What is a king to a god?

I’m more helpful than any other idiot you might be running into.

Well, you’re not wrong. 

Wonderful. Come along boys, we’ve got an object to curse.

Like I said, we’ve crossed paths but I wouldn’t say we were particularly close friends or anything. 

Not a Slytherin then?

Bella. Rodolphus.

Oh good, we all know each other. 

Play nicely, dear. Perhaps he could be helpful, three sets of eyes could be more useful than two. Are you free this afternoon, Rabastan?

Bellatrix, as beautiful as ever. Rodolphus.

Carrow.

Flattery will get you no where, Amycus. 

We crossed paths a few times while we were in school. A few times later on. 

Funny, I don’t remember you mentioned.

Catalina Eyre. I take it you must be Mrs. Lestrange. 

I am, but Bellatrix will be fine. I’m assuming you know my husband then?

Fancy running into you here. 

Rabastan. 

I thought I heard a familiar voice. Hello.

Catalina.

Hello. And who might you be?

You’ll know it when we see it, darling. Patience is a virtue.

Occasionally. Now that I think about it there’s not too much of an issue.

You’re incredibly confusing. 

It isn’t completely useless. Frankly it’s easier to keep him than find a new one. My clothes haven’t been ruined yet, and that’s my biggest concern.

But he ruins other things?

I would have thought so, but he seems to ruin something at least once a day.

Leave it to Malfoy to keep a completely useless elf. 

Sometimes I think that it might kill itself. You should see the way it goes about doling out punishments.

How often does it get things wrong? Aren’t they supposed to learn from their mistakes?

Believe me, we’ve discussed it. That’s the look it gets on its face.

Then maybe it’s slightly smarter than it looks. 

Isn’t it horrendous? Imagine living with it.

I’d rather not, I’d end up killing it in a matter of hours.

Honestly, I don’t know how you manage to be so completely useless.

I am very sorry M-Madame.

That thing should never speak in public. I think a mandrake’s cry would be less grating.

Massively overrated.

So says you.