shit from an emotional thinker

and this ends my shitty moodboard journey!

this is obviously my most aesthetic one

so yeah @isfp-cafe asked me to post some. i made these moodboards a couple of months ago for a discord server. i wasn’t really thinking about enneagram when i made these, just of myself, so maybe people of other types will be able to relate.

i’m gonna post them one at a time right after this so sorry for the spam lol

also these will be posted in chronological order, i eventually learned how to change the border size smh

here’s the first

hey guys. i’m sorry if this totally invalidates the previous posts i have made in this thread, but i believe i was wrong when i considered myself a 3w4. i’ve been away from tumblr for a while. since then i’ve done some reading about enneagram, talked to some people about it, and i’ve since retyped as a 4w3...

i think the main reason i didn’t think 4w3 was my core is my status as a ti-dom in mbti. (how often do you see istp 4s?)  people who know me well think that istp is the best fit for me, and i agree. i do vibe fi because of my fashion and artistic interests, but overall when it comes to processing the world and making arguments, my ti shines through, with a hint of inferior fe.

therefore, i think that my emotions are fairly devalued compared to many 4s because of my emphasis on "thinking.” it was hard for me to realize that i have them, and i have a lot. but now that i know they’re there, and they’re important, i’m kinda ok with them ngl

there’s some things about 3 cores to which i could never relate, but i don’t know if it’s because descriptions of that type tend to be shitty. but here are the three main reasons why i think i’m a 4:

1. i can’t fucking move on from shame. i heard 3s try to ignore it, don’t want to deal with it at all, but i dwell in it constantly, and for years, whenever i’m alone, and sometimes when i’m around people. the shame makes me feel inherently different and even if i’m trying my best to appear “normal,” there is a barrier between the others and me, keeping me a separate entity who sometimes can’t cope

in addition, my main “coping mechanism” for shame is to constantly self deprecate. no need for me to hide those things, i’d rather them be out in the open instead of someone else discovering it without my disclaimers.

2. i tend to identify with my pain. much more than my successes. i can’t separate myself from bad things that happened to me, and bad things that make me, me. like i can’t move on from shame, i can’t move on from trauma in general, it hurts for years, sometimes still as strong as it was in the moment it happened, if not more.

3. i’ve read about the coping mechanisms by enneagram type, and introjection resonates with me the most. i don’t even remember what the one for type 3 was, but it wasn’t as relatable

yeah no problem. i’m a noob when it comes to tumblr honestly, but i think answering questions makes a post, right?

good question. well, since i’ve last posted on my blog quite a while ago i’ve done some reading and i believe i was mistyped as a 3 before (although i do think i have a strong 3 wing). however, i can still talk about my so blindspot.

it came as a shock to me when i was typed as sp/sx, and when several people told me that i come off this way. others involved in the typology community have typed me sp/so and even so/sp. i don’t relate to so blinds and i find that i care much more about what other people think, i’m super sensitive to rejection and try to figure out where i fit into social atmospheres and such.

hey there isfp-cafe!

uh... i fucked up guys

i think i’m actually a 4w3

just a really weird case because i’m still istp

sorry about the longass break and thanks for following me guys i followed you all back, i’ll reply to everyone now

whew it’s been a while since i last logged on because i got ashamed of my last post and did not want to see that lol, but i guess the best thing to do is bury it with new content

anyway, i guess it’s common to assume that 3s would be associated with always dressing to impress. probably having expensive designer clothes, etc. lots of celebs are 3s probably and they’re shown looking nice.

i was talking to someone who seemed to wonder how much a 3 is supposed to care about clothes, so i’ll try to discuss that here. using my own experience, as usual

i buy clothes cheap, and i’m proud of it. i hate the idea of spending over $50 for any article of clothing, and it’s rare that i would spend over $30 for something. i don’t care much about brands, i shop a lot at ross and tj maxx, online, or at mall chain stores that have sales (especially hot topic, which does not seem like a 3 place at all).

i’ve talked to ppl irl (who may or may not be 3s, idk and idc) who’ve lowkey bragged about having expensive designer clothes and i don’t really give a shit. i’d hate to spend a lot of money on something that could get accidentally ruined by my messy eating or a bird shitting on me or something. maybe it’s my 6 fix making me paranoid about this

that doesn’t mean i don’t care, though. i do care a lot about style. i don’t care about what’s in fashion much, instead i buy clothes that fit my aesthetic while looking nice on my body type. i hate stuff that makes me look fat, but i also hate loose clothing cuz it makes me look sloppy. i love kinda gothic designs, maybe i look more like a 4 than a 3

clothing is not really an area in which i strive to get attention from other people, and i don’t particularly seek compliments for it. mostly i dress up as what i consider nicely to please myself, and the idea of not putting effort in it makes me feel uncomfortable

and here’s another thing that pointed me away from being a 3 at first (and still makes me question my typing, honestly): i have a nearly empty resume and lack of social connections. shouldn’t i be striving harder to attain these things because they’re important to the image of “success” that most people have (including me, to some extent)?

the reason why is because i’m afraid of failure. even more than i desire success.

it seems like a lot of 3s, (especially sp doms), are workaholics. but i’m way behind of my peers in career. ever since high school pretty much all my classmates had jobs and i didn’t want one. i’ve only had one part-time job in my life as a receptionist that i got out of luck, and it didn’t last long (to top it all off i was pretty shitty at it). i’ve been turned down from so many jobs and i don’t want to put the effort into something that i know i’ll be bad at (yep, i’m scared af of being fired), so i don’t even try anymore.

even worse is my social life. i have no irl friends. any “friend” i had ended up having treated me like shit anyway. honestly, i do want some, maybe just to boost my image so i don’t look like a fucking friendless loser anymore. and i’ve never been anywhere close to a romantic relationship after 20 years of life. i know from experience i suck at talking to people so i’ve stopped trying, i don’t want them to reject me so i’ve rejected them first.

so i overcompensate in academics, and i have been ever since middle school. it was the only place where i was better than my classmates. don’t get me wrong, i’ve never been one to spend all my free time studying but i do just enough to earn grades that are superior to my classmates’.

then college came around, and i’m not the best anymore. i'm even considering doing a double major or three minors as another means of overcompensation... i’m going to start my 3rd year. but what the fuck am i going to do after i graduate college? i know i can’t hide behind school forever.

but i don’t know how to face my fear of failure and strive toward success without potentially hurting the image that i’ve tried so hard to protect from rejection and failure along the way of my goals.