LOVESTAY.

Tick, tick, tick.

That was the last you heard, the ticking sounds of the clock. But what you're hearing right now is the beeping sound.

Your eyes are too heavy but you keep on trying to open your eyes and see where you are.

Once you manage to lift your eyes a little, the lights blind you and you quickly shut them again.

You try to shield your eyes with your hand but no matter how much you tried, you feel like barely moving.

You slowly open your eyes again and close them for a second, it takes you a moment to adjust them to the lights and finally be able to look.

White. It's all white.

You're in an empty room and everything is white, you smell something through your nostrils, something sharp and clean.

You turn your head to the side and see where the beeping sound coming from, it's coming from a machine.

Disoriented and confused, the machine starts to beep to the same rhythm as your heartbeat and it's going faster and faster.

It seems to trigger the machine as it starts beeping rapidly, in a second someone comes into the room and rushes to you.

"You're good. You're alright. You're in the hospital," she softly speaks even though you didn't ask her anything but look at her all confused as she checks on your vital signs on the machine.

"Breathe.... in and out..." she orders you and practices it with you.

Somehow you're following her, taking deep breaths in and out until your heart beats back at its steady pace.

"I'll call for your mother, okay?" She says.

As you are alone in the room and lay on your bed, you try to recollect how you ended up in a hospital but nothing comes to your mind.

But you woke up with your heart aching so much that when you touch your cheeks, they are wet with tears.

If you have been sleeping, you would think it's just a dream that you'll eventually forget about at one point in the day 

But if it's just a dream then why it feels like you'll not dream again? If it's just a dream then why you're not glad to be awake? If it's just a dream then why do you want to stay asleep forever?

-

Here's what happened.

One day, your mother came to your apartment and couldn't wake you up, sent you to the hospital where you stayed in a deep state of prolonged unconsciousness, fails to respond normally to painful stimuli, and cannot be awakened for four months.

The doctor can't find the scientific explanation for it, you got scanned this morning and there's nothing wrong with your body. The simple way to put it is that your brain shut down all of a sudden and puts you into a comatose.

You've been in a coma for 16 weeks and 3 days to be exact, missed the whole winter, and woke up to the warm spring sun.

Strangely, it didn't feel that long for you, it feels like you just woke up from a dreamless sleep.

"Do you remember anything before you went to sleep that night?" The doctor asks.

You force your brain to remember anything from that night, but can't seem to recall anything but you remember going to bed to sleep.

"I remember going to sleep that night and nothing else," your honest answer disappointed you as well. It frustrates you how much you want to remember but you just can't.

"Any details you remember?"

You try to remember again but it's like searching for something that you know isn't there, pointless.

"I heard the sound of the ticking clock and after that... nothing."

Your mother squeezes your hand on the bed, she has been like that from the moment you gained consciousness. She never left your side even for a second and clings to you like the role is reversed, she's the toddler and you're the mother.

"Ticking of the clock?" The doctor asks with wrinkles on his forehead.

"Yes."

Disappointment is drawn on his face as he couldn't get the answers that satisfy his curiosity. Well, sorry doctor, you're just as baffled by the whole situation.

He caps his pen back and hands the file to the nurse next to him, "we need another day for observation and if nothing goes wrong, you can go home the next day," the doctor informs.

Your mom sighs in relief and squeezes your hand so tight, "that's good, honey!" 

It confuses you so much because she's giving you the brightest smile, oozing with pride when you've done nothing but wake up from your extremely long nap.

"Any questions?" The doctor asks.

You shake your head at him, "No, for now," you answer.

"Remember if you feel something, nausea or headache, let us know," he reminds you.

"Sure thing, doctor!"

"Thank you, doctor!" Your mother says before he leaves the room.

It seems like your mom can finally relax after hearing that. She can't stop smiling, she keeps looking at you and brushing your hair.

"You can go, mom," you tell her, noticing that she hasn't changed her clothes since last night.

"I'll go home after your father arrives," she says while tucking the blanket to the side of your body like she always did when you were a child.

"At least go have something, I haven't seen you eating anything since this morning," you insist.

Your mom softly chuckles. She didn't expect that you know she hasn't eaten anything.

You get why she acted like that, she regretted not being there when you got out of comatose and ultimately, she must be scared that you'll never wake up again.

Imagine trying to wake your daughter from her sleep but she doesn't wake up. That must have been traumatizing for her.

After a moment, she finally caved in, "want anything from the vending machine?"

"Mom, have a proper meal, please?" You complain and the role is still reversed now that you found yourself scolding her.

She slowly lets go of your hand and gets up from the chair, "I'll be back in a few minutes," she says.

"Take as much time as you want," you said.

"I'll be waiting," you added with a smile, reassuring her that this time you'll wake up to her call.

She hesitates for a while but your glare works to send her away, taking her cardigan with her as she leaves the room.

The sound of the door sliding open wakes you up from your nap and your head turns to see who's coming.

It's exciting to see someone else other than your mother despite the possibility that things will be awkward since you haven't been social for four months.

The nurse sheepishly smiles as she drags a cart with her, "I'm here to change the IV," she announces.

Your excitement fades a little and you let the nurse do her thing while you look out at the nice weather outside from your bed.

Another person comes into the room and you look to the side to see a familiar face.

"Minho!" You shout a little too loud that the nurse got startled.

"I'm sorry," you meekly mutter to her.

Minho comes to the side of your bed while carrying a bouquet in hand, "hey," he greets you with a soft smile on his face.

"Please, sit down," you gesture to him to sit on the empty chair next to your bed.

"This is for you," he hands you the bouquet of beautiful pink tulips.

You take it with a smile and gently put it on your lap, "thank you!"

He sits down on the chair and looks at you, "you look much better," he said.

Does that mean he visited you before? But you don't want to presume and wildly guess.

"I feel good, yeah, never been better," you say, already feeling awkward that you can't hold a conversation for more than ten seconds.

You could have so many things to talk about if you didn't skip four months of your life.

"How are you? How's work? Tell me everything," You ask while admiring the flowers on your lap.

"I'm good. I got promoted and that required me to move to another city," he answers.

You turn your head at him, slightly surprised by the news, "and you agree to move to another city?"

He nods, "I'll be leaving at the end of this month."

You got sad because you do remember the heartbreak and the fight and the canceled wedding but you hold nothing against him. You were hoping that you get to rebuild your friendship with him and start over.

It seems like you both need more time and space for that.

"Well, that's a good thing that you got promoted," you said with a smile.

"Thank you," he sincerely thanked you.

"We should meet again before you leave," you say to him and hold the flowers close to your nose to smell the floral scent.

He agrees with a small nod and a smile.

You put the flowers down and hold out your hand at him.

Minho looks at it, then places his hand on yours.

"We'll always be friends, Minho," you earnestly say and let him know that you put everything that had happened in the past.

It seems like Minho has been waiting for you to say that and release him from the guilt of breaking the bonds of your friendship.

It's like he has been holding his breath and can finally let it out in a long sigh, he closes his eyes and holds your hand in his, "thank you."

Your mom returns a few minutes after Minho left with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"I met Minho in the hallway," your mother says and sips her coffee.

"Did he comes by a lot?" You ask out of pure curiosity.

Your mom thinks for a second and beams, "I think that's his third visit," she answers.

So he did visit you before when you were still in your deep slumber.

