Rowan

Painting is my therapy.

It's crazy, a few months ago I planned to end it tonight. It gave me comfort in a way, and I knew exactly how I was going to do it and that my time for this horrible place was coming to an end. Then the day came, I woke up this morning and had completely forgotten. Now I stand here unable to do it. I don't know if there is a part of me that just doesn't want to, or a part that's scared it won't work again, or just maybe I'm being a coward. But every time I think about it now, I think about her. I think about my friends. I can't do that to them. I can't just leave, no matter how bad it hurts.I have never felt more lonely than this in my life. I can't sleep and I hardly eat anymore. I know that there's probably others going through the same right now, and I know that nobody is going to read this, but take this as a sign to keep going. Whether it be for family, friends, or even yourself. I can't tell you what it is exactly that's keeping me here, but I hope you can find the same thing. Maybe we can all find some light on the horizon. Love y'all and happy fourth.