cannibalism and pineapple.

hush little baby dont you cry. mamas gonna buy you a big horse fly. and if that big horse fly dont fly. mamas gonna buy you another horse fly

[club mix] another horse fly. another horse fly

There is another way

By the Nine, keep your whore mouth shut

Pretty sure the other way involves keeping your whore mouth open

actually i think graduates of a university should have access to the library databases forever and ever amen

actually i think everyone should have access to library databases forever and ever amen

i understand why folks turn off reblogs on a post but part of me always feels so betrayed by unrebloggable posts on my dash. like oh okay shops closed? just when i get to the door

water doesn't make rocks smooth. they hired me to go down to the beach with a sander every night and smooth them myself. it's not much and it's not honest work.

Nothing more embarrassing than accidentally using a big word wrong because now I'm simultaneously both stupid and pretentious, the worst combination of all time

SPEΛKING FROM EXPERIENCE: IT'S KIND OF BOTH. INHΛLE THROVGH MOVTH, EXHΛLE THROVGH GILLS.

God the 11 year old girls you put on this earth to climb trees and play with plastic animals are buying foundation at the drug store

for a second i thought you meant foundation like, a building foundation. not makeup

God the 11 year old girls you put on this earth are building something great and terrible on the edge of town

the problem with calling inanimate objects “girl” is that once you start you cannot stop. I said “girl” to the dishwasher because that bitch would not close no matter how hard I whacked her pussy. what is wrong with me

one of my girlfriends only tells the truth. my other girlfriend only tells lies.

and yes, they both smoke weed

and which one told you that?

I don’t care about leaving a legacy I want to be laid to rest quietly and let plants grow in the soil where my body lies so my energy is returned to the earth

I think when you correctly identify a trauma that is the base of a woe of yours it should just disappear. It should be like "aaahh. you got me" and vanish and leave 100 dollars behind

#if you line up several neuroses and identify the interlocking connections between them they should all vanish like clearing a line in tetris (via @karliahs)

i think if you have a crush on someone that isnt into you the same way you should be able to throw up horrible black goo for about 10 minutes to make the crush go away