fireflies

Amelia could feel her chest tightening, her breathing getting heavier with every second. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to grow up and do things. She was going to swim, maybe even teach, but most importantly she was going to be with Levi. They were going to be together for the rest of their lives, they were supposed to be happy.

But no. ‘Happy’ wasn’t what the universe had planned for her. Instead, the universe had planned on a complete lunatic shooting up the University. So here she was, a bullet to the chest with all her dreams and all her hopes shattered. As well as a few ribs and her aortic valve. Which, as it turns out, is an issue.

And here was Noah, the same Noah who had always been there for her, through everything. Family are supposed to be there for you, through the good and the bad, but that wasn’t always the case, yet here he was once again. Holding her hand, putting on a brave face in spite of it all.

“No… please…" 

Her breath was jagged, her words barely a whisper. How could she shut her eyes? How could she leave now? Her parents hadn’t even arrived yet, maybe they didn’t even know. And Levi. She had to say goodbye to Levi, she had to tell her that she loves her and that things will be okay. That she’s not really going to be gone, she’ll still be there with her.

"Noah… tell… tell Levi…" 

She could see him, barely, through clouded vision. A false portrayal of strength evident on his face. He’d always been good at that; at putting on a brave face and concealing his emotions. Amelia had never had that talent, and it was something she’d always envied in him. But now, now there was no hiding the searing pain in her chest and the tears streaking her face.

All she could do now was wait.

“Adam, I’ll be home soon, I promise. I know it’s a long time to wait and I feel it too, I really, really feel it too. I really want to be back home with you and Quinn and Jay and Noah and Sutton and - well, you get it. Everybody. Sometimes I wonder if this is the right thing. Not my job because that’s something I have to do and if I didn’t then I’d be disappointing my dad and my country and every single mantra that’s been drilled into me since I was really little, but I mean… us. No, no! That totally came out wrong, didn’t it? Ugh, sorry, stupid Wren, it’s just that I was kinda thinking that you don’t deserve this - I mean, I know you don’t deserve this, all this sticking around and having to wait and it’s not fair and I just… I really miss you.”

“You deserve better, Carrie. Fucking way better than me. This is best—stop, just fucking let me finish! It’s not fair to keep you stuck with me. I know you’re unhappy, I can fucking tell, I can always tell. And it’s my fault and it’s just better if I’m not in your life so I can’t fuck it up anymore. You need someone who’s not so fucking fucked up. I’m no good for anybody and I never will be.”