Lena's Thoughts

Remember when we thought all the feminist milestones were hit in the 2000s? Yes. we were fully aware that inequality was all around the globe. But not for American women. We were so convinced Roe V. Wade was a way to fall off the dating radar. I mean, we did it? Right? You could be fabulous, have the greatest man, and run the company in kitten heels. Us girls did the grind in the modern age so we could sit and share a wine bottle.

Alas, do you know the dirty secret of the girl boss era? I didn't realize it until I started deep diving into feminism in my early twenties. At the time. I was in diapers - way too young to take a stand in the Y2k era. Except, the culture still shaped me and girls in my generation. We were so convinced our places as women would be reserved for us once adulthood arrived. Time skip to COVID and the current administration. Today, we are watching women's rights rapidly dismantled across the globe.

So, what's the tea? What was so wrong about the girl-boss era?

For starters, girl-bossing is entrenched in patriarchy. Your role as the female boss is to seem as masculine as possible in a power suit. Cool-headed, analytical, and ruthless. But not too much. You have to teeter between being the Holy Bitch and what I call "just a mere woman". Too much ruthlessness could make you lose followers and respect. But softness, especially shown to anyone that isn't a white, cisgender male? You're so woke, stage left to exit.

However, what else comes with the girl-boss territory is internalized misogyny. Other girl-bosses are meant to be feared, surveilled, and taken down a notch. Is it not giving dating via man? The job is the conquest. The ambition the fuel. And the journey meant to look superficially flawless. You suffered - but stopped crying about it. Girl-bossing taught girls to have thicker skin, except not in the right way. Even when you reached the corporate summit, the girl-boss is still expected to swallow past hurts. To roll over when a bigger, male fish says something completely out of the left field about your gender.

Why? Because you won. You're doing everything your ancestresses couldn't do. This is when the girl-boss mindset gets hairy.

Girl-bossing is centered on whiteness, the proximity to whiteness, and white feminism. That is the ugly, little secret no one tells you about this Y2K steeped era. White feminism and the furthering of the white male agenda was always the center. How many Black, Indigenous, Asian, or Latinx women did you see leading the corporations? Especially in media or in books? Ask yourself this: in a patriarchal society, why would men give girl-bosses the time of day?

White feminism is only given such a leash so it can further inequality. Whether through diversity hiring, wage inequality, or employee favoritism, white supremacy will find a way to maintain itself. One of white supremacy core beliefs is that only whites can be successful. That they are the "most deserving". If a Black, Indigenous, Asian, or Latinx breaks the mold and takes the crown, it's a problem. It defeats the foundation racial discrimination is built upon. The whole system that is enshrined to protect whites, especially the men, crumbles a part.

This is why the diversity hiring doesn't work. Corporations, especially during the girl-boss era, chose to including this method to make the company look better. It was never about being inclusive and providing reparations. You ever notice the diversity hire has always been "safe"? It screams proximity to whiteness. As long as you don't rock the boat by being "too dark", "too ethnic", or "too queer", you're in for the somewhat long haul. If white supremacy is the devil's work, proximity to whiteness is the minion picking up the breadcrumbs.

Proximity to whiteness is another dangerous facet to racism. Usually, the people chosen are non-white. But non-white in the way they may be considered "white-washed". This may be the individual that traded their culture, pride, and identity to get ahead of the rat race. They may be the first to come to the defense of whites. To argue that if anyone is to blame, it is the "lazy minorities". Whether it's trauma or indoctrination driving the individual, proximity to whiteness is detrimental. You'll know from day one this person is a corporate gloss-over.

Why? Because whiteness is not just an ideology. It is a power structure that expands and gathers more members when the foundation starts to crumble. For example, the Irish and Italians were not considered white until America deemed it convenient. In modern times, white supremacy has a harder time finding it's footing. Which is why they need followers, specifically people who are non-white, to act as champions of their cause.

It is very much a crabs-in-the-barrel situation where Black, Indigenous, Asian, and Latinx individuals can never fully get ahead. Utilizing this indoctrination keeps everyone else down. It's a last minute defense when HR starts poking around. Unfortunately, white girl-bosses take advantage of diversity hires to better than image. She's ready to tell the world: "I am inclusive. I am a libertarian. I am a human rights champion."

So, let's take a deter and talk about the files. The girl-boss era was full of pushing makeup, clothes, and cosmetics brands that are mentioned in the files. Because the epitome of being a female boss means you have to look flawless. It's all due to you are deserving and the alpha. However, the fault of this Y2K era was the anti-woman rhetoric the rich were pushing on us. Being a size 0 was all the rage. If your collarbones or rib cage wasn't showing, you're toast. Oh, but make sure you've got the butt and chest to go with it. No one likes a skeleton.

Diet culture and going completely hairless was the ideal. Yet, what does that teach us? The perfect woman is... a child? The smaller you are, the more hairless, and the whiter - that was perfection. Except, here's the funny thing: white women were spray tanning like crazy. You could be a full on Cali or Southern girl with a deep orange tan. It's whiteness in a skin suit dressed in Juicy Couture and Abercombie. While flipping through those magazines and sighing over baby fat was a past time, I feel sick looking back.

