. Said it was important.” Lily told her, offering her a cauldron cake.

“Sirius thinks everything about him is important.” Elise said, smirking. She stood, taking the cake and wrapping it gently in a spare sheet of parchment.

“Yeah but he was acting funny this morning so I think it might actually be something this time.” Lily explained.

“Not like that time he called us all in because he lost his hairbrush.” Elise joked, smiling at the memory. Lily giggled, picking up her things and turning to leave. She stopped and turned back to her, a frown crossing her face.

“Is everything alright?” Lily asked, sending Elise a look that she couldn’t decipher.

“Shouldn’t it be?” Said Elise. Lily may be a kind spirit, but they had never been close enough to reach the feeling sharing stage of friendship. Lily cocked her head, opening her mouth to say something but deciding against it. She mumbled a short, ‘nothing’, as she pushed open the door to leave.

Elise continued frowning at the door until Remus coughed quietly. Elise turned to face Remus. He was staring at her with an odd expression. In fact, looking around, Elise noticed that she was getting a few unusual gazes from the students who started filing into the library.

“What?” Elise asked, growing a tad worried.

Remus blinked, as though he forgot she was there. “Nothing. Just came to return a book.” He reached down to pick up his back. “Walk with me to history?” He offered.

“Okay.” Elise started to gather her bags, but stopped. The third pair of shoes was in front of her. A set of Slytherin robes loomed out of the shadows. “Actually, I’m really sorry but I just remembered I need to talk to Madame Prince about an overdue book. I would do it later but you know what she’s like.” Elise made a loopy sign with her finger.

Remus laughed. “Okay. See you later.” He waved at her as he wandered towards the door before, like Lily, stopping to face her. “We should hang out some time.” He stammered. “If you’d like.”

Elise felt a sad smile reach her lips. “I’d like that.” She replied, waving at him as he left. 

She waited a good ten seconds after the door had closed behind him before clenching her jaw. Her eyes darkened. “What do you want?”

“Oh, you know...stuff.” Mulciber drawled, sauntering closer until he was almost pressed up against her back. “Did you finish it for me?” He murmured in her ear.

Elise whipped around, her nose almost touching his. She slammed the paper onto the table next to them, not breaking eye contact.

He grinned, sliding his hand down her wrist to reach the essay. She closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing as she tried not to shiver. His other hand snaked slowly around her waist. “Lovely” He whispered.

Elise felt her stomach churning. “I thought you said you’d never touch ‘something like me.’” She hissed though gritted teeth.

“You repulse me as much as I repulse you, darling, but if we’re going to the dance together we need to act like a couple. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to scrape your filth out of my mouth afterwards” His eyes trailed over her face. “Wear something silver… or gold. I need you to at least look like you’re not a freak and I know that’ll be a challenge for you.” He stared down, directly into her eyes and she supressed a flinch. “Oh, and nothing skimpy. I know what you’re like, slut, but trust me; no one wants to see that.” On ‘that’, he ran a finger across her leg, pressing hard enough to leave a red trail.

Elise had really been trying, but something snapped and she shoved him back into a stray chair, fighting back a cringe. “I’m sorry?” She choked out in shock.

Mulciber cackled, his dark hair falling into his face. “Oh come on, I’ve seen how you make gooey eyes at Lupin, drooling like the dog you are. It’s pathetic.” He stood up, towering over her. Striding forwards, Elise found herself, tripping backwards until she was cowering in a corner. “He’ll never love you.” He whispered tauntingly.

Elise shrank further into the corner. She felt sweat start to drench her palms and her throat tightening. She began to breathe heavily as he leaned closer, laughing in her face. His laughter was grating in her ears. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“YOU TWO. LESSONS. NOW”

Mulciber leapt back to see Madame Prince seething, her face white.

“If I see the pair of you at it again during lessons you’ll be going straight to your heads of houses.” She fumed, pointing a shaking finger at the door.

“Sorry miss, see you babe.” Mulciber called. His icy lips pecked her cheek as he whisked away.

Elise wanted to disappear right there and then. She raced out of the library, ignoring whispers of the students who had a free period. She continued to hurry along until she found a bathroom, where she proceeded to scrub soap against her face until the cheek burnt from the boiling water. She attempted to see if the girl in the reflection looked somewhat presentable, but the mirror had steamed up. Part of Elise was glad she didn’t have to see her today. Her numbness towards her reflection was fast spreading to her own body. As of late, Elise was becoming convinced that she wasn’t truly existing, just watching life from afar, unable to hear or feel things properly. It was like her soul was slowly prying itself away and she was finding it harder and harder to not let go. She could barely recognise herself already, but now, looking down at her fingers, all she saw the hands of a monster. The heartbeat of a beast drummed in her ear.

Fighting these thoughts down, Elise continued to class. She strode into history twenty minutes late: one cheek was glowing red, the hair beside it sopping and Elise herself looking traumatized. Even professor Binns paused his lecture to give her a curious look.

Part 2.

Part 1 is here

I still really hate this but I started posting it so I might as well finish the job.

Same warning as part one, with the addition of mulciber being a massive

CREEP.

Elise ran for some time. She ran until her feet burned and her stomach lurched inside her. Stopping, she viewed her surroundings. She was in the opposite end of the school.

Suddenly, she keeled over, fighting the urge to retch. She hadn’t ran like that in a while and the moon was making her head feel like she was at the bottom of the sea. She backed against the wall and slumped down to the ground, panting heavily.

Why couldn’t you just tell him? What’s wrong with you? She screamed inside her head.

Sobs bubbled in her throat and her throat burned. She felt her eyes stinging. She buried her head in her knees and cried. She cried until she didn’t even know why she was crying anymore. To be honest, she didn’t even know why she had started crying in the first place. The sun had gone down and now the moon was a sliver of silver, a wispy glow buried beneath the black clouds. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

A patter of rain began to resound down the corridor.

Begrudgingly, she dragged herself up and began to wander back to the common room. She thought more about Remus, mentally calculating what chances she had with him. There was only one girl he properly hung out with, and that was Lily Evans, but they were obviously friends. Elise racked her brain – Marlene was very smiley with him, but that might be to make Sirius jealous. Then there was that girl in the year below who always giggled when he entered the common room. Even thinking about her caused a pang of jealousy. Other than that, there were no girls who were directly blocking her path to Remus Lupin.

Dreamily, she began to think more about him. They weren’t just the same through their condition. He was the shiest of his friend group and preferred to read his books. Elise loved books with a passion, especially the muggle books her father bought her. They shared the same sweet tooth and, being a half blood, he knew about the muggle bands Elsie adored. Part of her believed he was perfect for her, which was why she was so scared to alienate him. If he rejected her, she wouldn’t know what she’d do.

After a while, Elise realised that she had been paying no attention to where she was going. Again, she found herself in the wrong side of the school. Sighing, she span on her heels and collided with a large, firm object.

Falling backwards, she heard a yell. A yell she dreaded to find out the owner of.

“Watch it mudblood.” A gruff, fierce growl rumbled through the hallway.

“Half blood.” Elise corrected under her breath. She pushed herself up from her ground, maintaining eye contact with his shoes. She was shaking, wishing her hair was thick enough to hide her entire face.

“Or should I say half-breed?” He smirked back, confirming her suspicions.

She raised her mismatched eyes to his. “Mulciber. Please.” She whispered, her voice trembling. She cowered backwards. The boy had a threatening aura that chilled her to the bone.

She’d never intended for anyone to find out. Every night she crept as silently as possible across the grounds, sneaking through the hallways like a spy. She isolated herself from everyone, trying to make sure that no one hung out with her often enough to notice how she was ill every full moon. That was her life – making sure nobody cared enough about her to spot the truth.

Unfortunately for her, Mulciber had been listening to Snape’s theories about Remus, taking on board what he’d said and applying it to a different student – her. He noticed how she would disappear once a month and return with a fresh bruise or a scar. He followed her one night, using a disillusionment charm to make himself unnoticeable. He’d seen her transform. Since then he’d had her head in a noose with his hand on the trapdoor lever, ready to pull whenever he wanted. He had her trapped in the gallows and he could destroy her life with just a simple sentence, and he was making the most of what he could do with that.

So, for two years, she’d been doing what he demanded of her. It was never anything too extreme, mostly homework assignments or making potions for him to use against muggle borns. She did what he wanted and in return he would keep telling his friends that he’d seen the disease that her mother had. It wasn’t that hard for them to believe him. Shamefully, Elise’s aunt was well connected with many dark families, another fact Elise tried hard to keep secret.

“You’re late.” He snapped.

