beyond a common legacy .

It’s almost like there’s something hanging in the air during the silence - something uncomfortable, unspoken, that suddenly comes crashing down as soon as Matthew utters those words.

It’s unexpected. He never knew, never had a clue. Yes, Billy has a lot of unresolved, unspoken feelings, things he’s not ready to talk about - even his feelings for Matthew are unclear to him still. It does hit him now, though. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so careful, so scared of getting hurt. Matthew is lovely, he definitely liked him. Why couldn’t he see that?

Not knowing what to say, barely able to look at the other man, Billy looks back down at the water and takes a deep breath. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Maybe it would’ve freaked him out earlier. It still does a little. But at least he would’ve known. “I didn’t know.”

It’s hard to follow the sudden truth bomb with their casual firework plans. It feels wrong to talk so casually. “That sounds much nicer, actually,” he agrees, but not wanting to intrude on the other’s plans. “Yeah,” he says meekly. “I’m sure it’ll be fun.” He’s not sure how much fun he’ll be having after this conversation, though, knowing this will be all that’ll be on his mind tonight.

-

“I tried. You were my first and I...”

The words feel small as his voice sounds and Matthew isn’t sure just how to explain how he’d felt so much so fast. It’d been his first love, his first real kiss, the first time he let someone close enough to see all the vulnerable parts of himself. It hurts thinking about it now, how he’d had too many words and wound up saying so very little. “Your birthday. The card, I wrote love, Matthew and I thought-” That it would be enough, that he would be enough. That maybe Billy would understand what it meant and that he was so terrified of the feelings that welled up big and overwhelming in his chest sometimes. Standing there at the edge of the ocean, he’s almost glad for distraction of the waves, the oncoming festivities.

Maybe Billy was meant to be his first heartbreak too.

“Yeah. Fun.” A soft laugh is given and he shrugs half-hearted. “I’ll probably be dragged off to some party no matter how desperately I want to stay in.” How comforting the cold metal railing feels under his hands. Matthew is certain the panic of being honest will set in but for now he has the ocean and the fireworks to look forward to before his family finds him. Blue eyes linger on the horizon, wistful for some unseen place.

It’s easier than looking at Billy knowing how his chest will ache.

Out of all the people he’d wound up becoming friends with, Stella had been the one that surprised him most. Purely on principle they ought to hate each other given their background. Matthew’s father made a living out of ruining people and why wouldn’t it put them at odds. But at the end of the day, they were both raised here at the Whiskey Nancy by the surely old man presently staring down Matthew like he’s crack him without uttering a damn word. The Nancy was an institution and Ernst has his hands full with the fresh batch of strays he’s taken in to man the bar and run the kitchen.

“Olivia if you burn the burgers again I ain’t having you cook!” Ernst barks as he points to the olive skinned boy following after her, “You tell her to switch with you if it gets too dicey, kid. Y’hear me Liv? Jairo takes over if you drop shit again.”

Matthew hides a small smile and shakes his head, cradling his coffee in his hands with a bow of his head. It reminded him of the time he’d lived in the apartment above the bar because he’d got in a fight with his dad about something or another. The door chimes and Ernst is the first to speak up, “Well well well look what the winter breeze kicked back on my doorstep. Pull up a seat kiddo, got a fresh pot on.” Sipping his coffee, he waits for Ernst to finish setting up a spot beside him before giving a little wave.

So far so good.

>> text : matthew ☕💖 << you know when i was younger and this was something that i would have been doing, our phones were so small and we had to hold the number keys to get the right letter we were wanting. >> text : matthew ☕💖 << i’m very out of practice.  >> text : matthew ☕💖 << i’d toss you down on the couch and hold your wrists back so i could fuck you into it. tease. and when i was done i’d put you over my shoulder so i could take you into the bedroom and do it again. 

