Je me souviens

KEIRA: How does Friday sound? Oh, you had me at breakfast for lunch. I'll never say no to that.

STÉ: I can make Friday work very easily. I remember you saying how much you liked pancakes on New Years Eve. Got to play the odds in my favor.

Hey, Ste. I do, whenever you’re free. Yeah, no, I’m definitely not participating in that shit. Not only would I be super fucking awkward, I don’t think my girlfriend would appreciate it. But I’m content with watching everyone else go through it and laugh when it blows up in their face. This is the first year I’m not alone. It’s weird, but I guess it’s fine.

Good.  Are you working any evenings this week?  I don’t think anyone expects people in actual relationships to participate in something like that, but sure, rub in for us losers.  Surprisingly, I managed to con Seb into it too, but I see he’s already trying to get his way our of it.  Well, when it blows up in my face, and yes that’s a real possibility, I’ll take solace in he fact that you’re laughing at me.  I should hope that it’s more than fine... and not just because of the day.  

That’s exactly it! Imagine the kind of world you could create with all the characters you’d get to learn about. The people you’d get to meet too would be great. Something about discussing books with another person is amazing. That realization though, that you still have a lot of time is such an admirable thing. Despite facing hard times you still have hope. That’s something that a lot of people lose so easily. I’ve heard a lot of people say that the right person could be right around the corner or someone right in front of you so the possibilities are endless. Its a job that takes a lot of time but it is very much worth it, but I know it is a lot for people to understand. But I am sure that is the case with many other jobs too. Well I suppose…you aren’t quite wrong there. Part of the job is taking care of yourself so you can be the best for the patients. But that feels like so much to expect another person to do too. A calling, wow that is a really beautiful way to look at it. 

I think that’s really something that helps draw children into the love of reading... the escape to new worlds and favorite characters.  That’s why so many kids books are actually series.  Well, I mean, I hope I do at any rate.  No one is guaranteed tomorrow but it won’t be the end of the world if I don’t get married or start a family until later.  I might not have as much time with them, or maybe I won’t have any biological children of my own, but there is fostering, and adopting, that I could look into as well.  I think those are both possible.  You really never do know.  I definitely couldn’t have predicted some of the things that happened to me this year.  I think that’s definitely something  you have to consider, is how well can you do your job if you’re not well yourself.  When it’s someone you care about, in any sort of way, nothing feels like much though.  

STÉ: Hey Keira. I know you're probably busy with your gallery, the musical, and your daughter, plus just life in general, but I'd love to get coffee, or lunch, or brunch or something with you sometime. Your smile from New Years has kind of stuck with me, and I would like to see it again.

Keira: hey! yeah, ha. the musical’s been keeping me a little busier these days. i would love to get lunch with you, that sounds nice. 😊

ANDER: Hey, Ste. What's going on.

ANDER: I am just making a pot of sum gumbo. Got a cousin in town and he was wantin' some. You want to come give it a try?

STÉ: Not much other than a little appliance research.

STÉ: Thanks, but it's not really something I like.

Wouldn’t it be? Imagine all of the things you could learn. Endless amusement and such a wonderful thing to share with others. I am glad to find anther who agrees though. I suppose things happen when they are meant to right? Its hard to expect what works out for some people to work out for everyone. I am so sorry to hear that, Ste…that couldn’t have been easy. But you are a wonderful and kind person, there is bound to be another person out there. And that person will be extremely lucky. Who knows maybe that person is who you were suppose to meet. They really say that? Well it is our whole lives, we take an oath to take care of people. Sometimes its just difficult in the busy days to remember the little things. Oh yes, very sweet to think of me, but its very nice of you as well to see what I’m doing for me. I certainly do, I do a mixture between eight and twelve hour shifts. 

And it would be quiet and organized, and even if no one ever came in, you’d have all the characters in all the books as imaginary friends... wow.  I can understand wanting something like that.  That is true, things happen for a reason.  But sometimes, when days are hard, I wonder if I made a mistake.  Maybe it was right person, wrong time, and we’ll find each other again.  Or maybe it was right time, wrong person, and it’s still the right time, but I’m still looking for the right person.  Who knows?  I’ve still got lots of time.  I’ve heard it, yes, but I’ve known very few doctors or nurses that well.  I can understand that, but those little things can really add up, and mean so much.  It’s hardly fair for you to spend so much time caring for others and neglect yourself.  Someone needs to be filling your bucket too.  Oh wow.  Long shifts.  I guess it’s more than just a job, more like...a calling.