Elise picked the crumpled work out of her robes. “I’m sorry-”

He snatched the parchment from her fingers, his eyes scouring the page. Before she could finish, he glowered at her, snarling. “What’s this?” He asked, his voice cold and calm.

“Nothing.” She whispered.

“What should be there?” His voice grew louder as he loomed forwards. His heavy feet thumped on the ground.

“The last question.” Her voice was barely audible. “Please, I can finish it tomorrow morning, no one will know.”

“No they won’t” He smirked. He shoved the parchment roughly into her chest. “Because they’ll be too busy knowing something else.”

Her heart shattered. “Please no” She begged, her throat burning as tears stung in her eyes. “I’ll do what you want, please.”

“Anything?” He raised an eyebrow, his menacing leer growing to reveal a crocodile grin.

Elise didn’t respond, only shivering as the wind picked up, whipping through her hair.

“I need an answer?” He taunted in a singsong voice, circling her like a shark drawing in on its prey.

“Anything.” She confirmed, the tears streaming effortlessly down her face.

He stopped behind her, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ears. “Christmas dance.” He span her around roughly to face him and took her hands in his clammy fists. She squirmed as she was pressed forcefully against his chest. “Go with me.”

The remaining shards of her heart plummeted to the floor. She’d been hoping to ask Remus, Sirius had tried to get her to do it for weeks. Her mouth refused to open and fearful tears blurred her vision. “I thought you hated my kind?” She managed to choke out.

“Oh believe me, you’re a disgusting freak. I think all of you should be rounded up and eliminated. A werewolf cull, wipe your filth off this planet for good.” His eyes glazed over as he pictured the scene, Elise cringed as she could tell he was enjoying it. His hands were crushing hers as he smiled to himself. “But I need someone to go with and though I would never touch something like you in a million years at least I won’t look like I can’t get a girl.”

Elise cringed at the thought, she wriggled her hands, trying to free her aching fingers. Just as she was almost free, he let go.

“That’s it settled, you’re going with me.” He span around and sauntered off. “Oh and wear a proper dress, I need you to look gorgeous even if you are a freak.” He called after her, not even turning around. “That coursework better be finished by tomorrow morning, that’s half my grade. Otherwise, well, it would be a shame if you broke something, wouldn’t it?” He added with a leer as he turned the corner. “See you soon, werewolf bitch.”

Elise remained frozen for a long time, not even caring that the rain was pouring on her. Slowly, she forced her feet to take her to the common room. Dazed and distraught, she was barely paying attention as she pushed through the portrait hole.

“Hey”

Elise jumped, completely forgetting that other people existed. She turned to see Remus Lupin sat in the same seat as he was when she left. He gave her a small wave. She returned it.

“Hey?”

Elise stepped into the room as Remus jumped out of the sofa. He walked over to her.

“You forgot this.” He outstretched his hand to reveal her mother’s pocket mirror. Blushing Elise grabbed it and stuffed it into her pocket. Her eyes remained pointedly at the ground. She was already dealing with full moon stress, terror of Mulciber and now there was a swarm of butterflies in her chest. The last thing she needed was for Lupin to see that. Looking around the room, she noticed the clock. It was ten to twelve. She frowned.

“You waited for three hours?” Elise asked, astonished.

Remus laughed a little, tugging at his collar. “Is that weird?” He mumbled.

“A bit.” Elise said, starting to giggle nervously. She sidled past him and started to creep towards the staircase.

“Is everything okay? You were gone for a while.” Remus asked, following her.

Elise continued to stare downwards. “Yeah, I just needed some time to think.” In her head she was panicking. If he noticed, then she wouldn’t know what to do. She had never planned for what to do if somebody found out, preferring to ignore the situation and hope that no one ever did. Even though it was Remus, she couldn’t let anyone know about Mulciber.

“Okay.” Remus sounded unconvinced. He outstretched a hand to her arm, his warm fingers meeting her frozen arm. “Are you sure, you look...Have you been crying?” Remus sounded increasingly worried as he pointed to her obvious tear tracks.

Part 1

OOF. I’m alive. I’m really sorry for not posting for a millennium. I happened to start writing at the exact same time as I have a shitload of GCSEs I need to revise for. Also, to be honest, I’m too lazy to write regular imagines and I’m only really posting this because I’m really aware of my lack of posts. 

I’m not gonna lie, I’m really not proud of this but I’ve spent way too long on it to just delete it.

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: 

The OC is a werewolf and she has depressing thoughts and anxiety about it and she has mild depersonalisation (I think that’s what it’s called). This does get a bit darker in the next chapters. Sorry, I was really angry when I wrote this - writing and doodles are kind of a coping mechanism for exam stress. Doesn’t help - I get even more stressed that I’m not revising but it’s fun while it lasts.

Elise’s hand jumped to her face for another time. Her slender fingers traced delicately over her cheek, brushing her short hair out of her eyes. She pulled out a pocket mirror from her robes, squinting at her reflection. Her fingers ran again over her face and she felt the hands anxiety claw at her throat, constricting her breathing. Her fingers struggled to keep a grip on the antique mirror as her eyes scoured the face staring back at her.

No one will notice, she told herself.

Her abnormally cold hands touched her face again. She flinched, regretting that she’d overslept in the morning. Frowning, she inspected her reflection like a detective desperate for a clue. Since she’d woken up so late, her make-up had been rushed and now after a day of school there was barely any left.

Elise Summers looked into the mirror harder. A stranger stared back.

Thirteen long years and she was still yet to accept the stranger who watched her, that girl who would always be there to taunt her. Every mirror passed would be pointedly avoided. She didn’t hate the girl’s body and its irritatingly curvy figure, she didn’t hate her auburn hair and the way it stuck out at angles that went against physics, she didn’t hate their heterochromia: one eye sky blue, the other a rich shade of amber. It was the face she hated. Specifically, the four thin white slashes marring her otherwise smooth skin.

The scars could just be seen under the stranger’s make up. Each jagged line had been slashed viciously across her face; the thin slashes were leering smirks, taunting her, reminding her daily of the way the teeth had scraped across her face as her father screamed behind her. Shivering, Elise tried not to think about the searing pain ripping through her every month.

She snapped the mirror shut and picked up her quill.

Elise couldn’t really remember much about what happened, only the choking stench of decay and wet dog, which still smothers her in her nightmares. She remembered the feeling of something hot and wet dripping down her face, but somehow couldn’t recall the pain. This amnesia was made up for every month as her muscles contorted and spasmed, her bones cracking deafeningly, until she was replaced with the monster; the scarred, bloodthirsty monster that was always waiting in her mirror.

No one can know. That’s what she told herself as she obsessively caked layer after layer of foundation on her scarred skin. No one can know, she repeated in her head as she had to lie about how her perfectly healthy mother had a severe illness that needed monthly treatment which she could die from. No one can know.

Come her eleventh birthday, she never thought she’d make it into Hogwarts, she assumed she was cursed to be an outcast for part of herself that she couldn’t control. People who didn’t know her would hate her for existing, Healers would scorn at her for something she didn’t choose to be. She was who she was, but who she was was a freak.

Dumbledore was not like other people though. He made arrangements for a rickety old house to be constructed in the forbidden forest, with a small tunnel leading to it, guarded by a whomping willow. Every month, she would feel as though her soul was being ripped from her as her body was being forced down a meat grinder, but she was safe. She couldn’t hurt anyone, only herself as the monster bit and scratched itself, desperate for prey. She was the reason the centaurs called it the clearing of the lost souls.

Seven years later and she was halfway through her NEWT year. Ironically, she wasn’t the best at dark creatures, and was answering questions on how to spot a werewolf.

Snout, tail tuft…

Have you genuinely forgotten? She berated herself. Come on, focus.

Remus Lupin wandered into the common room. He perked up slightly when he saw her sat on the sofa, heading over towards her.

Fuck.

Elise had realised that she and Lupin were the same by her third year, but for a clever boy he could be very oblivious when it came to girls.

Elise felt a connection with him, despite never really speaking with him. They had been sort of friends since first year, being in the same house as him. They talked in lessons and he made her laugh like no one else could, but they never got round to hanging out after class.

How she was supposed to tell him what she was, she had no idea.

Hi, we have the same excruciatingly painful, debilitating genetic disease that makes us societal roadkill, guess that makes us twinsies!!

That was just thought up for a giggle, she would never say that.

Hey I’m a werewolf and will you go out with me?

No, way to forward.

Hi, do you want to hang out sometime?

Yes. Slight problem though - every time she approached Remus her throat would dry out whilst her palms started sweating like she was in a furnace. She could never even get the words out.

