another sufferer of jiang cheng brain disease

this question is actually such a can of worms. do i think it’s sexy? yeah. would i love to see it? yeah. does it also mean something super specific for shane as a character that requires some extra thought? yeah. this will be really long, sorry.

first of all i think shane’s relationship with his masculinity is complex and difficult and at times very painful for him. he spends ALL of his developmental years, and subsequently his entire young adulthood, in an extremely toxic environment. sure the other hockey players are probably nice guys, chill to hang with, whatever. but the entire sport is so famously misogynistic, homophobic, and violent, that all of those men are performing the most extreme versions of themselves at all times. shane feels as though he wears & wields his masculinity differently from the other men, and given the context of his employment, this is an especially volatile position to be in. he has an extremely rigid idea of what a man “should” be. he does everything he can to uphold that ideal. hudson has actually addressed this a couple of times, which i love. there is one interview where he says that shane saying “byebye” in the hospital scene was a way of toying with his masculinity. he loves ilya, he’s been alone and in pain and confused and he’s so happy to see ilya, and he can tell that ilya is upset, so he wants to play with him. the idea of “play” in the world they occupy is very limited in scope. when we see ilya “play” it is roughhousing—he pretends to body slam svetlana when she makes a joke, he throws popcorn all over the floor while joking about losing the cup. shane immediately dropping his voice and saying “see you next season 🫡” was him re-adopting the mask of manliness in an exaggerated fashion, because he’s not able to self censor as well as he usually is, although he remembers how essential it is for him to do so, immediately, because someone else is watching him and he can’t be silly or playful or flirty. because in his mind, men do not do that. bearing in mind shane’s extremely black and white manner of thinking about all things, it makes sense he would not easily be able to imagine, or present, a version of himself that can engage in such behavior. hudson also was asked something like “if you could tell your character one thing what would it be” and his answer was something like “i would tell shane that all of his ideas about his own masculinity and what a man should be are wrong, and he would be a lot happier if he would let himself be free” which i think is a crazy read.

there are a few ways in which shane occupies the “girl” role of their relationship—he is more emotional, he bottoms, he is sexually submissive. he is also a caring, nurturing, sensitive person—he carries ilya’s suitcase because he knows he’s working off an injury, he did grocery shopping specifically for stuff ilya likes, he does the cooking while they’re at the cottage. obviously we know in the big year of 2025 that cooking and shopping and acts of service don’t make either gay man “the girl” but i think it’s pretty huge to see shane lean fully into that and to show ilya that he cares about him, that he wants to make a home with him, and he will be more than happy to fill a specific role in their shared life. i think he also casts himself as the woman in their relationship due to ilya’s bisexuality. he’s saved in ilya’s phone under a girl’s name, shane is the only man ilya has sex with over the course of their affair (at least in the show canon), ilya suggests that getting a wife would solve all of his problems and shane immediately says let me help you with that instead. i also think it is a little self deprecating the way he does imagine himself as the girl, because obviously he is not as good at being a man as ilya is, as any other men are, so he must default to the other option. again, his rigid thought patterns are incorrect and damaging. so he struggles a lot with that.

these are all things that i think are built into shane in the tv show. i think they are awesome. he IS masculine: he is big and strong and plays a rough contact sport. he is basically a sex symbol, as evidenced in all of the hypersexual ad campaigns we see him appear in throughout the show. i believe in the books he’s also voted the sexiest man in hockey but i could be misremembering that. so shane IS effectively performing maleness in a way that appeals to the masses. it is the granular aspects of his identity that he worries about. constantly being around locker room talk absolutely plays a significant factor in his lack of self esteem. we know those guys use slurs like crazy. we know those guys talk about their sexual exploits like crazy. shane can’t/won’t do either of those things. he’s not going to participate in homophobic ribbing, and he has no sexual experience with women to brag about. this further isolates him from his male peers. he is struggling to hold onto a place in a world where he does not necessarily “belong”. i think a lot of this ties into the way he becomes more flirty and silly with ilya in later episodes. he tells rose that hockey “stopped being fun”; his mom reminds him that he is a role model to a lot of people and therefore can’t really relax or slip up. ilya allows him to explore the idea of “fun” in a safe environment. ilya is a person shane can be himself with. sure he’s got quirks but ilya thinks they’re cute and charming, and he teases shane right back. hudson specifically used the word “effeminate” when talking about shane letting his guard down to be more playful with ilya. hudson ALSO commented very notably on how we don’t really see shane “play” until the cottage, when he’s joking with ilya about the sleeping arrangements. this continues with the swimming, the soccer, the video games. we never see him ever do those things until that episode, when he has quite literally opened the doors for ilya and let him in.

the other thing to keep in mind regarding shane and his relationship with sex, his body, and his masculinity, is that in the book he is somewhat racially fetishized. no offense if you like the books or whatever but this is plainly a fact. it’s emphasized that he is smaller than ilya, and that he grows very little body hair. he is cast as “the girl” in their relationship by the author, because he suffers at the hands of her biases and her preferences. i think it is easier to divorce him from this if you are only discussing show!shane. there is rachel reid’s shane hollander, and then there is hudson williams’ shane hollander. and i’m going to stand by that because i believe there IS a distinction. i’ve already made some long posts about shane’s race + sex, so i won’t rehash again, but it IS something to be kept in mind when thinking about feminization specifically.