> text: chesh 💕჻ let me guess you had a nokia or something equally indestructible

> text: chesh 💕჻ I’m sure you’ve still got the hand for it Sam, let’s just stretch those muscles~

> text: chesh 💕჻ not even gonna wait until the bedroom huh? though there’s something delicious about being fucked sloppy by you

>> text : matthew ☕💖 << oh~ you’re nasty i see. okay i see what’s happening. >> text : matthew ☕💖 << you want to know what i’d do to you? there’s plenty of things i’d do to you.  >> text : matthew ☕💖 << namely throwing your legs over my shoulders and fucking you nice and slow. make you wait for it. ;)  >> text : matthew ☕💖 << but if you’re intent on choking on my cock i’d love to fuck your mouth.  >> text : matthew ☕💖 << i just think that it’d be better to show you ;) 

> text: chesh 💕჻ me? nasty? I’m an angel 😇 

> text: chesh 💕჻ you always make me wait for it. I might start thinking you just like watching me whine and squirm on your cock ;P

> text: chesh 💕჻ sure it’d be better if I showed you too

> text: chesh 💕჻ doesn’t make it any less fun than making you wait and think bout it~

where: the streets of new york, anywhere really since bambi goes everywhere! (feel free to assume connections since bambi is native to NYC)

A day off was a blessing in Bambi’s profession and it was thankfully a day that they didn’t have to go over to their families for dinner or run an errand so they decided to hit the streets of New York for some Christmas shopping. Mostly decorations and the like because they were determined to make the children’s ward sparkly and shiny and save them from the doom and gloom. Not to mention they were organizing a little Christmas concert too. 

Singing All I Want For Christmas under their breath, Bambi spun around at one of the local little stands selling trinkets on the street corner and bumped into someone before letting out a squeak followed by an apology. “Dios Mio, I’m sorry! You okay?”

-

Holidays were -

Difficult was putting it lightly and Matthew wasn’t sure trying adequately put it into perspective. Either way, there’s a reason he hasn’t called Samual for a while and settled for debating between falling into bed with a stranger or a bottle of vodka instead. They’re vices, addictive ones, and let him forget.

Maybe it’s some sense of affection? Guilt? Whatever the feeling making his chest tight, he’d stood contemplative at the little stand with a rickety table and contemplating two rings inlaid with turquoise. Was it too much? Matthew is about to ask the vendor how much, if he could get one in the size he assumed Samual’s fingers to be. But then there’s a jostle from behind and it’s sheer dumb luck that keeps him from tumbling forward off balanced that he was.

Cheeks hot and fraying temper scarcely in check, Matthew grits his teeth silently. Instead of answering the person, he’s holding out a few twenties, giving a nod in quiet gratitude and pocketing the rings.

“You could’ve ruined her livelihood purely by being clumsy.” It would’ve been a mess and the day would be ruined. He’d been trying to behave. Blue eyes are cold taking in the other person. Matthew doesn’t say something but motions towards the older looking lady he’d just bought from.

where: dotty’s corner café !

who: open to anyone !

She had been trying to get the dishwasher to turn on for several minutes now, and every attempt seemed to conclude with a horrible sucking noise straight out of Dotty’s nightmares. The dishwasher itself was her newest purchase and it had arrived with the promise to save up to 37,000 gallons of water a year if she used it right. Dotty was just glad she didn’t need to keep doing all those dishes by hands. The mugs were adorable, sure but her hands were so dry! And she was running out of lotion, which was the true crime here. 

None of that, though, solved the issue of the dishwasher and its absolutely disgusting noise. The frown that had marred Dotty’s face since she had excused herself through the mint-green swinging doors that proudly proclaimed “employees only” over them remained firmly entrenched on her face. “I really thought this would be easier,” she muttered to herself, bending down. “I swear I read all the instructions and – Oh!”