Remus would be the oblivious bean that he is and not notice her flustered state, attempting to talk to her normally, where she would then end up embarrassing herself when she would panic and say the first thing that she could think of. She would kill to forget the time she said, in front of his friends, ‘Did you notice your teeth make clicking noises when you eat chocolate?’

That was mortifying. She felt the familiar weight of anxiety flooding through her chest. As usual, she ignored the feeling of sickness in her stomach or the dull ache in her head, pushing it down as she wandered through the halls of Hogwarts.

She wouldn’t call herself depressed; rather she had a persistent sense of emptiness that had plagued her, disappearing for weeks only to return as the moon turned again. Ever since the day of the bite, every week of the full moon she’d feel like nothing mattered anymore. She enjoyed school, she enjoyed hanging around with people, she enjoyed her alone time, but when the moon became full again there it was, this nagging voice at the back of her mind, always there to remind her that she was, and always would be, a freak.

At times, real life felt like a dream that she was watching down the end of a telescope. At times, she felt like she was living out a fairy tale and nothing could bring her down. That was her life – too sad to fully immerse herself into it but too happy to hate it.

That’s why she picked Remus. Despite not knowing anything, he still understood as he was living the same lucid dream that she was. Not quite a fantasy and not quite a nightmare. When she realised what he was, she tried to get to know him more, try infiltrate into his friend group. Unfortunately, Sirius Black noticed immediately what was going on, and made it his mission to set the pair of them up. He explained to Elise that Remus had been single for far too long and he wouldn’t allow it.

So, when Sirius followed Remus into the common room with his signature smirk, Elise felt fear explode in her stomach.

“You doing homework?” Sirius asked with a grin. He winked at Elise, who knew fully well that Sirius had completely different intentions. Elise, despite trusting Sirius, never told him anything. She assumed him to be the sort of boy who doesn’t have much time for feelings, especially one who he never talks to very often. She was especially adamant about him never knowing that she was a werewolf. She couldn’t be sure whether or not he knew about Remus, and so to be safe, she refused to tell him.

None of the students could ever know, she reminded herself day after day. She’d succeeded in never actually telling anyone about herself – no other student knew. Well, except one, but Elise tried desperately hard to ignore him.

As Sirius approached, she could practically hear his thoughts. Piss off, she thought to herself.

“I’m doing this thing” She waved her parchment in response to his question. “Due tomorrow.” She sighed, rubbing her hand through her hair, please go away she added in her head. It was that time of the month, times two, and her mental state could only be described by getting a roll of parchment, dipping a knife in ink and then repeatedly stabbing the sheet into shreds. Sometimes she wished that it was obvious to Sirius what she was suffering from, that he could just look at her and know all her problems. Otherwise she would have to tell him, which would make it official after thirteen long years of denial. Having promised herself to never be weak and never tell anyone, she wasn’t sure if she could ever bring herself to talk about her problems.

His grey eyes lit up as he looked at her and she sent him a fierce glare.

“Need any help?” Remus asked enthusiastically. Immediately, the black cloud choking Elise cleared. She felt the sickness drain enough for her to smile sweetly at him.

Not from you, you’re too distracting for words, she responded in her head. Say no, she urged herself.

“A little.” She replied.

Why did you say that?

Sirius’ eyes lit up. “Well” He began, his glee only growing as Elise desperately shook her head. “Why don’t you help her Remus, I suddenly feel reaaaaaaalllllyyyy tiiiiiiirrrrrreeeeddddd.” Sirius made the fakest yawn imaginable. With a wink, he ran off, presumably to find James. His long dark hair was flowing behind him gracefully. He disappeared out the portrait hole, leaving behind a confused Remus and a furious Elise.

“Okay” Remus stated, turning to sit with Elise.

She couldn’t help but notice that they were the only two in the room, and how he chose to sit right next to her. She could feel the warmth radiating off him and smell the chocolate bar in his pocket, and Elise felt her flustered state returning.

The fire was crackling gently and wind whispered against the windows. The moon was a mere white orb in the streaky indigo sky. The amber sunset glow was shrouded by thick rolling rainclouds. Droplets of rain pattered steadily against the glass.

Drowsiness swept over Elise as she reached for her quill. The urge to snuggle up to Remus as he piled cushions around himself was uncontrollable. She felt butterflies flutter inside her. There was just something about Remus that she found adorable. He had always been so kind to her and seemed genuinely happy to see her whenever they met. He was gentle, sweet and loving, and she loved it when he would giggle to himself as he read his books. Sometimes he even shared his chocolate with her, and she loved how he would watch her nervously, making sure that she liked it.

Glancing at the clock, she noticed that it was only ten to nine, and her heart lurched in terror, reminding her of what she needed to do, but another wave of weariness crashed over her. She yawned widely.

“You don’t have to help me. I think I might go up.” She yawned again.

“It’s fine, you only have half a question left.” He pointed to her parchment. He budged up closer, fidgeting as he sat so close. He looked slightly nervous as her scratched the back of his neck. “What’s it on?”

Oh shit, Elise thought.

“Spotting a werewolf.” She mumbled, suddenly finding the ceiling very interesting.

Even in the dim light, Remus paled. He shuffled back slightly, tugging at his collar.

Now’s your chance, she thought, tell him. She shuffled in her chair to face him. His eyes were wide and she noticed him suppressing a small shake in his hands. Her nerves were on fire as she opened her mouth, ready to tell him, but she stopped. The familiar doubts spread through her mind like a poison in her blood. Would he even want her? Was she even sure he was a werewolf? What if he wants nothing to do with other werewolves?

Each new thought was another seam as the needle of anxiety sewed her mouth shut.

She couldn’t do it. She needed to go, now.

Remus, despite being like her, was clever, popular and the cute crush of many in the year group. Elise, on the other hand, was an outcast. Her only friend was Sirius and even then she rarely hung out with him. Remus only knew her from class, outside of that she might as well be nothing to him.

Being a werewolf doesn’t make you special to him, she thought, you’ll just remind him of how fucked up the pair of you are.

Elise shook her head, rolling up her parchment. “You know what, I really don’t feel well. I can do this at breakfast.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus relax slightly. She heard a sigh of relief as she shuffled to her feet.

“Thank you anyway.” She stuttered as she bundled her stuff into her arms, still taking a great interest in her surrounding and refusing to meet his eyes.

“You’re welcome..?” He trailed off as she sped off. “Where are you going?” He called after her, disappointment lacing his voice as she flung open the portrait hole.

“I just need… air.” She yelled.

The portrait door slammed shut behind her. Remus sat, alone in the common room, feeling incredibly confused. He wondered whether he should follow her, yearning to be near her again, but thought it best to leave her some space. Something seemed off about her as she left the room, something he couldn’t put his finger on.

Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair whilst using the other hand to search for another bar of chocolate. He smiled with relief when he pulled out the large bar of Honeyduke’s finest. Biting into it, he thought more about Elise. There was something that drew him to her, like a moth to a flame, but he had no idea why. Maybe it was how she was one of the only girls who he could make laugh. Or maybe it was the way her face glowed like burning embers when she got embarrassed. She was timid and sweet, but there was something lost about her, something that he felt he needed to fix but he didn’t know how to.

He sat for a long time in deep thought. Maybe you should try harder to get to know her, he thought. After all, Sirius seemed suspiciously keen to leave him alone with her. But it was hard, whenever he was alone with her his tongue tied itself into a thousand knots and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He barely knew the girl outside of lessons, how did was this even happening to him.

He picked up the mirror she’d dropped on the floor, gazing at his scarred reflection.

“Who are you, Elise Summers?”

Part four

Links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Tag for @imalostredheadinablondeworld

I’m sorry @tooinlovewithfictionalpeople but this is the final part.

Remus Lupin x oc. Based off ‘You belong with me’ By Taylor Swift because I am unimaginative.

First attempt at proper romance stuff. Please don’t shoot me.

Remus dragged a chair to her bedside and took out his wand. Gently, he started tending to a scar on her arm. He glanced down at her. She was a mess – bleeding from the head and makeup smeared down her cheeks – and yet she was still beautiful. Remus thought about her bushy brown locks that he wanted to stroke so badly and the green in her hazel eyes that hypnotized him every day. He reminisced about how they snuggled up together – perfectly contempt in each other’s arms. Then there was the way she didn’t care about using half a pot of jam on one slice of toast, and how her eyes lit up when talking about her family, and – most importantly – the way she was the most gentle and caring girl he’d ever met.

She’d figured out Remus was a werewolf the last week of their first year – another thing about her, she was ridiculously smart. Instead of freaking out and running away, she only became closer. She started hanging out with him more, being there for him – even when she was going through her own difficulties. He’d start looking forward to seeing her skip into the great hall, feeling warmth spread inside of him.