Your mom takes the flowers from Minho and places them next to flowers sent from other people. They're mostly from relatives but it still surprises you that a lot of people care about your well-being to the point that they send you flowers.

"How do I get so many flowers?" You ask.

"That means you're loved, honey," your mom simply answers.

You wouldn't be that sure but it does feel nice to receive flowers.

There's a bouquet of red roses that catches your attention and you wonder who sent it.

"I don't remember receiving this," your mom says just as confused as you are.

"Can I take a look?"

Your mom hands you the roses and you inspect them to find any card or letter attached to them or anything that tells the identity of the sender.

"Nothing," you say with a disappointed pout.

The choice of flowers is what intrigued you because this is a hospital and you send red roses for lovers. For as long as you can remember, you don't have any flings or boyfriends, your love life is pretty much staying in a coma.

"Could it be that someone sends it to the wrong room?" Your mom asks.

You shrug and bring the flowers close to your nose, the distinctive smell of roses fills your nostrils. You smell it again with your eyes closed and something flashes by in your head.

You close your eyes again and try to retrieve what has just flashed by. A memory so distant you don't know if it's real or you made it up in your head, of a red rose and sunset, white sheet and rainy day, of thunder and warm skin, red locks slipping between your fingers and eyes that gleam in the dark, a sinister smile and then a whisper in your ear.

"Come here!"

-

It's not easy to act normal when you slipped away from civilization for four months.

But it's nice to come home and be in a space that you're greatly familiar with, sleep in your bed and drink from your favorite mug.

On the first night back in your apartment, you let your mom stay over with you because you learned that there's no way to put her mind at ease than giving her what he wanted.

There's a stack of letters on your kitchen counter and you definitely don't want to go into that yet.

"You got a call for you," your mom informs as she goes through the notes she has written on the sticky notes on the fridge.

"From who?"

"From the newspaper," she answers.

"Huh?"

"You don't remember?"

You do remember applying for a job but didn't know that they responded to it, "I do remember but I didn't know that they—" but your hope deflated knowing that you must have missed the chance.

"I missed the interview, didn't I?" You ask with your shoulders slumped.

Your mom smiles and hands you the sticky note, "I told them about your condition and they wanted you to contact them if you're still up for the interview," she explains.

"Are you serious?" You ask in disbelief.

She eagerly nods and holds you by the shoulder, "it sounds like they wanted to hire you so much that they are willing to wait for you," she convinces you.

It's a lot to process and you're having a hard time believing it, "Oh my God, I have to prepare myself for the interview," you suddenly got panic knowing that you have a lot to prepare.

Your mom squeezes your shoulder, "hey, you're still in recovery. Take it slow, okay? No need to rush it," she reminds you.

You agree with her, your priority, for now, is to fully recover and once you settled, you can finally live the life you desired.

It's only the beginning but you already feel excited about what awaits you in the future. It's like you've been given another chance at life, a clean slate.

The only appropriate response to a gift is gratefulness and you promise to never take things for granted ever again.

Your mom is fast asleep when you get on the bed next to her, she must be tired from spending the last few months sleeping in the hospital.

You find yourself wide awake and you reckon this comes from the fear of never waking up again, you plan on telling your mother about this issue first thing in the morning. It's time for you to stop keeping things from your mom anymore, you promised yourself that. 

But for now, you try to make yourself tired by finding something to read but what you found in your drawer is a necklace, a gold chain with a locket.

You open the locket to find a little clock with the glass cracked like someone has stepped on it and you figure that this is why you kept hearing the ticking sound, it must be coming from this locket.

You can't confirm that since the clock is dead, probably running out of battery but you keep it close to your chest, closing your eyes, and see if you can remember anything about it.

But instead of the ticking sound, you hear another whisper in your ear.

"Shh... just sleep!"

And just like that, you fall asleep.

-

It takes you a month to finally adjust yourself to a normal life and it consists of participating in what life offers you.

It took your mom a week to finally let you alone and sleep by yourself without calling every hour.

You go to therapy every Thursday afternoon to talk about your trauma of sleeping and you still can't sleep at night but you try not to pressure yourself, you know the process takes time.

When you believed you are prepared enough, you went to the job interview with confidence and left with a proud smile on your face, not worrying much about whether they will hire you or not.

As long as you've done your best, then there's no room left for regrets.

The next day, you got a call that you got hired and you can start working the next week. You can't be more grateful for it.

This Friday, you got invited for drinks with Kim. It's not a wise choice to start drinking again but it's not about if you can resist alcohol but how persistent Kim would be to make you drink.

You put on a dress and put on a little make-up, don't want to overdo it but at the same time, you want to look impressive, it's your first time going out after being out of comatose.

While waiting for the elevator to arrive you contemplate whether to tie your hair or let it down.

When the elevator finally arrives, the doors slide open and you step inside. Someone is getting in after you and you guess he must be your neighbor so when you eventually look at each other, you politely smile at him.

Kim waves her hand up in the air to let you know where she is.

The two of you hugged and exchanged a kiss on the cheek, she hasn't gotten a chance to see you after you got discharged from the hospital so it feels like a reunion.

"You look so pretty, babe!" Kim compliments you while calling for the bartender.

"And you're prettier than I remember," you playfully compliment her back.

She cackles and helps you sit on the stool next to her, "how are you doing?"

"I'm doing good, yeah..." you hesitate a little but can't help to share the good news either, "I got the call from the newspaper earlier," you say with a sheepish smile.

Kim raises her eyebrow, intrigued. She leans in close to you with wide eyes, "and...?"

"I got the job," you announce.

"Oh, my God!" Kim pulls you into a hug and squeezes your arms in excitement.

"I'm so happy for you. I really do!" She earnestly says with a wide grin on her face.

It warms your heart that she is just as happy as you about the news, "and what about you? How are you doing? Any exciting news?" You ask with a giggle and turn the attention back at her.

She fixes her hair and folds her hands on the counter, turning her head at you, ready to spill whatever information she stored in that little head of hers.

"Let's catch up on my love life, yeah?" She fixes her sitting and leans in closer.

"About two months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend," she begins.

"Oh no," you coo.

"I know right? We fought because I told him I'm getting to be just his girlfriend. I thought we're ready for what's next and it's my right to know if we're having the same thing in mind, you know," She sighs and subtly rolls her eyes, annoyed.

"So we argued and he moved out, and didn't come back for days. I gave him time and had a breakdown a few times because I missed him so much."

You intently listen to her story, emotionally invested in it since it's involved someone you cared about.

"Then a few days ago, he came to the apartment and I thought he was there just to pick up his things," she cracks a smile and you guess the story takes a positive turn.

"We had a long talk, heart to heart, I sobbed because I'm not good at talking about how I feel and..." she pauses to sigh again.

"And...?" Your eyebrows raised in curiosity.

She smiles again and put her hand on her temple, "he proposed to me."

It's obvious that you didn't expect to hear this and it's taking you a few seconds to respond to the big news, "what?" You ask in disbelief, a bit too loud that the people around you can hear it.

She shows the ring on her finger, the little diamond catching the light and reflecting it at you. Kim giggles as she holds out her hand at you.

"Aww, Kim!" You coo again, holding her hand while admiring the ring on her finger.

"I'm so happy for you," you say with a big smile on your face.

