Darling

nikki-vermeer:

‘I guess so… but sometimes I feel like I want it more than most others.  I can’t explain it. I just feel like I can’t really take care of myself a lot of the time,’ she said with a sigh. And it was true; for the most part. Cat would have practically let herself be taken care of like a child if the opportunity presented itself with the right person. Perhaps it  stemmed from her issues, perhaps it didn’t, but it was something that would stick with her throughout her life. ‘I couldn’t mix and match  flavours if I tried. I buy most of my food already made, so I wouldn’t have a clue,’ she laughed. Cat followed the older woman down to the kitchen eagerly, ‘Pancakes sounds wonderful. I haven’t had pancakes in a very long time,’ she sat on one of the stools by the bench, ‘I feel like I could eat a horse… but not literally because I like horses…’

“People want things in different measures, sweetpea. And people need things in different measures at different times in their lives.” Vi knew just about everything about that. Not from personal experience as such but more from her line of work. Escorting had shown her the good, the bad and the entirely too rich’s needs.That many different people needed to be taken care of in many different ways and it was a nuanced little art form she’d created. She would mold herself around the need but still remain very much in control of the situation. “Oh I’m sure you could! And I feel as though many of the girls in this house do the same, it’s convenience really. I do it myself, but sometimes I just insist on cooking.” Usually it was for Felix, every night after the blonde’s busy work schedule would allow. “Then pancakes it is. And lots of them.” Vi said as she moved to grab Cat a glass of water before busying herself around the kitchen to make a batter. “Drink up, honey, it’ll probably do you some good.” She called over her shoulder, offering the woman a soft smile before returning to her cooking. 

‘I really like people who… want to take care of me…’ Cat sniffled. Deep down she felt embarrassed for admitting such a thing, because that was something that lead to her deepest and darkest feelings, that she could never bring herself to trust anyone with. ‘I just appreciate it a lot. I just feel the need to keep telling you because I don’t want you to feel like you’re underappreciated or that I’m ungrateful or something. So I’m sorry if I keep saying it, but I really do mean it,’ she smiled. She resisted the urge to lean into the woman’s touch, still unsure as to whether it was the right thing to do or not. ‘I don’t really know much about cooking…  What do you want to make? Perhaps make something nice and we can eat together… if you’re hungry that is. Of course if you’re not then it  doesn’t matter,’ she laughed, ‘It’s not really my place to tell you what to make anyway. Can you make me… your favourite dish to cook, and eat?  I think it would be interesting to know what you like too,’ Cat suggested, taking Vi’s hand and getting on her feet, wobbling slightly because her body felt so heavy being held up by her legs, which felt like lead themselves.

“I think we all want something like that. Everyone needs to be taken care of at one time or another. It’s a very reassuring thing.” There were aspects in which Vi wanted to be taken care of but the mother in her needed to be the overseer. As much as it was nice to be taken care of she couldn’t help herself from wanting to look after other people. She wanted to cook for them and tuck them in and comfort them when they needed it. All very simple things, but one had to know the line between care and condescension and she was sure her own genuineness prevented her from overstepping. “I appreciate that, Cat. You’re very sweet, but focus on yourself right now. We’ll get you right as rain and then you can thank me.” Vi offered with a small little laugh, her heart breaking for the woman in front of her. She could feel the vulnerability coming in waves. And she held her hand to the woman’s cheek for a moment longer, just to reassure her before taking it away. “Thank I can do, honey. And I don’t think you have to know much about cooking. It’s about taking flavors you enjoy and recreating them in different ways. That and I just like cooking for other people.” The New Yorker said with a little shrug of her shoulders before she led the woman to the kitchen. “Now you go sit yourself down, okay? And we’re still in the middle of the morning... I make pretty killer pancakes. How does that sound?”

‘I suppose I understand what you mean, even if I do feel really crappy about the whole thing, and probably will for some time to come… but I do understand where you’re coming from, and after I feel a little better I’ll try to start thinking that way,’ Cat said to her, realising that she really  did have a point. ‘You’re a good cook? That’s really good… I love food. Most people think I actually overeat but my metabolism is awful and I’m  always hungry,’ she laughed sadly, ‘And honestly people don’t tend to make me food very often. I always feel like there’s some sort of feeling in making food for someone, and I don’t know why that is.’ Perhaps it related to the fact she’d grown up on fast food, and ate nothing but  disgusting food at her boarding school for the rest of her teenage years.  ‘Okay…’ Cat said, pulling away from the hug, ‘Okay, I think… I think it will…’ She wiped her eyes and gave the woman a small smile, ‘Thank you…’

“Time is the greatest healer, honey, I promise you that.” It was difficult to only be able to offer that style of advice. She did wish there was a miracle cure to feeling the way she did, something to at least pick the woman’s spirits up. “Well how about we forget whatever other people have to say, hm? It’s mostly bullshit anyway.” Vi assured her, the grin still on her lips. “That’s very sweet and I’d probably say the same. There’s a want to care of someone, you know? It’s in my nature.” It hadn’t always been in her nature. Again her teenage years had been very wild but with age had come a recognition for what she really wanted for herself. She wanted to take care of people and she was good at it too. She wanted to support people and offer them what she could to keep them happy and loved. Vi was a very maternal woman and it usually showcased itself in wanting to do right by those in need. She let Cat pull away and she cocked her head to side before moving and placing her hand gently on the woman’s cheek. “It will be. It has to be... Now lets get you some food, okay? What am I making?” Vi asked as she stood, holding her hand out for the woman.