He’d been in love with her for just over a year. It had started as a small crush, but developed into something uncontrollable. Panic had surged through him. He knew that she’d never want him, he was a freaking werewolf. When Harriet started approaching him and showing interest, he knew Sadie was just a fantasy – she’d had years to act but didn’t.

She didn’t want him.

It burnt like hellfire and he used Harriet to fill the black hole she left behind. Then Sadie stopped hanging around with them and that pretty much confirmed his nightmares.

Remus mentioned his worries to Harriet; his best friend was slipping away through his fingers. She told him to let her, for the sake of his feelings, she even said she’d try and help keep them apart, to help him feel better – and he believed her.

He couldn’t really remember the events of breakfast. Those five words destroyed him and he couldn’t really focus. He was just watching her storm off with ‘Remus is just a friend’ ringing in his ears.

Then there was the argument. She brought up Harriet and he snapped. He couldn’t even remember what he’d said. All he remembered was feeling his soul being sucked into the ground as he watched her run away.

Snapping back to reality, he noticed that he was done wiping the smeared makeup off her face, he moved the chair back to the foot of the bed, watching the covers rise and fall as Sadie breathed. 

Slowly, his mind ran off elsewhere, thinking about how many times he and Sadie had been alone – all those opportunities that he was too scared to take. He thought for hours, staring into space. He didn’t notice the orange glow of the sun peeking through the curtains. He didn’t notice the hushed shuffles of sleepy Gryffindors getting ready for the day ahead. He didn’t notice Sadie sat up, staring wide-eyed at him. He didn’t – wait WHAT?

Remus nearly toppled out of his seat. Sadie continued to stare with a panicked expression. There were heavy bags under her eyes and her hair was in danger of becoming a separate life form. She groaned and scratched her head, whimpering in pain. After wiping her eyes, she froze. She glanced back at Remus.

“I’m in your bed.” She said.

“Yes you are.” He replied.

Awkward silence.

“Did we…?” She asked.

“No. God no. No no no nono.” Remus answered. His face was becoming increasingly hot. His hands were suddenly becoming very sweaty and he wiped them hurriedly on his robes.

“Good.” She responded. He noticed that she looked relieved, but sounded disappointed. She took in her surroundings, smiling at the mess the boys had made, before noticing that Remus was still staring. “Um…” She began. “What happened?”

“Where did it end?” Remus asked. He fumbled with his robes, hoping that maybe, just maybe…

“I was trying to drag Lily off the stage before she did an encore of Bohemian Rhapsody.” She giggled at the memory, Remus felt his heart implode. Sadie grinned until she noticed Remus’ glum expression.

“What?” She snapped.

Remus flinched, clearly she remembered the argument. “Me and Harriet broke up.”

“Oh.” Sadie responded blankly, devoid of her usual burning compassion.

“That’s not why I’m sad.” Remus hurriedly added. “You were right, she didn’t care for me at all.”

“Oh?” Sadie perked up slightly, Remus couldn’t help but notice an ecstatic glimmer in her eyes. “How did you end it?”

“She made out with Theo Macmillan.” Remus was really was unsure of how to phrase his next sentence. Before he could say anything else, Sadie’s large dark eyes had saddened with pity. She shuffled over on the bed, patting the space created next to her.

Blushing, Remus slipped of the chair and climbed on next to her. Their backs were leant on the headboard and their legs were outstretched in front of them. Remus felt her lean her head on this shoulder. She tapped his feet with hers.

“Comfort cuddle?” She suggested.

Remus nodded and he relaxed into her arms. They laid there, content, until Remus finally pushed himself to bring up the previous night. Just tell her, he thought, how bad can it go?

He calmed the butterflies in his stomach. Go on, tell her, he urged himself.

“Some first years are calling you sass queen Sadie.” He blurted. In his mind, Remus had carefully chosen a very different sentence, however he got flustered at the last minute and the completely meaningless words tumbled from his mouth.

Sadie cringed. “How so?”

“You and Harriet had a fight.” He stated, his eyes wide and timid as he waited for her to react. She merely raised an eyebrow. Truth be told, Sadie was only half listening, her mind was racing – Remus is single and he’s sitting with me on his bed and we’re cuddling I don’t think my heart can take this oh my god.

“Go on.” She pressed, curiosity distracting her from her aching head.

“You said something along the lines of her having the IQ of a maggot and that she was nothing without this school. Then you tackled her.”

“Mm-hm.” She bit her lip to try not to laugh at the scene she was picturing. Remus smiled down at her, screaming internally at how cute she was when she did that. He resisted the urge to tackle her into a bear hug.

“Then you…” Remus stopped, reaching up to scratch his neck. He’d never felt more flustered to being alone room with a girl before. Sadie was leant right next to him, he could feel her move as she breathed. His own heart was pounding in his ears, he felt his hands growing clammy. “Thenyouclaimedmeasyourownandsaidyou’dalwayslovedme” He stammered.

Sadie pulled back, growing pale. She had already figured out what she’d done but she needed to be sure. “I’m gonna need that again.”

“You claimed me as your own and said you’d always loved me.” Remus repeated, his throat tightening.

Sadie nodded slowly, feeling the blood draining from her face. She bit her lip. “I’m so sorry, that must have been awkward. I didn’t try to..?” Sadie was beginning to freak out, her secret was exposed.

Remus nodded hesitantly and Sadie sighed, covering her face with her hands, wishing that she could just go back to sleep and wake up in her own dormitory - the previous day could just be some crazy dream. “Remus I am so sorry.” She groaned.

“I’m not” He mumbled, unsure if she would hear him.

She did. She glanced up sharply. Lupin smiled shyly as she gazed at his face. Her eyes were searching his; desperate for confirmation he did just say that. Sadie felt her pulse raise, her whole arm was shaking as she placed a palm on his cheek.

“You mean it?” She asked, her voice trembling. “Remus the whole reason I was isolating myself from you because seeing you with Harriet hurt so much I felt sick. I couldn’t watch you hold her the way I wanted you to hold me and kiss her on the cheek and tell her everything I dreamed about you saying to me. Seeing her make you sad made me devastated but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you because I thought that you didn’t want me.

I had all the time in the world to tell you my feelings but I never noticed them because just having you close kept me happy. I didn’t know I needed more until she came down those stairs in those heels and took your hand in hers. I started doubting myself because why would you want me when you can have the most beautiful girl in the school”

Sadie could feel her eyes burning. “Please, I don’t want to be some desperate rebound after Harriet. Prove to me you mean it.”

“Sadie Carla Jackson.” Remus began. “I love that you are the most compassionate and considerate person I have ever met. You found out I was a werewolf - a monster -  and that only made you more desperate to help me. I love the way you play with your hair when you read a book you like. I love the way you borrow my jumpers and then act like the holes you chewed have always been there. Your smile is brighter that the sun and your eyes sparkle when you’re happy and it’s so adorable.

I got with Harriet because I thought that you didn’t want me. I was so stupid to think that you would approach me first but I was too nervous to ask you myself. I was so scared that I would end up alone that I took the first chance I got at a relationship, even when it was someone so hideous on the inside. Then when you started avoiding us I realised that I had never been alone, I’d always had you, but I was too late. I’d trapped myself with her - the most beautiful girl in the school and i’d thrown her away for the bitch with the ugliest soul imaginable.

So when you told Harriet that I was yours, I never felt happier in my life. I want to be yours, Sadie. You make me happy, I need your smile and your hugs and your jumpers. I need you, even if you do fold the pages over instead of using a bookmark.” He finished with a gentle smile.

Sadie had frozen in shock. Slowly, her arm wrapped around Remus’ neck and pulled him nearer. They were so close they were practically merged into one being. Sadie could smell the sweet chocolate on his breath and see every detail in his scars. She traced over the deepest white slash with her thumb.

“I believe you.” She whispered and then she kissed him. Her eyes slid closed as he reciprocated, deepening the kiss. Butterflies exploded in her stomach. At that moment, she finally realised what it truly meant to feel alive. Warmth spread through her heart as their lips danced. She wrapped around him tighter, clinging onto him – he was her life source.

Remus did the same, pulling her into his arms and never wanting to let go. In that moment, he felt free – free of Harriet, free of his worries, free of his lycanthropy. In that moment, Sadie was all that mattered to him. He could taste chocolate, honey and her sweet strawberry lip balm. He could smell her coconut shampoo and the jumpers she ‘borrowed’ off her mum. He clung on tighter, he didn’t just want her, he needed her, he loved her.

Eventually, they broke off panting. They still clung on desperately to each other, the other was their own personal heaven, and if they let go they would fall back down to earth.