She smiles back at you, putting her hand on top of yours forming a stack of hands on the counter.

You know you truly care for someone when their happiness becomes your happiness and you couldn't be happier for her.

"And I'm happy that you're back, I do," she says, her voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

"Because I don't know who I'm going to ask to be my bridesmaid but you," she adds.

That reminds you of how much she cherished you and what a good friend she is, you got touched that you hug her for quite a while.

"Let me see that ring again!" You say as you pulled away from the hug.

She enthusiastically shows it again for you, "the diamond is a bit disappointing, eh?"

You chuckle at her and decide to skip answering that.

"Don't worry, he's got something big somewhere else," she adds.

You both burst out laughing, couldn't care less if anyone got bothered by how loud you are.

Oh, how you missed this!

"The birthday girl is going to be a bride, I see?" Someone says.

You turn your head to see the bartender, a sweet smile and freckles, the one face that you can't forget. The one that you let got away from you.

"You remember him, right?" Kim asks you.

You already locked gaze with him even before you can recall his name, "it's the cute bartender," you say, just to tease him.

When you think his smile couldn't get any brighter, he proves you wrong. His smile grows wider and brighter, it's so cute that you almost melt.

He's the first one to look away, flustered. He turns to Kim and asks, "one negroni and one raspberry martini?"

Kim glances at you to confirm he got your order right and you nod.

"Coming right up!" He says and starts making the mix of drinks.

Kim turns at you and leans into your side, "you can choose to not answer it but you said you don't remember much about the last few days before you know..." her words trailed off, probably afraid that the question might be uncomfortable to you.

"That's okay, Kim," you convince her that it's more than okay to ask you about it. It's an unpleasant experience but it doesn't bother you that much.

"How much do you remember?" She asks, genuinely wanting to know.

You prop a hand under your chin and think hard for a while, "I don't know how to explain it but my memories are incomplete..."

You think of an analogy to create a simple explanation, "like I know the whole puzzle looks like but at the same time, I know there's still a few missing pieces," you finish.

Kim pursed her lips and tries to process your explanation, after a while, she lets out an inaudible sigh.

"As long as you remember we had fun on my birthday then we're good," she says with a wink.

"Of course, I remember that. But mostly the part where I had to drag you home," you joked while resting your head on her shoulder.

"In my defense, I was the birthday girl, I deserved that!" She defended herself and puts her head against yours.

The drinks come at the right time, "negroni for the bride girl," he says while putting Kim's drink in front of her.

"Raspberry martini for the 'I hope she's single' girl?" He says with a grin.

You nod and mutter, "thanks!"

Felix stays there and watches you taking a sip of the cocktail he made, hands on the counter, and veiny arms on display.

You suddenly got thirsty and a glass of drink happens to be right there in front of you.

"How is it?" He asks you once you've taken a sip of your drink.

You tug the little straw between your teeth and seductively smile, "cute," you reply.

He shyly smiles because he knows you're not answering his question and definitely not talking about the drink.

He leans forward on the counter and looks at you with one hand behind his neck, "You know there's a different name to this drink?" 

The freckles look fainter than you remember but he's cute nonetheless.

"No," you honestly answer.

"It's called the love potion," he says with a sly smile and a whole lot of attractiveness.

"Love potion, huh?" You look down at your drink, stirring the ruby red drink with your straw and you got a flash of memory.

You remember the same drink but it tasted different, of a white dress and cold night, of you getting off the ledge and an empty bar.

Then there's the whisper in your ear.

"Sell your soul to me."

It feels so real that your head snaps to the side just to see there's no one there. You swear you feel like someone is right there, their head is right next to your ear, and whisper to it.

"Something wrong?" Felix asks.

He must have noticed you acted strange a while ago. You quickly put on a smile and sip your drink, "nothing," you lied.

He scratches the back of his head, making it obvious that he's going to ask you something, "so, are you single now?"

You smile at him, watching how he gets so shy that he can't hold eye contact with you for more than five seconds.

"I've been single for a long time," you answer.

You're aware of how pathetic and hopeless that sounded but who cares?

He pokes his inner cheek with his tongue, "so you lied that day."

One thing that you hate the most is being accused of lying, you may have overreacted and shot him a glare, "lied? When?"

That may shock him a little that his smile fades, "the last time we met you said you have someone waiting at home," he explains.

"I said that?"

He nods, "I reckon that you're dating someone at that time so I..." he stops himself from explaining further.

"Someone at home?" You force your brain to delve deeper into your memory bank and try to retrieve this exact moment when you said that to him.

As far as you remember, you didn't date anyone. The only man you fancied is Minho and that ended miserably then you fell into a coma which cleared the allegations that you dated someone at that time.

"I'll be back," Felix says, getting back to work and taking orders from new customers.

You turn to Kim and ask, "Did I perhaps mention anyone in our conversation?"

Kim puts down her drink and blinks her eyes a few times, "Minho?"

"Other than him?"

"I'm pretty sure there's no one else," she answers.

It got you thinking who is this someone you talked about and who waited for you at home?

"We rarely talk about boys but you did ask me a lot of things about my life on the day you went into a coma," she says, "it's like you knew you were going to—"

Kim clears her throat and sips her drink again.

One thing that you learned after you woke up from your come is that you aren't the only one traumatized by this, your parents and Kim are the proof of it.

You're lucky to find people that cherished you and you promise to cherish them back. You link your arm with Kim's and sip your drink.

"I'll pay for our drinks tonight," you say.

"Cool because I'm thinking of getting drunk tonight," Kim goes into a fit of laughter.

"No, please, don't!" You tease back but also laugh along with her.

Who knew that two lonely people make a great pair?

-

In spring, flowers aren't the only thing that bloom.

In what feels like a second life given to you, your hopes and dreams bloom with the season.

Every day you wake up to a beautiful sunny day with the warm breeze blowing through the window, carrying the heavenly smell of flowers and earth.

And on each day, you make sure to take a moment to be grateful for this given life and everything else that it gifted you with.

A loving parent, a kind friend, and a good friend who lives far away from you but close to your heart, then there's a job that you love.

Ultimately, thankful that you wake up from your sleep and get to live another day.

But somehow, you still feel like there's still a hole in your chest and no matter how much air you take, you stay breathless. You feel full but not whole.

Something is missing and you don't know what it is.

Or is it just the usual human greed of keep wanting more of everything?

You decide to take a day out by yourself and enjoy the lovely spring day, had lunch then bought an ice cream on your way to the park.

You take a stroll under the row of cherry blossom trees with their petals swirling around in the air, creating a romantic and melancholic scene.

That explains the number of couples you've seen, walking hand in hand and taking each other's pictures. You're not going to lie that you get a little jealous.

For a second, you thought that what's missing from your life, a boyfriend.

A moment later, you scoff at the thought and continue walking with your head looking up at the tree branches, soaking in the warmth of the sun shining through the leaves.

"It's such a beautiful day," you sigh in delight.

It's like you've just cast the spell on the sky that it suddenly turns grey and the dark clouds looming above you. You doubt that it's going to rain or that's what the weather forecast said. After a few steps though, the raindrops start hitting the ground and everyone scatters around to get away from the rain.

"Of course!" You huff, annoyed.

You stop by the front of a cafe just a few blocks from your apartment building, with the hem of your dress and shoes wet from stepping into puddles of water.

