lamebot

i'm still trying to decide if i want to write a lot about this, or like... two sentences.

i'll write the few sentences now, and see if i feel like elaborating after.

my real father, who was an alcoholic up until around 20 years ago or so... has been offered a plea deal from the state that he lives in for a 40 year prison sentence for something he did (or... started doing?) 7 years after he got sober. and i think i would rather him be an alcoholic than what he ended up becoming.

...

okay, reading those sentences a few times, i'm going to elaborate a little more.

trigger warning because.. yeah. it’s triggering. on a lot of levels. 

my little sister (teenager), in order to not be held hostage by my father's custody [because he's a selfish asshole and won't talk to her but won't give custody up so that her current step father can legally adopt her] decided to report his... lifestyle to police. his.. lifestyle has been... child pornography. of me, when i was younger. of my little sister, starting when she was around 4. and actual sexual assault of her starting at that age as well.

i don't care about me. but i will say my little sister is still a teenager, and she has had to now go into detail repeatedly to many people about what her own father did to her.. she said she had to go get.. pictures taken of the affected areas so that they could see if there was scarring... and when the police finally got to him, investigated more about what he's been doing over the years, they found enough to offer a PLEA DEAL of FORTY YEARS IN PRISON.

All because she wanted my dad to let her go. he hasn’t called her in almost 8 years, and part of his custody deal was she could move states away but she HAD to call him every holiday and his birthday, etc. he didn’t answer, and never called back. and when she asked him to give up custody, he said the only way he would is to get 100% of his child support that he’s paid over the years paid back to him all in one lump sum. WHAT. A. SHITBAG.

i'm sick over the fact that i share blood with this man. i'm sick that he's done this to her, and that she's had to relive it (and will have to again because.. he TURNED DOWN THE DEAL so now we have to go to trial). i'm... weirdly sick that he doesn't even have alcohol to use as an excuse for his actions because he has been sober for so long, and had (maybe?) started doing this afterward. fuck. maybe he did it before.

anyway. i'm not around here much anymore. but i just needed to share this. i've shared with some close friends, and i feel like i scare them away with shit like this. so here, internet strangers. you get to learn about my shitbag father. my poor sister having to go to trial over this (and i guess me too, but i honestly cannot fathom being her right now).

for the first time in god knows how long.

a picture of a kid with a tree helping squirrels was marked as sensitive content and literally one post below was porn, unmarked. 

OKAY tumblr.

and i think i’m going to have to delete all of it because some fuck in my life is destroying everything.

since i’ve posted something real on here.

Whelp, it’s about to get real.

Tonight at 10pm my mother texted my sister and i tonight letting us know that our *brother* (OUR BROTHER) is out of prison, and is in the state, for the first time in 13 years. He has molested us both, and she knows this.

She texted us because she is about to let him stay in her house. not because she thought it was okay mind you. Because my step-father, the dude who ~*also*~ molested me as a child took pity on him and wanted a roof over his head,

I.

AM NOT.

OKAY.

WITH THIS.

I don’t know what to do here.

I am at a complete loss.

I got this news almost four hours ago and still haven’t been able to do much, and honestly, this is the first I’ve been able to write about it, because I know that no one pays attention to this anymore.

Friends had the idea to dress up as Parks and Rec characters for Halloween.

Everyone: Ambrosia is obviously April.

and i still get people who legit don’t believe that i’m 21 yet.