i said it was love

[lucet sicut stellae.]

ropes.

when you laugh, you look like you are free.

(it’s funny, even though I laugh and my cheeks        hurt from failing to stop myself from smiling,

I don’t feel that freedom too.)

(if anything, the ropes around my heart        constrict,        as tighter as ever,

as if with each liberated smile, I fell,        deeper        harder,        more painful than ever.)

[lucet sicut stellae.]

smile.

there's a cruel happiness in yearning. the way your eyes are so close to mine,        that our noses almost touch,        yet the distance between us is seas apart. there's a pang of pain--       alongside each and every one of my smile       that rises because of you. it's like as my lips part, and I break into a smile,       my heart cracks too. because as you don't know you bring me my smile,       I don't know who brings you yours--       your starry smile, bright and shining and never gone. and I wish, from the thousands of your smile,       I was the cause for one.