For the first time I donāt know how to explain this that Iām feeling,
How do I explain that for the first time I got to choose you, that no one influenced my decision.
How do I explain that all though I have experience my first love, my first kiss, my first rose, my first heartbreak, etc. - so many āfirsts,ā I thought there couldnāt be more- there has been yet so many first times I havenāt experienced, and now that I have recently, Ive come to the realization of what I was missing on. My first sunflower, for instance, receiving roses is good but a sunflower, my favorite flower, now thatās something different. My first dates were spent with you. And if I had to wait another couple of years to spend them with you then I would, because I know it would be worth it, like it is now. And as sad as it might seem Iāve never been out to breakfast with someone. No one has ever held me tight while walking down the street. Iāve come to think that I was never worthy of such simple yet meaningful things, but you make me feel otherwise. I feel special, because no one gets read to these days. And If i had to ever guess how lucky Iād be enough to be read to, id never guess right. Not even in my most sincere dreams and hopes have I ever imagined someone reading to me, but how much I cherish that you do. I never imagined my life out of my comfort zone. I always thought Iād be still, that Iād stay at the house Iād call home for a while, although with each passing day I felt it less like my home. I must admit that I feel guilty about destroying the home I worked on for the longest time I have ever put into something, I put in my effort. God knows I did. God knows I would pray for it to last, always If thatās what he wanted, but he too saw how much hurt it took to construct it, he was there when all my effort would breakdown trying to build the walls of my home back to place, but they never were the same. No matter how much I wanted, my home would never be the same as it once was, or how I expected it to be. Feeling alone and hopeless I once again turned to him begging him to change my outcome, to build strength in me in order to let go of what I was damaging and was damaging me. Chance after chance to let go and change my life, I stayed put in the same place; for I strongly believe in forever ever, once youāre committed, and in never giving up. But the more I stayed the more I found myself unhappy and unworthy. Doubt build up to the point it became my only concern. And maybe it was my fault for giving up too easily, or maybe it was actually time to let go of what was meant to only be part of my life and not all of it, something that was meant to teach me the lessons I needed in order to meet you. Timing is always on time and hardly wrong. Any other time I wouldnāt of known how to keep you, but with the right timing and the lessons learned Iāve come to know how and why I want keep you. I want to hold on to you for as long as I possibly can, for as long as youāre willing to hold me down. I see how fortunate I am in meeting you. I thank god i met you, whether it will be for a few more weeks, several months, years, or a whole life time, an eternity that youāll spend by my side Iād be grateful, for with you I have meet with my true self to the point that I finally know what I want; I want you. Iāve wanted you all this time, that I no longer wish to meet somebody else. And maybe thatās why Iām the lucky one, because I can feel these emotions rise to the surface of my heart after being buried and forgotten for the longest time in the deep blueness of my heartā¦.
tbc ā¦
germansingergirl
stormborns
kianamaiart
2087
pixelskylines
areudirty