We were taught to girl-boss. But girl-boss quietly until you get the big break. Yet, come 2026, we find out Lifetouch was in the files. Our favorite lingerie and perfume brands are in the files. The kicker? All these brands were curating to girls like me. To trap the next generation once the Millennials were passed on to adulthood. Too old and too much to control. That was the memo for our predecessors. We were all being groomed and didn't think twice about. Because the dream of adultifying ourselves before 18 was the treasure forced down our throats.

Skip to 2026. We've got our feminist warriors going to the frontlines. Combing through the infinite files. Asking the big questions and digging through all the red tape. Using cultural observation and personal trauma to identify what the hell is going on. The truth? We were lied about the girl-boss era so we can serve a PDF oriented, white supremacist agenda. We were lined up, one by one, to be erased, groomed, and systematically used to create a new line of victims. Our children, our sisters and brothers... Even our friends. Girl-boss protected a grooming agenda.

And that is part of the problem.

Devil Wears Prada is one of my favorite all time films. However, watching it again in my mid-twenties got me thinking. Did Andy actually change? Or was she growing into the person who she really was? Let's take a deep dive into Andrea Sachs personality.

Andy Sachs, in the movie, is a promising former college grad looking to make it big. Her goal? Survive the magazine line and create her own name. Except, here's the problem: she's working for one of the biggest tycoons in fashion... and Sachs doesn't have much style. Throughout the movie, it is pointed out that she is too big, very un-stylish, and extremely incompetent for the job. Even Miranda Presley herself cuts Andy down a size or two.

Except, here's what is interesting about Andy. She has ambition - lots of it. The amount of articles she's written, especially the ones about the janitorial bust, demonstrate Sachs' passion. Out of her friend group, she is the quintessential ball buster. Runway is our heroine's ticket to the top. Because a million girls would kill to have her spot.

Somehow, with all the jabs and ill-intended quips, something clicks. Andy unravels from a "boring" future "Emily" to being on par with the models garnered throughout Runway. She chucks the practical sweaters and the clam chowder after Nigel does a work up on her.

The clincher?

It works. Changing for the job is what people will argue that got Miranda Presley's eye. However, I disagree. Andy has always been clever. People forget she's not showing up out here without experience. Her shrewdness is what gets Sachs points about the other assistants. What fuels this audacity? Andy can be spiteful and petty.

But for all the right reasons. Looking back at the film, her boyfriend is a piece of work. One minute, he's all for his girlfriend's career woman trajectory. Except, it's very superficial. When she refused to quit the job, he pouts about her new glamorous look and clothes. I seriously think Nick was a misogynist happy to keep his woman down.

When she wasn't just "plain old" Andy, he turned cold. You don't dish out on your girl's new look because she made a big girl decision about work.

And this is what kills me. From day one, Andy's friends are framed as quirky misfits. The scene where they are throwing the phone? Complete asshole behavior. Yes, you shouldn't be married to the job. However, how many male figures have you seen wedded and bedded to their careers? If this was Nick's story rising to become a sous chef, he'd have the whole theatre applauding and pitying him.

But because it's fashion. It's models, clothes, and a female legacy. Andy is part of the Y2K girlboss era. Although problematic, Andy is the "sweet and naive" protagonist we needed. Which comes to the next aspect. Andy is relatable because she is genuine and only bites back when it is deserved. She puts up with all of Miranda's demands, the biting comments about her weight, and the constantly absent boyfriend.

I think her friends were comfortable when she was considered ordinary. Because an aspiring writer in a chartreuse sweater and loafers is easy to swallow than a "Glamazon" spouting Runway terms, totting expensive presents, and taking a serious turn for herself. Andy is villainous for being the "it girl". Yes, missing Nick's birthday was absolutely crappy. But as someone who has been the breadwinner? Realistically, you plan this shit out and know work won't give you the day off.

Understandably, movie logic needs us to have this conflict so it can portray Miranda as an unreasonable "dragon-lady" and show how a career can change you for the worst. Except, personally, I didn't see Nick consistently make room for Andy. This is the boring part about real life but pertains to my argument. Nick was seen cooking one grilled cheese sandwich for her and that's it. Andy is the epitome of selflessness throughout the entire movie - but a reckless one.

Not because she doesn't think. Her head is in the game. Runway stripped away the darkest facade of Andy so she could shine. She is selfless so she can maneuver people and maintain one's job. Furthermore, Andy has proven she cares so much. Yes, Sachs relies on her instincts to survive. As the movie progresses, she pieces together a scandal and runs to warn Miranda. As always, Miranda is ahead.

Amongst the shithead friends, absentee boyfriend, and a draining job, Andy became brilliantly and organically herself. My opinion? Runway made her and she would have made the industry.

Which is why I am so excited to see the sequel!! I think Runway is Andy. Especially an Andy Sachs navigating a modernized version of the fashion business.

No one ever believes me when I tell them I have a high pain tolerance. Getting tattoos? That's nothing. Bumping my head pretty hard accidentally? Disassociate. Pain is nothing to me because my womb feels like it is constantly on fire.

I live with a condition. One we don't know what it is as I had to restart the process of getting diagnosed. It could be endometriosis or PCOS. Maybe it is some other "reproductive" illness. Yet, the funny thing is, new research indicates these conditions are bodily inflammations that don't just stop at your uterus.

Every day is something. Maybe it is a migraine or nausea. Another day? Total and complete exhaustion despite clocking in eight hours asleep. Sometimes my bones ache or I come down with a stress fever. But hold your horses. When it is time for my period, it all comes down. Imagine someone taking a hot knife to an open wound... and cork-screwing it in.