Sadie buried her face in Remus’ neck, kissing him softly. She felt all the months of yearning being unleashed, she couldn’t let him go, she couldn’t lose him again.

“I love you.” She mumbled into his shirt.

Remus smiled. “I love you too”

Part three. Nearly finished, stay with me.

Tag for @imalostredheadinablondeworld

Part one is here, part two is here.

If you’ve reached part three, you probably already know what’s going on.

Language and underage drinking. I’ve never written actual romance or angst before so this could go terribly. I don’t know what i’m doing 😱😱😱.

Sadie thought about storming straight to her dormitory, but remembered the quidditch final. Gryffindor versus Slytherin, match of the century, the common room would be barren. She had no strong feelings for the sport either way, but since Harriet was a chaser, there was no chance she’d be watching.

She sat, doodling in her diary. What was once a book with detailed descriptions for each day was now littered with aimless doodles and wistful sentences centered on Remus' hair. At the beginning of what is now fast becoming a nervous breakdown, this didn't seem weird at all, but due to their lack of contact in the recent months, it more closely resembled stalkerish obsession.

She continued to trace over a sketch of Remus she’d done. She wasn’t one to boast but this was probably the closest she would ever get to a work of art.

As she drew, she felt her subconscious nagging her. It was something about hearing the portrait door swing open. Or maybe it was about the the shadowy figure edging towards her.

With a squeak, she slammed her book shut. Remus stopped in his tracks. His eyes were wide like a startled deer. He hugged a large leather bound book to his chest. Her mind was probably playing tricks on her out of hope, but she could have sworn she saw a blush.

"Um... Sorry" He stammered. She bit her lip trying not to squeal at how adorable it was as he fumbled for the right words. "I was just hoping to join you. Sport's not really my thing." He nodded to his book hopefully.

She smiled warmly. "Sure." She nodded to the sofa which was irritatingly far away from her armchair.

He grinned and hopped onto the cushions. They both sat quietly, with Sadie stealing glances every other second, waiting for him to bring up breakfast.

After some time, she kept hearing Remus giggle softly to himself, a sound which she couldn't help but smile at. She watched him laughing to himself, for the first time in months that twinkle had returned to his eye.

"What?" She asked, grinning. He looked up, startled, as though he forgot she were there.

"There's just this quite funny bit. It doesn’t matter, you probably won't find it that good" He mumbled.

She shuffled in her armchair and patted to the space she had created. "Show me"

His eyes widened for a moment, before he stood and made his way over to the chair. He wedged himself in next to her and the pair of them were practically in each other’s arms. They both sat, content, reading together – something Sadie knew for a fact he and Harriet had never did. She thought about every time they’d hung out, shared books, music, clothes and food – each an action she did far more often with Remus than any other friend. In a snap, she suddenly realized that her feelings had been around for a lot longer than she thought– way before Harriet snatched him. Surely he’d noticed at some point?

So why had he chosen Harriet?

He doesn’t want you.

Why would he?

She pushed the thoughts deep down in her mind, returning back to the book until she heard roaring cheers in the distance.

“Someone’s scored.” Remus mumbled, smiling at her.

For once, she didn’t return the smile. “Probably Princess Wilde.” She muttered.

Remus shifted, taken aback by her sudden change of attitude. He looked into her eyes, which were firmly fixed on his book. He sighed.

“Look, if this is about this morning-”

“It isn’t”

“- I really have no clue what went down between you two-”

“That helps.”

“-but please could you try to get along-”

“Fat chance”

“-I really appreciate your company.”

“Wow, thanks” She sneered.

He was tugging at his collar now, clearly getting frustrated. He placed the book on the table and stood up, pushing her up as he did so. Whether he intended to, she wasn’t sure.

“Listen, I don’t know what has been up with you lately but you don’t have to take out your problems on other people.” He said, his tone stern.

“Since when did I have problems?” Sadie mocked his word choice by making quotation marks with her fingers. She’d been in a bad mood for a while now, this morning had worsened it drastically. All she wanted now was for Remus to go away; she really didn’t want to talk at all.

He blinked, taken aback. “Since you stopped hanging around with us, since you’ve been losing sleep, since you’ve been failing you’re classes… ooh, hang on, how about since you barely eat your breakfast anymore.” His voice was growing louder by the second, his face was becoming flushed.

“Now you notice.” She yelled. He flinched. “That’s pretty much my normal routine at this rate Remus. Interesting you bring it up after - oh, I don’t know – half a fucking year.” She fought back tears. “I guess you only care about your beautiful Harriet.”

A dark look flashed in his eyes, reminiscent of the wolf Sadie pretended that she wasn’t afraid of. “Am I not allowed to care about both, Sadie? Yes, I’ve been with Harriet because I love her but you’re worrying me, you’re my friend” – She cringed and he noticed , fury flashed in his eyes – “What? Am I not allowed to love someone? Is that it? I thought you knew how much I want to just have a normal relationship.” He raged.

“But with her, Remus. Don’t you think I’ve noticed how she doesn’t let you be herself, or how you don’t smile like you used to. She’s using you and you know it. There’s not a chance in hell she loves you and I doubt you feel much more.” Sadie pleaded desperately.

For a second, she worried that he might blast her with a spell. His hands were shaking, his wand held tight in his fist.

“I love her. Besides, it’s not like I have much choice, name anyone who could actually love me, let alone stay when they find out the truth. Name one single person.” His voice shook.

Her heart was tearing at itself, a weight plummeting in her stomach. Part of her wanted to slap him in his stupid face, another part wanted to kiss him with all the passion she had in her body. “Do you really need telling?” She whispered, thinking back to how he possibly could think that she didn’t love him.

“YES.” He half-screamed.

Before she could respond, the portrait door was flung open. First years hurtled into the room, giggling giddily with excitement. She could hear the rowdy chants and cheers echoing down the corridor. It wouldn’t take long for James, Sirius and Lily to arrive and instantly spot her foul mood. She turned on her heels and stormed up the staircase. If Remus did call after her, it was drowned out by the cheering. Sadie could still hear the cheering from her room. She buried her head beneath her pillow. If there was any place she couldn’t be in right now, it was a Gryffindor party.

It had reached 10pm and the music was showing no sign of stopping. From what Sadie could hear, someone had started a karaoke and she was forced to endure endless piss-heads wailing into their wands as others cheered.

Maybe a drink can’t hurt, she thought, knowing that she had no chance of falling asleep. She crept to the cupboard to find the closest to party clothes she had– a black denim skirt and a cropped midnight blue jumper with a glowing white wolf (she really needed to go out more). After some hesitation, she applied a light layer of make-up, choosing a colour that made the green in her hazel eyes stand out beautifully. Admiring her reflection, she was beginning to feel confident in her appearance. She’d never worn makeup or flattering clothing; she aimed to lower everyone’s expectations of her appearance so much that just changing her hair for once would get people’s attention – that way she didn’t have to put any effort into her looks.

She skipped downstairs in a pair of heels that she’d charmed to make the glitter swirl and dance like shooting stars. As she stepped off the stairs, she immediately bumped into Lily.

“Sadie! I didn’t think you did parties.” She teased. Her hair was curled and her green eyes looked more beautiful than they already did. “I... Wow, you look amazing.” She marvelled in excitement.

“I could say the same.” Sadie responded, gesturing to Lily’s adorable gold dress. She bit her lip, if only she wasn’t infatuated with Remus and Lily wasn’t taken by James. Girls are so much less frustrating.

Lily grabbed her arm in a firm grip. “The boys need to see you, you’re a stunner.” She exclaimed, pulling her over towards a very drunk Sirius being supported by and even more drunk James.

“I’d really rather not.” She mumbled, trying to pull away.

She giggled, noticing their state. “Yeah, best not. Why don’t we find Remus?” She nudged her and flashed a cheeky wink.

Sadie glared at her. “No.” She hissed. Lily’s smile wavered, but not for long. She pulled her aside to the table of fire whiskey shots.

“If there’s anything that you need for boy troubles, it’s a small break every once in a while.” She handed her two shots.

“Yes. A break that I will neither remember nor want to relive. What a smart idea, I see why you’re always in charge.” She muttered, ignoring how tempting the glowing orange drink was in her fingers. She felt the regret seeping in and a drink hadn’t even touched her lips. She turned to Lily. “If it’s all the same, I might go back up.”

An hour later, Sadie was completely hammered. Lily was laughing to herself; she always had been a happy drunk. Sadie was the type of drunk to make stupid decisions. She stumbled past a passed out fourth year to get another shot. Before she could reach it, a girl slammed a boy into the wall in front of her, the pair blocking her path as they sucked each other’s faces.

