* FAITH / RELIGIONΒ
CassandraΒ Β ( SamβsΒ mother )Β wasΒ broughtΒ upΒ asΒ aΒ catholicΒ asΒ aΒ child ,Β butΒ asΒ sheΒ grew olderΒ sheΒ strayedΒ awayΒ fromΒ theΒ religionΒ andΒ placedΒ herΒ faithΒ moreΒ inΒ herselfΒ thanΒ anyΒ higherΒ power . ThisΒ heavilyΒ influencedΒ SamΒ whenΒ heΒ wasΒ aΒ child , andΒ seeingΒ hisΒ motherΒ Β asΒ thisΒ strongΒ independentΒ womanΒ whoΒ hasΒ Β movedΒ herselfΒ awayΒ intoΒ atheism - heΒ beganΒ toΒ assumeΒ thatΒ faithΒ andΒ religion ( catholicism mainly ) wereΒ aΒ signΒ ofΒ weaknessΒ Β . HeΒ toldΒ himselfΒ asΒ a small , angryΒ eightΒ yearΒ oldΒ thatΒ heΒ wouldΒ neverΒ putΒ hisΒ faithΒ inΒ whatΒ otherβsΒ calledΒ God .Β
ThisΒ viewΒ onΒ religionΒ continuedΒ onlyΒ forΒ twoΒ yearsΒ ββββββ untilΒ hisΒ motherΒ becameΒ ill . ItΒ wasΒ thenΒ thatΒ heΒ sawΒ aΒ changeΒ inΒ HERΒ behaviorΒ .Β HeΒ wouldΒ hearΒ herΒ cryingΒ inΒ theΒ middleΒ ofΒ theΒ nightΒ andΒ findΒ herΒ onΒ herΒ knees ,Β handsΒ claspedΒ togetherΒ inΒ prayer β¦Β SheΒ evenΒ wentΒ toΒ churchΒ aΒ fewΒ times ,Β Β theΒ daysΒ thatΒ sheΒ couldΒ actuallyΒ leaveΒ theΒ house . SamΒ thenΒ cameΒ toΒ realizeΒ that faithΒ wasnβtΒ a signΒ ofΒ weaknessΒ ββββββ ItΒ wasΒ Β aΒ signΒ thatΒ somebodyΒ soΒ desperatelyΒ wantedΒ toΒ becomeΒ brave .Β
WhenΒ FatherΒ DuffyΒ tookΒ SamΒ andΒ NathanΒ inΒ atΒ theΒ boysβΒ home , atΒ firstΒ SamΒ wasΒ undeniablyΒ angryΒ withΒ theΒ GodΒ thatΒ theΒ priestΒ preached . HisΒ motherΒ hadΒ beggedΒ forΒ moreΒ time , forΒ peace.Β ButΒ sheβdΒ beenΒ givenΒ nothingΒ andΒ sheβdΒ endedΒ upΒ thinkingΒ thatΒ sheΒ onlyΒ hadΒ oneΒ chanceΒ ββββββ toΒ kill herself .Β However - noΒ matterΒ howΒ angryΒ heΒ was ,Β heΒ still wentΒ Β toΒ theΒ FatherΒ andΒ gaveΒ confessionΒ andΒ heΒ evenΒ hadΒ aΒ rosaryΒ ofΒ hisΒ ownΒ thatΒ heβdΒ foundΒ onΒ aΒ desk - keptΒ forΒ himselfΒ inΒ caseΒ of time ofΒ need .
AlthoughΒ heΒ keepsΒ hisΒ faithΒ under wrapsΒ atΒ mostΒ timesΒ andΒ wouldΒ perhapsΒ referΒ to himselfΒ asΒ Β anΒ agnosticΒ atheistΒ ββββββ whenΒ timesΒ Β getΒ toughΒ , heΒ leansΒ onΒ hisΒ faithΒ asΒ aΒ realΒ crutch . HeΒ stillΒ hasΒ theΒ sameΒ rosaryΒ fromΒ hisΒ childhoodΒ andΒ aΒ tornΒ andΒ raggedΒ bibleΒ thatΒ βsΒ inΒ hisΒ goΒ backΒ soΒ thatΒ heΒ knowsΒ itβsΒ withΒ himΒ onΒ jobs .Β
AtΒ Β SamβsΒ Β worstΒ timesΒ (Β whenΒ heβsΒ feelingΒ suicidal )Β heΒ automaticallyΒ retrievesΒ hisΒ rosary , andΒ gripsΒ itΒ tightly , voicingΒ prayersΒ overΒ theΒ beadsΒ onlyΒ inΒ hisΒ head . TheΒ dayΒ thatΒ heΒ foundΒ hisΒ motherΒ ββββββ sheΒ wasΒ holdingΒ ontoΒ herΒ beadsΒ likeΒ aΒ lifelineΒ andΒ ifΒ sheΒ wentΒ outΒ thatΒ way - samΒ wantsΒ toΒ goΒ outΒ theΒ sameΒ wayΒ ββββββ ifΒ heΒ goes.Β
















