I’ve always wanted to change my personality. To be more friendly and outgoing, to not think so much about my actions. But unfortunately that’s not me, I’m shy and reserved and have a constant resting bitch face- which must exude an unfriendly auror.
And that’s why I’m sitting 3 weeks in to my two month office internship having barely spoken to anyone. I suppose it doesn’t help that my computer is in a row on its own but still. Every time I go somewhere new where people don’t know me I tell myself it will be different, that I’ll go in confident and upbeat and talk and meet new people, but that never happens.
I overthink everything I say and how I said it, even if it’s just a ‘Good Morning’. I get anxious walking back from the toilets and having to go through the office, thinking everyone is staring at me when in reality they probably haven’t even noticed.
What really hit me was when two new people started last week and people from their team went and introduced themselves and they seem to have slotted in nicely. Granted they’re permanent, but still, is it my fault no one has spoken to me?
The workflow is so slow here that I have all this time to think and look aimlessly at my computer. I wish I could be confident like the other younger girls here, I wish I could speak my mind without thinking how stupid it sounded later and I wish I just wasn’t so conscious about all my actions.
yousharknotpass
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