It's better if you stay and wait for the rain to stop before taking a walk home.

You watch the rain while standing there and catch the smell of flowers, turning on your heels, you see the flower shop next to the cafe.

The buckets of flowers are on display, blooming so beautifully with their vibrant colors pleasing your eyes. Your eyes pause to look at the bucket of red roses.

The red reminds you of the color of your drink, the love potion and the pomegranates your mom puts in your fridge, of your favorite scarf and shade of lipstick.

The red reminds you of... someone's hair slipping between your fingers and of lips kissing your skin.

The red reminds you of...

"I like your red hair."

"And I like you."

Where's that coming from? You ask yourself. No one is there whispering things to you and you don't remember having this conversation with someone.

It's getting confusing because you can't tell which is real or not anymore. You got so frustrated when you look at the roses again.

They're beautiful but the red holds so much mystery.

-

The rain only got heavier so you decided to run to the nearest convenience store to buy an umbrella and start walking home.

You wait for the elevator to arrive and take you upstairs, you grip your umbrella in one hand and your wet cardigan in the other.

When the elevator slides open, there's already someone in it. You look up to see that it's your neighbor, weirdly enough, the one you always share an elevator with.

He's always in his black outfits and standing in the far corner of the elevator, hands in his jacket pockets, and his long hair curtained his face.

You push the button for your floor and lean against the cold steel wall of the elevator.

You catch him looking at the puddle of water on the floor from the drops of water dripping from the end of your umbrella.

"The forecast said it's going to be a beautiful sunny day," you say to him, trying to shift his attention elsewhere.

He looks up at you with no expression on his small face.

"No one was ready for the rain," you add with an awkward laugh.

Since he's not responding to your small talk, you turn away from him and face the elevator door. You uneasily look at his reflection on the shiny surface of the elevator door.

"And they say life is beautiful," he softly says.

Something just slides into place and you froze there, memories flooding into your head all at once like someone plays a movie at double speed and you have a hard time catching up to it.

When the elevator dings open, you see the doors slide open and you slowly step out of it.

He follows you from behind, getting out of the elevator, except that he's going the other way.

You take a left turn while he takes the right turn and both of you start walking further away from each other.

You swallow air and stop in your track, turning around to see him walking away from you.

"Did you make anyone cry today?" You ask him and your voice echoes in the hallway.

He abruptly stops walking and stands there for a second. You hold your breath the whole time he's standing there and when he finally turns around, you feel faint.

Despite the distance, you can feel his eyes on you and you recognize that soul-gazing eyes, how it stares right into your soul.

"No," he then looks at the pocket watch he keeps in the inner pocket of his jacket and says, "but it's only 5.30."

You smile at him with tears rolling down your cheeks and watch him walking towards you, no one but you.

The moment your lips touched, you know you have found your missing piece. It never feels this good to finally breathe and not worry about the hole in your chest.

He kisses you as if he was breathing and you wish you can hold your breath longer to kiss him more.

He presses his forehead against yours and lets out a low sigh of relief.

"I set you free from pain and removed all of your memories of me," he says with his hands holding your face close to him.

"How do you remember me?" His warm breath brushed your cheek as he speaks.

"Because my heart still remembers you," you answer.

He pecks your lips again for a long time then let go with a gasp, softly laughing with his eyes closed, "good girl!"

He takes your hand and intertwined it with his, slipping his fingers between yours, making your life officially complete.

-

This warm skin, these fingers, and hands, his silky hair and plush, red lips, his breathless voice and whisper in your ear.

All of these things make a missing piece in your life and that piece is back in its place, right next to you.

The devil in the flesh, the prince of hell, the one who saved your life.

"Hyunjin..."

He was busy kissing your neck when you softly call his name and he drags his plump lips to your jaw, planting a kiss on your lips to finally answer your call.

"Yes, beautiful?"

You hold his face in your hands and take a look at him, touching his beautiful features of gorgeous eyes and a beautiful nose, rosy cheeks, and plump lips, touching them to confirm that he's real.

"I miss you," you say and your heart hurts from letting those words out.

He softly gazes into your eyes and caresses your cheek with his knuckle, "I miss you too."

His whole weight on top of you should be enough to convince you that he's real and the two of you are making out on your bed.

"I thought you were taking me to hell," your hands are holding the back of his head, tangled in his hair.

He plants a kiss on your shoulder and begins making a long trail of kisses from there to your lips. He gasps when he pulls away.

"Well, this is your hell," he says.

You tip your head to the side, "huh?"

"Your hell is living a cursed life with me," he answers then places a sloppy kiss on your lips.

He looks at you and probably wonders why you got quiet, "or you don't want it?"

You close your eyes and try so hard to verbalize your thought but words can't do justice to what you're trying to tell him.

You put your hands around his neck and hold him close, feeling his warm body resting against yours, his heart lies close to yours, beating at once.

"I really thought I'd never see you again," you cry again from how glad you are to be able to meet him again, cursed or not, you feel alive when you're with him.

Hyunjin buries his head deep in your neck and breath you in, "for a second I thought you're going to be mad at me," he says.

You start sobbing uncontrollably, you didn't know you'd been holding so many emotions but maybe it's all coming from the feelings of your life finally becoming whole.

"You're that happy to see me again?" He asks while chuckling and wiping your tears at once.

You nod.

"You're that happy to live a cursed life?"

You nod again and pull him close, "as long as I'm with you," you croaked.

The thunderous rain is no match to the sounds you make as Hyunjin makes love to you.

It's like your bodies are just as ecstatic to meet again they become one, filling each other's needs and satisfying each other's cravings.

He thrusts into you, slow and deep all the while his eyes looking into yours. Somehow it feels like he's making love not only to your body but also to your soul.

When it feels overwhelming, you pull his face by his chin and kiss him.

He knows your body too well, he knows what gets you going, what pleases you the most, how to make you writhe and make you a moaning mess under him.

When he makes you cum, he convinces you once again that he still holds the highest rate of making you cum, 13/10.

Sex with him will never be a disappointment but the sex you just had feels different, it was exceptionally nice, and it makes you feel vulnerable and powerful, held and set free, to love and be loved, all at once.

With all these emotions flooding inside you, you might as well let them burst out of you.

"I love you so much," you blurt out but you don't regret it at all.

It's bound to be out anyway and this cursed life taught you nothing but to bet every part of you for someone you love.

Hyunjin tenderly kisses you before answering, "I love you too."

And if Hyunjin says this is your hell then you want to stay there, burning in your passionate love for him, forever. 

-

People have their own concept of heaven.

Yours though would be the one that draws a big difference from other people's.

Your heaven has a devil who welcomes you with a soft yet fiery kiss that wakes you up from your sleep.

You giggle when he nibbles on your ear, "morning," you sleepily greet him.

He kisses your temple, "I think it's way past morning."

You force your eyes open and see the sun shining so brightly outside your window.

"You sleep so tight," he says, hovering above you with his face merely inches away from yours.

You loop your hands around his neck, "am I?"

"Did you have a nice dream?" He asks while removing the strands of hair from covering your face.

A dream can't be better than your heaven so you shake your head, "I haven't slept that well in a long time," you say.

"Afraid that you'll never wake up again?"

You shake your head again as he unlocked a new fear in you, "afraid that I'll never see you again," you say.