She tapped the girl on the shoulder. “Excuse me?” She slurred, but they continued snogging. “I really don’t advise lips as a nutritious diet. I think its cannibalism or something.” She pressed, growing impatient. “Also can you move?”

They ignored her, the boy flipping the blonde over so she was pressed up against the stone. Sadie recognised him as the boy who sat behind her in DADA. Ordinarily, she would have known his name but her coherent thoughts had gone skipping off elsewhere.

“OI. Squid faces. Budge over fuckers, you’re blocking the path.” That was a language choice she’d regret later. The boy pushed off the girl and she stepped up to Sadie, her stilettos giving her a clear height advantage.

“What did you just say to me, bitch?”

It was Harriet.

“Yay” Sadie squeaked, doing a mini celebration that she finally had Remus to herself-

Harriet’s palm connected with her cheek. Despite Harriet rarely doing any or her dirty work, the slap still stung like a bee sting. Unfortunately for her, Sadie was pissed, very pissed.

“You know.” Sadie paused as she tripped over her foot to reach for another bottle. “You really are an air-headed hoe with the IQ of a maggot and the common sense of a dung beetle.” She snapped. The sudden outburst drew a slow clap from Lily and a fierce snarl from Harriet.

“Yeah, sure, you may look pretty, but this is one school in one country. There are thousands more all with people exactly like you.” Sadie paused to take a swig of her firewhiskey. I really ought to put this down, she thought, as she had begun to slur her words and punctuate her sentences with exaggerated hand gestures.

“You’re all the same... the same...preening...” Sadie lost her train of thoughts.

“Bitches” Lily provided, pointing finger guns at Sadie.

“Yes... that.” Sadie pointed at Harriet whilst supporting herself, almost comically, on a random second year. “The same bitches who think they’re goddesses but don’t have the personality to match. As soon as we leave this school, what are you? Your kingdom will fall and you’ll have no one to bully but yourself and the desperate wannabe’s who stalk you 24/7. Then you’ll see yourself for what you truly are - empty. You’ll have nothing. You” Sadie stumbled forwards, jabbing Harriet in the chest with her finger. “are nothing. You don’t scare me.”

Harriet scowled at her, stepping forwards. Their noses were almost touching. Sadie could smell alcohol, but couldn’t tell if it was her breath or the blonde’s in front of her. In the corner of her eye, she could see a circle of third years gathering around them. If one of them started chanting ‘fight’, Sadie feared that she might just lose her shit.

Harriet took her distraction as an opportunity to pull hard on Sadie’s ringlets, yanking her face into the stone wall.

Sadie winced as blood pooled on her tongue. She pushed herself up and lunged at Harriet’s waist. They flew backwards, Harriet’s head colliding against the table with a crack. She yelled and rolled onto her back whilst Sadie regained her balance.

“What’s going on?” A soft voice interrupted.

Sadie gave a lopsided smile towards the voice she knew so well, only for it to collapse into a frown when Harriet pushed ahead of her.

“Remus!” Harriet gave a false gasp and hobbled forwards to grab his arm. She hissed in pain as he hugged her. Sadie noticed Harriet flip the bird at her, winking, before pretending to wince in agony once more.

Sadie was having none of it. Fury boiled in her veins. Seething, she pounced forwards at Harriet and pulled her backwards, sending all three of them crashing to the ground.

With all her effort, Sadie sent Harriet sprawling away. She perched between the girl she loathed and the boy she adored, shielding him from her.

“Don’t touch my Remus you cow.” Sadie hissed, wrapping her arms around the confused werewolf.

“YOUR Remus?” Laughter spurted from her lips. “Honey, who is it who is actually, you know, in love with him? And who he loves back?” She simpered, giving a dramatic bow as her pet harpies let out shrieking laughter.

“Really? News to me.” Smirked Sadie as she raised an eyebrow. Following her gaze, everyone turned to see the boy from earlier. Shimmering red smears were smothering his face and neck, the exact same shade as Harriet’s lip gloss. Sadie wrapped an arm around Remus and pulled him closer. He yelped in surprise.

“Like I said, MY boyfriend.” Sadie beamed at her. She gave a tiny wave at Harriet’s enraged glare. “You can begone now. It looked like you two-” She glanced with amusement between her and the boy. “- were getting somewhere.”

There were several seconds of stunned silence. Slowly, the crowd dissipated. Harriet didn’t move. She watched Remus with a shark-like, dead stare that he returned. With a scowl, she brushed herself off and dragged the unknown boy to her room.

“HA!” Sadie jumped to the air. She snapped finger guns at the door. “TAKE THAT BITCH. HE’S FINALLY MINE! WOO!”

Sadie started dancing as the marauders stared between her and an increasingly awkward Remus.

“What happened to you two having a fight?” Sirius murmured to Remus, surprisingly sober considering earlier events.

“I don’t…” Remus trailed off. Sadie had latched onto him and was swaying with the music. He didn’t move until he felt a wetness spreading down his jumper. Panicking, he moved to wipe his jumper, thinking she’d vomited, until he saw her tearful eyes.

“Hey. What’s wrong?” He steadied her with his arms. Her euphoria combined with countless shots of fire whiskey had made her incredibly drunk.

“I just… I really love you. I’ve always loved you.” She paused to wipe her nose. “And seeing you with Harriet… she’s poison, Remus. I didn’t understand my feelings so I couldn’t be around you, it hurt. But you don’t want me, ‘coz why choose you… Wait… why you choose” Sadie hiccupped, then roughly pressed a finger to Remus’ lips. “I got this… Why…” She stopped, staring at Remus’ eyes. She felt herself being sucked in. She leant forwards, tilting her out towards Remus’… just one inch to go...

Remus jumped backwards. “Woah, Okay, I think you’ve had enough.” He caught her as she fell forwards.

Her eyes welled with tears. “You don’t want me.” She sniffed. “Please, I love you.” She begged, tugging at his sleeve.

Remus felt his awkwardness take over. Part of him desperately wanted to kiss her, but a more sensible half knew that it was the alcohol talking. He berated himself for even considering taking advantage of Sadie in this state.

“Come on, let’s get you up to bed.” He said, picking her up, bridal style and carrying her up the stairs.

“Remus… boys…stairs…” She mumbled, her eyes drooping as he felt her going limp.

“Sade, you are in no state to climb up the girls stairs.” Remus cautioned her, ‘and I want to keep you close by and safe.’ He added in his head.

“Lil…”

“Is occupied.” He said, thinking back to how he left her and Sirius to try and keep James under control. James drunk was a very bad idea.

Finally arriving, Remus nudged the door open with his foot and carefully placed her down on a bed. Quickly, he wrapped her in a blanket and went to get his wand. He tried not to think about how adorable she looked snuggled in his bed with her hair splayed on his pillow.

“Smells like…you.” Sadie giggled, pulling the blanket closer. “Where’re you gonna sleeeeep?”

“You need it more.” He replied. “Besides, you know me, I’m a night owl,” ‘and you look really cute right now.’

“My...wolf” She smiled, struggling to keep her eyes open. “Love…you” She whispered. Her eyes flickered shut and within seconds she was snoring softly.

Part 2. 

Tag for @imalostredheadinablondeworld

Potential link to part 1 here. I’ve never done a link before so this might not work.

Young Remus Lupin imagine kind of based off ‘You belong with me’  by Taylor Swift. I think i can actually condense this into 4 or 5 parts rather than 6 or 7.

Thanks again to @tooinlovewithfictionalpeople for encouraging me to post this. This is my first Tumblr Fanfic.

Slight language warning

The nightmare lasted three weeks.

In the beginning, each morning Sadie would come down to breakfast to the same scene. James would be snuggling up to Lily as she stared blankly forwards. Sirius would be lounging dramatically as he gossiped to James. Peter would be doing last minute homework as he nibbled on his toast. Then there would be Remus, huddled with his hot chocolate as Harriet jabbered on about herself on his lap.

She used to run right up to them and join them for some last minute toast (she had a habit of getting up five minutes before breakfast ended) but since Remus started going out with her, she slowly began to edge away from them. Harriet’s gang of followers had started to fill the empty space, giving her an even bigger reason to leave. None of them seemed to notice her withdrawing. Each of the five was always preoccupied with something else.

Eventually, she got up well before they did and ate with the Hufflepuffs, finishing her food with enough time to run back to her dorm and avoid them entirely. She attempted to make up for lost time by chatting to them more often in class. Even then, Harriet would still be there to ruin it. A typical conversation would go somewhere along these lines:

She would approach Remus, awkwardly playing with her robes. “Hey Remus, how are you?”

