Get inside my head.

I started off my week really bummed that the week I had off filled with plans to see my loved ones was now going to be spent in between 4 walls, but since I haven’t developed any severe symptoms (yet), I was able to reframe and be grateful for the week indoors.

I’ve been reading everyday, binging Netflix (which is always a treat to me — catch me watching reruns of The Hills 😂), getting ahead of work (don’t worry, it was only 2 hours!), and even assessing my 2022 budget! Which are all things that are cathartic and relaxing to me.

I’ve also had the ability to take care of my sick one, very sick one — and I have a tribe of friends & family that are a call away from help 🥺

Me aside, I must say, I’m hoping for the speedy recovery of others. I’m hoping for relief of my health care community. I’m hoping that time has swayed the minds of those that have decided against “the jab” and will choose to protect others and themselves.

freewrite

This year has been a shithole hasn't it.

Despite it all, I can say that I feel like I've grown a lot. Here I am attempting to celebrate my wins:

Starting therapy! So glad I was able to find a therapist who leaves me feeling hopeful after every session. The last 3 months have done incredulous improvement on my mental.

Savings! I have devised a budget on my Notes that I follow. It allows me to splurge (if I've worked for it), I even built one for Christmas. I ve also funded money that allows me space in between employment if needed.

Student loans The only decent thing that came out of 2020 was the lack of interest fees on my 60k of student loans (thnx masters) and no required payments. I've educated myself on refinancing and a lot of the intricacies behind my federal loans (after many, many meltdowns). However, I've went from paying $300/month in the first few months of the year to $600/month and promised myself if my contract gets extended at FB I'll up my payments to $800/month which puts me on a track towards paying off my loans in ~6 years, that's if I upkeep the aggressive payments.

Job I'm fortunate to have a job and a supportive one at best. The workload is fair and my mental health is healing from my past employer who wrung me dry.

Family I've been able to spend a lot of quality time with my parents. A team member said something that was very memorable, "this is the most time we'll get with the people we live with until we retire." And it was true. All these family dinners I will not take for granted.

Fitness I've enrolled into a coaching program that focuses on mental health and is strength based which is always fun. My coach takes the route of food kindness; so little to no restrictions and emphasis on rest. This has helped me with my 0-100 mentality and has allowed me to build a more sustainable change to my life and pushed me to be kinder to myself on my off days or when I eat "bad" foods.

Sustainability Although I've upkept my child sponsorship for a while, I was ignorant to most things. I've devoted myself to being more intentional about where my money and time are going. All xmas gifts will be accepted only from BIPOC businesses, small businesses, and sustainable brand, kthnx :)

Company I've been so comfortable cutting unecessary people out of my life and holding on tight to those who I adore/care/love. As one of my close friends says "love hard ot go home"

This is so long overdue. My last post was the equivalent of a drunk girl slurring "2020 is going to be our yearrrrr"

Little did we all know.

Amidst the pandemic and uproar of a movement, I've learned a lot about myself and why I feel so much.

I haven't started therapy yet. I've made emails though! And have one contender. Just need to take the leap of following through with it.

As I was talking on the phone yesterday, I asked a rhetorical question that I ended up answering.

What do I tie my success to and what do I identify with?

Well, the two go hand in hand. I tie my success in how I contribute to my family, friends/romantic relationships, and community. I identify myself with how I go about those things.

How am I financially supporting my family? Am I upkeeping a lifestyle that’ll continue to allow me to do that? How am I supporting my friends? Am I there for them when I need and am appropriately setting boundaries when needed. Am I working at being a better partner and learning effective ways to communicate my needs? Am I supporting all of the causes that I have heart about? This is the tough one, because I can’t save the world, but I want to ):

I found myself mocking those that have dismissed the pandemic and movement to indulge in what I considered to be frivolous and selfish things, but as an understanding person that I am, I'll always try to justify people and it came down to the fact that, those things I deemed frivolous & selfish were just what people identify with. The world is literally in shambles, but it's important to post a selfie?? OK -- make it make sense.

The pandemic? I've been narcing most acquaintances that I see avoiding social distancing rules. I've seen my best friends twice throughout this entire pandemic and both times we engaged in excrutiatingly safe measures to be together.

The movement? The quote of, "I can't tell you how to care for someone" says it best. I'm baffled at the lack of care of some people/level of ignorance people choose to have/justifications people have for passivity. I had some pretty difficult conversations with people within my circle and family & will continue to do so.

Anywho, the only way I can make peace with it is, at the end of the day, my own actions can potentially save a life and that's relevant to both -- pandemic and movement.

Hoping those reading this are happy & healthy.

Unlike 2018 which was a whirlwind of wins for me, 2019 was not like that at all.

I was rused into thinking that my last position was an accomplishment, but like taking up any new role, I gambled and did not strike the lottery (so dramatic of me, I know).

My role — although fit with my career path was not align with my mental health path. What do I really mean? Get to the point right Linh. I had what I wanted, my own office, an esteemed title, relevant work experience I could utilize in any HR role moving forward, a nice balance between my old career in Behavioral Therapy & HR. The work we did made an impact and that was awesome! However, with an esteemed role came the “esteemed” work. Responsibilities that would wake me at 5am and that would daunt me until I past out of exhaustion at night. Although I’d leave the office before 5 everyday, I’d be glued to my phone. Answering erratic emails at all times of the days.

I started developing high anxiety towards work and in turn my social anxiety heightend as well — something that was really foreign to me. Yes I’ve enjoyed being a homebody before, but I never actively avoided going out consistently due to work fatigue. My workouts although frequent because lackluster, because of my tiredness.

That then relayed into my relationships. Pushing and pulling. As I always said “I can’t afford to cry, I have lash extensions 😂”

Fast forward to end of year 2019. I feel lack of excitement for anything quite frankly. Although I did manage to fulfill a majority of my goals & still had the best support system, I felt for a lack of better word, meh.

So here we are in the beginning of a new year — I’m a believer of the whole time is a construct. It didn’t take the year ending for me to feel the need for a change, I just was never the type of person who sat and complained, but did nothing.

An opportunity arose, I was conflicted, but I took it on and am now reaping the benefits. To be quite honest, I’m still recovering from the habits my last job had me endure. I’m learning to decrease my pace, really put a lot of effort in gratitude, build sustainable habits (forever a yoyo dieter), and truly invest in my wealth of mental health — through living the life I yearn for, but within boundaries of responsibilities meaning brutally work through my finances until jumping into a plane.