LaserRaptorReview

it's been a long time since I posted and for which I apologise but I'm at uni now and settled in. I'm ready to carry on my glorious work of talking shit about films that no one cares about. LETS DO THIS! Reviews will be coming shortly and soon a podcast ! Will keep you updated.

Legend. The film, showing the infamous Kray twins life of crime and extortion. Deviling deeper into the personal lives of the gangsters, including relationships,mental issues and dreams. The Two brothers would rise to hold sway over the town and are tasked with making London the Las Vegas of Europe.

The Krays are surrounded by an air of mystery and secrecy. Rumors of homosexuality and pedophilia follow their legacy as well as many murders. A rare return to the old underbelly of London’s more violent past.

Tom hardy takes on the daunting task to portray both of the twins and have multiple scenes where he acts with a non existent self. Ambitious to say the least and in my opinion he pulls it off!

Tom Hardy is charming and witty as Reggie and down right un-hinged and hilarious as Ron. A perfect blend of seriousness and light relief between the characters which makes the somewhat drawn out story more bearable.

The feel of the time period was well done. The cobbled streets, the cars, the suits. The soundtrack is the cherry on top to the Krays era of England

Its not all good though. The run time is a bit long and the scenes are kind of ...well bland. The Krays committed many horrible crimes! However for some reason the director chose to show us their more mediocre activities. Where are the shootings? Hatchets!? Countless beatings!?Why aren't they here?forget the local pub, i want to see the darkest corners of the Krays actions.Isn’t that  why we watch gangster films?

.Its a good enough gangster flick but it may seem under whelming to the non Brits out there and drags its heels in the last half an hour. Still worth a watch but not multiple viewings.

The Tree Of Life is a piece of cinema that spans from the most tiny cellular organism, to the creation of the universe as we know it.Simultaneously we are taken on a journey through the memories of a young boy in the 50s,growing up with his 2 brothers,loving mother and authoritarian father.

This has got to be one of the hardest films Ive ever had to describe or even give a synopsis for. Extremely artistic and deeply focused on aesthetic.Big warning to all you you casual cinema goers! This will most likely come across as pointless,egotistic bull crap and super boring.

However some of you out there who watch this will think its a masterpiece and treads new ground for the art form.I believe both are true and wouldn't blame anyone for having either opinion.

The visuals from The Tree Of Life are astonishing and every scene is worthy of being framed and put into an art museum or photography expo. Rolling cosmos shots down to, extreme close ups of insects and dust particles shows the directors uncanny ability to capture the worlds beauty and complexity.

Brad Pitt delivers one of his best performances of his career in a subtle yet powerful way. He is supported by an incredibly capable young cast playing the main character and his brothers.All around great acting and a delight to witness.

I really cant say much more than, if you like artsy fartsy films like me, then you'll love this film.If not, avoid it like the plague you will never make it past the first 30 mins of the run time XD.

Thanks for the notes guys and follows were doing really well,i appreciate every single one of my laser raptors!

Yes Im exaggerating, but the scary thing is NOT THAT MUCH!

A Previously failed marvel film franchise is back for one more crack of the whip.Inter dimensional travel is discovered by a young Reed Richards and is made reality. Later in his life,with a team of crack scientists and good friends he ventures into another strange world.A planet containing energy with the potential to save our ever dyeing planet. After a field test tragedy the team are left with strange powers,which the government snap up quickly to use in conflicts. The team has to come back together after this misfortune to take on a bigger threat to the world than global warming...Doom.

Ill keep this one as focused as i can but bare with me baby raptors. This film fucking sucks.It fails on almost every level and had me face palming 20 times a minute. I left the cinema with dazed dead eyes, and a skull fracture from face palm blunt force trauma.

The start up isn’t bad.Pretty good introductions for characters, gets the story on the road to getting stuck into what we came for. POWERS!However this film gets the biggest of boners having men in suits walking through hallways, giving the typical CIA, evil government bullshit speech. Over and over and over.

I sat there thinking ,’Ok its been 50 minutes when the fuck is this film going to start?’ Well apparently never. The entire film is a set up for a sequel i will never watch. Its hard not to include any spoilers in a blind film rant rage. So ill try and keep it short and sweet with no details etc.