Remus would up and smile softly. “Hi, Sadie. I’m fine thanks.” He would then run his hands with his hair.

She would giggle, mentally cursing herself. “I was wondering if she’d want to hang out sometime in the library.” She’d ask hopefully.

Remus’ eyes would light up and he’d begin to nod.

Enter Harriet.

“Reemy” She’d drawl as Sadie cringed. “Come help me with my work.” She’d say, when she basically meant ‘do everything for me’.

“I was just talking to-” Remus would start to protest, his smile sliding off his face.

“Baby, please.” Then, without giving him a choice, she’d grab Remus’ arm and drag him away, giving her a knowing black glare as he shrugged apologetically. Sirius would roll his eyes next to her.

End scene.

After several attempts at conversation she gave up.

After further isolation, she found herself glancing towards them more often than usual. They were all joking just as much as they used to, but something just seemed off. Remus would be laughing along with them, but with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

That’s because he belongs with someone else, her brain piped up, like yo- FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY?

“MISS JACKSON”

She jumped, flailed, then toppled out of her seat.

Having scrambled to get back up, she were met with the eyes of the entire class and an infuriated Professor McGonagall.

“Yes miss?” She mumbled nervously, scratching the back of her head. She pointedly stared anywhere but her face, but found that even worse as she noticed the marauders barely containing their laughter.

“I am astounded” She seethed, her voice calm but trembling with suppressed rage. “In all my years of teaching, never have I heard such language in my class, let alone shouted as I was talking.”

Her face paled, her mouth falling into a small ‘o’. Whoops, her brain taunted.

“I didn’t intend to say that out loud, miss.” She sheepishly looked up at her, subconsciously starting to tear at her robes.

“Then you weren’t paying attention.” McGonagall snapped, getting all the more impatient and shocked. “You, my top student? Sadie I have no option but to give you a detention, stay behind after class.”

She hung her head, her cheeks pink, and slumped back in her seat. She glanced at the marauders and flashed a smile they all returned. She couldn’t help but notice how Remus’ beam was a little dead eyed and forced.

During detention, she had a lot of time to think - primarily about Remus. Maybe if she just ignored them, her not-crush thing would simply dissipate. Or, her brain added, wait until Harriet leaves him and then you two can live happily ever after.

She clenched her fist and slammed her head on to the desk. She really hated her mind. Maybe if she hit her head hard enough she’d stop thinking altogether.

“Sadie” A stern voice echoed across the room.

She blearily raised her head from the desk. She was meant to be writing lines, but somehow the page was filled with senseless squiggles. Rubbing her aching eyes, she heard the snaps of McGonagall’s heels coming closer. When she lowered her hands, McGonagall had drawn up a chair and sat down in front of her. This time, her gaze was less furious and more motherly.

“I have been a teacher for many years, Sadie, and I’ve seen many students go off the rails. But very rare is it that my most well behaved start failing papers, lose concentration and shout profanities mid lesson.” She raised an eyebrow at her and she squirmed uncomfortably. “There’s always a reason behind such behaviours, is something troubling you?” She asked.

She sighed. “There’s just a lot on my mind right now.”

McGonagall raised her eyebrow higher than Sadie thought possible.

“You know, stuff, people, there’s nothing deadly serious. I’m not…” She flapped her hands, in some way hoping that she could convey her thoughts through what was borderline interpretive dance.

McGonagall smiled and nodded in understanding. “Ah, something is stirring up strange emotions.”

“Yes.” She nodded eagerly, thank goodness she got it.

“Or perhaps another student?” She added with a slight smirk.

She knew. Of course she knew. When doesn’t she know?

“Don’t worry professor. I’ll have it sorted, I promise.” She beamed as she waved her out of the class. Upon exiting, she noticed Sirius flouncing nearby in the corridor as she left. Remus was sighing exasperatedly with his hand across his face.

Right, she thought, Sirius hasn’t been eavesdropping at all. She frowned, wondering what his intentions were. She’d always been close and he had this uncanny ability to tell exactly what she were thinking about at all times.

He turned and noticed her, acting so melodramatically shocked she wondered if he was taking the piss.

“Oh good heavens, Sadie! What a surprise!” He flung his arm across his forehead like he was in a Shakespeare play. “Why don’t you walk with us on this fine evening?” He finished with a flourish, ignoring Remus groaning behind him.

She bit back a smile. Clearly this boy had never heard of the words ‘act natural’. “Can’t. Homework.” She responded.

He grinned with a look that clearly said ‘I know your darkest secrets’. “Ok, see you around, my fine friend.”

She waved goodbye to the pair, feeling the pang of guilt that this was the beginning of her very meticulously planned and definitely well thought out plan to avoid four of her closest friends.

However, she was useless at sticking to any plan, and this one was no exception. A few weeks later, she overslept badly. She woke up on a Saturday dazed with just over an hour until breakfast ended. Her hair was a frizzy mess and in dire need of washing. By the time she dragged herself down to breakfast, there was only fifteen minutes to go and the hall was swarming with students. She glanced across the tables, realizing with a sickening jolt that the only space left was in between Sirius and Peter, right across from Remus and his beloved Harriet.

She sidled awkwardly into the gap, slipping her hand across Peter’s textbook to grab the jam and praying that they were too busy to notice her.

“Oh hello Sadie” Peter piped up with a mouthful of toast.

For once, she cursed Peter for being so sweet and quirky. He’d glanced up from a rushed overdue essay with a small smile.

Sirius stopped talking to James, who was too busy nuzzling Lily’s arm to notice. He looked at her with an odd glare.

“Nice to finally see you again, Sadie.” He sat up and folded his arms, raising an eyebrow as he took in her sleep deprived, dishevelled appearance.

“I’ve been having issues.” She tried to explain, nibbling on a croissant that she suddenly decided she couldn’t eat. The food seemed to stick in her throat.

Sirius’ frown softened. Truth be told, she hadn’t kept her promise to McGonagall. She found herself getting more and more sick with worry over Harriet’s controlling nature over Remus. Concentration became even more of a struggle that ever, sleep and schoolwork was going down the drain. All this over a boy? What’s happened to you? She thought.

It was clear as day something was up, Sirius had a sixth sense for his friends emotions.

“Why don’t you join us for Hogsmeade today, before the quidditch final? I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages” He dragged out the ‘ages’ as he took a large bite out of a muffin.

She were about to agree, but then remembered that by ‘us’ that included Harriet and her harpies.

“I have some essays to catch up on.” She mumbled, not meeting his eyes. Strictly speaking, this wasn’t a lie, she’d been ignoring a lot of her essays for weeks and they’d been piling up drastically. However, she had no intention of completing them.

Sirius saw right through her bullshit. “Why don’t you hang out with us anymore, do you hate us or something? You’ve been ignoring all of us for weeks.” He snapped.

All eyes turned to her and she fidgeted in her seat. She could feel their glares on her skin, prying at her for her secrets. There was a long pause. Anticipation hung in the air.

“Because of me.” A smug voice piped up from the swarm of preening bitches. Sadie flinched.

“You don’t like me at all” She drawled, in a silky tone. Harriet had propped herself up, a perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised at her and a subtle sneer on her cherry lips.

The other four glanced between both their faces; their hostility towards each other was evident.

“No.” Sadie mimicked her smooth breathy tone. “I guess not”

Her cold voice surprised the others, unused to seeing her seethe with rage whilst remaining eerily calm. Sirius looked mildly amused, Peter was eagerly hanging of each word and James was too busy playing with Lily’s hair. Remus, on the other hand, was pale and his eyes kept flitting between the two of them.

“Why?” Harriet simpered. “You’re the one who stopped hanging round them sweetie, why wouldn’t any of them pick me over you. Are you jealous?”

Warmth crept up Sadie’s neck but she supressed the flush. She steadied her breathing and unclenched her fists. “Remus is just a friend.” She responded with gritted teeth.

Harriet burst into those bubbly giggles Sadie found so grating. She flashed a pitiful smile as though Sadie was a dog about to be euthanized. “Did I say Remus?” She simpered, running a finger along Lupin’s jawline. “I thought I was talking about all of your friends.”

Numbness spread through Sadie as she realised in horror what she’d done. She noticed the shuffles beside her but couldn’t bring herself to look at them. If she did, she felt she’d probably sink into a deep pit of regret.

“My my.” She breathed. “You really are jealous.”

She grasped her chin with her pointed nails and tilted her face up to look at her.

Sadie slapped her hand away. “At least I’m not a slag” She spat, never breaking eye contact as she grabbed her bag and leapt to her feet. “See you, sweetie” She hissed, before turning and marching out the hall, leaving the others to sit there and mull over what the heck just happened

Young Remus Lupin x oc

First of about 6 or 7 parts.

