mary's little lamb

a nasty bug might turn your headstrong girlfriend into a mewling velcro baby, but luckily there are plenty of ways to nurse her back to health under your tender care:

when she is ill, she is not to go outside, so if she has a job, call in sick for her. she might object that she’s well enough to go into work but that’s not for her to decide

now that you’ve got her stuck at home with you, she needs to be dressed appropriately. layer her up in a thick, snug diaper with plastic pants, and some warm clothes with socks and mitts. for bedtime, she can wear a fleece onesie, or all day if she wants - less laundry for you and better access for changes

she might be a bit more clingy and whiny than usual. while this isn’t really convenient if you’re working from home, let her snuggle under your arm or on your lap. she’s very vulnerable right now so she needs you at all times

remember to check her nappy for accidents more regularly. she might start off with just a sniffle, but it could quickly become a viral infection, which means her lunch is going to go straight through to her diaper and she won’t be as alert to let you know when she’s made a mess

if she’s starting to run a fever, take a moment while changing her to use a rectal thermometer. this could feel uncomfortable for her, but try to comfort her and assure her that it will all be over soon

put her down for a nap when she starts to get too worked up. she’ll likely be overwhelmed at this point so tuck her in her crib with her teddy and pop her binky in her mouth before giving her a kiss to sleep

Then, all of all sudden, it hits them, that this is a foreign object and they just inhaled it in deeper. A wave of ice cold panic instantly washed over their whole body, and not even a second later, a wave of irritation, too, starting from the depth of their nostril but then running down into every single last bit of their muscle. As they panicked, their breathing speed up, causing the leaf to be sniffed in even deeper.

Then, they first coughed, then sneezed. Once, twice, three times. Each one louder and more desperate than the last. Their already inflamed and sensitive nose is now irritated beyond belief. The physical sensation from their nostril soon overtakes their entire mind in terms of occupying their attention. As they sneezed and sneezed none stop, they realized they just. Cant. Get. It. Out. Every last inch of their body is now screaming “SNEEZE IT OUT SNEEZE IT OUT”, but A. Just. Cant.

Meanwhile their partner, B, who was jogging in front, noticed something wrong and rushed back, “A? Is everything okay?”

A shook their head aggressively, while their hands are rubbing their streaming nose. They continued to sneeze and cough in between gasps and moans. B tried talking to them, but they just can’t hear them. At first B wondered if it was their cold or some new allergy, but it’s clear it is none of that. Confused and scared, B, is now forced to just stand and watch A sneezing helplessly, unable to do anything but pacing around.

And then, suddenly, A freezes for a brief second, then their chest produce the slowest, deepest, most desperate inhale yet. And when they reached the peak of their inhale, they freeze for another brief second. Then, without warning, they let out the loudest, most thunderous sneeze ever experienced in their life, with so much force that it might even knock themselves back. As soon as the sneeze escaped, they can feel the exact moment the foreign object fly out of their nostril like a missile, along with almost every last drop of irritated mucus it generated while in there.

As soon as the object and all the mucus escaped, for a second A experienced an instant wave of bliss, first starting from the affected nostril, but then moving across their whole face and then their whole body. Every last tensed muscle in their body relaxed at once, every last bit of stress in their mind gets relieved. For a second, when they catch their first clean breath, it was like pure heaven. Meanwhile B also let out a sigh of satisfying relief, knowing their beloved is okay now.

Then, almost immediately, the leg of A gave in because the none stop sneezing earlier completely drained every last drop of their mental and physical strength, leaving their body a noodle, and their mind a mush. B managed to catch them in time, and they embraced them close while listening to A’s soft, unclogged breathing, finally gaining relief. A is so comfortable that they might even shudder a few times with blissful whimpers now and then. Their affected nostril is still quivering and running but they couldn’t care less.

While they're ultimately unsuccessful in that venture, they do spend the night on the dance floor, swapping partners and swapping conversation until late into the evening. They don't think anything of it that they're tired or that a headache is coming on--after all, they've been dancing all evening, and the lights are bright and the music is loud--nor do they think much about the fact that they're starting to get a little sniffly--alcohol often does that to them, doesn't it?