He softly smiles with eyes closed and gently kisses you, with your naked body under cover he doesn't waste any second but allows himself to touch you all over.

Your heaven is having his head between your legs and his slick, hot tongue on your heating core.

Even after you cum against his greedy mouth that doesn't stop him from dragging his sinful lips all over you, planting kisses, and wetting your skin with his saliva, making you squirm from the stimulation.

He only pauses his exploration to caress your cheek with such loving and a long kiss on the lips.

Then he continues by putting his mouth on your ribcage and sucks hard on the skin, it stings but is still bearable.

Next, he places his lips on your breast, sticking his tongue out to tease your nipple, wetting it and sucking on it.

Then when you're high in pleasure, he plants a bite on your breast.

You yelp in pain and grab him by his hair out of reflex, "oh fu—" you stop yourself from cursing.

Hyunjin quickly rubs over the mark with his hand while smirking at you.

It seems like he's going to make another one and look for the perfect spot for it. His hand slides down your side and then stops on your thigh.

You have an inkling that his next target is somewhere in that area, and although you know what he'll do, you spread your legs open as he lowers his mouth on your inner thigh, permitting him to go ahead with his plan.

He kisses the skin before making a mark there with his teeth.

You grip the sheet as he keeps on sucking the skin and gives it a lick after, you can see the bruise slowly blossoming on your skin.

"I just can't say no to you, mmh?" You mumble but don't sound like a complaint to him.

He kisses the mark after and put his body between your legs with his head resting on your chest.

"Your soul is mine, remember?"

You slip your hands in his silky dark locks, "but not my body."

"That's the point," he takes your hand and kisses your wrist, "I have to let everyone know that you're mine."

He places his lips right there on your sternum and stays like that with his eyes closed.

"All mine," he murmurs as if he's talking to your heart.

"Body and soul," you add with a smile on your face.

He opens his eyes and finds yours immediately, he crawls over to plant a kiss on your lips, tenderly but intensely with a hand on your jaw.

"What happened to the red hair?" You ask with a fistful of his dark hair in your hand.

"You don't like the black hair?"

You softly chuckle and brush his hair to the back, "were you trying to be incognito?"

"Well, it worked because you didn't recognize me until yesterday," he answers.

"I started to wonder why we always met in the elevator, you know. I thought you were my neighbor," you explain while laughing, feeling stupid to ever thought that way.

"Well, I have to keep my eyes on my asset," he coyly says with a sly grin.

He collapses on top of you, capturing your lips in a long, breathtaking kiss, a kiss that takes everything further, a kiss that makes you warm inside and outside.

His body is enough to make you salivate but why only look when you can have a taste of it, a bite of it, and eat it too?

It's amazing that you still know how to get around him, where he likes you to touch him and makes him whimper under you.

You ease yourself down his length and breathlessly moan at how good it feels, how he perfectly fills you whole.

Hyunjin is a walking temptation yet he's your only indulgence.

He roams around your body as you straddle him, spreading his warmth with the gentlest touch of his hands.

"You're so beautiful," he mutters to you in his soft, breathless voice.

"Come here!" He orders, pulling you by the neck and bringing your face close to him.

He opens his mouth and takes your lips in his, hungrily and passionately, as if your kiss feeds and quenches his thirst, as if your kiss brought him life.

You smile when you break the kiss and place your hands flat on his chest, continuing to roll your hips in circular motions.

Low grunts escaped his slightly parted mouth with his hands gripping each side of your waist.

"Good, huh?" You lowly ask.

He delightfully sighs and looks you in the eyes, "like the sweetest sin," he answers.

This is your heaven and your heaven is his body against the white sheet and his smile in between kisses, his soft voice that calls your name, and how sweetly he praises you.

Your heaven is having him on the bed and having him every day for the rest of your life.

And your heaven makes you sin first thing in the morning.

-

A day in your life goes like this.

Even before you can open your eyes, you wake up feeling needy for his touch and he would be there, lying beside you ready to provide you with everything you seek.

You kiss him on the lips and greet him, "morning!"

"Morning, my sweet little sin," he greets back.

Morning sex is always a good idea yet optional. But cuddles are a must.

Just two naked bodies tangled on the bed, indulging in each other's embrace, hands all over with mouths locked in a rapturous kiss.

Breakfast, shower then get dressed for work with Hyunjin trying to sneak a few kisses in between.

You kiss him before leaving the apartment and give him a warning, each day varies from the other.

"Please, don't cause any traffic today!"

"Not with the elevator out of service again!"

"Don't break the copy machine, please?"

Hyunjin sometimes obeys but most of the time, no. The one warning he never obeys is following you around.

He's there when you're stuck on a bus full of people or run with you when you catch your bus, in a meeting, or in the copy room, nowhere is off-limits to him.

He appears and disappears, here and there, anywhere, anytime.

Hyunjin does whatever he pleases.

"This desk has the perfect height," he whispers into your ear.

You roll your eyes knowing that it's him right behind you and his arms caging your body in between.

You were sorting pages of articles on your desk, "remember what I told you?"

"That you miss me at work?" He playfully guesses.

You shake your head and ignore him, putting all of your focus on the task at hand.

Hyunjin brings his mouth close to yours, "Come on, just a quickie," he whispers.

You scoff, "it's never just a quickie with you," you say.

"Like you ever mind," he whispers into your other ear.

You scoff again and put down all of the pages, turning around to face him, "can you stop with the devil's whisper?"

His red hair is flashy against the dull colors of your office interior and background. Truthfully, he's the only thing that makes your day brighter entirely.

"How about a kiss?" he sweet talks with his hands around your waist, pulling you close.

You take a moment to consider it because it's never just a kiss with him, it's never just that, he will want more and you can't say no to him.

He tips his head to the side and smiles at you, "just one kiss?" He sweetly asks.

You put your hands on his arms and feel his biceps contract against the fabric of his dark shirt. He's so irresistible, just one look at his face and you found yourself nodding to him.

The kiss is electrifying already but the thrill that comes from the spontaneity of it and the slight fear of anyone can walk in on you making out with him in your office.

Before you get intoxicated, you quickly pull away from his kiss and sigh, "one kiss and you got it," you say.

With his hands cupping your face, he can easily hold you still and kisses you again.

You whine against his lips but not breaking the kiss.

"At least give me more tongue," he says against your lips.

It's like he has programmed your brain to always submit to his wishes, you open your mouth and stick your tongue a little, letting him twirl it with his.

He deepens the kiss while hoisting your body, sitting you on the edge of the desk.

You immediately let go of the kiss and gently push him away, "that's two kisses already," you remind him.

You reach for his face to clean the lipstick smeared around his lips with your thumb.

"Does it look good on me?" He asks with a lopsided grin.

"Oh, yeah," you playfully answer and remove the lipstick on the corner of his mouth.

"Put it more on me then," he seduces you for more kisses and he's just good at that, tempting you.

You look away before his hypnotizing eyes trapped you in his spell and hold his hands on your lap, "I'll see you later, okay?"

His face drops onto your neck and groans with his mouth on your shoulder.

You hold him close and brush his hair with your finger, "I'll see you at home," you assure him.

He heavily sighs and then kisses your neck before letting you go.

You get off the desk and give him a long hug, "be good."

"Don't have lunch at the cafeteria today," he says as he finally lets you go.

"Huh? Why?"

