[CLOSED BLOG]

im thinking about leaving tumblr for good soon. 

ive met a lot of interesting people, and im glad i got to indulge in the fandoms and shared interests of others, but ive come to a new point in my life and something needs to change. im not an adult, not really at least, so i will not pretend to be, but im 20 now and ive learned a lot in my short life. after suffering from bpd and ocd for as long as i can remember, and after going through 6 years of non-stop therapy to get to the point where im at now, ive realized how toxic this website is. 

i appreciate many people here however, and the overall message of “equality” is very important. the problem is that tumblr has a way of justifying everything wrong with itself, and a lot of the kids (and yes, i specifically choose to call them “kids,” because that is exactly what they are) are idealistic and arrogant with no appreciation for the privilege they like to accuse others of having, which they also share in some respects.

in america we all have privilege; black, white, gay, female, male, non-binary, if you live in the usa you are privileged and that is that. 

in therapy they always preach the fact that we need to be grateful for what we have, otherwise we’ll never be happy. and its okay to recognize the bad and the good in everything, but if all you ever focus on is the bad then youre literally condemning yourself in the end. and that negativity is contagious, especially on a website like tumblr. surrounding yourself with that sort of person, the type that always complains about something, who always says “well this isnt fair” and “that isnt fair” is going to make that depression youre feeling, the loneliness of not fitting in even, worse. 

life isnt fair. 

im not pointing fingers either, or blaming a specific group of people (apart from this website as a whole really). what it comes down to is that tumblr likes to tell others not to generalize groups of people based on skin color or what have you, and then it turns around and does the same thing to white people or cis people or men or w/e, labeling it as “ok” simply because that general group did the same to them. 

if i had to sum up this website in one word it would be “hypocritical”  

and im going to say this too, just because i know how much it pisses tumblr off to hear; “if you fight fire with fire, the whole world burns”

making white cis men hate you isnt gonna make them treat you like equals. 

anyway, like i said, this really isn’t about any of you, this is about me. i have to take care of myself, and in order to do that i know i cannot continue to surround myself with this disgusting negativity. 

look, i cant do anything about the cops who keep murdering innocent poc, i cant fix the wage gap, and i cant overthrow indiana state law for the lgbt community, okay? i wish i could, but i cant. and if your argument is that i just dont care enough to try, then i guess youre right; its not my battle to fight anyway. 

in order to be happy ive learned that i need to focus on me, and i hope one day many of you will do the same. everyone deserves happiness, and im just so tired... im just so tired of all hate from both sides. 

please (and i mean this in the nicest way possible), grow up.  

be a feminist, not a tumblr feminist.

you have to better yourself before you can try to help better others, ya know?

i wont delete my account or anything yet. ill probably pop in every now and again for fandom updates and whatnot, but i think (at least for a while) im done with tumblr... i mean, the only reason i even use this site anymore is to kill time and look at pretty (fandom) pictures and clothes. 

if youve read this far, please dont take this as a personal attack, because like i said, this is for my benefit. but i at least want my followers to understand why i left, even if 99.9% of them dont give a shit.

its been fun guys, maybe ill see you later...

peace,