Standing up so fast that her head nearly collided with the bottom of her new purchase, that frown had morphed into a smile. “It needs water in that compartment!” Smiling to herself, and firmly resolving to never, ever tell Derek or her father about this, she pressed the switch that said “fill” in neat letters, slid the first rack of mugs into the dishwasher as they all chatted merrily to themselves, closed the door with more force than she needed, and started the machine.

That was plenty of work for today, she though, but before she could do much of anything, the bell above the door chimed merrily out front. Dotty sighed, smoothed out a few wrinkles in that absolutely adorable pink apron she had fought to get into this place, and walked back through those doors, her best smile already gleaming on her face. 

“Hi there! Welcome to Dotty’s Corner Café, where we’re working to save the planet one straw and plastic lid at a time!” The words flowed off her tongue. Dotty had had plenty of practice with them by now, but more than that, she wanted to show that she believed them. “I’m Dotty,” she continued with a little giggle and a half-curtsey, “and I’d be happy to get you whatever you’d like! Is this your first time in?”

-

Work is never pleasant, especially after the quarterly reviews and his father’s scathing criticism. Matthew brushes it off mostly, playing the dutiful son if only to leave early. But by the time he’s ripping off his suit and half jogging round the block, well, he’s not sure Samual will appreciate his current streak of neediness.

He doesn’t even know what they are aside from close.

When he takes a seat at the breakfast bar, the sheer assault of pink and frills makes him smile a bit. So he’d never been in here, always making excuses left and right only to wind up at the Nancy time and time again must to Ernst’s ire. But why not stick closer to home? Matthew toys with his phone thoughtfully as he says only slightly distracted, “Oh uh, it’s real nice to meet you Miss Dotty. Name’s Matt.”

God he’s turning into Archie.

Chewing his lip, he pockets his phone with a small sigh. Samual had work, he didn’t need Matthew hovering. “Truthfully? I’m a bit of a novice.” Motioning to the menu, there’s a fleeting smile. At the very least coming in was a nice break in the routine.

“What would you suggest? What’s your favorite?”

            Samual almost says that he hasn’t earned the pay since he’s not actually working, but he keeps it to himself. He should take this where he can. He’s not one to accept charity, there are people that are hurting worse than him. But Matthew wanted to do this. So he’s going to let him. He’s not going to discourage him from being a good person.                The grey’s coming in nicely, Sam thinks. At least Matthew seems to like it. He’ll take it. Truthfully he’s never given much thought to Santa’s reindeer. They must be magical creatures, though, right? Or… He’ll stand by his enchantment description. “Well you know how in some of the Santa Clause movies they sort of lose their power because the magic of Christmas is gone or whatever? I think you could probably sprinkle it on just about anything and it’d fly, right?” He thinks he’s right. But he wants to hear what Matthew has to say.                Sam cranes his neck a little to meet his eyes and look him over rather intently. “Upset? No. It’s probably good for my hands. I’ll get like. Tendonitis or something if I do something that big too often. I was getting a little excited about creating a huge custom peace though. So I’ll just have to design something and put it up somewhere as a piece that’s up for grabs.” He’s not upset. “It was really sweet. Booking me out for holiday movies and eating on the couch. I’m not upset about that at all.” There are worse ways to spend his time. “Probably saved me from some pretty shitty clients too.” 

-

“Wait, what’re Santa Clause movies?”

Fingers still a moment in Samual’s hair and he laughs, an amused look in his gaze. “Did you just spoil some holiday movie to say that the ability of reindeer flying is tied to the Christmas equivalent of fairy dust?”  But he’s not angry, god he’s far from it if he’s honest. Matthew would be lying if he didn’t admit he’s breathing a little easier when Sam tells him that he doesn’t mind being paid to just be here with him instead of tattooing.

His thumb rubs gentle along his cheekbone.

“So what if I were to buy out another day?” A small smile quirks his lips and Matthew meets those dark eyes. Here he’d been worried for nothing it seems like - Samual wasn’t like his family, he didn’t hold things over his head or look for angles. It was nice just being here and unapologetically himself especially when it came to the quiet affection he gave Samual. “Today is a Christmas gift to us but I’ll surprise you.” Matthew grins a little and pushes himself up just enough he can steal a kiss.