"It's just veggies and tofu, you wouldn't like it," he says with a cute nose scrunch, which is opposite to his evil doing.

You get suspicious that it's all his doing, "It's you isn't it?"

He pouts and shrugs with one hand lingering on the doorknob.

You glare at him but he only winks in response before leaving the room through the door.

Little did he knows it takes so much in you not to cave into him, you need to take a minute off and fan yourself with paper, calming yourself down.

When it's lunchtime, a co-worker comes knocking on your office.

"Let's have lunch!" She says with a smile.

You swivel your chair to face her, "what is today's menu?"

"It's tonkatsu so we have to hurry," she answers.

You let out a sigh knowing that Hyunjin lied about his warning, "that flaming hot Cheetos," you mutter under your breath.

"What's that?" Your co-worker asks.

"Nothing," you lied.

"I'll be waiting by the elevator," she says.

There's already a long line of people queuing for lunch and you check on some emails while waiting for your turn when someone grabs your elbow.

You turn around to see who it is and gasp in surprise, "Minho?"

A smile rises on his face and you both share a quick hug.

Now you get why Hyunjin tells you to have lunch somewhere else. It's definitely not about the food.

"What are you doing here?" You ask while still surprised to see him there.

"I just came down from a meeting," he replies and holds his briefcase in the other hand.

"Did you—" you pause to move along with the queue then continue, "you got transferred back or what?"

"No, I'm only staying for a week," he answers.

It's ridiculous that you didn't know how much you miss him until you see him again. You link your arm with him and force him to join the queue line, "come on, I treat you to lunch today," you say.

The talk continues during lunch, catching up on each other's life but mostly his life in the new city he's living in.

He buys coffee for both of you after and talks outside by the rooftop of the building where employees come to smoke or just hang out.

"Isn't this the one dream job you had since college?" Minho asks as he sips his coffee.

"Yeah, I wasn't confident they would hire me but..." you shrug and you're just as baffled because you wrote the resume after taking shots of tequila.

You foolishly grin when you remembered that night.

Minho grins along with you, "what? Tell me?"

You laugh because it may sound so silly to him, but you decide to not tell him and then shake your head.

"I'm just so happy we've been so supportive toward each other," you earnestly say with a smile.

Minho puts his arm around you and together you stare out at the view of the city on a beautiful spring day. Back then, you would have overthought every little thing Minho did to you but now, you don't even think about anything at all.

You feel comfortable and safe around him because you know you have a friend who has your back.

You rest your head on his shoulder and sigh, "look how far we've come, Minho."

-

The sky takes a dark turn in the evening as it begins to rain when you get off the bus.

You have an inkling it's someone's doing, someone with red hair and mischief in his eyes, someone who's standing a few steps from you holding an umbrella.

"Can you stop ruining spring for everyone's sake?" You grumble as you approach him.

"It's not my doing," he denies then opens the umbrella for both of you.

It's never a straight game with him, he makes you guess every move he makes. You huddle close to him as you walk together under the umbrella with his arm on your shoulder.

There's a sudden loud crack of thunder that you grip Hyunjin's arm in response.

"Oh, how romantic!" You sneer.

He pulls you closer to his side, "you're walking with the devil but afraid of a little thunder," he sneers back with a half-smirk.

You roll your eyes at him and hold onto his arm, "you knew Minho was in the building, huh?"

Hyunjin got quiet and by human standards, he knows how to keep it cool.

"Are you jealous that we had a little chat?"

He looks unbothered but drops his hand to meet yours and clasped it with his.

But by the devil's standards, he's bad at hiding his jealousy.

You lift your clasped hands and kiss the back of his hand, "did you make anyone cry today?"

He returns the favor with a kiss on your cheek, "No," he answers.

He looks at you with a sly smile on his face, "But I'll make someone cry tonight," he adds with one of his eyebrows raises, hinting that the object he talked about is you.

Well, that's one way to arouse you, subtle but effective.

"That wouldn't be the first time," you say with a seductive smile and the recollections of how he fucked you so hard that you cried playing in the back of your head.

That only arouses you more, got you thinking of his body and his lips and his kisses and his...

You stop walking and he has no option but to also stop on his track.

Gosh, he's so beautiful and hot, literally and figuratively and the best thing is he's yours.

You grab the front of his shirt and pull him close, kissing him so hard that he has a hard time catching up to it.

"You should have told me earlier and I would have come running," you say as you pull away from the kiss.

He scrunches his nose and thinks for a while, "we should start running then," he says.

It's a crazy idea but it seems like you'll never know how to say no to him and you'll never want to learn how.

You take the umbrella from him and ditch it, pulling him by his hand to start running through the heavy rain.

The locket around your neck bounces along with every step you take and you can hear the ticking sound of the clock, of the needles moving forward, counting down to forever with Hyunjin.

Tick, tick, tick...

-

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Hyunjin sits at the table opposite you. There are people around, some kind of commotion, but he doesn’t even notice. As always, he only has eyes for you, his lover, his age-old wound that’s just starting to heal, his end and his beginning. You’re not smiling tonight, though.

Hyunjin’s meal is starting to go cold as he inspects your face, not a trace of happiness on it. His biggest fear is coming true right in front of him—he has you in his life again, but you are not happy. Is that what fated lovers means? Getting to find each other just to grow apart? Getting to come together just to lose each other in the end?

He breaks out in a cold sweat as you look at him, eyes dead cold. There is no love between your eyes, no softness in your brow when you look at the man who loves you more than anything else. “I’m sorry, Hyunjin, I can’t do this anymore. In this life, we’re just not meant to work. I’m sorry.”

He watches you push your chair away and get up, and then complete darkness takes over. His heart races so fast he thinks he’s dying, and Hyunjin feels that he’s freefalling to nowhere, falling, falling, falling… His heart threatens to burst, shattering to pieces while his mind races. Just when he’s about to hit the floor, he sits up and screams, finding himself in a dark room, sweaty, cold, heart still beating erratically, sweat dripping down his temples and back.

And then, your warm palm slides up Hyunjin’s hand to his shoulder, gently pushing him back down into the sheets as you coo at him, “Hey, love, it’s alright. Just another bad dream… Everything is fine. Come, come...”

He lets you pull him down onto your chest, lets your warmth calm his heart down, and puts his head on your chest so he can listen to your heartbeat and convince himself it’s real. This is what’s real—you here with him—and not the bad dream.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers at you, hating himself for waking you up in the middle of the night yet again. It’s been night after night at this point, and you must be tired of him sitting up and screaming in the middle of the night over things that aren’t there.

“Don’t apologize, Hyunjin,” you tell him, planting a couple of soft kisses on his forehead, your hand wrapped around him. He’s still sweaty and panting, but you don’t seem to mind—you never do. “I’m sorry you keep having these dreams… I’m here. I’m not going anywhere now that you’ve found me. I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.”

“I know, darling,” Hyunjin hums, kissing your collarbone. Getting to feel your warmth under his lips helps him realize it’s not in his head. You’re here, just as loving as he remembers, no longer just a memory or a dream. You love him, he knows it. “I just… I’m so scared of reliving a second from any of these lives in between without you.”

