"but I was homesick for familiar trees"

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

i think one of the best parts about being a teenager in the early to mid 2010s was that cigarettes were definitely not cool anymore and vapes hadn’t popularized yet so my lungs made it out of my peak impressionable years relatively unscathed

demonic possession is a decent trope but you know what's even better? demonic cohabitation. just 2 people sharing the same body and both being the world's worst roommate about it.

*fights the demon living in my body over whose turn it is to answer the phone*

every day that passes a completely unsuspecting person recreates malevolent out of thin air

Does anyone know what to do about the temperature and also the prices

I have a creeping suspicion some of you guys are not taking "idk man sometimes it depends" to heart

do you think the pieces from chess are all actually mad at each other or are they just like actors

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

oh that poison damage I've been taking? just talking to my mom yknow

Between the nothingburger and the everything bagel, there is the somewhat sandwich.

that’s a problem for another day. but unfortunately today is the day of another days “problem for another day.” so you see my dilemma