Oh, but that's not the only pain you feel. Sometimes, you feel like a baby pummeled you a bunch. Except, along with the stabbing pain, the dullness is constant. It bears down and spasms. Laying on your side does nothing. A heating pad and some Motrin are a laughable attempt at pain management. My 10 comes down to an 8 1/2. There are nights I sit on the kitchen floor, sponge in my hand, because I can't wash dishes.

That's the pain level we are talking.

The mornings and nights are the worse rounds, especially when I have to travel or work. I'm told I am a very angry woman during my cycle. Well, now you know. I have much patience as my inner world and my body is on fire. However, I don't have the strength to be a perfect being when I force myself to choke down pills so I can earn a living.

Too many E.R. trips have proven a waste. Female pain is underestimated and heavily overlooked. Doctors are convinced it's just our cycles. Cut out the uterus, you will be fine. Except, those are not solutions. Removal of organs or pregnancy aren't magical miracles. A study on ED will receive more attention than women dying of complications. It takes almost a decade to receive medical confirmation and to start rigorous treatment.

I never want to hear it gets better. I never want to hear believe in miracles. My pain is not a testament to a bigger plan. It is proof that there is something going on. That I will be treated as a second class citizen when I am begging for answers. It is a reflection of how society would rather me be a baby-maker than a survivor of a condition that costs one's quality of life.

Within myself, I have to find my own solace as many bosses, friends, and doctors consequently fail me. Because how dare I not be a perfect human. A perfect vessel for a child, an appeasing worker, and a voiceless canvas to be operated on. How dare I not accept second class treatment or the fact that I am more than a womb.

How dare I be chronically ill and spiteful.

Somewhere along one's spiritual journey, a lot of people start to question multiple beliefs. Does magick exist? Am I psychic? Or am I simply falling for coincidences? Let's delve into the inner workings of the witch.

Unfortunately, searching for answers becomes generic. I say this with much compassion for people who have utilized Buzzfeed quizzes, combed through semi-esoteric blogs, and asked numerous questions on YouTube channels. Not that these routes aren't helpful. However, they can become very problematic as someone tries to identify what to call themselves. An identity can be very helpful, yet it is binding.

I have to tip my hat to some of these quizzes, though. So, what is the tea? How do you know if you possess magick or have witch ancestry? The best way to tell is how you feel and the experiences you've lived. If you've had experiences or feelings that seem "otherworldly" or more than just "coincidental", chances are you have been tapping into magick.

What kind of experiences am I referring to? These experiences can range from having predictive dreams or an internal vibe check turning out true. Maybe you had a fateful encounter that tied into you pursuing a dream job or career. Or, perhaps you guessed a stranger's answer all-too-correctly. Almost as if you had read their mind. These are examples of magick in the works.

Typically, these all are examples of psychic senses. Generally, everyone has had such feats occur in their lives. But for witches? It's not just a once-in-a-blue-moon appearance. For witches, psychic abilities are not a guest star cameo. They are re-occurring characters in a person's show. Witches have more pronounced gifts due to the connections they have - whether it is ancestral, karmic, or personally pursued.

The fact you have the urge to discover if magick is possible is a strong indicator you are one. Perhaps, you were a witch in your past life (dismiss this if you do not believe in reincarnation). Whatever the case may be, magic flows in everything. From the flowers, animals, and to the inanimate objects in our households and businesses, everything possesses some kind of magick.

Magick is simply a type of energetic life force. Since magick flows in all of us, everyone can tap into magick and cast spells. The effectiveness of such casting varies. But to redirect this, how else can you tell of one's witchness? One of the tell-tale signs is having a strong connection to animals or nature.

If you have ever wanted to use herbs or plants - heck even food- to heal and nurture, that's a sign! Having an affinity for animals is another indicator. This is especially so if you find power in associating with a certain animal or you find that pets are easily drawn to you. Aside from flora and fauna, feeling the energy of a room before reading it is another tell-tale sign. Many witches can pick up on secrets or hidden emotions that others cannot sense.

Now, this one is my favorite and has controversy behind it. Manifestation. If you've ever had a scenario or situation you've mentioned aloud or though about occur, that's your witchy side. Witches can be powerful manifestors. For us, what we desire or ask for (whether good or bad) can happen within minutes or the next day. The saying "be careful for what you wish for" is testimony to this. As a witch, I've had to learn to take care in what I imagine or think about.

Another sign - feeling presence. If you've ever felt a significant spiritual power in certain places such as a cementary or an abandoned house, that's your power coming through. Or, if you have caught sight of a spirit or heard it's voice? That is another example of tapping into your powers.

Although I haven't listed all indicators, these are the ones that are more common - especially for individuals who have not experimented with the craft. I hope this leaves assurance as to whether or not this is your calling. Remember, at the end of the day, only you can define who you are.

Stay witchy, friends.

A very disturbing report came through social media about how cyber-terrorists targeted a school to demand monetary payment via blackmail. These underage girls who won a tournament had their picture posted by the school for means of celebration. The school was emailed with threats of using the pictures, turned by AI, to be released as ransom. Terrifyingly, the person utilizing these threats turned the pictures into AI videos with CSAM elements involved.