Any time Peter could get out of the office before night had fallen was a good time in his books, and today definitely counted for it. Extra time meant he could try to get the bulk of his Christmas shopping taken care of, so he headed to a shopping plaza in the area. Unlike others in his family, Peter preferred to get gifts himself rather than have an assistant simply pick things out for him to save him the trouble. It was the personal touch he enjoyed, and hoped that those he gave gifts to realized that they actually came from the man himself. Growing up, it was patently obvious each Christmas morning that Jackson was just as surprised as he was with every gift opened… and not because they came from Santa or even from his mother, it was because the secretary or assistant he’d tasked with doing such tasks hadn’t filled him in on it beforehand either.

Walking through the mall slowly, taking in the decorations and lighting and displays, he stopped to pause at the majestic tree set up in the center court of the mall and the grand display. Weaving in and around it was the long line of kids waiting to get a few moments with Santa Claus. Peter’s enjoyment of the season made him a little late to realize that somebody had approached him at first, until he was stirred out of his reverie by their voice.

-

Of course the holidays were a mixed bag. On one hand? The Henry Yule Dinner was something of a gaudy social event disguised as a charity event. Matthew always hated it, putting on a practiced smile for his parents to parade around like the heir apparent to some kind of empire. On the other hand? There was no shortage of delight to be had when his cousins decided to show up his parents purely out of spite. It started with Betrice’s Semi- Annual Paw Parade where Eighth and Seventh were filled with rescue pets, groomers, artisan pet treats, and of course the Christmas Parade.

If my family wants to be a bunch of bitches they’ll fit right in, she’d told him over a flute of champagne one year with a pari of gaudy cat ears on her head.

All of it paled in the wake of Archie’s seasonal event, the Winter Ball was the single most talked about affair regardless of how his parents tried desperately to outclass his cousin. Every year the papers gave Archie the front page spread and his parents were delegated to page eleven. Somehow it continued to be the single greatest gift his cousin could give him if he were honest. So here he is in the mall looking around thoughtfully at a few suits in the store window. Samual would look nice in them and Archie maybe deserved to know the man he was not dating.

But he settles for a nice deep purple tie for now.

An excited crowd sweeps him along and he finds himself nearly running headlong into someone window shopping too. Matthew knows he isn’t paying attention, it’s difficult with a hundred foot tree stretched up high above and quite literally dripping with ornaments. “Oh,” he blinks and gives the man a careful once over. Well that was strange. It wasn’t often he found himself staring and wondering what that deja vu was about.

location: anywhere on the streets of new york

“Hey!” Amanda called out, running to catch up someone down the sidewalk on the streets. She’d been chasing them through the crowd for nearly a block from when they saw the wallet drop from their pocket (or purse respectively) and was out of breath by the time she finally got their attention. 

Smiling, she held out the wallet with one hand as the other rested on the leg warmers she was wearing. “You dropped this back there. I thought I wasn’t going to catch up to you, I’ve been calling out for you for almost a whole block, but I guess you didn’t pay too much attention cause well, I could have been calling for anyone right? Anyway, here ya go.”

-

Sure he’s got a lot on his mind these days. Rumors of a merger at work that his father won’t go into detail at work. Of course he’s lucky if his father says much beyond asking where he’s spending all his time. Mentioning Samual is on the tip of his tongue and then he smiles politely and excuses himself instead. So getting lost in the streets is second best. There’s noise, there’s a crowd, there’s someone shouting-

For several minutes he writes it off as just another New York experience.

“Oh.”

