cherished dreams

“It was a nice idea. I already had a red bow to tie around it’s neck so it would be a complete surprise.” Her gaze drifted to the cement chip he had kicked away from the two of them, repeating his words deep into her mind for a few moments. Of course, it was true. He would’ve spent hours and hours playing and cuddling the kitten, she would playfully pretend to be jealous and they would all end up curled up and happy, probably sleeping and waking up to the fur rubbing against her nose and making her sneeze. “Probably. My duplex was big enough for the two of us. But in reality I guess I would’ve taken anywhere.” It wasn’t a confession, because they knew it was true. She wasn’t ashamed of saying such things. Because he was already aware of them. He had taken it all with him.

Trust. It was the one thing that had fallen apart and took everything else with it. The moment Levi had left, he’d shattered the trust she had in him and there was nothing that would stay together after that. Even if he’d come back sooner, it would have been too late. Trust was hard to earn from someone and now Levi was facing the near impossible of getting the trust she had in him back. But hearing that she still thought he didn’t want to be with her made Levi upset. He didn’t want her to think that when he was ready to get down on his knees and beg her to take him back. Levi reached out, hands cupping either side of Ariella’s face and never wavering in his eye contact with her.

“In reality, you took a lot with you when you disappeared.” It was easy to feel the warmth coming from his body from where she stood, once he gave someone else space to move, her arm brushing against his as a small smile kept itself over her face. It was easy to pretend, like this. Pretend nothing had happened, pretend her heart hadn’t been broken by the person standing next to her. In this place, with the fall look around them and the scent of coffee invading her nostrils. It was nearly alright.

“No, I don’t mind at all, saves me the trouble.” Levi didn’t mind not having to bother calling for a cab, but that meant no distraction from what was going on in his head. He could so easily remember leaning over the small table in the corner to kiss the corner of Ariella’s mouth, his fingers finding her own to hold her hand while he talked on the phone, and how he’d always move the chair to be closer as possible. Levi glanced up when Ariella had her latte and muffin, the smallest of smiles appearing at seeing her usual. It had been their usual; the same thing every time they studied or one of them picked up coffee and muffins as a surprise. Nothing really did change.

The voice brought a familiar feeling, like the one of wrapping a scarf around your neck when winter comes around again, after a long summer. It was embracing, the nickname soft and ringing in her ears. A year before, she would’ve turned around and shower his face with little kisses - once he bent down, of course. But as she turned around to face him, his eyes weren’t anywhere near as soft as the ones she would be used to. He was rigid, uncomfortable. His expression was awkward and brought the usual flush of shame back to her cheeks, gaze shifting to the ground for a moment. He doesn’t want to be here.

Levi’s stomach was twisted in knots, tightening with every breath that he took. He tried to focus on Ariella, allowing everything else to blur and try to put it all behind him. He hated that he could come undone so easily just walking into a building, a place that used to be their place. When did he become lovesick? When did he becomes someone so absorbed in another person that he couldn’t stand to be without them? He knew when it happened, when it all started. It was right when Ariella came into his life.

[ @levi-teller ]

Of course, she had been worried about her friends. All of them. Her mind went through every single one. Every single face. It all got her stomach aching. She wished she had packed some pills with her this morning. But she knew she would probably end up asleep if she took them. What would people think if they found her passed out in the hall, sleeping soundly? It couldn’t be comfortable, but she knew it would probably be better than feeling what she did. All the emotions, all the thoughts. Mixed with what she had been going through with Levi. How he tucked her in that night, and made it feel like nothing had ever happened.

Levi chuckled with the weight still heavy on his chest. “You’re hardly crazy. You’re just doing something to make you feel better and there isn’t anything wrong with that. I’m pretty sure you could do just about a million other things that are crazier.”

“Interesting isn’t the word I’d use.” Poking her tongue into her cheek, Pearl painted on a wry smile and started heading down the muddied path. “You can shower at our place.” Crisp golden leaves crunched underneath her soles as she led them down a scenic shortcut out of the park. New York always gave Pearl wanderlust. Even the wafting newspapers from angry street vendors became somewhat charming. A tiny green figure caught Pearl’s eye as they meandered down the sidewalk. “I swear Homeless Joe leaves these around everywhere.” Snatching it up in one quick scoop, Pearl pocketed the limbless army man so she could toss it in with the bizarre collection her and Bradley kept back at their apartment. Set in a quaint location away from polluted skies and greasy fumes from hot dog carts, a cinnamon coloured building with deeply set alcoves and Parisian windows stood out a little higher than the rest. “Please don’t stroke my dog. He’s really weird and he hates everyone.” A jiggle of keys later and Pearl was leading Levi into their spacious apartment, washed out with afternoon sunlight and aromas of freshly ground coffee. “So, this is where we do our Satan worship,” she cooed, ducking her head into the living room to check for her insolent chihuahua. Monty was sprawled on his hunchback on the chaise lounge, stubby white legs too curled up for him to consider moving. A single snort was his way of acknowledging the intruder. “Anticlimactic,” Pearl hummed, a little bummed that he didn’t make a quick bid for Levi’s ankles the moment he strolled through the door. Pressing the small of her back against the black leather couch, Pearl let her gaze wander over the cuts and bruises working through his skin like an indigo constellation. "Who’d you piss off this time?”

( @levi-teller )

Since the lockdown had started, Levi had managed to keep himself together as best as he could. He’d gone in search of those he knew to try and make sure they were all in one piece and mentally okay. With the mass of students, he hadn’t found a single one of them yet and resorted to stopping by people who were panicking so he could help them out. Three times he’d managed to get someone to stop from having a breakdown and twice he’d stopped fights of dickheads who were being idiots. It became too much for him and he needed a break, searching for a place where there were little to no people.

Levi laughed, loud and cheerful. “Little Cindy? Damn, you went for gold with that one.” He moved to sit down on the bleachers and followed suit in leaning back. “That’s your own fault, man. Rule number one of a hangover, always take aspirin. I’m sure you can come get Cynthia to come and kiss it better,” Levi teased, making a kissy face at Killian.