If the money was not handed over, the cyber-terrorist aimed to release the videos. We all have heard of blackmail being used to exploit individuals. Currently, in this age, we have heard cases of AI deepfakes used to spread CSAM. But now? Cyber-terrorists are getting bold. Or, perhaps we haven't been hearing enough of these cases being reported.

If water depletion, environmental harm, or psychosis inducing hallucinations isn't enough to boycott AI - is this it? We have celebrities like Reese Witherspoon claiming AI is beneficial for young women. How were these female children benefiting? Their image and likeness was exploited for someone to make an easy buck. Videos that will not simply go away once deleted or confiscated by authorities.

Very much so, their well being has been destroyed. On top of it, if these deep fake videos have been leaked, these girls' safety could be at risk. Predators don't just stop at watching several clips. This level of exploitation is very dangerous and creates a predator hunting cycle.

Sometimes, prayer is equated as being the most devout. Especially if it is done consistently over a number of times throughout the week, month, or year. However, I personally try to limit how much I pray. This may seem contradictory, especially with how I have spiritual leanings. My reasoning behind this is because I have lost balance to both extremes - the physical and the spiritual.

I do not think praying less does not make me any less spiritual or an imposter. There are moments where I feel I don't give enough devotion. However, I am someone who works usually 42 hours a week, lives with chronic health, and is expecting to return to college soon. When I work, I only have four and a half hours of down time to clean, cook, and relax before I go to bed. I rise at 5 a.m. on works days and stay up until 9 p.m. at night.

You might wonder - how in the hell are you working with deities if you're so busy? The answer: I have to carve out my own time. Lean in close, this is the tea.

I feel as though I am not a spiritual because I am constantly fighting for free time. Prayer and worship were the closest gateways to communicating with my deities, specifically my matron. Back in my early twenties, in the not-so-distant past, my spiritual mask was constantly on. I devoted many hours praying, researching, and developing my psychic abilities. It was great - till it wasn't. There wasn't anything wrong with the activities I was doing.

Worship and prayer gave me peace of mind. Empowerment, even. Except, the main defining issue was that I was isolated. Circumstantially, I had to move to a whole new city at eighteen with no connections. I had no friends and kept falling into very toxic domestic situations. That isolation fueled my eclectic practice, one I hold on to very dearly. However, I lost myself in defining my experiences with a mass spiritual karmic mindset.

The mindset I possessed glossed over the pain and helplessness that I felt. It promoted an all-or-nothing everything must be "love and light" mentality. Which lead to my prayer becoming toxic. I defended the abuse I endured in my head. I truly believed it was all part of my "soul evolution". What I didn't realize was my prayer was becoming a crutch.

Instead of sticking my head out of the sand, I continued to run. I ditched family because of our intense estrangement and shame I felt for choosing toxic people. My go-to was to pick another partner, live in another town, and convince myself I could fix him. That I would finally find acceptance if I just asked the universe for what I wanted. My deity work entered a very dark period as the distance between my faith and delusions became bigger.

Looking back, I try to give myself grace. What happened to me was wrong and had zero to do with soul evolution. I think that crap is bs because it ignores how horrifying of a patriarchal system entrenched in supremacy we live in. Additionally, I think the soul evolution theory is misogynistic and racist in itself (more on that another day). No one deserves to be abused or harmed in any way.

I've realized my path to spirituality has been plagued by a lot of "should-yous" and toxicity. No path is devoid of the systematic abuse that has found it's way into every faith, institution, and belief set. Much of what it encourages is a helpless victim mindset. It's a very white magick mirror to the world. Excessive prayer binds you to a stagnant mindset. Yes, I was given opportunities that came with those prayers.

Alas, that does not stop suffering or the growth you endure as a person. I kept wanting the easy way out - which is valid. It is valid to want an easy way out with how incredibly messed up our world is. But I had to find my own strength and spite to claw through these situations to be free. And I had to do it again. Over and over. This is why I say to people I "did my time". I literally spent my entire life - twenty-four years - to have my freedom and escape very abusive situations.

As a pagan, I had to learn it is all literally in my hands and I will have support. But we are living in world that favors two extremes of the human dysfunction. No one is going to get out scot-free. And that is not the failure of our gods/goddess. My life experience has taught me to minimize prayer so I can find a relationship outside of asking.

Since I am very busy and can easily experience mental and psychic overstimulatiion, my preferred routes of connecting to my deities is by doing. By feeling and participating in activities that provide movement, expression, and creativity. It helps me to avoid pitfalls of spiritual attacks, extreme exhaustion, and places me on a path of self success. Praying minimally has changed my direction of being a fly-on-the-wall to the main heroine of my own story.

So, we have to shed the tea on this. All around the world, Conservative antics, eugenics, and supremacy are prevailing at alarming speeds. This does not fit the current way our world progression was growing. Truthfully, there is no sense or reason to how Alt Right groups are becoming increasingly popular in the 21st century. But a disturbing trend I am noticing is the rise of Anti-vaxxers, delusional spiritual healing advice, and the alarming inequality gap breaking through the surface. The inequality and fear mongering has always been here.

Primarily, the groups that will be and have been affected by these Conservative leanings are BIPOCS, women, and Neurodivergents. For example, pregnant women are being gaslighted into believing Ibuprofen will cause birth defects. If that was the case, why not ban everyone - including men- from taking it? The reason behind this push is for women's pain to be profited off of and to control reproductive health. Additionally, Ibuprofen has not been prove to cause such defects.

