nick

my only dream the only thing i ever wanted in life was for somebody to yearn for me the same way id yearn for them. i think im a pretty good person (not 'good' like perfect but like id make a 'good' character in some media) and i wouldn't say im unlovable i actually think i am a pretty decent human being to feel the romantic attraction that i desire towards but it just never seems to happen. i just feel so alone sometimes like right now im thinking about my girlfriend and that time she said how she is pretty indifferent about our relationship (which is reasonable because we've been dating for only 6 months and when we just met she was going through a very messy break up and everything) and i understand that and im so glad she's honest with me but you know when you're in love with somebody like actually and you keep telling them how you love them and how beautiful they are to you and you support them through their tough times and all these other specific things and after all that they just seem so indifferent about you compared to your feelings towards them you just start feeling so needy and desperate and lonely and disgusted by the enormity of your desire and shame for wanting someone to reciprocate your love because wanting your loved one to love you seems like this huge and selfish thing to ask for. this too will pass and everything will work out it's way eventually but right now when it hasn't yet i lay in my cold empty bed and cry about my girlfriend not longing for my touch even half as much as i do for hers and think about how lonely i am