Unfinished Romance

I am bleeding red again…

It has been a month since I met you, a month since we danced...

It is believed that the feeling of love that we harbor for strangers is already encased in us. And at the right time, we release them. But right now I am forced to believe that certain pilgrims carry the key, a particular spell that opens those Pandora boxes, and when we meet them, those boxes break loose and even hope is released. 

You have loved, 

"come see me in San Jose, 

Stay with me a little longer ..." 

so you can bring my dreams  to life 

but that idea breeds so many fears, 

to a living memory of you 

so tonight, I am sad I met you 

I wish at that time that I was strong enough to let you go

strangely I told you those same words back then 

but I kept coming back to you 

this sadness appealed to me. 

see I tried loving, I think you bruised me

left me soiled like an untouchable. 

I need to heal, I have healed 

but nights like tonight 

I hate you. all those memories that link me back to you and bring sadness in my life. 

I hate the day I met you the day I decided to be with you 

because I thought I was unloveable 

because I thought I was never going to be able to love you 

I will always see him in you. 

Dear B, 

I want to change my narrative, 

maybe it will begin with me accepting that I am a bit neurotic 

but the fortune teller said November 

it is still not here,  

I did put my hope in the stars and you 

All obsessive because you never promised, 

But I remember that night when I decided to be kind to you, 

it felt like it was the right thing to do 

like that night I spent with her, 

when I kissed her neck 

It was the right thing to do. 

but the space between us is steadily growing 

and I am tiring of fighting for my gut feeling 

I think even my intuition has given up 

thank you for that sheer moment of happiness. 

I’ll always think of you fondly 

hoping that I will find you 

I keep going in 

partly addiction, partly hope 

Partly not knowing what else to do. 

Love & Hate 

in real life, that is all that matter, 

you aren’t here 

and it is almost Christmas, 

one more holiday 

and I am still going in a circle,