Would love to see a mini follow up to your sleepwalking uncle caption. I’m imagining an “unintentional” dutch oven…
A follow on from this caption
Finally it's the last night of my uncle staying with us. This hell of breathing in his nightly emissions, that follow his sleep walking ritual of raiding the fridge of the food that upsets his stomach, will come to an end. I've had to keep the window open through the day to air out the room enough to sleep in it come the night, and the bedding has needed to be washed almost daily from his rotten gas stench that's clung to it. My pillowcase in particular, it's almost as if he's been coming in and sitting on the pillow and farting while I'm asleep, though I push that thought out of my mind as surely I'd have known if he was regularly farting in my face while I slept. There was only that one time, when I woke up, so unless while asleep he learned to be more stealthy it's impossible.
As I go to bed that night I'm excited that it's almost over, but a little apprehensive. My mom cooked a huge farewell meal. I'm bloated and stuffed from it myself, and my uncle ate more than twice as much as me. I dread to think what it'll be doing to his stomach. But try not to think about it and go to sleep. Drifting off to the peaceful thought of a better smelling tomorrow.
I'm woken by a bright light. Standing in my open bedroom door, hall light illuminating from behind his bulky frame, my uncle stood. I quietly slide a little down and pull the quilt over my head. I'll wait out his farts protected from the smell beneath the cover.
I can hear him step in to the room. The shuffle of his feet on the carpet. But no farts erupt. Silence. Then light blinds me again as my quilt is lifted up. From my position I can only see my uncles big, hairy, belly and his tattered old underwear stretched tight. He lifts his leg and at first I thought he was going to start farting, the quilt held up to expose me, but then he crouched down and got in to the bed. Without me being there on the bed for him to see he must have confused it for his room and thought it was his bed. With it up against the wall I had little room, to avoid being sat on I backed up as far as I could go, which pinned the quilt between me and the wall. Before I had chance to move and free myself he was sat in the bed, his thick legs pressing me more against the wall, his arms on top weighing me down. Almost pressing me down.
Trapped under the quilt I waited. Hoping he'd get up again. But instead he began to fart. Under the covers a foot from his ass I was hit by the smell. His wet lactose farts, sulphurous eggy farts, eye watering farts. They erupted from his ass and the temperature around me went up several degrees. I couldn't breathe anything but his gas. No matter which way I tried to move I was blocked, held or pushed. The only way I could potentially go was to climb over my uncle. I went to climb over him, but as I got half way there his arm moved and I was forced face down between his open legs. I couldn't see anything in the pitch black, but I could feel his bulge against my cheek. His sweaty balls. My nose was an inch from his ass and I could smell the farts on the sheets and his underwear.
As the three farts hit me I pulled myself back violently, wanting to get away as quick as possible. Pressed back up against the wall as much as I could, I inhaled the shit filled air. My uncle began to roll. In the darkness I could see nothing, but from the movement I knew his ass was coming round my way. I could smell it. It must have been just in front of me, I could feel the warm air emanating from it, the smell of stale farts and ass sweat. Another fart blew at my face. Before I could even react another movement and the ass was pressed back, straight on my face. Stuck now between the wall and my uncles ass.
The barrage of farts continued and no matter what I did I couldn't get free. I daren't not cry out as I'd have to open my mouth! But I hammed against him with my fists despite the warnings I'd been told of waking a sleepwalker, but it was to no avail. Fart after fart rippled across my face, the smell burning my nose hair as my lungs burned trying to find oxygen. I could feel the temperature getting unbearably hot. I was dehydrating from this dutch oven of my sleeping uncles making.
I don't know how long I was there pressed in to his ass, breathing in his farts. After around the thirtieth I think I passed out. The next thing I new I was waking up, under the quilt still, but no uncle. It was morning. The only sign he'd been there and it wasn't a horrible nightmare was the lingering smell that surrounded me. Feeling sick I threw the cover off me and fled my room.
At the breakfast table my uncle was sat there talking to my parents. He was dressed, and his bags packed next to him, ready to go. When I walked in he saw me and smiled.
"Morning! I was just telling your folks what an amazing night sleep I had last night. I feel so refreshed, I guess I must not have sleep walked at all last night. Probably the stress finally being over for me now I can move in to my own place again! Tell you what, once I'm all set up you'll have to come visit me there. It only has the one bed for now, but you don't mind sharing with your uncle for a night, do you?"
