pillow talk

D A N G E R O U S

I’m a rapper, I love sports, cars, other macho things, I’m also Bisexual. Wow, so brave right? No, not at all, not for Tumblr, or LA, or New York, but it is for a rapper in South Carolina with a homophobic family, homophobic friends in a homophobic music scene. But it’s ok, I’ve never told anyone besides a few people from different states online about me. I’ve never told the internet either, certainly not recently, how could I? By posting this I will lose friends, I know that, I will also lose fans in this homophobic hip hop community, I know that as well, but it's who I am, after all, I’ve known I was this way since I was about 8. I’ve always been ashamed of being bisexual, I’ve tried to hide it from everyone I know, I thought that would change who I am, but it didn’t, this is who I am. I am a gay rapper, I love men almost more than I love women, is that ok? Well, of course, it is to a small bubble of people, but truth be told there will be hell to pay in the hip hop community, there will be hell to pay explaining this to my friends. “Bruh you gay, nahhhhh”. 

“Son you can be anything you want as long as you’re not a faggot”

This is something my dad told me in a Circle K parking lot when I was 9 and while writing this that line has been ringing in my head over and over again, how will he react when I post this on Facebook? Truth be told it doesn’t matter to me, I can’t keep lying to everyone. In the south this is not approved of yet, we have yet to catch up with the rest of America, so I expect the kickback from the hip hop community, my friends, and my family, but I don’t give a fuck.

i’ve always been afraid of death, something that i never wanted to think about. i’ve had multiple friends killed, i’ve been surrounded with it my whole life, always have seen it as sinister. i dont know if i feel that way now, im ok with it. im ok with letting go and moving on with everything, looking at life through my perspective, judging it empirically it’s not worth it, most of our lives are in silent despair, everything that’s good will end and we’re left in worse shape, so i’m ok with letting go. am i worried about the afterlife? no, i’ve always thought that the afterlife is whatever you want it to be, or whatever you already think it will be, when i die i want it to be over with, shut my eyes and just leave forever. some people will miss me, well better put some people will miss my art, i understand that, at times i wish my art could carry on forever but the inner me, the personal side of things, i am miserable. some people tell me that’s what makes me an artist and i have to fight through it because it’s gonna pay off

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY SO NATURALLY IM GIVING YOU A GIFT. ENJOY

MY ALBUM IS COMING OUT JULY 5TH

I LOVE U ALL <3