But this rhetoric is very harmful. People who are anti-vaxxers, whether by choice or medical gaslighting, are refusing to vaccinate their children. Currently, there is an outbreak of children bleeding due to their parents refusing crucial vitamin K shots. Is that not problematic enough? That children are dying?

There is an incoherent obsession with children being born perfect - namely white and able-bodied. The political pushing of this current climate in the U.S. is alarming. Children are being treated as literal cows - specimens meant to be wedded off and produce "ideal" offspring. However, it's at the cost of their health. Denying children life-saving vaccines is a crime in itself. However, the bigger crime is the rampant indoctrination encouraging anti-vaxxer propaganda.

This propaganda rears itself in the spiritual community as well. New Age, Wiccan circles, and even pagans are guilty of falling into this cycle. It's not only a mass Christian problem. Manifestational healing or the avid avoidance of modern medicine gets very dangerous vast. As someone who lives with chronic health undergoing diagnostic surgery, I can attest the manifestational healing is not a solution. There is valid concern modern medicine can make certain conditions worse. However, it is a catch all equation that can equally help as well.

The problem I am seeing is how religious and spiritual indoctrination is being used so people cannot treat their illnesses or seek pain relieving solutions. Manifestational healing is an avid combination of "only I can fix it" and "I'm not doing enough praying". It teaches a lack of accountability and a toxic spiritual martyr complex. The cures are only found in diet culture, obscene rituals that lose their spiritual significance, and a fear mongering that pushes out any medical solution.

Do I think all manifestational magick is harmful? No. However, manfiestational healing and anti-vaxxers become one and the same. Modern medicine is seen as the enemy and a cancer baptizing free-for-all. Which brings us back to the root problem: supremacy. Under this political climate, people with chronic health, Neurodivergence, or even a mental health condition are seen as dispensable. This isn't opinion - this is a fact. A fact that is none other than fascism.

These two mindsets also bring up a very dangerous mindset. That we are wrong. Our bodies are wrong. Instead of giving us a framework to view ourselves as worthy despite having conditions, these mentalities punish us for existing with "unfavorable" genetics. I think manifestional magick may have come with good intentions. But it has become a monster rooted in supremacy.

We become the cash cow to be profited off without any substantial funding going to research, time placed in designing cures, and an onset development of pharmaceutical overrule. Put in factors such as race, sexuality, Neurodivergence, or even immigration status - you've got yourself a whirlwind of issues. From medical discrimination, malpractice, and financial disparity, the meal tickets only seem to get longer.

De-centering monotheistic mindsets is very difficult. Personally, I have never felt at home with Christianity or Catholicism. It has never been a part of my journey for self-growth. As a mixed race woman, I could never jump on the monotheism board because of the forced conversion and assimilation my mother's people have to go through. Plus, women have been historically erased and condemned in the Bible through right wing and Conservative ideologies.

Funnily enough, I would have never expected my love for mythology to become an actual spirituality I would follow. In 2020, I started to notice more resurfacing on paganism. Although paganism has been around for a long time, it didn't have such a prominent traction until the collective mindset shifted drastically. When I experienced a bout of homelessness, that was when I turned to Hellenism.

I have never liked framing spirituality in a dramatic manner. When speaking of my spirituality, I am very careful about how I frame my deity work. I don't approve of emphasizing on the speculation of miracles or the intense euphoria that can come with worship. My preference is to stay down-to-earth while remaining attuned with the deities I work with. Hellenism was not a life saver for me, but a life changing experience when I decided to work with my own gifts and my matron Hestia.

A consistent pattern I have noticed is the quick defamation of polytheism. Truly, I believe American society is very centered on monotheism to the point it is a normal state. The framework for monotheism permeates every layer of our society - from purity culture to the erasure of BIPOCS, women, Neurodivergents, and LGBT+.

Moving away from thinking in terms of monotheism can be difficult and isolating. When I started my journey, I had no one but books, blogs, and YouTube videos to fall back on. Now, it's much easier to access information. But with that same ease can come with much misinformation simultaneously. So, what's the tea?

How do you verify if you are having a spiritual experience versus a delusion?

The number one thing I tell people is: you're not crazy. If you are not hindered by the influence of substance or have a condition which can affect your cognition, it is safe to say you might be experiencing a spiritual moment.

Secondly, your gut feeling is always right. No matter what, you cannot trick your gut. The gut is hardwired to be like a third brain. If it feels right and safe, then it is a genuine spiritual experience.

Thirdly, everyone has experienced a spiritual moment. Even monotheists. Have you noticed monotheists talk to God through prayer or devotion? Polytheism operates the same way. Prayer or ritual acts of devotion such as setting up libations, offerings, or veneration through a craft can be seen within both belief sets. Even if you consider yourself the least spiritually inclined person, everyone has had one type of spiritual moment in their life.

To tie this all together, you are not crazy if you feel polytheism, heathenry, or a pagan lifestyle is for you. The push for monotheism has decentered the sacredness of polytheism - especially as different individuals are trying to recreate worship. What I have come to find is the basis of spirituality begins to blur. Faith comes from an element of love and an ecstasy for meaning.

Whether or not we worship the same way, at the source is a need for connection. And its gift? Empowerment.

