a great perhaps

have a job interview later today with a phenomenal company and it makes me so nervous i want to puke! i keep trying to tell myself that great things happen to great people, but life has been fucking kicking me hard lately. I really need a win, i really need this job. trying my best to manifest and believe in myself and my capabilities.

i miss the way things sparkled when i was a teen. i miss the way creating art felt like creating magic. i miss the way my friends felt like super heroes in a movie. i miss my life before it felt like the world broke it.

i turn 27 soon. at 17 i loved posting on a silly little blog with my art and photography and writing. i miss being vulnerable and thinking the world cared about me. i miss the small things that i thought were big, bc little did i know i had much bigger and harder things in store for me.

it’s my first birthday without my dad. it was two months since he died a few days ago. it makes me fucking sick. the grief is destroying me. i find myself craving to make something of it, craving to do something about it. at 17 i dreamed of the life i would be living at 27 and this isn’t fucking it.

grief changes your entire gravity. instead of being held down by your foundation, you’re flung upside down and clinging to anything that grants you stability. i miss stability. i miss my dad. this whole thing fucking hurts.

do people even use tumblr anymore?