How to properly pap a newborn during his first weeks of life
Featuring Simon Cowell’s ego. Disclaimer: This post is pointing out an excessive storyline that was presented for public consumption. I’m not making fun of Simon’s baby or Lauren Silverman (in fact I’m rather sorry for them). I’m also not making a comment on whether there is genuine love and affection within Simon’s family, because I’m not privy to their lives. None of the photos are mine, all were pulled from a google search.
1) Lay some groundwork: During a red carpet interview at the premiere of This is Us, confirm the pregnancy at the start of its second trimester:
After weeks of speculation, X Factor mogul Simon Cowell has confirmed he is to become a father for the first time. ‘I’m proud to be a dad,’ the 53-year-old told the BBC. ‘It’s something I hadn’t thought of before, but now I know I feel good about it.’ Cowell is expecting the child with New York socialite Lauren Silverman, 36. Rumours about their relationship have filled tabloid newspapers over the past couple of weeks. Most suggested that Silverman was pregnant, but neither party had confirmed the reports.”
During an interview the next day, One Direction (your biggest act) isn’t asked about the pregnancy, but shades the news:
A few days later, they’re asked about it directly:
2. During the next six months, make sure there are plenty of photos of you and the heavily pregnant mother of your child, like this one:
3. Announce the labor, then confirm the birth via a rep less than an hour after the baby arrives
UPDATE: Simon Cowell’s rep confirms the baby’s birth. The couple’s baby boy came into the world at 5:45 p.m. ET and weighed 6 pounds and 7 ounces.
4. Two days later, release newborn photos via UsWeekly online exclusive. Tweet those same photos. “I never knew how much love and pride I would feel,” you tweet.
The same day, leave New York City hospital making sure baby is clearly visible in car seat/carrier:
5. Make sure your baby is more visible when visiting the doctor at 6 days old:
6. Fly to Miami (against the recommendation of any pediatrician) when the baby is nine days old. Visit the beach (against the recommendation of any pediatrician), and carry the baby enough to get some good photos with ripped Dad. Carry your dogs Diddly and Squiddly more. Your baby’s mom looks pretty worn out, btw.
7. Go to the beach again two days later:
8. Go out again the next day:
9. Take the baby out some more when he’s 18 days old, soon to fly to the UK:
10. Make sure everyone sees you’ve landed in the UK, two days later when the baby is three weeks old.
11. Visit your parent a few weeks later:
And THAT’S how to properly keep a newborn baby in the public eye for six weeks. (And that’s also the time it takes for most mothers to be considered recovered from a birth.)
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
titsay
izzy806
jacobvanloon
romaincrisis
areudirty
annaxmalina
origamiaround
