Letters to Tate

To start off I actually have two tumblrs. I made the first one and it's reblogs and random bits of my life. One day I came across my journals I wrote in shortly after I miscarried. So I made a second tumblr and copied the majority of those letter into this blog. I also reblog about miscarriage. I'll start from before I got pregnant to give a little of my background. I was sexually abused from 9-13 by someone I knew, the older I got the worse things happened. At age 14 I was raped by another guy. These things happening didn't set me up well mentally. At 15 I started self harming and struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression. I had no self worth and gave myself to so many different guys. That was my life for awhile, I slept around with guys I know didn't value me. I was depressed. I wanted to die. Then I met Matt when I was 18, we had only slept together 3 times when I found out I was pregnant. He wasn't supportive and I got kicked out of my parents house and all around it was a really bad situation. Even though I was scared and worried I loved my baby. My sweet bug. I miscarried at the end of my first trimester. It was traumatizing. First having no support during my pregnancy, then miscarrying and dealing with doctors who told me I was so young and it was probably better that way. My depression hit even harder after that. I'm 22 now, I've been in counseling off and on for the sexual abuse and I am still working though the grief of my son. Some days are still really hard. I cry myself to sleep and think about him. Things are getting better and my breakdowns aren't as often. I still miss my baby more than words could ever express. Some people just don't get it. So that's really what this tumblr is about. If you want my other one just send me a message and I'll reply.