Doom looks like a kid wearing a homemade plastic mannequin helmet from Pound land. Ridiculous aesthetic with even more ridiculous beady green led eyes.In no way is he imposing, scary or intimidating. What a waste of a truly cool villain in the Marvel universe.His emotion and motive is barely sold to us and just feels like a blank evil dude.Not to mention he is like a pantomime villain on wires in his battle scenes. Floats like a piece of paper!

That brings me to the CG in F4. What the fuck happened! This CG is so dated you can practically see the steam powered cogs turning in the background. Awful textures,laughable backdrops and location shots. The effects team is living in the 90′s if they thought they'd get away with how shoddy the feature looked.(Or high as hell)

Finally add a sprinkle of cringe worthy dialogue and character motives that make zero sense. Year long grudges are forgotten almost instantly or never brought up what so ever. The Fantastic 4 come across as flat,boring and weak.

I wont go on or ill never stop ranting guys so thats all my time ill give this trash.

Fantastic 4 NEEDS to die now. Sorry all you fans out there but F4 needs to go the way of Ol’ Yella. Take this movie out the back and finish it both barrels.

Not many franchises can produce so many films and keep it fresh and exciting. MI has been renowned as a good series and has one of the most universally know Themes in cinema history!

The IMF has fallen to the will of the CIA and made redundant. Ethan Hunt and his team must band together to address societies biggest threat, the ‘Syndicate’. A group driven to create a new world order through ever increasing lethality and damage by terrorist attack. Ethan must use his team and a possible double agent to stop this threat from destroying stable civilization as we know it. Only a job for the IMF.

Mission impossible has been running for many years and has had its peaks and troughs. Different directors,different styles and of course different quality.So with that in mind i try to reserve some of those judgements, as its rare for a franchise to go this long and produce a satisfactory sequel.

However there is only so many times you can recycle the same characters and plot line until it becomes stale. A spy/action film that is a clone of itsef 5 times over? That's a challenge for any director.

Ill start on the good foot and say that MIRN has one of the best motorbike chase scenes Ive seen in years. Its seamless, fast and exciting. Great use of POV camera shots have you the viewer sit in the driving seat and really feel the G’s! MIRN has no trouble in raising your heart rate and getting your jaw to open just a smidge.

On the other hand, the scenes in between these brilliant chapters, the plot seems boring and shrugged off. Sure it tries to throw some punches and twists your way but nothing that will have you mind blown. NOT EVEN CLOSE!

MIRN is exactly what you've come to expect. A big budget action movie that has some spectacular stunts performed by the one and only Tom Cruise. Hey that looks like that dudes actually holding onto that airplane! That’s my young perceptive raptor-ling, is because that steel balled man is holding onto that fucking plane!

Maybe over the years Ive become weary of these predictable action movies.Also I'm getting sick of having to make excuses for them. What i mean is phrases Ive said in the past like’ Just turn your brain off and enjoy’ NO! we shouldn't put up with this mediocrity. This film just wasn't loud and angry enough for me to get immersed and not give a shit about the plot.

Like Tom Cruise? chases, masks, guns? Go see MIRN. That’s about as much as your going to get.

People are complicated. Its not always easy to know exactly what someone is thinking in each moment.Well there's a reason for that! Enter into the mind of young Riley and her parents as a traumatic move to San Fransisco leaves her emotions unchecked.

Joy and Sadness end up being stranded in the confines of Riley’s mind, leaving her unable to feel those emotions completely. Parts of Riley’s personality literally starts to crumble away,and the only way to stop this is if Joy and Sadness can reach headquarters before its too late!

Animation is a soft spot for most Laser Raptors. That’s a given. Its a fact, check it out on Wikipedia. So i have to admit i was looking forward to Inside out. Disney and Pixar extremely rarely make poor film and i was confident that this one would be good too.

Sure this style of story has been done before, whether its the ‘knuckleheads’ or Osmosis Jones. However there’s a different mood to Inside out that gives it its unique charm.

I sound like a broken record but the animation was immaculate.very clever play on words and physical representations of the human psyche such as Train of thought,core memories and long term memory. They are all are shown to the audience in a way that even children can begin to understand.

