ARCANE LAIN

I’m trans. I’m never posting a naked pic on here. Ever.

I’m happy for anyone with the body confidence of posting their naked bodies in whatever context they feel is best for themselves. I love my body, I am confident in it. Nudity is something I do not share with other people except for my current lover. Having my body be analyzed and looked at gives me anxiety and encourages body dysphoria. I minimize that by all possible means by being clothed around people I do not know.

Anytime another woman is like “Omg this man knows that rape is wrong! He’s so enlightened!” I can’t help but think how low her standards are for men as a class in the context she lives in. Rape is wrong so when anyone knows that they shouldn’t be congratulated. Especially not men. They are following basic morality. I don’t give men extra credit and compliments for when they are not being shitty. Men get complimented for being less than average in a variety of fields. Stop. Again to bring up an old post it’s the equivalent to saying (I quote Andy Milonakis here) “Thanks for not stabbing me.” I don’t like calling men enlightened when it comes to social awareness, gender awareness, etc because once you get to a level of awareness about the abuse people face from systematic oppression you realize there isn’t a lot you can do and being smug and expecting applause from everyone for being a decent person isn’t going to help any one.

I think I’ve been in denial about having depression these past eight months. It comes and goes. Today I feel great, happy, fine, and ready for a new adventure. I have a better understanding of how my gender dysphoria articulates itself. It clogs my emotional flow. I have a lot of anger for the injustices my fellow sisters face, as well as racism, ableism, the bullshit of capitalism, etc. 

I’ve been thinking about how unnecessary it is for me to talk about my problems on here or any other social media bullshit sight. I want to stay in touch with youth culture, with social uprisings, etc. But right now I’m not in the best psychological place. I’m trying to figure out how to balance my life, how to take responsibility for that. I’m not a 19 year old tumblr girl in a tumblr world. That’s not productive and I’m not interested in spending 4+ hours every day on here reading articles that justify or fuel my anger or reblogging inspirational art that I didn’t make, etc etc. I want to figure out how to concentrate all my energy to better myself and those willing to listen. I want to spend my energy on projects that are meaningful. Not self-perpetuating narcissism for the sake of a cyber-ego that I can’t even make a nickel from (sorry to sound like a capitalist there but if I’m going to sit here and do nothing it’d be better if I could get paid for it like so many of my other jobs.)

I have been processing many social constructs in the past year. Understanding how their nuances articulate themselves in my daily psyche has helped me contextualize my problems and anxieties. 

I'm not trans. 

Because there's nothing to transition. I was always a woman.

I'm transitioning society to understand me as a woman.