“And you won’t have to, not again,” you speak softly and rub his arm, planting another soft kiss on his forehead, which helps Hyunjin relax. “I can’t even imagine what it was like for you and how sad you were, and I hate that I didn’t remember any of it in all those lives and that you went through all that pain on your own, without me, without us. But, I’m here now, for good. We don’t live in the past anymore, we’re not separated by fate. We’re together again. The lake house is the past, all these other lives are too. What we have is now, and we’re together.”

Your words bring Hyunjin more comfort than he can even begin to explain. It’s what he’s always imagined—finding you again, you telling him you love him and that you’re never leaving again, getting to spend his life with you.

“I am happy you are here,” Hyunjin tells you at last, once he fights off the tears in his eyes. Anyone would be sick of his constant nightmares and worries over losing you—but not you. “Never want to lose you or our family again.”

You clear your throat and gulp loudly, and your body goes stiff under him. “Uh, I have something to tell you.”

Your tone of voice makes Hyunjin sit up in bed again and look down at you, heart pounding inside his chest once more as he inspects your face. He suddenly feels like he is in one of his nightmares, like he is about to get hit with news he just isn’t strong enough to handle. “Is something wrong?”

“No, love, no,” you whisper, reaching to cup his face, comforting him with your touch. “Everything is perfect. I just wanted to wait until the moment is right to tell you.”

“Yes?”

“I am pregnant,” you announce with a grin, unaware that you’re giving Hyunjin everything he’s been hoping for in all these lives—for your family to be complete again. That is the only thing he is missing. “I’ve been to the doctor’s on my own, I didn’t want to get your hopes up in case it was a false positive, but it’s not. It’s all going well, Hyunjin. We’ll have a baby.”

This time, Hyunjin can’t contain his tears. There are so many things he wants to tell you, so many feelings going on at the same time, his heart springing up, happiness overwhelming him. Instead of saying something, he sobs and pulls you up into his arms, nuzzling his head in the crook of your neck, not even trying to stop crying. He feels complete, like everything is in place, like he is getting you all back, like he will get himself back too. Hyunjin knows none of his tears and sorrow will matter. It will all be forgotten when he gets to have you all back. None of it will be in vain when he has you all in his life.

All the years of suffering will be worth it—they already are. “Thank you,” he tells you, kissing you softly, planting kiss after kiss over your face, even though both your faces are wet with happy tears. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Like a madman, he repeats the words like a mantra, wanting you to know he means them fully.

“Thank you,” you say with a giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in closer until his chest is pressed against yours and you’re lying in bed again. How many nights he’s spent wishing for exactly this—you in his arms, happy—he can’t even remember, but none of them matter anymore. All the suffering paid off. “You’ve made me so happy, love.”

“You’ve just made me the happiest person in the world,” Hyunjin says, tears still streaming down his face, heart feeling full. He looks at you like you are magic, and you are—you will bring new life to this world and make him even happier. “We’ll get to meet them again!”

It’s just one child, but the others will follow, as in the past life, you both know. Your family will come alive again. You will have it all once again, have the little life that set everything into motion, the life you are destined to repeat because it was meant for you two. No matter how many sad lives you’ve lived in between, you’re still getting another one that will matter.

“I know!” Your voice quivers as you say it, reality probably hitting you just as hard as it does Hyunjin. Soon, you’ll get to see the child you’ve both loved so much, still do, and be with it again, raise it, watch it grow in front of you, and become the person you’ve hoped them to be—good, kind, full of love for all things. “I miss them all.”

That night, Hyunjin is extra careful when he touches you. He doesn’t want to risk any kind of stress or injury, but he also feels like he has to have you. He just has to make love to you and use his body to show you how much he loves you like he does with his words and his art. Everything he does is done in an effort to prove you’re his reason for everything. Tonight, he realizes you will give him another reason for happiness, and he wants to make you even happier.

When he sinks into you, he feels like crying again. His member that’s inside of you and your body have made a miracle, the miracle he loves so much, the miracle he’s missed. It’s unbelievable how an act of pure lust can create such a creature, but your relations were never like that, not in his book. Even when you first met, you were never there to satisfy a sexual urge, to be a warm body under him. It was always more than that for Hyunjin, in that life and all others. He fucks you slowly and gently, kissing your lips throughout the whole thing, careful not to rest the weight of his body on yours, careful not to move too fast.

You react to him the way you usually do, even though everything is different tonight. You spread your thighs for him, wrap your legs around his waist and pull him in closer, cupping his face. “I love you so much,” you hum into his mouth, eyes staring right into his, and Hyunjin thinks you’ve never looked prettier than you do right now in his arms. “I love seeing you happy, Hyunjin. I want you to be happy all the time.”

“I’m always happy when you are here,” he admits, rubbing his nose against yours before pecking it softly. “Now I’ll be even happier.”

Even though you are already pregnant, Hyunjin ejaculates inside of you and keeps his cock there for minutes after the deed is done. He stays inside of you until he goes soft and slides out, but Hyunjin keeps you in his arms even there, peppering your face with kisses. “I’m already pregnant, you know,” you chuckle, “no need to try again.”

“I know… Want to be sure it sticks and that it all goes well.”

You cup his face and lean in closer, eyes staring right into his. “Love, it is all going well.”

Hyunjin is there the second your child takes its first breath in this life. He’s there through it all just like he was in the first life. He takes care of the baby, cooks, cleans, and helps you as much as he can. Hyunjin has promised himself he will only treat you better in this life, even though you were content with him in the past life too. Now, he appreciates you even more, having lived many lives without your comforting touch and soothing words. He’d do anything to make you happy.

“I wish I could feel your pain instead,” Hyunjin tells you, kissing the side of your head. He’s helping you get under the shower, and his heart hurts watching you wince at the pain between your legs, even if you claim the pain was worth it because it created a new life. He always volunteers to help wash your hair when you sit in the tub, help you scrub your skin, apply lotion, brush your hair, whatever you need to feel good again.

Whenever the child wakes up, it’s Hyunjin who jumps out of bed to coddle it, hum a lullaby, and put it back to sleep. His nightmares became a thing of the past the second he learned about the child, but he always sleeps lightly, knowing the child might wake up crying. When that happens, Hyunjin kisses you and tells you to go back to sleep, assuring you he has got it. He has. He’s been through it before in your life together, he knows how to love and take care of children, and he’s learned what their cries mean. Whatever the child needs, Hyunjin is there to provide. Whatever you need, he already knows and is giving to you.

It is Hyunjin who insists on the child sleeping right between you two as soon as it is big enough to do so. You, of course, indulge him, let him have what he’s missed the most—his family. He’s always the last one to fall asleep, preferring to lay on his side and watch the two most precious people in the world sleep and breathe calmly, noticing the similarities in their faces.

The child is a perfect being, the fruit of your love and suffering, the combination of yours and his best features. It’s like an angel sleeping between you two, its quiet breathing tugging at Hyunjin’s heartstrings, filling his heart with love. When he falls asleep, it’s always facing you two so he can see you as soon as he wakes up, reminding himself that this is real and he got to have his first life back again. All the others seem to fade in comparison, the suffering gone with them.

“Daddy!” the firstborn screams as its little feet take it to Hyunjin, who is arranging a bouquet for a big customer. Of course, he drops what he’s doing and takes the happy child in his arms, kissing its chubby cheeks.

You follow with the other two children, who are giggling and running to Hyunjin, hugging his legs as you warn them to take it easy, slow down, and be careful. You’re always so mindful and caring, never wanting to interrupt Hyunjin as if you don’t understand that he’d give up on anything he’s doing for any of you. “Daddy’s working, we just came to say hi,” you remind the children, who are too busy holding onto his legs to even look at you.

