letter of kaye

at 25,

your frontal cortex (primarily responsible for personality, behavior, emotional and intellectual functions) and amygdala (emotions, emotional behavior, and motivation) have finished developing, thus deeming you, at least biologically, a fully formed adult capable of making rational, well-rounded decisions.

so naturally, when i turned 25, i jumped out of a plane with a man and a parachute strapped onto my back.

as child, she taught me prayers that i would learn to recite every day. one for when i woke. another before every meal. one before i would go to bed. a prayer for thanksgiving. a prayer for safety. a prayer for fulfillment of goals, saving of souls. a prayer for hope, a prayer in times of struggle and need.

i don’t know when they became a part of my routine, except just that they were. subconsciously ingrained in my vocabulary like one of those songs on the radio that tends to stay in your head for hours and hours on end, a breath of a memory sneaking its way past down from my head and up from my heart and somehow resting in the back of my throat, and easing out of my mouth with a whisper or a hum, as effortlessly and as thoughtlessly as breathing itself.

i gave you a name, it was mine and mine alone, like i could some how keep you forever. a name i was thankful to know. a name that was so safe, it felt like home. a name that promised an unknown future, but a future nonetheless that imagined to be witnessed together, a future through the shit storms, empty pockets, failures, and heart breaks, we still found hope in each other.

you hated it.

How we think we look vs how we really look.