SSDD

My best friend is dead- I feel like I might as well be dead. Every night I feel my heart beat in my chest and I wonder if that’s my sign that I won’t make it to the next morning. Every morning following, here I am still. Ironically, I feel unhealthy as ever. My muscles ache and hands shake… I don’t care about anything anymore. Is haunting real? I can’t tell, but what I can say is even though it’s been close to a year, I see that day as clearly now as I did then. I cry at the thought of it all instantly. It takes everything in me to focus on anything else trivial to distract me and not feel. This is life.

I feel lonely, oh so lonely, I feel lonely, and shitty and gaaaay