Le Rouge Supporters

Erie, Pennsylvania smells like an ashtray with a toilet inside of it.

An excerpt from Newton’s Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica:

“That night I was harried as if by a demon. I awoke from a fitful sleep and was struck by an epiphany: Detroit City Football Club! This is the irresistible force that can render AFC Cleveland motionless. Only the application of DCFC can demonstrate that Cleveland is not truly an immovable object.

  “I hypothesize that in the future – somewhere on or around June 23rd in the year 2012 – DCFC and AFC Cleveland will meet. When this happens a collision to shake the heavens will ensue. I further hypothesize that DCFC will prove the greater of the two – remaining in motion, perhaps perpetually – while Cleveland is rendered an object at rest. If this is borne out, then I can rest easy in the knowledge that the universe is comprised of order and logic; it will prove that the Great Architect has given unto us the best of all possible worlds.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is ACCORDING TO SIR ISAAC NEWTON. Le Rouge has received confirmation that CERN is sending a team to Detroit to measure the atomic significance of the collision between Detroit and Cleveland. Teams of experts from around the world will converge near the Franco-Swiss border to analyze the data. Some fear that this could indeed create a black hole. Others hope the super collision will unlock the secrets of fission and herald the dawn of limitless free energy.

After narrowly escaping the bowel-churning reality of the Cleveland suburbs a week prior, Le Rouge returned to the friendly confines of Cass Tech to straight TROUNCE Buffalo. What a lovely reminder of the safe, comfortable, family-oriented downtown that is Detroit. The little ones turned out in droves and were not disappointed.

Parents: don’t be the only one on your block to deny your offspring the chance to say they were there during the inaugural season. That’s child abuse – and don’t think we won’t call Child Protective Services on your ass. Remember, unlike in Ohio, here the law is on the side of the good guys.

Date: June 8, 2012

Location: Cleveland, OH

The Le Rouge Insurgency consists of four lines of attack:

Time                       Objective                                                                               

0500 hours :         establish dominance of the parking area

0522 hours :         control all exits to the stadium

0534 hours :         overturn the hotdog cart

0547 hours :         Unit A: take control of the public address system

                          Unit B: lock bathrooms

Ongoing 1: hurl (anything)

Ongoing 2: instill fear

If you meet any resistance, terminate the subject.

A busload of POWER will be slamming into Cleveland this Friday night. DCFC supporters are following the team south of the border to drop some knowledge on the unsuspecting residents of Ohio. Perhaps a little dose of Vitamin D will rectify the Mistake by the Lake.

The Sixth City Syndicate Facebook posts have been riddled with insulting inaccuracies about the people of Michigan. Therefore, the highest windows of the Key Tower will be smeared with their viscera. We will plant our flag squarely in their nether regions. We will claim their city as our own. It’s only fair.

It’s all about indoctrination. This is how culture replicates and empires grow:

Last Saturday the pitch at Cass Tech endured invasion by a host of vermin from Erie. Ninety minutes later, they dragged themselves off the field feeling wholly ill-used. Ol’ Le Rouge went upside they head. Repeatedly.

Now we prepare for Binghamton as they try to violate the sanctity of our realm. If last week’s rain couldn’t stop Le Rouge Supporters from exceeding 1000, imagine what will come to pass on June second. The mind reels.

What’s that? What is the best way to prepare for the match, you ask? Why, it’s very simple, really: get thy donkey down to Nancy Whiskey at 11:00 a.m. and get fortified with the finest liquids and solids available. You can’t seriously expect to make hearts quake on an empty stomach. From there, march to the game with your comrades as the citizens of Detroit shower you with flowers and kind words of support. Yes, they recognize your colors.

Do you enjoy enthusiasm?  Has it been a while since you’ve gotten nuts about things Detroit?

Do you enjoy Hugh Jass flags and winning scores?

Marseille? Uruguay? Rural Alabama? We could be anywhere in the world right now, speaking the international language of charred meat products.

. . . can stay Le Rouge from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. Rain did not stop the team. Rain did not stop the fans. It was standing room only on the supporters’ side. Photo evidence below.

Even outside the stands . . . 

May 26th DCFC v. Erie

BEFORE: The PRE-GAME warm –up for Le Rouge Supporters will again be hosted by Nancy Whiskey. In the finest Corktown tradition, we will start at 11:00 a.m. Around 12:30 we'll march en masse to the game at full volume. When our side hits the pitch, we turn it up another notch.

AFTER: POST GAME, head to PJ’s Lager House for more of the same fellowship.

When the Erie Admirals come to Detroit on May 28th, they will arrive scabbed with every sort of vice, hoping to bring Detroit down to the level to which the craven residents of Erie have become accustomed. Are we going to take this lying down, Le Rouge?

Nay, we shall rise up in great numbers and plant a collective foot squarely in their foul hindquarters. They will experience great tribulations in the butt. The pent up emotions of years shall spill forth.

Yesterday (not to mention the last six months) the DCFC owners worked their rumps off to make the match come off perfectly. Then they spent the evening going around thanking everyone for showing up, helping, etc.

Le Rouge Supporters would like to take this opportunity to send a hearty THANK YOU right back to DCFC ownership for making a whole lotta magic in Detroit last night. 

Look at that skyline. Look at that pitch. Look at that team.