Leotus Flower

She always told him there wasn’t much of her.

She was a “small canvas”.

He always told her that he could sew her the universe.

My babe likes blue roses

But they don’t naturally bloom,

So I spray painted the white roses

These lips were made

To sing

Scream

And kiss

Nosebleed- First Draft

I had sleep paralysis last night

My walls were oozing blood, and it slowly filled the room.

I try to move, my body is stuck to the bed.

The blood fills up faster.

Faster.

Faster.

I scream and try to get free, but nothing happens.

I’m stuck.

The blood is up to the edge of the bed, and I can feel it on my fingertips.

Faster.

My face is all that pokes out of the pool of red.

Consuming.

I’m consumed in the blood.

I’m screaming, shouting,

Drowning.

The blood reaches the top of the room as I lay there staring, looking for freedom.

A faint light begins to pour into my bedside window.

I’m freed from the bed, and I start smashing against the window. I feel my lungs filling.

Faster.

It cracks, and I’m slamming the glass harder and harder.

Until my lungs are filled, and then I black out.

Darker.

Until I’m awake.

My upper lip feels wet.

I’m going to start chronicling what happens every time I get sleep paralysis. Some people just get stuck. I’m not some people. Instead of being frozen, I experience vivid hallucinations of nightmares, and often can feel my surroundings, even myself moving from my bed, when in reality, I haven’t moved at all. These experiences can leave me with anxiety, and often are linked to some real life occurance. For example, my first day-off entry will be from September 30th of 2019, around 3 am.

Looking for something special.

Dined in each bistro and cafe I’ve seen,

Slept in more beds with more people than I can count,

Visited every motel with poor AC and a mediocre breakfast.

I visit the small places, the broken places where a gem can be found.

Little did I think you’d find me one moring in University, tired eyes.

I just need some rest.

I need a mental break,

because I’m SO CLOSE

to breaking my mind apart

AND BEING DONE.

But I refuse to take the easy way out.

So I’m taking a mental break.

Til next mental breakdown

Its just my birthday kiddos.

I’m a 15 year old dork now!

Starving girls like me

Don’t eat.

We’re too busy eating away

Three-wicked sweet cakes.

Burning softly, spreading scents

To tease my taste buds,

I know you are prepared to walk out into the world, holding your head high.

I pray that your tears will flow from laughter, and not from more panic.

I wish upon you all the little blessings your day to day life shall bestow.

I dreamt that you had zero struggles while you conquered the impossible.

I tell myself this in each day the mirror.

I hope every day that the words falling from my lips come true.

I love you

12:32 AM

I still love you

12:33 AM

I’d like to believe there are two universes.

The one the world calls home,

and the one I live in,

I don’t see why parents are so scared

Of letting us be together, alone.

Every time we are,

We end up just laying on the bed,

Staring at the ceiling,

Talking about life.

Are parents that scared

Of all the things we say about them

I always thought my body was never enough.

Its a shabby little hut, too barren.

I looked at every scar and mole and hair as an imperfection.

Every pound I didn’t have was leaving it poorly decorated.

I thought I was a run down, thin walled, torn, sorry excuse for a home.

But you treated my body like a palace, gracing each wall with your fingers in awe.

Telling me I was a princess living within a castle that was a perfect fit.