Even though educational sounds boring to most, inside out takes this in its stride and brings it to life.Pixars uncanny ability to get the most out of us when it comes to drawing out our most powerful emotions is visible yet again. From Toy Story to Up, Pixar hits you right in the feels and cements itself for good.

Emotions can be a incredible hurdle for some people in the world with myself included. To watch a film depicting your mind in such a poetic and wondrous way is nothing short of a Joy(sorry for the pun, i couldn’t resist)

Join Riley and her emotions Joy,Sadness,Fear,Disgust and don’t forget anger in a battle to do whats best for her to have a good life. Being a young child is hard and a lot is going on in your head,what better way to show it by having them turn into adorable sprites.

Great humor and very lovable characters will have you laugh out loud and weep softly around other adults and children alike. Go see Inside out and take a kid along to and have a blast. You wont regret it.

Billy hope has it all. A loving wife, beautiful daughter,decadent house and more money then he can count.To top it off he is the Junior middleweight boxing champion.

However after a tragic change of destiny,Billy has to try and piece together the shards of his previous life. If Hope can not overcome his obstacles both in and outside the ring,he is heading down a suicidal path. A real champion shows he can get beaten and hit rock bottom,but claw his way back to glory. Is Billy Hope as ‘Great’ as they say?

REVIEW

Southpaw.Another visit to the ring and yet another boxing film.In my opinion boxing is an incredibly hard genre of film. This is due to the inherent nature of the sport itself. A true boxing film, that depicts the sports lifestyle and its culture in a realistic light has never been done. NEVER. Real boxing is impossible to re create without actual contact, and that always shows. Can Southpaw prove me wrong and clear this bad plastic taste in my mouth?

Unfortunately Southpaw follows almost every cliche that attributes itself with the sport. Why are we served the exact same fucking film every time when it comes to Boxing?

Jake Gyllenhaal tries very hard in his role and his physical transformation for southpaw is nothing short of inspiring. I have enjoyed all of his films of late and i still did enjoy his performance in Southpaw.Still the fact remains.The film is...stale.

There’s only so much that can be done with the most obvious and predictable boxing plot in film history. You cant make a masterpiece of your own when you use a worn out and prehistoric template.

Budding directors...young film enthusiasts...visionaries of the art. Be strong, creative and ruthless when making film, Never follow the path that been laid before. It only leads to mediocrity.

Southpaw was a disappointment yes, however it was comfortably directed and did have some emotional scenes. Alas this film is a big bowl of vanilla ice cream with no sprinkles.

Fresh off the presses after the success of Seth Macfarlanes Ted is (suitably named) Ted 2.

Teds life is going through changes, for mostly tying the knot with Tami-lynn and Johnny is still depressed about his divorce from Lori 6 months ago . Johnny has to get back in the dating game, but Ted has bigger fish to fry. Legally Ted has been recognized as property and not eligible for human rights. Ted wages a long legal battle to prove he does indeed have a soul and re instate his marriage and respect he deserves.

Review-

As you can tell from the synopsis, this film is BORING. Ted 1 was no box office classic but at least it had poop jokes,Z list celebrities and stoner humor.This one however is 98% serious and character driven with a obvious,dated as shit ‘Evil corporation’ (wiggles claws spookily) plot.

Usually a comedy film uses the evil characters in a story to put our heroes into funny,compromising situations and danger. Not Ted 2. Lets have about 10 jokes in this film that fall flat as a pancake and have about 2 hours of court room bullshit. Yeah , great going writing team.

We see familiar cameos return and a few new faces such as a hilarious scene with Liam Neeson and a box of children’s cereal. The rest of these cameos however feel forced and not as fresh as in the previous Ted. This leads to an awkward attempt to revive a dead joke. pretty much over and over again.

Additionally they have put random singing and dancing scenes like that of a musical throughout the film.They feel ridiculously out of place and no where near close to getting a laugh, even from the most easily pleased cinema dumbo.It just leaves you shaking your head muttering”What were they thinking?”

Disappointing to say the least.Unfortunately Ted 2 will most definitely not be getting a second viewing.Also i doubt i will watch it again period. Ted one is OK but this just fails to even take off, let alone compete.