The greatest gift to give to the people you love the most is your recovery.

“You picked it over me” she accused in a loud whisper. “You saw that with every inhale you took, I was becoming defeated and you rubbed it in my face, daring me to ask you to stop. You were taunting me with it and in the end I didn’t even have to ask you to chose because we both know you already had your mind made up on what you wanted more and it sure as hell wasn’t me.”

pick: do you want to be with someone who loves you with their entire soul in a home where you are cared for where every day is happy even on the days in won’t be? do you want to be healthy and functional and alive? do you want to love? or do you want to get high? do you want to hurt everyone who cares so bad they don’t care anymore? alone in a new place every day chasing feelings off of tin foil? you won’t eat or sleep or think. your mom will identify your body she won’t recognize you, though. did you pick? did you have to think about it? it’s such an easy choice so why is it so hard?

I told my ­managers from the start: When One Direction comes knocking, fook what I’m doing. I don’t give a shit if I sold out arenas or won Grammys. I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for that.

dear diary,