â Â iâm a snack but everyone seems to be on a diet. Â â
â Â iâm gonna replace every bone in my body with a knife, if someone punches me theyâre in for a surprise (the knife) Â â
â let me just flirt with you and be a brat and send you cute half nudes. â
â blue-flavored candy is always the best flavor of candy like what the fuck. blue raspberries arenât even a thing. we are literally eating the color blue as a flavor and itâs fucking magical. â
â touch id is pissing me off. âtry againâ the fuck? itâs me with a lil chicken grease. â
â call me in the middle of the night and tell me you canât sleep without me. â
â healthy relationships with fathers? sounds fake. â
â me to my alarm in the morning: i was literally sleeping but go off i guess. â
â do i blame my zodiac sign or my childhood traumas or both â
â *eating microwaved ramen noodles and watching kitchen nightmares* i cannot believe this asshole didnât use fresh chicken in his paella, unbelievable. â
â my specialty: the accidental 12 hour nap in broad daylight â
â quiet little moans while making out is the hottest thing ever â
â date somebody who will go on a road trip with you to see americaâs 10 most haunted places â
â  any vampires who need permission to enter my houseâŚ. you have my permission⌠you wanna come through my window in a flurry of fog and wind? you can do that⌠wanna drink my blood and take me away to your big vampire castle? alright friend, go for it  â
â iâm the guy from the lady and the tramp who gives stray dogs pasta and stands in an alleyway playing an accordion for them  â
â Â *nervously calls crush bro* Â â
â i donât have trust issues. i have âseen that shit happen before my own eyesâ issues. â
â fuck summer. i want it to be dark and misty and frigid and october. â
â  concept: we are holding each other in bed, we look at each other and know that all that waiting all that distance was worth it to be close now  â
â iâm so lucky to have gotten to watch you grow so much this past year. iâm so proud of you.  â
â iâm so protective of me now, iâll cut somebody off for simply having the wrong energy  â
â why are you trying to make me horny. bitch, you know iâm making macaroni. â
â date a boy who curls up on your lap, even though he is 6â2" because he loves cuddles  â
â going out on a date is cool and all; but what about simply sharing a bed with someone, listening to music and discovering everything about one another, together.  â
â we are drunk and i ended up sitting on the bathroom counter with my legs wrapped around you, but when i wrote âmarry meâ on your hand with a sharpie, i wasnât joking. â
â youâre equivalent to my favorite color. youâre the human version of what is safe. â
â  one of the most toxic things iâve ever done is ignore the bad in someone because i love them. â
â  you think you want me to shut up? i have to listen to myself even when iâm not talking  â
â Â why would i fuck a demon? simple, the status. imagine rolling up into hell already havin had your back blown out by one of their own. imagine you and a gang of other losers standin at the gates of hell, theyâre all crying, scared to death about having a pitchfork up their ass for eternity and you just walk into the arms of your sugar demon? legendary. Â â
â i like wearing your clothes. they smell like you and your scent is home to me.  â
â  *therapist voice* you are stupid and gay. â
â  i like to blame myself for everything just in case. â
â the realist thing you can do for me is keep your word. â
â love yourself enough to set boundaries. your time and energy are precious. â
â i havenât done anything but i sure could use a break. â
â sometimes you just need to hear how much you mean to someone. â
â who needs april fools. my entire life is a joke. â
â  i wish i could be near you, my heart misses you.  â
â iâm not trying my hardest but iâm very tired which i think should be taken into consideration. â
â me @ me: donât start buddy donât you dare. â
â so whatâs next? you heal. you grow. and you help others. â
â my kink is not setting an alarm for the next morning. â
â if you think iâm cute send me money. â
â one day i will take a good selfie and you will be sorryâŚ.. you will all be sorry. â
â not a day passes where i donât embarrass myself but itâs ok because iâm on the path to destroy my ego so i wonât be embarrassed anymore. â
â there is no reason not to love with you whole heart. â
â i hope your heart heals from all the damage it took over the years. â
â sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and send that text. â
â  âi can see your nipples through that shirtâ first of all stop being ungrateful. â
â Â so much is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! itâs too much!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to sleep in the forest for 190 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! iâm tired leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Â â
â i heard you like bad girls. well iâm badâŚ.. at everything. â
â yes, i am fully aware that Iâm The Worst⢠but i still wanna be likeâŚâŚ. loved and stuff. â
â  i really am, from the bottom of my heart, an actual fucking idiot. â
â  let me show you just how good i can be. â
â iâm just tryna chill on a beach somewhere at 3 am. â
â i have a serious weakness for thigh grabbing and hickeys. â
â iâm a snail and god is salting me. â
â i hate texting people who donât use a billion emojis and a trillion exclamation points in their messages. just say you hate me and want me to die. â
â  being called baby?????? holding hands????!? being KISSED?!!!?!??????? â
â i hope your heart heals from all the damage it took over the years. â
â my heart busts a nut every time someone tells me they saw something and they thought of me. â
â i have hella heart eyes for you. â
â youâre cute. i wanna kiss you for a whole hour. â
â itâs pretty iconic to like yourself. â
â i am so jealous of animals that get to hibernate, like what the fuck, why canât i just sleep for four months and then return to real life. â
â stop feeling sad and acting weird you bitch (the bitch is me) â
â iâm still obsessed with you like itâs day one. â
â to quote hamlet act iii scene iii line 92, ânoâ. â
â i would have a cuter room if i wasnât a goblin who threw all her shit on the floor. â
â on two hours of sleep iâm either way too happy or violently homicidal. â
â letâs go on a date and by date i mean lay in bed and make out for three hours. â
â alphabet soup. more like times new ramen am i right. â
â tbh itâs okay if no one else thinks iâm funny because i think iâm a riot. â
â catching feelings is bullshit. iâm just eating french fries, why i gotta think about kissing you? fuck you. â
â smiling is so weird like you stretch your eating hole to show happiness. â
â self care is putting absurd amounts of parmesan cheese on your pasta. â
â you didnât go through all of that for nothing. â
â get you a girl who loses her shit every time you send a selfie. â
â i wish i could be there to take care of you right now. â
â home is where the heart is and my heart has always belonged to you. â
â i just wanna have soft glowy skin, long eyelashes, pink lips, rosy cheeks, lots of cash, and no responsibilities. â
â ok but platonic forehead kisses. â
â my heart is guarded but like⌠very poorly. the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an r-rated movie. â
â what doesnât kill me doesnât kill me (unfortunately). â
â do you ever look at a boy and wonder if he moans as pretty as he looks. â
â life tip: if nothing goes right go to sleep. â
â by cute do you mean you wanna frick frack or do you mean i look 12? â
â cats are very pickupable and i think that was a really good choice on their part. â
â donât depend on anyone. handle your own shit. â
â there isnât one alternate reality where i didnât fall in love with you. â
â being my ex must be the worst thing. imagine losing me? â
â if i say âbackstreetâs backâ and you do not say âALRIGHT!â weâre not friends. burn in hell, you sick fuck. â
â i love every cat in the entire world. every cat on the planet. if there are any cats in outer space, i love them too. â
â my mom is really that bitch and iâm that bitch jr. â
â you know youâre fucked when their voice turns you on. â
â donât look at my fucking boner when we fight. â
â not all heroes wear capes. a lot of them wear collars and are called dogs. â
â itâs you. it will always be you. â
â why do tattoos cost so much? iâm paying you to injure me. â
â Â thank you for being the biggest light in my life and saving me from the darkness. Â â