shane is characterized by his sexual shame in both branches of canon. in the books he hates getting fingered because he thinks it’s “too gay” and he “can’t relax”. the show doesn’t bother with this cus it’s not actually useful. in the book shane is constantly calling attention to all the “weird” and “embarrassing” things that turn him on. he likes being on his knees, he likes taking orders, he likes letting ilya call all the shots and do whatever he wants with his body. the show doesn’t bother with this, either. shane retains a lot of his agency (“not here” being repeated many times places the power in his hands, because every time, ilya respects it, and is rewarded for it later) while still being allowed to fully commit to the fact he prefers to be submissive. he’s definitely still got a lot of internalized homophobia, but over the course of 10 years, he learns to let himself like what he likes. he’s more easy-going and assertive in the sex scenes in later episodes. he hasn’t totally flipped their power dynamic, but he knows what he wants and how he wants it, and by god is ilya going to give it to him.

what does all of this have to do with shane wearing panties and being a good girl? fantastic question. i actually forgot you had asked it. i personally think that shane would be into degradation. i personally think that if ilya were to forcefem him it would drive him crazy. i personally think that if shane were to allow himself to like what he likes, and to stop imagining himself as canada’s poster boy for the alpha male, that he would be into certain things. i think he likes roleplay. i think he would probably be into it if ilya said “good girl” and i think he would be into it if he said shane gets wet when he’s kissed or fingered. i think he would be into it. some of this is baked into him, and into the way ilya talks to him. “you look pretty” being the first way ilya starts to tease him in a new context is soooo specific and so telling. shane is immediately defensive: “you’re wearing makeup too”, reminding ilya that we’re both men here, being held against our will and forced to wear mascara. and ilya shrugs it off because he’s secure in his masculinity. “yeah but i don’t look pretty” is great. and like… hudson williams IS pretty. and shane’s wearing his face. so he IS pretty. i think the way shane responds to that like an accusation, rather than a compliment, especially because it comes from someone he’s interested in sexually, is super interesting and it tells us a lot. i think shane likes to be embarrassed. i think humiliation and degradation would be big for him. he calls attention to his own embarrassment and self consciousness all the time. i think it gets his rocks off to debase himself for someone bigger and stronger and more manly and more in charge. i think he would be so so ashamed and also so so hard if ilya made him wear panties. i think it would scratch an itch in his neurotic little brain. i think certain forms of roleplay would be so cathartic and so exciting for him. personally i would love to see it. personally i also think ilya would love to see it.

You might know him from a thread where he was getting wowed by free appetisers in a Mexican restaurant.

Firstly: He is doing a bit pretending to be a wandering samurai. It's a joke and his posts are all made up. This is very obvious if you actually look at his account and website:

He does purport to be Japanese but based on some of the other content he posts there's reason to believe he's British.

Which brings me to my second point: his Samurai content is interspersed with posts like this:

And this:

so what if: Kim and Chay meet three years after Kim send that song to Chay and Chay ignored him? Well, my dear husband is currently writing a whole fic about it!

Brotherhood and familial relationships are one of the most prominent themes in KP, as we all know.

And personally, I think one of the most fascinating and important deviations that BOC had chosen to take with their adaptation of the novel is having Porsche and Chay drift apart by the end of the story (despite that ending shot of them both hugging their Mama). By having them drift apart, their respective love stories with Kinn and Kim stands on a firmer note. They basically pulled a P&P 2005, which—although a disheartening thing to see—is one that I think was definitely a good choice, as it fits appropriately with KP’s narrative as a whole.

To provide some context, in the novel, Porsche is aware for the most part of Kim and Chay’s growing bond once it's introduced in the story. He doesn’t know the details, and neither Kim nor Chay are really forthcoming about their relationship to their older brothers (which BOC does keep somewhat in the show), but there is some awareness of it in the latter’s part. For Kinn specifically, it’s even a point of contention once or twice, since in being aware of Kim and Chay’s relationship (and knowing his brother’s personality), inevitably he worries about how their relationship would affect his relationship with Porsche. Like in the show, Porsche is understandably protective of Chay, and doesn’t want him getting involved any more than he has to.

Because of Porsche's awareness from the beginning, this allows for them to grow even closer as brothers near the finale of the story, since they both sympathize with each other’s frustrations of what it's like to be romantically involved with a Theerapanyakul, as well as how their respective relationships are perceived by outsiders.

They spent two hours in the abandoned lot. Different things Chay tried would work, but not reliably. The effect varied from a few sparks to a handful of fire to--once--a fountain of it that covered his whole body for almost a minute. Outside was definitely the place to do this. Kim drifted around the parking lot to give him space, smoked, and tried out possible explanations for all of this. "I'm exhausted," Chay said at last. "And it's like I can almost...? But then nothing." "Maybe it just takes time," Kim said. "You've only known you could do this for a little while. Brand new muscle to train." "I guess." He scowled at the scorched pavement and changed the subject. "I never knew you smoked." "I try not to very often. Bad for my voice." He looked ruefully at the freshly lit cigarette.

partially an excuse to test out some watercolor brush packs, and partially a roundabout way of dropping a rec. i made some art based on a scene in chapter 3 (THREE) of Phoenix by Ael_tRlailiiu

Kinn could handle Vegas but only because of Vegas’ preexisting psychosexual fixation on him

Porsche could handle Vegas but Vegas would make sure he didn’t have a good time doing it

Kinn and Porsche together could easily handle Vegas

Kinn and Pete would be fine but I don’t think it would be anything special

Vegas could handle Pete and Porsche together and it would be awesome

Kinn could not handle Pete and Porsche together

So im posting this to publicly say: im sorry for judging you

LOL