a really long, but categorized, ask meme
ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING
*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*
*Dumps ice water over your head*
*Throws a ball of paper towards you*
*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*
*Slams the door shut behind you*
*Wraps my arms around you from behind*
*Nibbles on your earlobe*
*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*
QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION
βYouβre cute and Iβm horny. You thinking what Iβm thinking?β
βI see you like cardioβ¦ wanna go back to my place and do it together?β
βIβm sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think theyβre missing an angel.β
βHold my hand? Iβm afraid Iβm getting lost in your eyes.β
βIs that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.β
βAre you a pokemon? Because Iβd like to peek-at-chu.β
βIf I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, Iβd have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you.β
βMaybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. Itβs back at my house, so weβd have to go there butβ¦β
*Spills a drink on your shirt* βIβm so sorry! But if itβs any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.β
QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION
βIβm sorry, have we met before?β
βI donβt know you, but thanks.β
βYouβre a very nice guy/girl, you know that?β
βWe only just metβ¦ but Iβd really like to see you again.β
βDo you think you could move your ass out of my friendβs seat?β
βItβs none of your business. We just met.β
βHey Iβm [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if youβd pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?β
βIβm so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich.β
βOh shit. I didnβt mean to trip you I swear, Iβm sorry.β
QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION
βDid you get that email I sent you last night?β
βNo, Iβm serious. She/heΒ brought a flask to work.β
βI overheard the boss and I think youβre about to be put up for a promotion!β
βI know what youβve got in that top drawer.β
βI canβt believe youβre drunk at work.β
βYou know, most people watch porn at home.β
βYour Netflix binge is using up all the broadband.β
βStop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I canβt even open Gmail!β
βIf you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe youβd have a chance at a promotion too.β
βYouβve been working here for 6 years and you donβt know where the break room is?β
βDidnβt you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!β
βWe lost the playoffs.β
βThe girls team beat the boys!β
βI heard he/she got called into the principalβs office.β
βApparently the swim team had an orgy after hours.β
βI heard they were fucking in the bathroom.β
βShe/heβs been paying people to do their homework!β
βShe/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth.β
βI canβt believe weβre graduating this year.β
βBeing a freshman sucks.β
βI slept with a sophomore last weekend.β
βShe/he told me they were a junior!β
βWhy are those freshmen staring at you?β
βIs there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?β
βHow come everyone suddenly knows who I am?β
βDid you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!β
βI canβt believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.β
βI definitely failed that test.β
βI got an A on my essay!β
βWow, thereβs a stick wedged so far up your ass I donβt think I can even pull it out.β
βIβm sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number.β
βUranus called and saidΒ Iβm huge and in the way.β
βIβm searchingβ¦ searchingβ¦ oh. Well would you look at that. I couldnβt find any fucks to give.β
βWhatβs the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains.β
βJust because thatβs mistletoe hanging above us doesnβt mean Iβm going to kiss you.β
βTake a picture, itβll last longer.β
βAt this point you might as well ask for my autograph.β
QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION
βYouΒ know Iβm right! Iβm always right!β
βShut up. Just shut up!β
βI donβt need to listen to this.β
βI canβt believe youβd say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you.β
βI canβt look at you.β
βDonβt fucking touch me.β
βIf you say one more word, I swearβ¦β
βPipe down, youβre making a scene.β
βWhatβs wrong with you?β
βNow I know why people think youβre neurotic.β
βI'mΒ not backing down.β
βYou canβt hide the truth forever, you know.β
βWhatβs yourΒ issue?β
βYou make meΒ so angry.β
βThis hasΒ nothing to do with you.β
βAndβ¦ and I love you! Itβs what Iβve been trying to tell you all along.β
βI donβt know how to say it. But you know what Iβm trying to say, right?β
βIβve never been good at this. I don'tΒ do relationships. But Iβ¦ I want to try with you.β
βYouβre the one that I want.β
βI don'tΒ care. I donβt give a shit, donβt you get it? I donβt give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I loveΒ you.β
βPlease donβt say that. You know youβre the only one for me. Fuck everyone else.β
βI canβt stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but youβre still the only thought on my mind.β
βI want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life.β
βIβve always been afraid of commitment, okay?Β Thatβs why I sleep around.β
βIβve never wanted to give love a try until now.β
βPlease, donβt leave me.β
βI need you more than you will ever know.β
βI love you more than I could ever express in words.β
QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION
*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*
βI didnβt fuck him/her, I swear!β
βI brought vodka and ice cream.β
βYou left your anal beads at my house. Waitβ¦ no, theyβre just normal mardi gras beads.β
βI canβt believe you went without me!β
βI love you, I love you so much and you just donβt see it. What am I supposed to do?β
βI know youβre sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!β
βI canβt find my apartment and I couldnβt stop thinking about you.β
βLet me in! I think Iβm gonna throw up.β
βWhat do you think about this outfit?β
βItβs not going to get up by itself, you know.β
βI thought youβd be bigger.β
βWhere did we leave those damned handcuffs?β
βI canβt find my vibrator.β
βJust set your phone on vibrate!β
βI want to fuck you until youβre raw and shaking.β
βThatβs itβ¦ do a little striptease for me.β
βYou can watchβ¦ but you canβt touch.β
βBe quiet! Theyβre going to hear us.β
βAnd get thisβ¦ the new toy? It glows in the dark.β
βIβve got two flavours. Cherry or fruit punch?β
βI want to be on top.β
βThat is one fine ass.β
βYou look like a screamer.β
βWhatβll our safeword be?β
βI love making you squirm.β
βNot my neck! Itβs summer, I canβt wear a turtleneck in the sun.β
[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?
[TEXT] I canβt stop listening to our song.
[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.
[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.
[TEXT] Do you even love me?
[TEXT] What happened to us?
[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.
[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.
[TEXT] I couldnβt care less.
[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.
[TEXT] I canβt stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved meβ¦ and wondering if they were lies.
[TEXT] You canβt have me if you canβt even get the three Cβs. Chocolates, champagne, and candles.
[TEXT] Iβm in the bathβ¦ come join me?
[TEXT] Donβt tease. You know I like it rough.
[TEXT] Bed, counter, or floor?
[TEXT] If you can get here in five minutes Iβll suck you off first.
[TEXT] What do you think about threesomes? And, what about foursomes?
[TEXT] Youβve been naughty, Iβm going to punish you.
[TEXT] I canβt believe you just sent me that. Iβm at work/school!
TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION
[TEXT] I fell down the stairs andβ¦ well, Iβm in the ER.
[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and Iβm waiting with them at the hospital but I canβt do this alone.
[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??
[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and Iβm stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.
[TEXT] I donβt know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!