a really long, but categorized, ask meme
ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING
*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*
*Dumps ice water over your head*
*Throws a ball of paper towards you*
*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*
*Slams the door shut behind you*
*Wraps my arms around you from behind*
*Nibbles on your earlobe*
*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*
QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION
โYouโre cute and Iโm horny. You thinking what Iโm thinking?โ
โI see you like cardioโฆ wanna go back to my place and do it together?โ
โIโm sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think theyโre missing an angel.โ
โHold my hand? Iโm afraid Iโm getting lost in your eyes.โ
โIs that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.โ
โAre you a pokemon? Because Iโd like to peek-at-chu.โ
โIf I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, Iโd have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you.โ
โMaybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. Itโs back at my house, so weโd have to go there butโฆโ
*Spills a drink on your shirt* โIโm so sorry! But if itโs any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.โ
QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION
โIโm sorry, have we met before?โ
โI donโt know you, but thanks.โ
โYouโre a very nice guy/girl, you know that?โ
โWe only just metโฆ but Iโd really like to see you again.โ
โDo you think you could move your ass out of my friendโs seat?โ
โItโs none of your business. We just met.โ
โHey Iโm [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if youโd pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?โ
โIโm so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich.โ
โOh shit. I didnโt mean to trip you I swear, Iโm sorry.โ
QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION
โDid you get that email I sent you last night?โ
โNo, Iโm serious. She/heย brought a flask to work.โ
โI overheard the boss and I think youโre about to be put up for a promotion!โ
โI know what youโve got in that top drawer.โ
โI canโt believe youโre drunk at work.โ
โYou know, most people watch porn at home.โ
โYour Netflix binge is using up all the broadband.โ
โStop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I canโt even open Gmail!โ
โIf you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe youโd have a chance at a promotion too.โ
โYouโve been working here for 6 years and you donโt know where the break room is?โ
โDidnโt you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!โ
โWe lost the playoffs.โ
โThe girls team beat the boys!โ
โI heard he/she got called into the principalโs office.โ
โApparently the swim team had an orgy after hours.โ
โI heard they were fucking in the bathroom.โ
โShe/heโs been paying people to do their homework!โ
โShe/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth.โ
โI canโt believe weโre graduating this year.โ
โBeing a freshman sucks.โ
โI slept with a sophomore last weekend.โ
โShe/he told me they were a junior!โ
โWhy are those freshmen staring at you?โ
โIs there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?โ
โHow come everyone suddenly knows who I am?โ
โDid you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!โ
โI canโt believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.โ
โI definitely failed that test.โ
โI got an A on my essay!โ
โWow, thereโs a stick wedged so far up your ass I donโt think I can even pull it out.โ
โIโm sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number.โ
โUranus called and saidย Iโm huge and in the way.โ
โIโm searchingโฆ searchingโฆ oh. Well would you look at that. I couldnโt find any fucks to give.โ
โWhatโs the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains.โ
โJust because thatโs mistletoe hanging above us doesnโt mean Iโm going to kiss you.โ
โTake a picture, itโll last longer.โ
โAt this point you might as well ask for my autograph.โ
QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION
โYouย know Iโm right! Iโm always right!โ
โShut up. Just shut up!โ
โI donโt need to listen to this.โ
โI canโt believe youโd say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you.โ
โI canโt look at you.โ
โDonโt fucking touch me.โ
โIf you say one more word, I swearโฆโ
โPipe down, youโre making a scene.โ
โWhatโs wrong with you?โ
โNow I know why people think youโre neurotic.โ
โI'mย not backing down.โ
โYou canโt hide the truth forever, you know.โ
โWhatโs yourย issue?โ
โYou make meย so angry.โ
โThis hasย nothing to do with you.โ
โAndโฆ and I love you! Itโs what Iโve been trying to tell you all along.โ
โI donโt know how to say it. But you know what Iโm trying to say, right?โ
โIโve never been good at this. I don'tย do relationships. But Iโฆ I want to try with you.โ
โYouโre the one that I want.โ
โI don'tย care. I donโt give a shit, donโt you get it? I donโt give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I loveย you.โ
โPlease donโt say that. You know youโre the only one for me. Fuck everyone else.โ
โI canโt stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but youโre still the only thought on my mind.โ
โI want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life.โ
โIโve always been afraid of commitment, okay?ย Thatโs why I sleep around.โ
โIโve never wanted to give love a try until now.โ
โPlease, donโt leave me.โ
โI need you more than you will ever know.โ
โI love you more than I could ever express in words.โ
QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION
*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*
โI didnโt fuck him/her, I swear!โ
โI brought vodka and ice cream.โ
โYou left your anal beads at my house. Waitโฆ no, theyโre just normal mardi gras beads.โ
โI canโt believe you went without me!โ
โI love you, I love you so much and you just donโt see it. What am I supposed to do?โ
โI know youโre sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!โ
โI canโt find my apartment and I couldnโt stop thinking about you.โ
โLet me in! I think Iโm gonna throw up.โ
โWhat do you think about this outfit?โ
โItโs not going to get up by itself, you know.โ
โI thought youโd be bigger.โ
โWhere did we leave those damned handcuffs?โ
โI canโt find my vibrator.โ
โJust set your phone on vibrate!โ
โI want to fuck you until youโre raw and shaking.โ
โThatโs itโฆ do a little striptease for me.โ
โYou can watchโฆ but you canโt touch.โ
โBe quiet! Theyโre going to hear us.โ
โAnd get thisโฆ the new toy? It glows in the dark.โ
โIโve got two flavours. Cherry or fruit punch?โ
โI want to be on top.โ
โThat is one fine ass.โ
โYou look like a screamer.โ
โWhatโll our safeword be?โ
โI love making you squirm.โ
โNot my neck! Itโs summer, I canโt wear a turtleneck in the sun.โ
[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?
[TEXT] I canโt stop listening to our song.
[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.
[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.
[TEXT] Do you even love me?
[TEXT] What happened to us?
[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.
[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.
[TEXT] I couldnโt care less.
[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.
[TEXT] I canโt stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved meโฆ and wondering if they were lies.
[TEXT] You canโt have me if you canโt even get the three Cโs. Chocolates, champagne, and candles.
[TEXT] Iโm in the bathโฆ come join me?
[TEXT] Donโt tease. You know I like it rough.
[TEXT] Bed, counter, or floor?
[TEXT] If you can get here in five minutes Iโll suck you off first.
[TEXT] What do you think about threesomes? And, what about foursomes?
[TEXT] Youโve been naughty, Iโm going to punish you.
[TEXT] I canโt believe you just sent me that. Iโm at work/school!
TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION
[TEXT] I fell down the stairs andโฆ well, Iโm in the ER.
[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and Iโm waiting with them at the hospital but I canโt do this alone.
[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??
[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and Iโm stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.
[TEXT] I donโt know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!