One of the worst acts I've seen in the Alt community is gatekeeping. Gatekeeping occurs when people claim a space, concept, or idea in order to maintain a sense of control over a formalized "culture". Within gatekeeping, the ones committing the act police identities and establish who belongs and who doesn't. The most unfortunate part? I've seen a lot Goths like myself become slandered.

I'll be the first to say the main requirement of being Goth is to listen to the music. You don't have to listen to it every day. Me? I usually listen to symphonic metal and cinematic-like music. Sometimes it's The Pretty Reckless and Evanescence. Other times it can be London After Midnight or Sleep Theory. I'm not ashamed to admit I listen to Lady Gaga, Cascada, and Shakira.

So, what's the tea?

As long as you enjoy Goth music, you are Goth. Goth does not have to look a certain way, although it is an enjoyable hallmark of belonging to the subculture. Some of us really enjoy horror movies and reading Gothic literature. For others, romantasy and cute things like anime or plushies are a go-to. Which brings me to my next topic.

There are many ways to look Goth.

The Gothic subculture contains different styles - from trad Goth, romantic, bubble Goth.... Heck, even cyber Goth is a part of the scene. You are allowed to mix and match colors. To experiment with different styles. At the end of the day, if you don't wear Gothic clothes - you are still Goth. The only real requirement is to enjoy the music.

But what happens if you don't like Goth music? Are you still Goth?

Personally, I think it can be controversial as Goth is defined as a music based subculture. Although gatekeeping is frowned upon, there are realistic expectations that appropriation can happen. It is a very fine line to walk on as Goths, especially women, BIPOCS, and LGBT+ have experienced discrimination for presenting as they do. A common issue in the Goth scene is the explicit fetishization of Goth women. I have seen happen it, personally, where an individual dresses as Goth simply for the sake of objectification.

Those scenarios are problematic. I have noticed that this has been a factor for gatekeeping. Either way, gatekeeping is not justifiable. Personally, as a Goth, I stand with the sentiment enjoying the music is a part of the subculture. The fashion is more like an expression rather than a standard. For example, I am fond of wearing pink occasionally. I proudly own a Spice Girls shirt and will don on colorful makeup. But I like to pair my outfits and makeup with black jeans, skull bracelets, or the usual black eyeliner.

At the end of the day, even if I am decked out in a black dress or wearing my Hello Kitty sweats, I still consider myself Goth. I am evolving in my style and don't stick to one niche. Another important standard I will include is your political leanings. I don't care for politics. Except you are not fully immersed and part of Goth culture if you have harmful, Conservative leanings.

If your belief set is stemmed in xenophobia, racism, and misogyny... You are missing the ball park by a lot. I consider most Goths out there to be on the progressive side or even apolitical. However, at the end of the day, I think it is very much a Gothic trait to celebrate liberation and equality.

Why, you might wonder?

Because music has always been political in this world. Music is the forefront of expression and rebellion. To be Goth is to actively fight against a system that discriminates on the basis of sex, gender, race, and identity. It is a very Gothic action to refuse what society is dolling out in means of indoctrination.

So, to all the baby bats and Elder Goths and every in between, keep reveling in your inner darkness. Only you can define who you are. The outer appearance is only an illusionary shell to what lies beneath.

A conversation that comes up a lot is how the Greeks were the first to humanize their deities - as if we don't already do that with other religions/spiritualities. I disagree with the statement as it reduces ancient religions to blasphemy. When it comes down to the formation of a religion, cult, or spirituality, I believe people are channeling energies. Similarly, the Norse gods/goddesses were humanized in certain aspects as well. They are not seen as all benevolent and have different traits - traits that arguably can be considered human.

It is very problematic textbooks, especially American ones, throw this sentiment in the face of ancient religions. The formation of ancient religions is a very complicated one. Interestingly enough, if you argue that Christianity or Catholicism humanizes their God, you are meant with much disdain. Isn't human to be benevolent or full of rage? We have to rephrase the discrimination of ancient religions to counter bigotry.

Furthermore, the misinformation on ancient deities found in American textbook parrots a push for a monotheistic mindset, specifically Christian. We shouldn't have to decenter heathenry for the sake of making monotheists more comfortable. In doing so, this fosters what can easily be seen as propaganda and ill will do those who worship differently. To reiterate again, this "humanization" theory is also incorrect and misleading.

Easily, I can recall a time where a guy I was talking to said how I described myself was completely off -the-wall. That being opinionated is a "white Karen" thing. As a mixed race woman, it is interesting to see how Latinas can be celebrated for boldness, yet when it is used consistently, then it is deemed a problem. Unfortunately, this is how machismo and the "spicy" Latina stereotype go hand in hand. You're expected to bring all the life and the fun. A little bit of push back.

But dare you actively call out every layer of misogyny and unfairness in the world or the guy you're into? Cut the camera and exit stage left. It is very ironic the traits we are celebrated for are whittled down to being problematic. It isn't right. Even if I was fully white - who cares? If you've done the reading, remained respectful, and stay true to yourself... you've not only done the walk but won the race.

It is exceptionally interesting how my white side was pronounced as a way to demean when I am rigid in my character. Me, as an individual, outside of work - I am stern, opinionated, and outspoken. That doesn't mean I'm not funny or kind. But my day to day life demands I arm myself with the ability to raise hell whenever myself or someone else is actively put down or abused. To lay out my whole demographic - I am half-Chilean, bisexual, Neurodivergent, and disabled.

