Lez Be Real

I stopped shaving my legs every other day I stopped only eating citras and drinking a gallon of water a day I started smoking weed with my friends I stopped bringing my phone with me to Temple, to coffee houses, to record stores, to concerts I stopped ignoring my family and started baking cookies and pancakes with bananas and nuts and apples I’ve made 32 pancakes since Friday, I’ve burnt 13 but I’m getting there I won’t let you burn me anymore I’m so fucking sick of flames Turns out I don’t get off on pain I don’t get off on being treated like a toy I do not enjoy having a collection of sticky notes covered in conversation topics because you never held up your end It’s true that one person always loves more but the other side needs to give something You knew this would happen I have to go for my own self respect I should’ve known when you stopped sending good morning texts Or when your texts didn’t come at all until late at night When your words were always about sex Maybe I should have turned my phone off or blocked your number when you told me about the first girl Or the second or the third But I thought you were worth it that I’d never find a better guy You always listened you respected my boundaries It’s probably easy when you have six other girls who will give you what I protect I’m not picking up this time I’m not checking your timeline I’m not listening to your music I’m not dying my hair your favorite color or getting a tattoo You You don’t deserve my kind of love Not from me, You deserve a quiet love that won’t take up too much time You killed me over and over again You wasted and disrespected me without even noticing My heart has been replaced with beetles and old peach pits but soon You won’t live there anymore to poison my wood Flowers will bloom in my brain once again Watered by my own love and confidence Planted by me for me You will never see them Lilacs and roses were my favorite before you Fuck your daisies you’re the one who cut them down

It takes great courage to see the world in all its tainted glory, and still to love it. And even more courage to see it in the one you love.

Maybe sometimes, we are the ones breaking our own hearts. We walk into a situation, get attached to someone all by choice. And then we let them break our hearts, because we’re the ones who gave them the opportunity to.

i never hear the ocean when i put shells to my ear. instead, i hear His heavy breathing from behind as He pushes me on my bed. on my disney princess sheets. instead, i hear the sound of the washing machine, loaded with those sheets. those bloody sheets. instead, i hear His voice in every creak and groan in every corner of the house, each gust of wind that blows when I walk home alone, every breath I took after He broke me: too heavy, too shallow. hissing and foaming.