I had endless ones when I was younger,  one of my favorites was to live in a library. I must have gotten that idea from Beauty and the Beast. But the older I got I realized my dream of helping people which lead to wanting to be a nurse. I know a lot of people have that dream of having families and getting married, but work has always been the first thing on my mind. What about you? That’s great though, being able to step back and recognize that. It is, but I’m glad to cover for the people who have kids they want to spend that time with. Oh I mean when I can, I have done some reading when I have time! Sometimes there are kind people at work who bring me coffee in the mornnngs.

Oh, but see that would be so much fun.  Unlimited reading potential.  And I believe you’d meet so many interesting people who come in.  I am definitely in that category.  As much as I love my job, when I was finishing up law school I definitely figured I’d be married and be getting read to start a family, if I hadn’t already.  But then again, I was in a stable, long term relationship then as well, and maybe that’s to be expected.  Turns out life took us in different directions.  Uh oh, it sounds like what they say might be true... doctors and nurses can make the worst patients and are horrible at taking their own lifestyle suggestions.  That is very nice of them.  You probably work really long and early or late shifts.

Before anyone asks if I’m glad to be back home, I’m not. I had a great time on the road, and having to decorate for Valentine’s Day is probably some kind of punishment for leaving on such short notice. Breadstix is gonna look like a fucking Hallmark store, and I’m not excited. Approach with caution, I’m not in a good mood.

Hey, welcome back!  I’m glad you had a good time on the road.  Do you have time for a catch up this week?  Oh, is this for the blind date event too?  I signed up; like the desperately single guy I am.  I figure even a bad blind date on Valentine’s Day has to be better than being alone, doing nothing, and pretending to be okay with it.

Oh of course, that is one of those realizations that are never truly easy to face. It is still difficult for me to deal with those dreams and reality. But there are so many things in life to be happy about too. I feel like that must be such a great thing to look forward to though. I really hope those small things can change to better things though. It is going very well, thank you! Its been quite busy with work during the holidays from picking up extra shifts but it was just so nice to be able to help others. 

So what kind of dreams did you have then?  If you don’t mind me asking?  Well, I haven’t done much about it yet, except I guess to recognize it and think about what I could do differently maybe.  I bet the holidays can unfortunately be kind of busy.  But please say you’ve been doing some things just for you too?  Or someone has?

STÉ: Hello, hello.

It doesn’t feel real, honestly. Like, time has just disappeared and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that. No resolutions, just aiming to work through some stuff that came up in my personal life at the end of the year and then depending on when I manage to get through that, see about other things.

I think we’re kind of used to loosing that kind of time, on vacation, or even at Christmas when sometimes the days blur one into another, but not really in January.  That sort of sounds like a bit of an unintentional resolution though, to work through stuff.  Especially if it involves working on yourself.  Either way, I wish you good luck with that.

Time certainly has an odd way of flying, that’s for sure. Can’t say I made any resolutions but my year is certainly off to a good start, so I imagine that’s all that really matters.

Glad to hear your new year is off to a good start.  And a happy belated birthday; hope it went well also.

I think that’s what makes time fly by faster when we let ourselves feel restricted by what we feel like we’re suppose to experience. Holding yourself to those standards feels so…restricting. It’s amazing what things you can learn about yourself and new goals you want to accomplish when you pause and try to appreciate the small things. Of course that’s always easier said than done though. I think that is a great resolution though, at the end of the day your happiness is the most important thing. 

I think you’re right about that.  It can be hard though, to give up those hopes and dreams you have for yourself to live more in the moment.  I’m sure there is some sort of happy middle; I just haven’t found it yet myself personally.  It really is.  And I’m beginning to see different parts of my life where I’m maybe not as happy as I could be if even just the smallest of change was made.  How is your new year going Elizabeth?