lalaliliboom

You hope I’m doing well but doesn’t matter if I don’t reply.

You hope I’m not bitter but I was fearful frozen half my life.

You hope I’ve got what I deserve, but did I deserve what you did?

Because I know that you know what you did.

And you break the silence after 11 years just to say that you hope I take care.

But you never cared about me, you liked pulling my strings.

Made me dance, made me sing.

Molded all of me just how you liked.

You found me naive and fourteen, scars covered with sleeves

But refused to believe I could die.

Was I never a real girl to you?

Was I just your pretty puppet?

The brand new addition to the collection you covet?

Did you start slashing at strings just out of boredom?

You cut all my ties, I hung on by a single thread.

Were you a little sad when inside I just felt dead?

Was it fun playing games with the doll you choked?

Can a puppet master ever care for the toys he broke?

I hope the guilt eats at you.

I hope it hurts to face it.

I hope you’re ashamed of the ways that you acted.

I hope you’ve grown up enough to never again cause this kind of hurt

I hope my pain haunts you,

I hope that you cried, drown out the last decade in tears.

Why else would you need to reach out after all these years?

Because I know that you know what you did.

Alone in that house, I still can’t breathe in basements.

In windowless rooms, you taught me what shame is.

Why didn’t you stop when you saw me so shaken?

Did you steal my soul just so you could break it?

Thoughtless thieves never care, he just takes it.

You hated my friends and you hated my music.

You said they were bad for me, how was I so stupid?

You said you were all I need. Oh so convincing.

Put me on a leash then slowly, you reeled me in.

You turned me into the perfect guard dog.

Defend you loyal to the whole world.

Muzzled my mouth and sharpened my teeth, then you trained me to bark and to bite

I scared away all who might get too close to us

Just so you could keep control, under the guise of love.

All that I loved, you’d disapprove.

Then you made me choose, to fight or take flight?

When I finally broke free, you waited impatiently til I came crawling back.

It made perfect sense, after all, you made sure you were all I had.

When I stayed away too long, you publicly unleashed your rage,

And within weeks I saw myself easily replaced by some other poor girl who was just my age.

As soon as I could I ran far away

Never felt far enough, across only four states.

No thanks to you, I survived, I even learned to live.

And I’ve long moved on from your abuse, but I can’t forgive.

I hope I never absolve you of guilt.

I hope I never hear you gloat.

I hope I never see you again.