            Samual rolled his eyes in faux annoyance. Matthew could say it wasn’t sweet as much as he wanted, but that didn’t make the warm feeling in Sam’s chest dissipate any. It was sweet. Especially since he’s explained it a little more. It shouldn’t be so cute, watching him explain it like that. That frustrated little grunt. That shouldn’t be cute either. But it was. And Samual was going to keep that all to himself.                So he hummed his understanding and watched him tie his shoes. “I get it. Still think it’s sweet you wanna be a part’a my shitty life, but I’ll take it. I like having you here. Which means I’m gonna take good care of this little piece you gave me. Your brother might be on to something. Even if he’s a bit of a dick.” He offered a warm smile as Matthew straightened his shirt.                No fancy watches. Nothing cheesy like that. No, this gift was something more. It meant something to Matthew. And it was going to mean something to Samual too. He just had to figure out just what to give him in return. What would carry the same weight that this did? He didn’t know. He’d have to think about it. Long and hard. And maybe give the book a read. It’s been a long time. He couldn’t help but feel like he’d understand Matthew a little bit better if he read the book anyway. Especially since it was a gift. Matthew gave it to him.              “I don’t think it’s silly.” Matthew was privileged. Of course he was. He was sheltered and came from money and didn’t have much by way of experiences. It made sense that he’d cling so hard to books. A way to escape what could be considered a prison as much as poverty in some ways. “I think people write books for people to fall in love with. I’m just glad I get to read one of the ones that you really fell in love with. This one is important to you. That means something to me too.” It wasn’t like Samual didn’t have money growing up. He did. He just escaped through windows and drank himself into oblivion at parties and picked up a tattoo gun and poured himself into art.                Books were probably a healthier escape plan than what he did. Samual got a big mouthful of bitterness along with his. This was sweeter. “Still think it’s sweet.” He teased as he moved to hold the door open for Matthew. He’ll walk him out. And thank him for having lunch with him. And hug him nice and tight before he leaves. Matthew deserves it. 

-

“Shitty?” Matthew huffs then, gesturing around them. “You live a very rich life, it’s full of color and laughter and heartache and so much more.” It’s easy to look at the future he’s built, the foundation of a home well loved and well lived without seeing all the hardship that’s been poured into it all.. A small smile is offered and he tilts his head watching the other man with something akin to fond amusement. These days he finds himself wondering more and more about Samual Castilla. Certainly it’s been a while since he’s ever encountered someone with a penchant for books quite like him. But it’s the first time he’s ever wanted to reach out and take their hands, just to hear them. Just to listen to the pieces that make them whole with the good and the bad.

Or maybe it’s just Samual.

Either way, he’s grinning and giving a little laugh, palms smoothing along broad shoulders. “Yeah even if he’s a dick, sometimes he knows what he’s talking about.” Archie meant well and he knew as much but some days it was harder to see the man’s end game. Lately it seemed like he’d never really understand Archie’s reasoning and it hurt but days like this, moments like this, made it easier. Family and the future were far from his mind when here and now he had Samual’s bright smile. It was nice knowing his best friend understood him despite their different backgrounds.

How could he not be awed a little when Samual says the things he says? Books had always been a means of escape, of hiding away from raised voices and the crushing weight of disappointment. It wasn’t until he was older that he had a name for it or understood it. That means something to me too. Matthew shakes his head, stepping closer with his arms pulling Samual in closer for another hug. These days he feels a little more greedy for it, just the simple act of feeling Samual’s arms wrapped tight.

>> text : matthew ☕💖 << good evening~ >> text : matthew ☕💖 << i wouldn’t say it’s bad taste. i’d say you shouldn’t keep those things just things you’re thinking about though ;) >> text : matthew ☕💖 << you can come over if you want~ >> text : matthew ☕💖 << respectfully.

> text: chesh 💕჻ so it’s almost midnight

> text: chesh 💕჻ is it in bad taste if I say I’ve been thinking about you all day? cause I was sitting at work and all I could think about were your hands

> text: chesh 💕჻ that and your cock ;)

> text: chesh 💕჻ going out on a limb and gonna say it...sam I wanna choke on it

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