Kind of based off ‘You belong with me’ by Taylor Swift. This is my first Tumblr fic and my first attempt at romance, please don’t kill me. I wasn’t intending to post this but @tooinlovewithfictionalpeople told me to.

There were many things that bothered Sadie Jackson in life, like how none of her friends could appreciate her favourite songs, or how nobody she knew watched the best (in her opinion) TV shows around. She hated how she was too short to reach the honey dukes shelf with the best sweets on them; she especially hated how she could easily be jump scared, making her a favourite target of her two friends James Potter and Sirius Black. But nothing in the entire universe could grind her gears more than how utterly perfect Harriet Wilde was made out to be.

Tall, willowy, athletic and stunningly beautiful, Harriet was the girl no one could beat. Her skin was smooth as a peach and her delicate nose was painted with adorable freckles. They complemented her dazzling sea green eyes, which were framed by long, thick lashes. Even her brows could not be faulted. She had the most luscious honey coloured hair, as soft as duck down. Each strand shimmered in golden waves in the sunlight, which cascaded like a waterfall down her gorgeous curves. Shorter strands would flutter across her rosy cheeks and plump lips as she giggled, showing off flawless snow white teeth. Even Sadie had to admit to staring at her, she was vivacious and irresistible, as perfect as a porcelain doll. It was impossible for Sadie’s eyes not to glide over her long, slender legs up to her alluring face.

Sadie wouldn’t say she was bad looking, with soft caramel skin and a wild tangle of untamed curls, but compared to Harriet, she felt like a complete troll.

Normally, one would hope that someone who seemed so charming and charismatic would have a soul just as pure, but alas, like many girls who were blessed with such beauty, Harriet had fallen into the trap of self-obsession. With a new boyfriend each week and a clique of backstabbing bitches at her side, she was less queen bee more like empress of the hornets. If she wanted something (or someone, for that matter) she would have it. She was the ruling immortal goddess and anyone else was just a filthy, hideous mortal – one of her stupidly fluffy rugs to strut across in her shimmering stilettos.

Despite her obvious smug sense of self superiority, none of the boys could see how ugly she was on the inside. She had puppets strings hooked to all their hearts and no matter what she did; they were all infatuated with her.

Even the faculty were wrapped around her little finger. Harriet had bullied Sadie, Lily and countless others, but one flutter of her thick eyelashes and all was forgiven – as far as the staff was concerned. She’d used blackmail, spread life destroying rumours and ordered her cronies to beat up any threats so that she could keep the blood of her pristine nails. Yet still, here she was: quidditch queen, prefect and golden girl of the school.

For everyone who could see through her bullshit, it was a surprise how she even made it into Gryffindor. Many suspected that her parents had pulled some strings, but it was clear that what was once a shy, sweet, little eleven year old had morphed into a completely different person, a character change so drastic that not even the sorting hat could have seen it coming.

Sadie had learned to stay away from her, which she had been doing very successfully. But then again, all good things must come to an end.

It was midwinter. Snow fluttered past the windows as a bitter wind whistled through the castle turrets. Sadie was resting sleepily in the Gryffindor common room as the so-called marauders flopped about doing God knows what on the opposite sofa. The fire was crackling lightly, just audible beneath the raucous of laughter emitting from their side of the room. With a book on her lap and a mug of pumpkin hot chocolate, Sadie curled her feet closer onto the chair she was wedged on. Behind her was a mountain of pillows, an immovable force to be reckoned with. Within a few weeks of her first year even the seventh years knew that the scruffy, weathered, mustard yellow armchair and its ragged red cushions were hers. If she wasn’t curled up like a cat, snoring softly on its well-loved pillows, she was snuggled deeply in the cushions with a fresh roll of parchment or a faded beloved book.

As the seconds passed, Sadie was growing all the more frustrated that she couldn’t concentrate on her novel. The marauders had been mucking about all evening. They may be her best friends but that didn’t stop them from being the most irritating lads she’d ever met, and that was saying something for a girl who had five older brothers. Sirius had missed James with a spell and ended up turning her hair fluorescent yellow with jet black streaks, and so she now had to look forward to explaining to McGonagall why, on the day of the Gryffindor quidditch match, her hair was dyed in the rival colours.

So, when the familiar snaps of preposterously tall heels echoed down the stairs, followed by a silky ‘hello baby’, she nearly screamed bloody murder right there and then.

As usual, Sadie ignored the vixen as she slinked across the room, swaying her hips in a clearly exaggerated fashion. She tried hard to focus on the page in front of her, but she found her mind wandering, her eyes blurred as she kept rereading the same few words again and again. Overcome with curiosity, she couldn’t help but peek at who she was talking to.

Typically, she would be focused on Sirius. She’d attempted many times to crush the heart of the notorious womanizer, but always found herself no match for the boy who stole girls hearts like a niffler in a jewellery shop.

When she glanced up, it was as she expected, she was making her way over to the marauders. Sirius had sat up, sweeping his dark hair out of his grey eyes as his all too familiar shit eating smirk flickered across his lips. However, instead of immediately trying to eat his face, she grasped a hand in hers – the hand of Remus Lupin.

Sadie let out a squeak of surprise which she quickly disguised as an unusual sneeze. The last person she could ever imagine going out with her was Remus. They were polar opposites. She was manipulative, bitchy, arrogant, demanding, cruel, noisy and short tempered – the list could go on forever. Remus, on the other hand, was funny, sweet, loyal, cute, calm, quiet, gentle, cute, nerdy, loving, cute, kind, cute, cute and – she paused her train of thoughts and took a deep breath, well aware of how she’d thought the word cute more times in ten seconds than she had in her entire life.

She thought to herself. You don’t have a crush, do you? If Harriet couldn’t catch her eye, then Remus definitely could, part of her thought. His hair was so fluffy she just wanted to run her fingers through it all day long. She could barely look at him in his hazel eyes for fear of getting lost forever. His scars were mesmerising. The way he nibbled delicately on his chocolate was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen, and it took a lot of will power not to snuggle up next to him in one of his woolly jumpers and cuddle him all night with hot chocolate and a new book.

No! She shouted in her head. The only people she had crushes on were her book characters, not really adorable, cuddly and cute werewo– STOP.

Her mind swirled for a moment. You do not have a crush on anyone, she thought, but looking at the couple almost made her retch. Maybe she just had a PDA problem? She glanced again at Harriet’s porcelain face, inches from his, and immediately feeling rage bubble inside her. White hot anger boiled in her veins as she watched Harriet slide into his lap, twirling a strand of her perfect hair as her lips ghosted over his cheek. How dare he go out with a supermegafoxyawsomehot girl who is clearly interested in him and not with plain, boring old Sadie despite her never showing any outward signs of attraction and spending considerably more time fake flirting with Sirius Black. How dare he.

She blinked. What was that thought? She asked herself. You don’t want to go out with him, do you? No, you don’t, she rationalised. You just want the best for Remus, and she will break his heart, whereas someone LIKE you wouldn’t. There you go: no attraction whatsoever. She relaxed and settled back down with her book.

After three seconds of her simpering giggles and Remus telling her what a great girlfriend she was, she surreptitiously snapped her book shut, crept out of her chair and tried to clamber up to her dorm without drawing any attention to her sudden departure. She just needed to think things through. The slight problem was that since she spent every evening reading until 2am in the chair and no one had ever seen her go up to her dorm, a sneaky getaway was impossible. She made about three steps before people started noticing that Sadie – the girl who lived in that ancient armchair – was actually setting foot on the staircase.

Ignoring the hushed whispers and Sirius’ knowing grin, she glided up the stairs and out of sight to her bed, hoping that she’d just wake up back in her chair and that this was all some very weird dream.

Harry: *Looks at cupboard one last time* I can't believe I used to live in that.

The Order: The fuck?

Harry: Whoops...

*stunned silence*

Ron: ARE YOU TELLING ME THEY MADE YOU SLEEP IN A CUPBOARD?

Hermione: HARRY THAT'S AWFUL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY?

Harry: Umm...

Fred & George: WE'LL GET THOSE DURSLEYS FOR YOU HARRY.

Arthur: WAIT TILL MOLLY HEARS ABOUT THIS.

Harry: Please no.

Kingsley: *Glares angrily* How old were you, Harry?

Harry: Uh...Eleven...maybe...

Tonks: *Hair turns red* CHILD CRUELTY

Remus: *Growls*

Moody: CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE PLAN BEFORE WE ALL GET MURDERED

*more silence*