Lady Bea Crawley 💛

Downton Abbey Deleted Scenes [7/?]

Downton Abbey 3x03

*Please note that these subtitles came with the video and can't be changed

I wish we'd kept this moment of sisterly bonding between Sybil and Mary. I also think it's so important to highlight how much pressure Mary and Matthew have on them not only to have a child but for it to be a boy than can inherit the estate.

Tagging under the cut:

Basically, you have to be able to see both possible relationships as potentially working. If, as with Lavinia and Mary, it's believable to see the person in the middle building a relationship with either of them - if they are both likeable - so likeable that even if you're rooting for the other ship you end up feeling sorry for the character who ultimately loses - oh, it can be exquisite and, in my opinion, more true to life.

In Matthew's case especially I think him picking Lavinia as Mary's replacement was very realistic. He is a romantic. He wants to marry for love and scorns more materialistic considerations when choosing a partner, at a time when it was not an obvious position to take. Of course he wouldn't choose an awful girl to propose to, even if he did it on an impulse after a pretty short acquaintance. He needed to believe that he could love her. While I think that a big part of Lavinia's attraction to him at the time was that she was as different from Mary as possible - in looks, personality, background, views - she was also remarkably well suited to him. If you think about it, better suited than Mary in a lot of aspects. Lavinia and Matthew were from the same background and shared a lot of views and values. There definitely was less of tension and conflicts between them than between Matthew and Mary. There was friendship, tenderness, support and gentle, genuine affection. You could definitely believe that they could marry and be happy.

Except, of course, that in the end you couldn't because it soon became obvious that Matthew was still passionately in love with Mary. And this was one component which we never saw in his relationship with Lavinia - passion. At least not on his side, there are hints that Lavinia loved him passionately - but we never get such hints about him. He loved her, I think, but differently than Mary. There were no open mouthed stares at Lavinia or following her around the room either just with his eyes or literally, like a puppy. There were no heated glances exchanged over the dining table or through the length of the room. We never heard this kind of risky flirting as we get with Mary when he is finally engaged to her. And this is why it seems all too probable that if he went through with marrying Lavinia while still feeling all this for Mary it would end up in disaster of some kind for everyone concerned and when Lavinia finally gets the proof that this is the situation she is in, she immediately and wisely decides to cancel the wedding and break their engagement.

Matthew and Mary are so different from each other in so many ways - background, views, values, tempers - but they also are similar in some very important things. They are both principled and dutiful people in their own way, they are both sharply intelligent, they clearly have compatible sense of humour and common interests. Of course they are also madly in love with each other and have explosive chemistry, but it's those other things which makes them work as a couple in the end. There is a clear intellectual connection as well as physical attraction. There is respect on both sides. There is deep commitment to each other, even when they don't expect to be together.

lady mary crawley and matthew crawley in s3