It is not uncommon for me to deal with constant misogyny, fetishization, and bullying out in the workplace or in college. To be frank, I have not gone a single month in my life where such abuse has not happened. I was very embittered and surprised to find the guy I was chatting with showed his true colors. Although this guy is a figment of the past, it is a conversation I talked about with my partner.

The reason? That guy was an infinite number of men I have put up with that used misogyny as a weapon. As a stick to put me "back in my place". There is nothing wrong with woman being opinionated. Opinions can be good. They can make for interesting conversation and intellectual discourse if formed compassionately and in an knowledgeable manner. Personally, I would say men are the most opinionated creatures on the planet.

Have you seen what patriarchal standards have done to the world? Or better yet, can you name how many men you know that have not tried to belittle a woman or manipulated her? All because she dared to take a personal stand she felt was right?

The worst part about all of this is you will never hear a man recounted as opinionated. Because having something to say with little consequence is automatically awarded to cis men. I remember someone commented on social media about internalized misogyny. They stated if they saw characteristics in a woman they did not like, try to imagine them as a man. If they liked the male version better, then internalized misogyny has taken over.

There is nothing wrong with being opinionated, especially as a woman. I encourage young girls and women alike to be loud. To be bold and unapologetic. The only thing you have to fear is sowing hatred. If you are turning into an abuser or support harmful ideologies, check yourself. Own up to the damage you've done and educate yourself. It is very much possible to be kind in your opinionated nature.

Growing up with a mother who was very fear mongering about disabilities was very difficult. I've stated before in my blog I have a sibling with Autism my parent actively bars from having a life. I never would have thought I would be Neurodivergent. Whenever I dealt with bouts of depression from being isolated and controlled by mom, her immediate default was to send me to a psych hospital. There was never room to find outlets or seek help.

In her eyes, I was simply born as a problem child - a comment she had no shame in making constantly. Until I met my partner, I had no inkling about if I was an ND. Meeting my current boyfriend has changed my life. I found out that the constant masking I resorted to, the mood swings, and the ever racing thoughts were part of the spectrum. My fixation on researching women's rights and devouring any facts I could grasp for college papers was not a "quirky" trait. It's an example of how my brain works - including the intense compassion I felt for others.

Being in a relationship with my current boyfriend has made me feel empowered. Not because I'm in a relationship. But because I'm with someone who understands the complexities of having co-morbid conditions. Whenever I have a mood swing, I am not treated as unstable or appeased in an infantalizing manner. He gives me room to discuss what's on my mind in a way that isn't abrasive or interrogating.

My interests are celebrated and encouraged. And in turn? I am able to understand the way his condition functions by asking questions. His go-to is to comfort and soothe. On the contrary, I am a problem solver and want to help identify what he is feeling and solutions to improve his life. Although we have the same Neurodivergence, ours function in different ways. I have more trust and solidarity in our community when I came to the conclusion that I am not less because my brain and body work differently.

Meeting my partner has changed my life for the better. There are still days where being a mixed race Neurodivergent woman is very difficult. I encounter instances where I am called emotional for setting boundaries. Or, in other scenarios, my open nature that is a very hallmark Chilean trait is made fun of or slandered against. To this day, I am reclaiming my places as a mixed woman with disabilities. I don't have a box - which threatens people with more right wing or discriminatory tendencies. My heritage, outspoken tendencies, and unbreakable moral compass damages the system that certain NTs grip onto.

I have had to learn the hard way that our society is not built to assist or nurture someone like me. We are too "confusing" for people to put us somewhere neatly. Our bodies are deemed "problematic" for suffering with over-stimulation, depression, or autoimmune conditions that debilitate us. Add in one's racial identity of mixedness and you got yourself a pickle for the haters. But at the end of the day, my partner is there to pick me up.

And I do the same for him. We are literally a couple that is a Conservative man or woman's nightmare. Both of us are bisexual, college students, progressive, and don't subscribe to religion. In fact, I am pagan while he is Agnostic and exploring. Additionally, we identify as firm, unmovable feminists and are Alternative. Again, we are a walking nightmare for Conservative groups - especially since I am "the older one" and am divorced. Our whole dynamic literally is a big FU to the patriarchy.

More than ever, I've come back to who I am. I'm not performing for my ex-husband and masking entirely as an NT woman. Time and time again people will try to strip me of my biracial identity. I'll always be the "raging feminist" and "mouthy". And it's true - because I am actively defying a society that has erased people like me. People like my boyfriend. He gets frowned at for wearing Kuromi hoodies and black nail polish. Because Goddess forbid we be our authentic selves in an NT indoctrinated world.

I know when my partner reads my blog, he'll be smiling from ear to ear. Our love story is a Neurodivergent one that deserves recognition. So, to my beloved, I am recognizing our love story and how you've helped me grow as a person. I am more authentically messy, opinionated, and righteously stern when I need to be. And it feels damn good to be loved as a force to be reckoned with.

Chronic health can make you feel less than. Nobody preps you for how chronic health can affect your life. Oftentimes, people will ask you if it's better. If the condition took care of itself. Or worse - is the condition actually real? When chronic health is invisible, it leaves room for people to doubt your authenticity.