“And to give him food!” the younger one points out, and Hyunjin just has to crouch so he can hug all three, giving them all little smooches. No matter how many times he hugs the children, kisses them, and tells them he loves them, it’s never enough. Hyunjin is afraid he’ll never be able to explain to them how much they mean to him. The bond you all share is special, much more than most other people can understand. But, your children will.

When you approach him, Hyunjin stands up and kisses you. No matter how many kisses he plants on your lips, your face, your body, he could always go for one or a million more. “You didn’t have to,” he breathes the words, inhaling your scent. “But thank you.”

“I know you’ve been stressed over this and probably haven’t even gone outside on your break, so we brought you some lunch. Besides, what better to motivate you than your three favorite people?” You look down at the children who are now playing with flowers and giggling.

“Four,” Hyunjin points out and kisses you again. You have to know you are everything to him, you and the family you’ve helped him create, the family you’ve helped build and nurture, the family you’ll someday watch leave your warm home and venture into the unknown, leaving you two all alone again, happy and calm. “I am the luckiest man alive. Do you want to sit down with me while I eat?”

The day you decide to kick the kids out of your bed hurts Hyunjin, even though it’s expected and necessary. Hyunjin can only purchase bigger beds up to a point, he can only keep them next to him every night for so long.

It’s a decision that had to be made, one that you made in your past life too. They have to sleep in a separate room, and you two need your privacy as well. You’re two people who are crazy about each other years into your relationship, people who still giggle and tease each other playfully, adults who steal moments away from everyone else to give in to lust and have a piece of the other when the need overwhelms you.

Because he has now lost those moments of bonding with his kids before bed, Hyunjin insists on putting the children to sleep that night and every other night until they’re old enough to find him boring and too loving. He’ll still be there even then, Hyunjin knows. They’ll appreciate it once they grow up and realize they have parents that love them more than anything, unconditionally.

The two of you help them get under the covers, kiss their pretty little heads, tuck them in, sing them a lullaby or two, and make your way to the door. Even then, Hyunjin doesn’t want to leave, so he leans against the bedframe and watches them, one by one, feeling like he has everything in the world. You hug him from the side and plant a soft kiss on his cheek, which makes him hum happily—he really has it all. “They’re not going anywhere, love,” you comfort him with your quiet words. “We’re all here to stay. No need to worry.”

You always know what’s on his mind, so Hyunjin closes his eyes for a second and exhales quietly, realizing he should really relax. His family is here. He will not wake up tomorrow and realize this was all a dream, that he’s all alone, unloved, and without you. He has you.

When Hyunjin gets in bed, it feels so empty without three little bodies between yours, little feet kicking, mouths giggling as they try to fight off sleep. Even if it does feel kind of empty, you two soon make it work, getting closer together, touching each other, reminding one another how good it feels to have the other close. It’s not like the kids won’t burst into the room with the first sunray and wake you up by jumping on the bed. It’s not like Hyunjin won’t tickle them all as a “punishment” before getting up and making them breakfast and chasing them around the house, telling you to stay in bed because he’ll serve you your breakfast there.

So, despite missing the kids, Hyunjin enjoys this newfound freedom with the love of his life. His hands grope every part of you they can reach, even over your clothes, fingers sneaking under it to turn you on, to make you want him as much as he already wants you, his cock hard under your warm body. Hyunjin feels your marks and scars and pouches under his fingertips, but to him, they’re proof that you are real, your children are real, he is real. After all these years and how both your bodies have changed, Hyunjin enjoys this time inside of you like it’s the first, like you’re both untouched by age and circumstance, like he’s never felt any of it before.

He fits inside you perfectly, as always, cock stretching you enough to get your eyes to water as you ride him, controlling the movements of your hips in a way that has you both moaning pretty fast. “I want to keep going all night,” you hiss at him, hands grabbing his chest, holding onto it as you roll your hips into him. You always know how to make Hyunjin feel good, how to keep him at the brink of orgasm for as long as he decides to play along, how to get him to come when he can’t take it. “Love feeling you.”

Your words always make him happy, make Hyunjin realize what a lucky man he is to have found something this perfect, something this innocent and warm. He could let you ride him forever, enjoy the slow drag of your walls against him, your beautiful face scrunching in pleasure.

“Never stop,” he mirrors your sentiment, his hands rubbing your sides to encourage you to keep going. “Show me how much you like it.”

When you hear that, you start rolling your hips into him faster with a new zeal in those gorgeous eyes, and Hyunjin has to pull you in for a kiss. “Missed you so much,” he mumbles into your mouth as you kiss, your hips still moving up and down slowly, both of you enjoying the way he stretches you.

“You’ve just had me,” you remind him with a giggle. 

His mind instantly takes him to this morning when your kids left for school and kindergarten, when he pinned you against the door and took you like that. Hyunjin sunk into you so easily, your body trapped between him and the door. It was nothing like the lovemaking you’re doing now, but he enjoyed it just as much—getting to feel you around him, giving you his load, hearing you moan his name freely with the house empty. This morning, he didn’t take his time with you, and you let him take you standing up, just fuck you until he got it out of his system.

So now, Hyunjin is letting you go as slow as you want to—he wants you to get everything you want from him. When your legs get tired, he pushes you to the bed and gets on top of you, buries his face between your thighs like he’s done a million times before, gets you to orgasm with his mouth, the sounds of your sweet voice humming his name as your fingers grip his hair making his chest feel warm. It will be alright—it already is.

In his final moments, Hyunjin is surrounded by family. There are children and grandchildren, some of which already have kids of their own, all looking at him, telling him beautiful things, all wanting to hold his hand or pat his head, thank him for everything. They all seem sad, though, heartbroken to lose someone who loves them all more than he loves himself.

Hyunjin is at peace like he has been ever since you came into his life. The portrait that hangs on the wall right across his bed reminds him of it all—the love he’s felt for what seems like centuries, the love that occupies his mind and soul, the feeling that made all the suffering worth it. How could Hyunjin be sad, even when he realizes the end of this life is near? How could he be sad when he sees the fruits of your love—your children and their children—right in front of him? You two have raised them to be good people who have love for themselves and others in their hearts, and that was the only thing that mattered to him. His children and you.

Even if you are not there anymore, he feels you whenever he sees your portrait, your smiling face looking at him lovingly, reminding him of how loved he’s been all his life. Hyunjin has been looking at that portrait throughout all his lives, wishing to have you close. In this life, he got to have you close for so many years, yet it wasn’t enough—it never will be. Hyunjin wishes you were here now to hold his hand, to tell him it will be alright, to promise him you’ll meet again. When your end was nearing, you promised him that, repeated it like a mantra every night, even wrote it in a love letter that is in the pocket of his pajama shirt, tucked away safely, just like in the last life—your letter to keep him holding on, to never forget you.

So, when Hyunjin exhales for the last time, his eyes focus on the portrait and the glimmer in your eyes that he managed to convey through this piece that is hanging on his wall. How could he be sad when he knows you’ll meet again? Hyunjin knows that no matter what kind of pain awaits him in his next life, it will all be worth it when you two get to meet again. 

And, if this life was the last one, you have made it worthwhile.