Finding acceptance in chronic health isn't easy. And it should never diminish how difficult, painful, or financially constrictive a diagnosis can be. Acceptance doesn't always equal liberation. At the end of the day, you still deal with it. For me, I am still learning to accept my condition. I am undergoing surgical diagnosis to find out what is wrong with me. My partner and I have an inkling as it is most likely genetic. Unfortunately, my mother treated anything wrong with her condition to be detrimental, especially in ways that were very negative.

I've had to overcome a lot of falsities with my condition. What I deal with used to be defined as only reproductive. It isn't. If confirmed, what I have is a chronic all-body inflammation. So, to most people, it seems like my condition only occurs once a month. Additionally, people assume it's manageable. But for something that lands me in the E.R. and Urgent Care all in week and being forced to take almost two weeks to recover, that is not the definition of tolerable.

No one tells you the road to acceptance comes with shame, depression, and rage. Fighting self-worth is a very complicated manner when you are in the unknown trying to find the light. My breaking point was that E.R. trip. I was toxically delving into self-help through manifestations and eating clean. What I was really doing was depriving myself of nutrients and ignoring a condition that has been demanding immediate attention since I was sixteen. My whole viewpoint was narrowed onto refusing that I could have something. Something that can turn fatal - another statistic people leave out.

So, how did I turn that around? What was the tea?

I realized: I don't want to be miserable. I don't want to be bed ridden -unable to cook, walk, or write my books. My bank account was almost completely drained from missing so much work. Going on disability wasn't an option as we had recently moved and I did not have a formal diagnosis yet (we have to wait till June). Reading endo statistics and the pain finally presented me with a choice. I had to schedule the surgery.

Do I feel happier? No. Do I feel relieved? Not quite.

But I am admitting to myself there is an issue that not only affects my ovaries. I am very exhausted, emotionally depressed, and feel sick during my cycle. I get migraines and have stomach upsets that make my usual eating habits difficult to keep up with. What acceptance did was finally force me to make a decision that could potentially save my life.

For newcomers to my blog, I am a follower of Hellenism. I have been doing this on and off for six years (still with much to learn)! The first deity to ever officially reach out to me was Lady Hestia. It was always a struggle to feel free in my devotion due to home displacement and an unsuccessful marriage. But that's starting to change as I am building a new life with my partner.

I am definitely feeling like I am in my Hestia Era. I have taken a new interest in cooking. It started small with experimenting with a different pasta sauce. Recently, my partner got sick and I decided to make my own soup from scratch. I used chicken bone broth for the base, skinned some potatoes, and cut chicken I had saved in the fridge.

For both the potatoes and chicken, I seasoned them both with a handy table dash seasoning I found at our grocery store (the seasoning contains turmeric, ginger, garlic, paprika, and more), After I massaged the seasonings into the meat, I got out a pan and started throwing in bell peppers and green onions while I cooked the meat.

I added a little bone broth in the pan to the keep the chicken meat moist and to prevent the vegetables from drying out. While I slow cooked the meat, I put the soup on a medium heat and threw in the potatoes. After the chicken was fully cooked, I tossed it in the soup pot and brought more green onions, basil, and crumbled spinach. I dropped the soup to a low heat and allowed it to start cooking for another hour.

All in all, making the soup took several hours. But it was completely worth it. The soup had a nice kick of spice, especially with the pepper flakes I added towards the end. In contrast, the bone broth brought a smooth, mellow flavor that you could taste between bites. And most importantly - I can't forget to mention I put white rice and black beans in the soup!

Although this has only been a new development, I definitely felt closer to Hestia making a hearty soup for my partner. I've also had my own little nesting syndrome going on. We joke I'm thinking like a trad wife- all with love- bu I'm starting to take interest in wanting to save a little here and there to decorate the home. I bought a journal and white board to place on the fridge so I can track appointments. I've started to pick up budgeting.

Whenever I have done time, I tried to record what we spent on for groceries and track our paychecks. This is very new for me as I've never had to be so thorough in my life. What keeps me motivated is thinking about how we can save for a bigger apartment or occasional date night spendings.

The Electra Complex was a theory founded by Carl Jung, however its associations are attributed to Sigmund Freud (very problematic people - I will explain later). It is the reversed form of the Oedipus Complex. What the Electra Complex is considered is when a female child begins to compete with her mother for the father's attention. According to Jung and Freud, this is born out of the girl not having a certain male part and the jealousy that stems from her "castration". In short, this means "daddy issues".

So, what's the tea? First off, the Electra Complex scream incest abuse. There is no child who is competing against her mother out of jealousy. The whole prevalence of the Electra Complex was to shield child abusers. Secondly, Freud and Jung both abused their female patients. They often gaslighted, crossed patient boundaries, and were inappropriate with the women who were expressing traumatic sexual abuses. Oftentimes, these abuses were incestuous in nature. Thirdly, Freud himself lamented over his obsession for his own mother.

The Electra Complex is a very damaging theory that is highly problematic. I've encountered peers who laughed at the idea. It isn't a joke. This "condition" has been a cover up for incest. It places a very disgusting Jezebel-like condition on female children in an attempt to perceive them as the problem. Again, children become overtly-sexualized and reduced to miniature adults. It also perpetuates harm in mother-daughter relationships. The Electra Complex places a misogynistic film over such relations.

There are no daughters competing with their mother intentionally. These are signs of grooming done by adults. Instead of these complexes being made fun of, there needs to be room for discussion how abuse is hidden through the normalization of psychological practices and how people like Jung and Freud normalized such atrocities.